Love Starts With Z (5 page)

Seamus gulped the bite and took a long draw of water. “When we were young, Adrianna tried to keep us out of trouble, you remember? But as you got older, it was you who took on that role. Remember the time we found that wasp nest right inside the gates back home? You were so worried about Ade and me disturbing it.”

A mixture of nostalgia and sadness filled her at his mention of Adrianna. She missed her more than she’d ever admit out loud. To do so would be admitting her greatest weakness. Dead though she may be, she’d die ten times over for Seamus and Adrianna. A couple of humans held her heart.

“Well someone had to watch out for you.” She dropped her gaze to the plate of steak beside her and movement drew her attention. Across the cafeteria, Kaegan stared openly at her. His friend sat across the table with his back to her, deep in conversation from the looks of it, but Kaegan’s attention was on her. A tingling sensation zinged down her spine.

He’d shaved. Bearded he’d been glorious, masculine, as tall as a mountain with shoulders as wide as a river. Now his jaw was smooth, eliciting a longing to touch it with the tip of her finger. His cheekbones were sharp, and his gray eyes slanted slightly like a predator. He wasn’t classically handsome like his friend. His hair brushed his jaw, and he leaned forward on his elbows. Dark, animated eyebrows sat low, like he was thinking painful thoughts.

“Hello,” Andrew Dennison said from right beside her. He waved his hand in her face and she flinched away from his nearness.

“What do you want?” she asked suspiciously.

“I asked you if we could sit here. Three times.”

She looked to Seamus for help, but he looked as stunned as she felt. “Why would you want to sit with me?”

With a sigh, he looked downright contrite as he hung his head lower to hers. “I wanted to apologize for how I talked to you the other day. I thought maybe we could start over.” Three of his friends nodded behind him like they agreed with his mission.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

“So you forgive me then?” He slipped into the seat on her other side and offered a charming smile that probably got him invited to a lot of naked parties. Twitching his head, his wavy hair left his face for just a moment before it fell back into place.

She tried to keep the skepticism from her voice. “Why would you need forgiveness from me? You never cared about it before.”

She shot Seamus a glance, but he was just staring at Andrew with a look that said he was as leery as her.

Andrew’s dark eyes lifted above her shoulder for a beat and a villainous smile crooked his lips. “You’re right, Z. I wouldn’t ever ask the forgiveness of a baby killer.”

Soren started at the sound of laughter behind her, then turned. The steak she’d been about to eat sat swaddled in a cloth napkin and looked like a tiny, bloody baby. A hiss came from her throat as she shot upward so fast, the bench seat crashed behind her. Scrambling backward, she almost tripped over the upended furniture. The vision they’d created with her food made her ill.

A gargantuan hand landed on Andrew’s shoulder as he wheezed with laughter, and as he turned, his head rocked back with the force of Kaegan’s fist. The crack of a nose breaking was a very distinctive sound. Satisfying also when it echoed through Andrew.

Her back pressed against the wall, all she could do was absorb the black fury that dwelled in Kaegan’s grim expression.

Seamus grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the exit to escape the scuffle as two of Andrew’s cronies flung themselves at Kaegan. His friend was already pummeling the third, but his face said he’d rather do anything than get involved.

Huh. At least the prick was loyal.

A cool breeze brushed her face as she hit sunlight, and Seamus looked around like he was searching for a hole for them to dive into.

“My place,” she breathed, shock warring with her ability to think straight. Kaegan had jumped in to defend her. If she hadn’t witnessed it herself, she would’ve never thought a man besides Seamus was capable of it. “Why did he do that?”

He kept a pace that rivaled flight but answered her through panting breath. “Because he’s a megadick.”

“No, not Andrew. Kaegan.”

He didn’t answer. Instead, he seemed to throw every ounce of energy into fleeing.

His panic was understandable. There was a strict no fighting rule in Dead Run River. Peace if you could, and if you had to duke it out with someone, you did it outside the gates. There were too many kids around to witness violence, and Mel seemed determined to make her colony the most civilized. But she hadn’t started the fight.

“You won’t get in trouble,” she promised.

Seamus slowed as they approached her treehouse. “Damn it, Soren, I’m not worried about me. You’ll get thrown out of here if anyone catches wind of it.”

“Why me? I didn’t do anything.”

Seamus cursed softly and rested his hands on his hips, then stared out over the woods. “There’s been talk that you’ve overstayed your welcome. People are looking for excuses to cut you out. You were hissing like a Dead in there. And I know you don’t mean to, I know! But you can guess how Andrew will spin it.”

Her chest heaved as the weight of the situation fell over her. She hadn’t realized it was so bad. Where would she go if she was tossed out? How would she survive with no kinsmen, no friends? No one like Seamus to have her back? “I’ll talk to Mel before she hears whatever tale they come up with,” she said.

“No, you won’t. I will. You arguing your innocence will only make it worse. Mel will listen to me better than you. Stay here.” He reached his hands out in a placating gesture like she was some startled horse, and he spun and jogged off for the main path up the mountain.

There, alone in the quiet of the woods, it became very clear she had no control over her fate.

A
T
A R
USTLE
I
N
T
HE
W
OODS
B
ELOW
, Soren peeked over the edge of her house and waited. Seamus had come back quicker than she’d expected.

Except it wasn’t him at all, but Kaegan walking the trail to her tree. And if ever she’d seen a man at war with himself, surely this one was. Every few yards he stopped and turned like he’d go back the other way. She leaned her chin against the raw wood and nibbled on the corner of her lip behind the muzzle. Time and time again he turned, only to come back toward her. When finally he approached her tree, he just stood beneath it for a long time, looking back in the direction he’d come from.

“I know you’re up there.” His voice was deep and gravelly. Blood ran down the side of his face, his hair wet with it. His lips were set in a heavy line, but his obvious internal battle only made him more alluring. No one would ever accuse him of being a soft looking man.

“What do you want?”

“I’m coming up.” And he did. Scaled her ladder like he’d done it a hundred times and scrutinized her home down to the very nails that held the boards.

She tried to imagine it through his eyes. Splintered boards bashed by the weather, a ratty mattress in the corner with the single quilt. The row of blades, big and small, that knocked gently against the wall in the breeze. A wooden chair shadowed the corner, the seat littered with dead leaves from the branches above.

“Where do you sleep when it rains?”

The bold way in which he spoke to her, almost angrily, made her search for an escape.

“Where?” he demanded.

“I don’t sleep much.”

Surprised gray eyes shot to her and then away. “I brought you this.” He handed her the steak she’d left behind in her haste, wrapped tightly into the knotted napkin.

Her hand shook as she reached for it, and hesitating, he searched the tiny space and settled slowly into the chair. The leaves crunched under him.

“I’ll wait,” he said.

“You—you want me to eat this? Now?”

A curt nod. “It’s what you eat, right? Raw meat?”

Heat fanned her cheeks, and she dropped her gaze. “Yes.”

“Then eat it, and when you’re finished, I’ll say what I’ve come here to say.”

Sitting with her back to the unnerving man and her feet dangling off the ledge of her home, she ate slowly. Finished, she wiped her mouth with a napkin and then her hands.

“You aren’t a baby killer,” he said, a statement not a question. “I saw your face when you saw what they’d done to the meat. You were horrified by it. You aren’t a baby killer,” he repeated.

“No, not a baby killer. Just a killer.”

His elbows slid to his knees, and he clasped his hands together until his knuckles were white. “Will you hurt me?”

She shook her head, afraid of the tremble in her voice if she spoke.

“I’m about to get kicked out of the colony. Colten is packing our things right now.”

Heart sinking, she leaned against the wall and closed her eyes. He’d go and never think about her again, while she’d always wonder if he would’ve been half the friend she thought he could be.

“You don’t want me to go?” he asked, searching her face.

Her answer was muffled by the contraption on her face. “No.”

“Then come with me.” Staring at him, sure she’d misheard, he plowed forward. “Colten and I were on our way out of here anyway, headed to Mexico. The Deads are migrating there, gathering at the coast, and there is going to be a battle if they stay like that for long. Colonies are shipping entire stashes of ammunition and weapons to annihilate as much of the Dead population as possible.”

“How do you know they’ll still be there?”

“I don’t, but I want to help if there’s a need. This could turn the tide either way. It feels…big.” His eyes lifted to hers. “
You
feel big, Soren. Important. Your destiny isn’t here where you’re caged. You’re different for a reason, and it’s not to take shit from some asshole humans who take pleasure in putting you down because they’re losing a war they don’t understand. The world is bigger than this place.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Make me understand then. You want the cure to cure yourself, right? It’s the easiest thing to see in the world, but maybe you don’t need to be cured, Soren. Did you ever think about that? Maybe you’re better than all of us, a superior species, and curing yourself would only be a step back. It would make you just like every other Tom, Dick, and Harry out here.”

Her parents had said variations of the same thing, but it had never really touched her. She wanted companionship though, and no one wanted to spend time with a Dead. Her kind had killed their families, loved ones, and friends. No one would ever get over that until she looked differently, ate differently, acted differently. So Kaegan picked up on her need to find a way out. So what? He still knew next to nothing about her.

“My place is here. I’m sorry to see you go, but Dead Run River is my home. Good luck with your crusade.”

A fearsome expression came over his face and he didn’t move for a long time. Pointing to the weapons that decorated her wall, he said, “Do you practice still?”

“No need to here.”

“You’ll wither if you stay. If you’re a killer like you say, make it count for something. This colony has been trying to manufacture a cure since day one of the outbreak twenty-four years ago, and they still don’t have it. Who knows if they ever will? It could be too big for us, like AIDS or cancer. You’re fighting the wrong battle, Soren. You could be part of what saves us all.”

Her heart was ripping in two. Deny it all she wanted, but everything he said made her burn for a cause that required action. But if she left, she’d never be human. Not entirely. She’d always be Other. Swallowing the sob that threatened to escape, she looked away. “Please leave.”

The floorboards creaked as he stood and strode across her home. Only when he’d descended down the ladder and disappeared into the woods did she allow herself the tears that had been so heavy lately.

What he said was true. She’d atrophy until she was nothing. A fat, tamed bear who lived for food and a comfortable place to lay, begging for compliments from handlers who couldn’t ever really love her.

Life had been so simple before Kaegan came along. She lived day to day, kept her head down, but then he showed up, challenged her to take more pride in herself at the risk of losing her home. Damn him. She shrieked and threw the chair, still warm from his body, onto the ground below. It shattered into a million splinters, just like she had.

“Soren?” Seamus asked from the first rung of the ladder. “Are you okay?”

Hastily, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m fine.”

“I just passed Kaegan. What did he want?”

“For me to go away with him to fight some imaginary war against the Deads.”

He wore a frown as he hopped onto the entryway of her house. “In Mexico?”

“Yeah, did he try to convince you to go join his cause too?”

“No. A messenger was in Mel’s office when I went to talk to her. It was all he talked about.” He looked slowly from the ground to her face and breathed, “Maybe you should go.”

“Ha ha, Seamus. Very funny.” She plopped onto her mattress and stared at the swaying branches above.

“What is keeping you here? The cure? It’s a pipe dream with Doc fading.”

“I can’t leave you, Seamus. You’re my only friend.”

“That’s not true.” His voice was careful, calculating. “I can’t go with you. Battling Deads was never my thing. But you and Adrianna?” He sat cross legged on her floor and peered at the longest of her battle knives. “It’s in your blood.”

“Be serious. I’m not going to just leave with a total stranger. And both of them have gimp legs. They shouldn’t even be out there in the condition they’re in. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Not if you were there. You have hidden yourself from everyone here, but you can’t hide what you really are from me. I’ve known you all my life, remember? Pretend all you want that you are harmless to the people here and the Deads out there,” he said, pointing beyond the gates. “I know the truth. Don’t make a decision based on me, Sor. I’ve had to watch you suffer here, and it rips my guts out. You are the daughter of Laney Landry and Derek Mitchell, and you’re wearing a fucking muzzle. Who says in here is any better than what you’ll face out there?”

“Please stop,” she pleaded. She couldn’t take it. The decision was too big. Go fight alongside a man she barely knew, or stay here for a chance at normalcy. Couldn’t they see the choice was clear?

Seamus stood and brushed the seat of his pants to dislodge the leaves and dust. “Go live. I’m tired of watching you die here.”

Overwhelmed, she drew him into a tight embrace, squeezing him as she rested her muzzled chin on his shoulder. Hesitant hands went around her waist, and he sighed. “Send word you’re safe from time to time, will you?”

Silence stretched on forever between them before she finally whispered, “I promise.”