Love Still Stands (24 page)

“Okay, if y’all feel the need to know, I’ll tell you this much. Lou is being deployed
overseas early.” She smoothed her purple jacket even though it was perfectly crisp
and wrinkle-free, as always. “But it’s fine. We knew he was going. We just didn’t
know it would be so early.”

“Where is he going?” Bethel hoped it was all right to ask. Doctor Jasmine knew everything
about her life. “What does he do?”

“He’s an army doctor. He’s going overseas to take care of our troops. For twelve months.”

“It’s okay, Doc. We’ll take care of you.” Shawn jerked his head toward the others.
“Isn’t that right?”

“Absolutely.” Crystal wiggled in her chair, her voice full of enthusiasm. “You can
come to my house for Christmas Eve. We make popcorn and string it on the trees in
the yard. At least we used to. If my dad stays sober long enough, he might remember.”

“We’re having some folks over for a little get-together on New Year’s Eve,” Elaine
offered. “You’re welcome to join us.”

“Oh, that’ll be fun,” Crystal sneered. “All those wine drinkers with their pinkies
in the air.”

Elaine colored. “Actually, we don’t drink.”

“Now there’s a recommendation,” Shawn chortled. “Teetotalers.”

“What’s wrong with that?” Bethel fixed him with her schoolteacher stare. “Some people
could do with less of it.”

“That’s enough, children, enough.” Doctor Jasmine took a deep breath and smiled her
usual bright smile. “I have family here, lest you forget. I’ll be fine. Let’s talk
about you guys.” Her gaze roved, then settled on Bethel. “Bethel, let’s start with
you since you’ll be gone all of next week. How do you feel about going back to Kansas?
Are you looking forward to it?”

Bethel interlaced her fingers in her lap and contemplated the question. She tried
her best to be truthful in these sessions, but she’d come to the conclusion that being
the center of attention and speaking of personal things in front of these folks caused
her more stress than her disobedient legs.

“It’s not a trick question. I only want you to share your feelings. Talking about
them helps. I promise.”

Bethel raised her head but still avoided making eye contact with the others. “I’m
happy to go home. I’m happy to see my mudder and my sisters and brothers. Thanksgiving
is a wonderful time of visiting and sharing our blessings.”

“How come you didn’t mention your pops?” Shawn shifted in his chair. “Aren’t you glad
to see him?”

“I mentioned him. I’m glad to see him.” Bethel cast around in her memory. She had
mentioned Daed, hadn’t she? “Of course I’m glad to see him.”

“Not everyone gets along with their parents. You don’t have to feel guilty.” Doctor
Jasmine shrugged. “We don’t get to choose our parents. It’s important to recognize
that.”

“Amen,” Crystal crowed. “You got that right.”

“My daed—father—is a fair, honest, hardworking man.”

“Sounds cold,” said Mark. “Not much fun.”

“It’s not about being fun. He had to provide for six children. My mudder—mother—had
cancer when I was little. He worked hard—harder than most.”

“But you don’t like him.”

“Yeah, you don’t like him, admit it.”

That Mark and Crystal were ganging up on Bethel came as a surprise to her. She always
tried to be helpful and nice when they talked in group.

“I think what Mark and Crystal are saying is that you were probably a little scared
and sad when your mom was sick.” Doctor Jasmine’s warm, sweet tone eased the agony
of embarrassment that had a stranglehold around Bethel’s throat. “Maybe you wished
your father would’ve taken the time to comfort you or show you his own emotions.”

“No. No!” Bethel shook her head, not wanting to entertain for a second the idea that
Daed had any obligation to do such a thing for a scared ten-year-old. He expected
her and the other children to have faith in God no matter what happened. It wasn’t
theirs to question God’s plan. “Daed did what he was supposed to do. He worked hard
and put food on the table. He made sure we said our prayers and learned the things
we needed to learn. Everything else was up to God.”

“Do you really believe that?” Shawn scoffed. “You believe all that God-has-a-plan
stuff.”

“I do.”

“How can you? You thought it was God’s plan for you to move to New Hope and look how
people have treated you here. What’s up with that?”

She chewed her lip and forced herself to meet his gaze. He looked as if he really
needed to know. Her answer mattered. “God never promised life would be easy. You were
the one who said you learned to appreciate life because of what happened to you in
Afghanistan. You said God brought you back alive and you were thankful. Have you changed
your mind about that?”

“Wouldn’t it have been a lot better if he brought me back with my legs working?” Bitterness
sprang from the words like arrows, pointed and painful. “Then my parents would still
be together and I’d be at the police academy in St. Louis by now. I might be…”

“You might be what, Shawn?” Doctor Jasmine’s tone was so soft and gentle Bethel wanted
to cloak herself in its warmth. “Go on.”

“I might be married by now. I might be a dad.”

He wanted all the same things Bethel did. The thought hurt her down to the marrow
in her bones. He wasn’t so different. Clothes and cars didn’t make the Englischers
so different from her. “God didn’t throw that stove on me,” she said. “I’ve been reminded
by this experience that I can rely on Him when I can rely on nothing else. So can
you. He might not give you your heart’s desire, but He will give you what you need
according to His will and in His time. He is with us and will always be with us, no
matter what happens. That’s what gets me through.”

She drew a breath, astounded at the words that had flowed from her mouth. She’d never
had to defend her beliefs to others before. She’d never been so struck by how important
it was that Shawn and the others find comfort in faith.

“Beautifully said. Thank you, Bethel, for putting up with these critters. And for
sharing so openly and honestly with us. I know it’s not easy for you.” Doctor Jasmine
nodded at Bethel, the twinkle back in her eyes. “It’s somebody else’s turn on the
hot seat. Ed, how are you doing today?”

“Today would’ve been my sweet Marian’s seventieth birthday.” Ed’s wispy voice teetered
on the brink of disappearing. “We always ate strawberries and pound cake on her birthday.”

Weak with relief that the attention had been drawn to another, Bethel thought ahead
to making a cake for Ed after she returned from Bliss Creek.

“Hey, Ed, we could take you out to the cemetery to visit Marian, if you like.” Shawn
cocked his head at Elaine. “Elaine’s got a big Cadillac, don’t you Elaine?”

Elaine straightened. “Yes, but…”

“Do you have a chauffeur?” Crystal chimed in. “That would be cool.”

“No chauffeur. My sister drives me.”

“Then it’s a date.” Shawn grinned. “I’ll bring the flowers. We’ll go this afternoon,
after lunch. You coming, Bethel?”

“I’m sorry, I can’t. I have work to do at home for my sister. She’s…it’s…”

“It’s all right.” Even as he smiled, Ed wiped at tears that didn’t seem to embarrass
him in the least. “Family is important. You don’t realize how important until you
don’t have any around.”

It might be pushy on Shawn’s part, but the smile on the side of Ed’s face that didn’t
droop made it worth it. Shawn had an unwavering need to help others. That made him
like Elijah. Why did she keep pushing Elijah’s help away when she found Shawn’s willingness
to help others a fine quality? What caused her to be so unfair to Elijah? Bethel stared
at her hands to keep from looking at Shawn. No matter how kind he was, Shawn didn’t
have a place in her life. The faith she’d mentioned earlier precluded it. Faith could
move mountains, but it would not change the fact that her life ran in a road parallel
to Shawn’s, never touching.

Maybe that’s what made him so appealing. The thought stung. She wanted what she couldn’t
have. The fact she couldn’t have it made her want it more. For shame.

Chapter 23

T
he words of the other people in her group flowed around Bethel as Doctor Jasmine made
sure to gently nudge each one. Ashamed that she’d let her attention wander, Bethel
tried to focus on the conversation. It was the polite thing to do, but she badly wanted
out of this room. She wanted away from Shawn and the questioning expression on his
face every time he looked at her. Temptation sitting in a wheelchair within arm’s
reach. She was a grown woman, strong in her faith, sure in what was right. Still,
she couldn’t look at him. Finally the clock on the wall hit nine and they were released.
Bethel waited while the wheelchair users lined up and left the room first. It seemed
only fair to give them a head start.

“Have a good trip, Bethel.” Doctor Jasmine touched her arm. “Do your exercises. Doctor
Karen will get after you if you lose what ground you’ve gained.”

“I will.” Bethel twisted on her crutches, feeling awkward. “And thanks for the advice
about my sister.”

“Walk with me to my office. I have a couple of brochures I want to give you.”

Bethel followed her down the hallway and waited while she rummaged through stacks
of paper on a bookshelf squeezed into one corner of the office.

“Here’s some information for you as a family member to read.” Doctor Jasmine handed
her a trifold with a picture of a woman holding a baby on the front of it. “Get your
sister to come see me. Or if she’d rather see someone more private—someone not already
assisting a family member—I can get you the name of a good psychotherapist in Jefferson
City. It’s a bit of a drive in a buggy—”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll see how it goes.” Tucking the brochure in the canvas bag
hanging from her shoulder, she cast about for the right words to express her feelings.
“I’m sorry about your husband being gone for the holidays.”

“It’s okay. We’ll Skype and get on Facebook.”

Neither meant anything to Bethel. Her confusion must’ve shown on her face. Doctor
Jasmine chuckled. “We’ll talk.”

“Oh, okay.”

Relieved to be out of the room, she swung down the hallway and pushed through the
double doors with her shoulder and swung onto the sidewalk. Elijah sat on the buggy
seat, licking a double-scoop ice cream cone. He looked up at her and grinned. “You’re
late.” He grabbed a white bag from the seat and dangled it in the air. “I brought
you an ice cream sandwich, the kind you like with the Neapolitan ice cream in it.
I figure you could use it after all that therapy stuff. I know it’s the wrong time
of year for ice cream, but I couldn’t help myself.”

He looked like a little boy with the vanilla ice cream dripping on his hand and a
smudge of it on his upper lip. She had to smile back. Forget Webster County. Forget
all that man and woman stuff. It took the fun out of life. She loved ice cream. If
he’d brought a few slices of pizza to go with it, she would’ve considered it a complete
treat. “It’s never the wrong time of year for ice cream. Help me up.”

He nodded, his face full of something Bethel couldn’t identify at first. Then it hit
her. His face shone with hope. She’d made his day by asking for his help. His desire
to help her was not born of pity; it was born of an innate goodness. Helping her gave
him pleasure. She shouldn’t deprive him of that pleasure. Elijah hopped down from
the buggy and sprinted toward her, the cone bobbing precariously.

“Bethel, there you are.” Only one person said her name like that, with such an invitation
in his gravelly voice. “I thought I’d missed you. I figured if you wouldn’t come with
me, I’d bring the pop to you.”

She swiveled. Shawn sat on the sidewalk that led from the rehab center to the coffee
shop next door. He had a cardboard cup holder in his lap filled with two cans of pop
and an assortment of candy bars and chips. “I didn’t know what you liked so I got
a little of everything.”

Bethel faced Elijah. He skidded to a stop just short of touching her with his free
hand. The top scoop of ice cream toppled from his cone and landed at her feet. Bethel
shook her head. “You know I wouldn’t do this.”

Elijah backed away. His gaze slid toward Shawn. Bethel couldn’t read his expression,
but his back was rigid, his movements jerky. He dumped his cone in the trash. “Let’s
go.”

“I turned down his invitation.”

“Darlin’—”

“Go away, Shawn.”

Disappointment flashed on Shawn’s face. He wheeled around, arms pumping. Elijah grabbed
Bethel’s crutches and stuck them in the back of the buggy with a bang.

“Easy on the crutches.” She forced herself to keep her tone light. “They’d be expensive
to replace.”

Elijah lifted her into the buggy without replying. His hands didn’t feel gentle around
her waist today. They were tight, too tight. He paused, his gaze lifted to hers. “You
give me no choice, you know?”

“No choice?”

“I have to tell Luke.”

“Tell him what? An Englisch man offered me a pop?”

“An Englisch man is in love with you.”