Love Starts With Z (11 page)

Damn it, he’d let it go too far. Kaegan ran his hands roughly over his face as he watched Soren leave. Why did he always do that? Push people until they ran. Was it some sick way of testing whether people would stick around? Why he’d told her the story about his mom, he couldn’t figure out for the life of him. That story was private. Not even Colten knew about his mom, and his friend had been smart enough not to ask. And then he just blurted it out to Soren like she’s ready to carry that burden with him. She was as skittish as an injured predator and dangerous to boot.

But, she’d let him touch her, hold her. He’d been this close to unsnapping that cursed muzzle before she bolted. He looped his hands around the back of his head and started the hike back toward Sean’s house.

Everyone was warning him off her. Hell, she was even telling him to take a hike, and still, he couldn’t manage to stay away from her.

Her pale skin contrasted against the dark night, like a beacon leading him to sanctuary. Why couldn’t he just forget about her like everyone else on earth seemed to be able to do? Because she was different, special. He couldn’t explain why, but she called to the parts of him that actually had a shot at being decent. She made him want to do better, to be better, and it had been a long time since another person had stirred up any kind of emotion in him. He liked the way he felt around her. The way she looked at him, it was as if he was a man who had a shot at surviving the impossibilities of this godforsaken world and doing so with some dignity.

She could try to scare him off of her all she liked, but the cold hard fact was that right now, he wanted nothing more than to be holding her hand, walking beside her as they picked their way through the dark woods to eat dinner with the people who meant the most to her.

“I’m sorry,” he said, jogging to catch up. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I shouldn’t talk to you or touch you like that. You haven’t given me any signal you want that kind of relationship, and I went too far. Please.” He tugged her hand, but a snarl, long and low sounded from behind the muzzle, chilling his blood until nothing was left but ice and marrow.

“You can’t touch me like that.”

“Okay.” Holding his hands up in surrender, he backed off. “I’m sorry. I don’t take it back, though. Hell, I don’t even regret it, but I am sorry I overstepped what you’re comfortable with.”

Confusion washed over her visible features, and she dropped her otherworldly gaze to the leaves beneath their feet. “I don’t remember the last time someone apologized to me.”

“Sit by me at dinner.”

“Kaegan,” she said, sounding exasperated.

“I swear I won’t touch you. Not on purpose. The dinner guests at this shindig are intimidating though, and I’d rather have you beside me as a buffer. I’m headed into a room full of legends, Soren, and the only other person I know there is Colten.”

“Colten,” she said, though his friend’s name sounded like a curse on her lips. She cocked her head. “I can’t imagine you being intimidated by anyone.”

He wasn’t, actually, but right now he’d say just about anything to feed his desperation to be near her.

When he didn’t answer, she grumbled, “Fine,” ungraciously and spun for Sean’s house again.

So he’d been banned from touching her, and she was stomping loudly through the woods in apparent frustration with him. He was still in the game, and about now, in a time where tragically few victories existed, this felt like a win.

“T
AKE
T
HAT
D
AMNED
T
HING
O
FF
,” Vanessa said with a frown.

Soren looked around the table as the others settled themselves. Nearly every set of eyes was on her. Except for Colten. He was staring at Sean. Idiot.

“I’m fine with it on.” Who was she kidding? The muzzle itched like a small army of fleas, and her skin was raw where it was chafing her. “Besides, I’m not eating here, so what’s the point?”

Mom squeezed her hand from her chair beside her. “Why not, honey? No one cares about your diet here.”

Soren shot a quick glance to Kaegan on her other side, but he shook his head. “Uh, uh. Don’t look at me like that. It doesn’t bother me either.”

“It’s—” she started, searching their faces for any hint of understanding “—it’s not that I’m scared to eat in front of him. He’s not vaccinated.”

“What?” Dad said a little too loudly for politeness. “She’s joking, right?”

“Derek,” Mom warned.

“No, sir,” Colten said, leaning back in his chair with a stupid grin on his face. “He’s not vaccinated. I’ve been trying to convince him to take it for years, but he won’t do it.”

“Why not?” Dad barked.

Kaegan leaned his elbows against the table, the muscles in his arms flexing with a tension he wasn’t voicing, and he looked up slowly, dangerously. “My choice. My business.”

Vanessa passed him the basket of rolls amid the stillness of the room. “He’s right. It’s his choice.” She gave Sean a loaded look, and he stared at her with an expression that softened to sadness.

Bang!
The door below slammed open, ricocheting off the wall. “Honeys, I’m home,” Adrianna’s melodious voice sang from downstairs.

Despite the chill of the tense moment, Soren turned in her chair and laughed as her best friend rocketed up the stairs.

“Soren?” Adrianna asked in a small voice. “Soren?” she asked louder as she dropped her backpack by her feet. A string of rabbits hung limply from her hand, but apparently forgotten, they stayed clenched in her fist as she ran and threw her arms around Soren.

God, she’d missed her. She buried her face in her shoulder, the irritation of the muzzle secondary to her need for one of Adrianna’s epic embraces. Rocking gently, Adrianna sniffled against her shoulder, and Soren squeezed her tighter.

“Adrianna,” she said finally, “this is my team. Kaegan—” she gestured to him as he looked on with a dumbfounded expression; Adrianna had that effect on people “—and this is Colten.”

She nodded a greeting and held Soren back at arm’s length. “You look skinny. That’s not a compliment, Soren. I mean you look sick.”

She scratched her neck in discomfort as Adrianna studied her with wary, dark eyes. She’d changed in the years she was away too. She looked taller, stronger. She wore dark animal leather on her legs with thick, fur lined boots to protect her feet. Her belt was lined with small throwing knives—a gift from Vanessa, no doubt. A thin, cotton shirt the color of rich soil clung to her shoulders and her dark hair was long and wild, pulled back into a ponytail. Her dark eyes danced as she held up the string of game. “No worries. We’ll get you fattened up again.”

She tossed the rabbits onto Soren’s plate and unsnapped the muzzle on her face in one smooth motion. Eloise gasped loudly, and Sean growled a warning to his daughter. “Adrianna, stop it,” he said.

Naked. Soren had never felt more exposed in the entirety of her life as the contraption slipped from her face and bounced twice before settling on the wooden floor boards at her feet.

Kaegan half stood, as if wanting to help, but he froze when she turned. “Soren,” he whispered, as he took in the pitiful state of her face.

Adrianna picked up the muzzle with a disgusted look on her face. “How long have you been wearing this?” Her dark, accusing eyes lifted to hers. “How long?” she yelled.

“Soren,” Mom said. “Did they make you wear this at Dead Run River?”

Adrianna rattled the muzzle, her knuckles white from her unflinching grip on the strap.

Swallowing hard and turning to the table, Soren said, “Two years. I’ve been wearing it for two years, and yes, it was a requirement if I wanted to stay at Dead Run River.”

Mom shook her head slowly. “I’m going to kill her.”

“Laney,” Sean warned.

“No, Sean. Mel strapped Soren into a mask made for a fucking animal. An animal!” Turning, she asked, “Did people treat you differently there because of it?”

She wouldn’t answer, couldn’t. How could she admit she’d let them treat her like they had and not defended herself. How could she tell Laney Landry that she’d let the whisperings of humans defeat her only daughter.

“They did,” Kaegan said. He swung his gaze to Mom. “I only saw a fraction of it, but she had a handler who facilitated the colony’s treatment of her, assigned to her by Mel. Mel herself warned me from going anywhere near her.”

Why would he do that? Why would he betray her like that? “Stop,” she whispered, pleading.

“No, they should know, Soren. Your family should have answers for why your face is bleeding. On why you don’t want to take the mask off.”

Anger flared, red and burning. “I already told them why I don’t want to take the damned muzzle off!” Snatching the constraint from Adrianna’s fist, she whirled and bolted down the stairs, then ran through the front door and out into the safety of the night.

Damn him for making her feel weak. For making her feel alive and mistreated and angry where she’d only felt subdued acceptance before. And double damn him for being braver than her—for having the courage to speak up in there when her tongue seemed cemented to the roof of her mouth, threatening to trap that dark secret in her throat forever.

Tears blurred her vision as she ran for the river. Hang her instincts—she wanted to wash the blood from her face before anyone else could see it. Dad’s horrified look would haunt her for the rest of her life.

Avoiding the main trails, she eventually slowed as the river’s gentle rapids drowned out the sound of everything else. The muzzle made a stifled thud onto a patch of grass, and after a quick glance around to make sure she was alone, she kicked off her boots and rolled her pants up, then waded into the gently lapping waters.

Scooping water, a hideous reflection looked back at her in the tiny pool in her palms. Frightening eyes, hair as pale as the stars were bright, and along her cheekbones, raw, open skin. Bloody crimson against alabaster. Squeezing her eyes tightly closed, she doused her face, over and over until her tears washed away down the current.

Drying her face on her arm, she let the water lap at her palms as she looked out over the water. How many times had she bathed in this river? She preferred it to the showers at Dead Run River, but maybe it was because the flowing water was a comfort that hummed of home. Of safety and acceptance.

She shouldn’t have run out like that. It was cowardly, and after everything she’d allowed, it was time to start standing her ground instead of retreating. That had been her moment, and she’d let it pass, choosing instead the path she had taken constantly since she’d left here years ago. Ashamed, she dropped her head between her knees and watched a tiny fish keep pace with the current flowing between her ankles. How funny that the little fish came to her to seek protection.

A limb snapped. Kaegan stood on the bank of the river with the string of rabbits in his hand. His eyes, the color impossible to see in the shadows of the night, seemed riveted by her mouth. “I’ve wanted to see what you looked like without the muzzle since the first time I saw you.”

“Are you disappointed?”

A smile, slow and alluring touched his too sensual lips. “No. You’re beautiful.”

This was the first time anyone had ever called her such a thing. Beautiful? Terrifying was the word that left people’s lips when they spoke of her.

“Thank you.” He’d never have any idea how grateful she was for those words.

He stepped forward, slowly, and she stood. “You say that like you’re thanking me for a pity compliment. It’s not. I’ve never told a woman that before.”

He brushed his fingertips across the undamaged flesh on her cheek, and desperate not to lose the warmth, she pressed her palm on his knuckles to hold him there.

“Your lips are perfect.” His steady gaze stayed on them, and when she smiled, the expression was reflected on his face, as if he were in a trance.

“Did you expect them to be rotted off? Did you imagine me with snaggled, yellow teeth?”

He ran a light thumb over the outline of her bottom lip and chuckled. “I didn’t know what to imagine. I’m glad you finally lost the muzzle, though.”

“I’ve killed people,” she whispered. She grasped his hand tighter, hoping he wouldn’t pull away from her. He needed to know what he was allowing himself to covet.

“I know. So have I.”

She lifted her chin, searched his eyes, but they remained serious and haunted. “You mean Deads?”

“I’ve killed a lot of Deads, Soren, but no. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’ve killed people too, so stop thinking you’ll taint me.”

“Did they deserve it?”

“Yes,” he said.

“My victims did not.”

He dropped his hand and pulled his shirt over his head. “Swim with me.”

Muscle flexed and rippled as he tossed the rabbits and clothing to the beach. As he bent to remove his pants, he turned his head. A devilish smile crooked his lips. “You’d better hurry. I told your parents I’d bring you back to dinner, so we don’t have much time.”

Utter abandon filled her. How could it not with Kaegan stripping down to his bare and perfectly masculine form right in front of her? A breathless giggle escaped her lips as she pulled her shirt over her long hair. “I thought you couldn’t swim.”

He laughed louder. “Because of me almost drowning in the river? You just caught me on a bad day. It was the log’s fault.”

Unhooking her bra slowly, she turned away from him. This wasn’t like bite checks. Kaegan had retreated until the waves lapped his hips, but he was unapologetically waiting for her to undress and suddenly she was consumed with shyness. She didn’t look like other girls.

Over her shoulder, she asked. “Have you been with other women?”

“Yes,” he said honestly. “Have you ever been with other men?”

Snorting, she shot him a look. The boys hadn’t exactly been flocking into her pants. It wasn’t surprising that he’d been with others, but it shot a pang of feeling through her chest. Jealousy or perhaps insecurity, she wasn’t sure.

“Soren, you’re stalling.”

Sighing, she pulled down her pants and tossed them onto the pile in the sand. “Happy?”

He dropped into the waves until they brushed his chin, and his smile grew even naughtier. “Exceedingly. Come here.”

“I can still turn you,” she warned.

“I know, you keep saying that. I won’t touch you.”

That sounded disappointing, but okay. Slipping into the water until it flowed across her hips and then her ribs, she followed him deeper into the river, circling him as he searched her with the most covetous eyes she’d ever seen.

“Where did you get the row of scars across your hip?” he asked.

Lifting her feet from the riverbed, she treaded water. “From the tests Dr. Mackey was running on me. We were trying to find a cure to bring back the newly turned, remember?”

A touch as soft as butterfly wings fluttered across her scars.

“Liar,” she accused. “You said you wouldn’t touch me.”

“What I meant,” he said, gripping her side with a hand that nearly encircled half of her, “was that I wouldn’t touch your lips with mine.”

“Mmm,” she said with a mock frown, allowing him to pull her closer.

“The rest of you,” he whispered against her ear, “I’ll only refrain from touching if you ask me to stop.”

She tensed as he wrapped an unyielding arm around her ribcage and pulled her chest into him. His torso was warm and inviting, and she relaxed against him as he ran a hand up the back of her knee. The motion made her draw her leg up instinctively, pressing her against his rigid erection.

“Slow down, woman,” he teased, nibbling her ear.

A needy noise came from her throat, low and growly, and he pulled back to study her face.

She squeezed her eyes closed. “Sorry. I’ve never done that before.”

His chuckle was deep and reverberated from his chest. “Don’t apologize. I like that you only make that noise for me.”

“Cannonball!” Adrianna shouted from the beach as she catapulted into the waves near them. She was naked as the day she was born, and Colten followed shortly, also nude. Fantastic.

Gasping, Soren tried to pull away from Kaegan, but his grip tightened, and his eyes danced. It was becoming increasingly clear that he was a go-with-the-flow kind of guy.

“What are you doing here?” Soren asked as Adrianna broke the surface.

“Well Kaegan promised to bring you right back, but Colten and I didn’t really trust him to get the job done—”

“And we were right,” Colten chimed in.

“So we came after you ourselves,” Adrianna finished with a grin. “I didn’t know he was your lover boy, Sor! Happy day. Do you know, you might be her first boyfriend ever?”

“Ade!” Soren said. She was pretty sure an epic blush was trying to commandeer her face.

“What about you?” Colten asked.

“Oh, I’ve had dozens,” Adrianna assured him, splashing him in the face.

Colten splashed back, and Adrianna cupped her hands and doused them all with river water. Kaegan laughed and let her go enough to join in the battle. Well, awesome. They were all completely naked, no one seemed to think it odd but Soren, and now they were having a splash war like a bunch of ten-year-olds. Well, why not?

By the time they’d tired of the game, Soren was breathless from laughing. They’d drifted downstream a distance. As she relaxed into the current, Kaegan rested his arms under her back as she, Adrianna and Colten floated.

“You know,” Colten said. “You have a pretty normal looking body for a Dead.”

Adrianna dunked him and laughed when he came up gasping. “You douchebag. She isn’t a Dead.”