Love, Rosie (28 page)

I’ve
thrown
all
my
belly
tops
out.
My
hair
is
dry
and
feels
like
straw.
My
tits

are
HUGE.
I
don’t
look
like
me.
I
don’t
feel
like
me.
I
feel
like
I’m
about
20

years
older.
I
haven’t
been
out
since
the
christening.
I
can’t
remember
the
last

time
I
had
a
drink.
I
can’t
remember
the
last
time
a
member
of
the
opposite

sex
even
looked
my
way.
(Except
the
people
who
glare
at
me
angrily
in
cafés

when
Katie
starts
to
scream.)
I
can’t
remember
the
last
time
I
even
cared

about
a
member
of
the
opposite
sex
not
staring
at
me.
I
think
I
am
the

world’s
worst
mother.
I
think
that
when
Katie
looks
at
me
she
knows
that
I

haven’t
a
clue
what
I’m
doing.

She’s
almost
walking
now,
which
means
I’m
running
around
saying

“NO!
KATIE
NO!
Katie
do
not
touch
that!
NO!
Katie,
Mummy
says
NO!”
I

don’t
think
Katie
cares
about
what
Mummy
thinks.
I
think
Katie
is
a
girl

who
sees
something
she
wants
and
she
goes
for
it.
I
dread
the
teenage
years!

I
can’t
believe
she’s
one
already.
Time
moves
so
fast!
She’ll
be
grown
up
and

moving
out
before
I
know
it.
Maybe
then
I’ll
have
some
silence.
But
then

again
that’s
what
Mum
and
Dad
thought.
Poor
Mum
and
Dad.
Steph,
I
feel

so
bad.
They
have
been
so
fantastic.
I
owe
them
so
much
and
I
don’t
just

mean
money.
Although,
there’s
another
depressing
situation.
I
get
benefits

and
all
and
I’m
paying
them
as
much
as
I
possibly
can
each
week.
It
never

feels
like
enough
and
you
know
the
situation,
Steph,
things
were
always
tight

for
us
as
it
was.
I
don’t
know
how
I’m
ever
going
to
move
out
and
work
and

look
after
Katie.
Dad
and
me
are
going
to
some
clinic
during
the
week
to

talk
to
some
welfare
guy
about
me
getting
a
place.
Mum
keeps
saying
that

love,
rosie

49

I
can
stay
with
her
and
Dad
but
I
know
Dad’s
just
trying
to
help
me.
Any-

way
that’s
for
another
day.

Mum
has
been
fabulous.
Katie
loves
her.
Katie
listens
to
her.
When

Mum
says
“NO
KATIE!”
Katie
knows
to
stop.
When
I
say
it,
Katie
laughs

and
keeps
going.
I
think
I
am
the
world’s
worst
mother.

Alex
has
met
someone
over
in
Boston,
she’s
the
same
age
as
me
and

studying
at
Harvard.
But
is
she
really
happy?
Probably
is.
Anyway
I
have
to

go,
Katie
is
wailing
for
me.