Love on a Spring Morning (25 page)

Panting, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders, trying to climb his body. He didn’t have a problem with that plan at all. For all the people traffic inside the restaurant, the parking lot was quiet, and they were hidden behind his truck.

“Do you have protection?”

Oh, shit. He did. Could they? He might have a problem with
that
plan. Except his dick didn’t. And his heart didn’t.
Two votes to one, head. You lose.
“This is crazy.”

“We’ll be quiet.” She grinned and tugged his shirt out of his waistband.

They were good at that, at least—swallowing each other’s moans to keep the secret. He lifted her onto the running board and reached up her skirt, finding a skimpy thong. She was already soaked for him, and she shivered as he pulled the underwear down her leg, bracing her hands on his shoulders as he shoved it in his pocket. Looking around, he confirmed they were completely alone, and it was dark enough in the shadows that he couldn’t see her that well, let alone be spotted by anyone else. They worked by touch, him undoing his belt, her teasing fingertips finding his lips, then his neck, her mouth soon following the same path.

“Get in me, Ryan. Now. I need you.”

Fumbling in his pocket, he managed to grab the emergency condom he’d brought because he wasn’t stupid, and in a few short seconds, he was sheathed first in latex, then in Holly. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he held her bottom, pressing her against the truck as she adjusted to his girth. Spreading his legs wide, he rolled his hips, fucking her slow at first, then faster, the weight of her making each thrust intense. Perfect.

“I’m not going to last long,” he groaned, and she cupped his face, kissing him.

“Same,” she whispered, whimpering as he hammered into her, making her bounce between him and the truck. She took his lips again, this time harder, sucking on his tongue like her pussy was consuming his cock, and he chased that feeling, giving himself to her completely.

With a choking sound, she tightened her legs around his waist, locking them together as she ground her pelvis against his, and he took three final, jerking thrusts in the tight confines of her body, following her over the edge.

They both started laughing as soon as the rush of their orgasms faded.

“Uhm, so…yeah.” Holly pressed her forehead into his neck. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

“It’s not my fault,” he whispered, grinning into her hair. “You’re really pretty and you made me do it.”

“I accept all blame,” she said breathlessly.

“No, it’s our shared madness, sweetheart.” He drew a line along her jaw with his knuckle, tipping her chin up so he could kiss her. “And I loved it.”

“Me too.”

They drove back to Pine Harbour, holding hands. Holly’s thong stayed in his pocket. When he drove back, he took her all the way to the lake house and walked her to the door.

“Thank you for a lovely dinner,” he said quietly, kissing her chastely.

“My pleasure,” she said, cheeks flushed. “Thank you for the quick fuck against your truck.”

“My pleasure. Come over after Dani leaves,” he whispered against her mouth. “I’m not ready for this date to be over.”

— TWENTY-ONE —

H
OLLY turned the details of their date over and over again in her head as she waited for the all-clear. The crazy sex against the side of his truck. Ryan telling her to trust her gut.
It’s our shared madness, sweetheart. And I loved it.

She was twirling as she shimmied out of her black dress and pulled on yoga pants and a t-shirt, then a sweatshirt. She left the diamond earrings in for a bit of sparkle, but the fairytale portion of the night was over. For what she wanted to do next, it was important that she be as ordinary a girl as possible.

When her phone beeped, she sped up the lane. Ryan was waiting at the door, and he swept her off her feet as soon as she stepped inside, carrying her into the living room. She wiggled her legs in the air, giggling quietly as he lay them down on the couch together.

“Hi.” She stuck her tongue out at him and he swiped at it with his own.

“Tonight was fun.”

“It was.” She touched his face, still in awe that they’d found each other. That she was lucky enough to have this man. She didn’t know how they’d make it work, but they were meant for each other. And she was positive he felt the same way. Everything had changed.

“What are you thinking?” He flicked his gaze over her face, a lazy, happy smile playing on his lips.

“So much. All good things.”

“I’m glad,” he said quietly, kissing her softly.

They cuddled, kissing and talking, for almost an hour. When they settled into a comfortable silence, she knew the moment was right. Her pulse skipped in her throat, giddy at what she was about to share.

“You’re the best, Ryan.”

“I try,” he teased.

“No, really. You’re so special to me. I…” She smoothed her hand over his chest and wiggled her head into his shoulder. He was so warm, so comfortable. So perfect. “I love you.”

“What?” The word dragged out of him, raw and extra long. She’d really surprised him.

She grinned. “Oh come on, you know I do. You light up my entire world.”

Under her hand, she could feel his heartbeat, pounding faster and harder than a second ago. More seconds passed, and he still hadn’t moved, or said anything. He just stared at her.

“Ryan?”

“You don’t mean that, Holly.”

“I do.” She pushed herself up, scrambling to her knees in the narrow space on the couch when she saw the stricken look on his face.
Oh no. No, no, no.
“I don’t say it to stress you. Hey, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay.”

“It will be,” she said, pain lancing through her chest. “I know that’s a big thing to hear, and I don’t expect you to say it back. But I do love you, Ryan Howard. So much.”

“I’m going to hurt you.” His voice was sharp and cold, a heavier weapon than anything she could’ve imagined. “And you’re leaving.”

“You couldn’t, and I don’t need to, not forever. I can come and go—”

“No.” He shook his head, but she couldn’t see what was in his eyes, because he’d turned away from her. Her hands shook as she moved to touch him, but he jerked away before she got there, jumping to his feet to pace.

“You’re just freaking out,” she pleaded.

“I’m not
just
anything,” he said, a cruel echo of what he’d said to her over dinner. “And if that’s what you think, then you don’t know anything about me.”

It was like a physical slap. She jumped her own feet, keeping her voice low because there were children asleep upstairs. “I
do
know you. I know you’ve been hurt. I know you’ve lost a wife you loved and a future you’d counted on. So I know this is scary, but—”

“You think I’m just scared about
you
hurting
me
? I am, but that’s not the worst possible thing that could happen, Holly.
I’m
going to hurt
you
. I’ve already done it.” He twisted to face her, his entire body shaking. “I lost Lynn
three times
. The first time, she pulled away from me and I couldn’t reach her. Then she was killed, and I thought my life was over. And then I found out that she’d been living with the diagnosis of a debilitating illness for more than a year, and I’d failed her. I lost her three times too many, you hear? And I’m not sure that each one of those times wasn’t my fault. That I wasn’t a good enough husband. Most of the time, I’m sure of that. And the rest of the time? I’m angry. I’m so angry at her for leaving me.”

“That’s okay. I get that. I’m not pressuring you.”

“I’m a
mess
, Holly, inside and out. This? Us? We were a
vacation
from the mess. You don’t want any part of that. I like you. So much. But I’m never going to be able to love you. I want to. God, you have to believe that. You’re the most wonderful person. You’ve brought me back to life. And yet…the tiny bit of my soul that is capable of love is busy being a full-time parent to three kids who half the time just hate me for not being their mom.”

The words she wanted to say—that the kids didn’t hate him, at all, that she’d love him, no matter what—died in her throat, blocked by a massive lump she just couldn’t get around.

On the coffee table, her phone vibrated. She ignored it. This was too important. She should have known this would be a hurdle for them. Maybe she should have known he’d run scared—because no matter what he said, that’s what this was. Fear was zinging off him in all directions.

But she’d believed him when he said he wouldn’t push her away again. Trusted him when twice before he’d given her ample reason not to.

And she’d still fallen in love with him.

She’d do it all over again, in a heartbeat, because loving Ryan was wonderful, even when it was hard. Even when he hurt her. Her therapists would have a field day with that, but she didn’t care. She had faith that he’d realize how special their connection was. He just needed some space to freak out.

“Your phone is going crazy,” he muttered, still not looking at her. But at least he hadn’t kicked her out or stormed upstairs.

“I don’t care,” she whispered.

“It’s the middle of the night. What the hell are people doing texting you at one in the morning?”

“It’s only ten on the west coast,” she snapped. What did it matter what her phone was doing? She grabbed it off the table just to turn it onto airplane mode, but the text on the screen—from Emmett—made her blood run cold.

Why aren’t you answering your phone? Photo of you and Cute Dad on the Internet. Questions galore.

“I need to…” She couldn’t form the words. Her mouth was too dry and her tongue had stopped working. She swallowed hard and tried again. “I have to call Emmett.”

Ryan crossed his arms, still seething.
Why hadn’t he kicked her out?
It was a moot question. She scrolled through the messages, trying to figure out what exactly was going on before she called her assistant. It wasn’t good.

Someone at the restaurant had taken a picture of them while they waited to be seated, and posted it to
Please Patty
, an extra-awful celebrity gossip blog. She was pulling at the front of Ryan’s shirt, and he was leaning over her. The photo was taken from the side, showing a lot of her leg and enough of their faces that there was no question of identity.

Hope Creswell’s Gone Country! The pretty blonde actress, currently filming in the northern Canadian town of Pine Harbour, might not be known for dating, but anyone who had bets on her batting for the other team can send their pennies to Patty because she was super cozy with an unknown local man last night.

It didn’t matter that the date had been Ryan’s idea. She should have known better. Hot, fat tears started rolling down her face as she held out her phone. “I’ll find out more in a minute, but you need to see this.”

He stalked across the room and grabbed the phone. His expression didn’t change as he read it. He didn’t blink, or swear, or do anything. Just stared at the screen for a minute or two, long enough for her to die a dozen deaths.

“You need to leave,” he said coldly, handing the phone back.

“This isn’t over,” she said, shaking as she stood. “We’ve done this before, right? You just need some cooling down time.”

“And then what, Holly? We can have a nice family picture taken for
People
or
US Weekly
?”

“Of course not.” She licked her lips. “This will go away. I have a publicist and they’re very good at their job—”

“One date,” he said, his voice quaking with cold fury. “And our secret was busted wide open.”

“I didn’t think I was your dirty little secret anymore.” Her voice was raised as much as she could without yelling. “There’s a difference between discreet and shameful, Ryan. Which hat do you expect me to wear?”

“Neither. I never expected anything of you, except to respect my privacy. And while I get that you didn’t do
that
,” he snarled, pointing at the phone. “It was still
done
.”

It was true. He’d never led her on. She’d fooled herself because of some good sex and quiet moments. And she’d lost her heart to him. If anything, he had to know that. She furiously wiped away her tears. “I love you. No matter what, I love you.”

“You should go,” he said, turning his back to her again. Not responding to her last declaration, because it had already been addressed. Repeatedly, although she’d been slow on the uptake.

Maybe she should.

The only other option would be to stay and beg him to love her back. And she might be a fool, but she wasn’t an idiot.

Slowly, she got up, staring at his back as she made her way to the hallway. It took her too long to take the next step. Long enough to hope that he’d turn around, and realize that he wouldn’t. Long enough for her heart to break all over again.

— TWENTY-TWO —

S
HE might not have drunk anything the night before, but this was the worst hangover of her life. At least she didn’t have to work. She wasn’t getting out of her bed except to pee and find more tissues.

Her phone had beeped a few times, but she ignored it when she saw the messages weren’t from Ryan.

Finally, Emmett knocked on her door.

“Go away,” she called weakly.

“Can’t. Let me in.”

“Fine, whatever. I don’t get my way anyway.”

He cracked the door, and when he’d ascertained that she wasn’t going to throw something at him, came in and climbed onto the bed next to her. “You have a million messages.”

She knew. Her agent, Liana, someone from her publicist’s team. “I turned my phone off in the middle of the night. Still no comment beyond what I told the publicist last night.”

“Okay. I’ll handle it.”

She took a deep breath. “Can you loop Olivia Minelli in on it, too? Tell her it’s…in the past, now, and that I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry for going on a date.”

Nope. But she was. So much it hurt.

The gossip piece didn’t matter. They were over—a single date wasn’t worth any future press. But the real threat that it posed, that Ryan had predicted all along and that she’d ignored…she started sobbing all over again as she realized he was right.