Love Scars (17 page)

I heard Nora stomping back down the hall.

“Get out!” She turned the corner and threw my clothes at me.

“Nora, please.” I snagged my shirt out of the air and threw it over my shoulder. “Let’s talk about this.” I picked up my pants from the floor. I turned to step into a leg, and one of my sandals hit my butt cheek.

“Get!” The second struck a shoulder blade hard enough to sting. “Out!”

“Ow! Jeez, Nora.” I deserved it. As far as Nora Deven was concerned, I was a liar and a thief. The situation was impossible. She was too furious to hear me, and Frank stood guard like a righteous busybody.

“I’ll leave this. You can return it Steve Heron.” I set the scanner on the kitchen counter. “I’m so sorry, Nora. I never meant to—”

“Lie to me?” She looked up at me and her eyes shimmered with tears. “Just go, J.D.”

I was dying inside. She was so close, an arm’s length away from me in those cute piranha pajamas. I could easily reach out and touch her chin, take her into my arms and kiss away the misunderstanding, but her heart was locked away from me. And her mind.

I wanted to ignore her words, grab her and never let her go, not until she let me back in. But I would only do more damage. I had to respect her wishes, not dwell on my own. I forced myself to obey. I turned away from her, and in a daze made it out to the Range Rover.

I headed for BlueMagick. The cell phone was still connected to the vehicle’s system. “Call Brad,” I said, inwardly screaming far worse curses at myself than Nora could ever think of.
J.D., you fuck.
Of course I should have told her the truth from the beginning.

So mockingly obvious in hindsight.

Before Brad could pick up, I ended the call and turned off the phone. He’d ask about Nora, if I’d found her. What was there to say?
Yes, I found her. I found her fragile and utterly vulnerable, and I blundered through that vulnerability to the core of her being and proceeded to fuck the whole thing up.

I couldn’t talk with that running through my brain.

It was Saturday morning, not yet eight o’clock, but several dozen vehicles filled the BlueMagick parking garage. A lot of our programmers and engineers were animals for work. They lived and breathed their projects. Most came in on weekends. Some had likely worked through the night. The cafeteria was already out of the maple scones I like.

I generally thrive on the fact our creative teams work around the clock, but as I thanked the barista for my latte something clicked inside. It struck me then: even “the truth” about me was a lie.

All the lifestyle crap I’d built into BlueMagick was fake. The bowling alley, the theater, the game rooms. Even the daycare center. It was a fake culture. A fake life. These weekend warriors were fools, chasing the elusive next big tech breakthrough while real life passed them by.

And I was their enabler, their Fool in Chief. So many of them wanted to be like me. To be me. And what was I? An imposter. A coward. A man who hid from the world. Nora made me want to live in the world again, to feel. And I’d lost her.

I stopped outside my office and stared at the floor-to-ceiling double doors. Impressive. So imposing. The doors to the inner sanctum of a Very Important Man. What did Frank call me?
Wonder boy CEO of BlueMagick
.

A load of fucking bullshit. I hadn’t been a boy in a long time, and the only wonder was I hadn’t lost everything to neglect. Who was I kidding? Brad ran the company while I played at being king of all I surveyed. I gazed down on people from my wall of tinted windows and fucked an employee I wouldn’t let call me by name. I was pathetic. Nora was lucky to be well away.

I passed my office and kept walking. I took the elevator down to the garage and drove to my place, packed a bag, and texted Tom Jennings, BlueMagick’s corporate jet pilot, to meet me at the airport. Two hours later, I called Brad from the air.

“Dude, what’s going on?” he said. “I’ve been trying to call you back.”

“I turned the cell off earlier. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“Why? Did you find Nora? Do you have the Proto 1?”

“The scanner’s still with her. I screwed with the numbers to throw MolyMo off.” I had no idea if Nora would return the scanner. Either way, it couldn’t hurt us now. “We’ll need to analyze the real data,” I said, “but the initial feed looked good. On Monday, get with legal and have a team start on mineral rights. We’re late to the table. It’s past time to bring on a lobbyist.”

“So we’re going over to the dark side at last,” Brad said.

“It’s where the deals are made,” I said. “You’ve wanted this for a while. I was an idiot to put you off.”

“You were idealistic.”

“And ideals are for idiots.”

“We need a political affairs department internal to BlueMagick.” Brad clicked into planning mode. “We can write bill language to our advantage and get it slipped into the legislation we need.”

“Bring it on,” I said. “I want more than the Barton dig mineral rights. I want MolyMo locked out of all the action in California—in the country, if we can do it.”

A guy had to have a goal. If loving Nora was out, crushing Steve Heron would do.

“Sir, we’re coming up on some turbulence,” Jennings said over the intercom. “I’d advise you wear your safety belt and secure all loose objects.”

“What was that?” Brad said. “Where are you?”

“Somewhere over Eugene, Oregon, most likely. Look, Brad. I’m going up to the island for a few days. Handle things until I get back, okay?”

Chapter 22

I was a wreck. Why did I ever trust J.D.?

A kaleidoscope of fragmented emotions shifted within me, unable to settle. I went from guilt to rage to self-pity to unhinged abandonment. Then the whole thing started over.

The recovered memory from the cabin replayed in my mind. I was a coward, and my cowardice had killed my little brother Nick. I’d opened myself to J.D. I laid down my soul and accepted his comfort, what I thought was his love, only to discover he was a liar and a petty thief and I was a fool.

I stumbled back to my bedroom, physically exhausted and emotionally obliterated. I cried myself to sleep, and when I woke up the house was empty. Frank was gone, and Lisa and Stacey were at work. I wanted J.D., but I’d told him to get out.

And he did.

I stayed in my pajamas all that day. And the next. I sat in the rose garden and watched the stars and wished the universe made sense. I sat on the sofa and sobbed through romantic movies. I saw J.D. in every hero. Mr. Thornton, Captain Wentworth, Palmer Joss. I even watched that crappy
Jane Eyre
movie again and pictured J.D. as Mr. Rochester in every scene.

Thursday I went online and googled him. The search results made me feel like an idiot. There were tons of links citing J.D. Reider as the CEO of BlueMagick. Oddly, there weren’t many pictures, and all were old or small and grainy. J.D. was a recluse. BlueMagick’s public face was its Chief Operating Officer, one Bradley Morgan, J.D.’s best friend since grade school. They hadn’t lied about that.

Lisa was in the kitchen making a salad. I brought my laptop in and set it on the counter. “Look at this.” I showed her a picture of Brad in a tux at the Oscars with a beautiful woman on his arm. The story was about his date, up for best supporting actress, but he was named in the photo’s caption.

“Yeah,” she said. “Frank’s been going on and on about it all week. He’s suddenly a fanboy.”

“Ew.”

“He needed another groomsman for the wedding, and he asked Brad.”

“What?” I said. “But Brad lied to us too.”

“But was it about anything so terrible?” Lisa said. “He just wanted to be seen as a normal person, I suspect.”

“It’s not the same,” I said.

“I might have suggested the groomsman thing a little bit,” Lisa said. “If Brad’s at the wedding, maybe J.D. will come too.”

“He won’t,” I said.

“He would if you forgave him.” Stacey came into the kitchen wearing her
Waves
sleep shirt over a pair of boxers and her hair sticking out all over. Working nights was perfect for her sleeping-past-noon lifestyle.

“We both think you should,” Lisa said. “You know. Forgive him.”

“After all, he faced down a guy with a rifle to save you,” Stacey said.

“It was to save his precious scanner,” I said, but Stacey rolled her eyes and Lisa frowned.

“I forgave Brad,” Lisa said.

“Brad didn’t sleep with you while he let you think he was someone else,” I said. 

“Anyway,” Stacey said. “You get to walk with Frank’s brother, the doctor without a border, and I get Brad McDreamy.”

I practically choked with alarm. “Stacey Deven, you
don’t
have a crush on Brad.”

“As if!” She looked mortified. “Ew? He’s old!”

Lisa and I looked at each other with mega relief.

“But he is cute,” Stacey continued. “And rich. And Mason Brewer’s going to lose it when he sees me with Brad.”

“Argh,” I said. “So Brad told Frank yes, he’d be a groomsman.”

“You know Brad.” Lisa shrugged her shoulders.

“He’s a good guy,” we all said together.

“Speaking of the wedding,” Lisa said. “Tomorrow we’re picking out bridesmaids dresses. Nordstrom’s, one o’clock, before Stacey and I go to work.”

The next day was a Friday, and in the morning I drove down to Sacramento hoping to catch Dr. Barton during his office hours. Jane Marks must have gone up to the dig. She wasn’t at her desk in the reception area. But the professor’s door was open, and I peeked in to find him playing a game on an iPad.

“Dr. Barton, could I speak with you a few minutes?”

“Ms. Deven.” He switched off the device and set it aside. “My first appointment is late. Come in. Sit down.”

“Thank you. First the fun stuff.” I put two square embossed envelopes on his desk. “Invitations to Lisa Newberry’s wedding at the end of July. One’s for Jane. Lisa wasn’t sure where to send them, and when I told her I was coming in today she asked me to drop them off.”

“Isn’t that nice,” Dr. Barton said. “My wife and I should be back from our vacation by then.”

“I also wanted to return this. It came in the mail yesterday.” I handed him the internship check. I hoped he didn’t hear my little whimper. It wasn’t my money, but it still hurt to let go of $6,000.

“Yes, Ms. Marks explained about your claustrophobia problem. We learn as we go. Next summer we’ll require students to take a tour
before
we select the interns.” He dropped the check in his desk drawer. “You weren’t the only one we had to replace. Mr. Morgan dropped out too.”

“Mr. Morgan? Oh, you mean Brad.” I wondered if Dr. Barton knew one of his students was the COO of a multinational corporation.

“Bradley Morgan, yes. It seems the first in command at BlueMagick has taken an extended leave of absence, and Mr. Morgan’s been called upon to fill in.”

“You mean the CEO? J.D. Reider?”

“That’s the name. I knew Bradley worked there, but I had no idea he was an executive.”

The whole thing must have been a ruse from the beginning, a way to get into Dr. Barton’s good graces. Brad and J.D. wanted the same thing Steve’s company wanted, what I had tested for in the dig tunnels.

And now J.D. was gone. I desperately wanted to believe it was because of me. His kisses had been so tender. Our bodies had melded together so perfectly.
I’m here,
he’d said.
I’m here now.
And when I heard his voice the world was safe again. On some level it had to be real.

I wanted him to be in as much pain as I was in.

“Now, Ms. Deven, we do have one problem remaining,” Dr. Barton said. “You’re six units short on your degree...”

We worked out a schedule for me for the fall, and Dr. Barton gave me the paperwork to get the ball rolling on my PhD application. I wasn’t excited about it, but I didn’t know what else to do. Steve Heron had been right about one thing. My whole life alternated between
can’t
and
have to
. At least Dr. Barton was willing to continue as my advisor, even though I’d dropped out of his pet project. 

My next stop was the student union. I’d arranged to meet Steve the same place as before to return the scanner. I was early, so I went inside to buy a cold drink. It was only mid morning, and it had to be over eighty degrees out. I needed something cold for the drive to my final errand at the Galleria to try on bridesmaid dresses.

I picked up a forty-eight ouncer and filled it with ice before putting in the tea. The union was practically empty. On my way to the exit an argument echoed from the other side of the wall, the corridor to the bathrooms. I didn’t think anything about it until a certain name was mentioned.

“You owe me.” A woman’s voice. “J.D. threw me out. They deactivated my badge. I’ve lost everything. My severance, my stock options. I’ve lost him.”

“J.D. Reider was never yours to lose.” I recognized Steve’s voice. “Our sources say he was using you the same way you used him.”

“He loves me! He just doesn’t…”

“He just doesn’t realize it?” Steve laughed. “How many women have sung that song? Poor sad Nicole. A man in love doesn’t throw his woman under the bus.”

“Whatever. You still owe me. I stole that scanner for you, and they know it. They’ll file charges.”

J.D. was telling the truth.

“But they don’t know it. You’re pathetic, Nicole, but you’re not stupid. You wouldn’t admit to such a crime, and they have no proof. But I have proof. I have the scanner, and I have the MolyMo checks you cashed.”

He was lying to her. He didn’t have the scanner yet.

“You bastard,” she said.

“Leave my mother out of this. Ba-da-boom. What? No sense of humor? Nicole, Nicole. Here’s my advice. Tell BlueMagick you want a nice fat severance package or you’ll sue for sexual harassment. And stay away from me and MolyMo. I never want to see you again.”

“Bastard.” She was crying now. The click-click-click of someone running in stacked heels got louder. I flattened myself against the wall as the red-haired girl emerged from the corridor and headed for the student union door.