Love Still Stands (26 page)

“We just ate ourselves.” Thomas clasped his big hands in his lap and propped his elbows
on his knees as he leaned forward. “We’ll make this quick so we can all get to bed
on time tonight.”

That was fine with Bethel. It had been a long day. Helping Deborah clean up the school
the previous day had kept her mind off her own problems. But today, as she helped
Leah with the cooking and the laundry, she hadn’t been able to keep her mind off what
was coming. Luke hadn’t mentioned it at the supper table, even when she’d laid a place
for Elijah that had remained empty. He didn’t want to face her. That wasn’t fair and
she knew it. She struggled to keep her breathing even.

“You know it’s the job of the deacon to investigate when concerns are brought to him
regarding actions that might not be in keeping with the Ordnung.” Thomas’s level gaze
pierced her to the bone. “Truth is, this is my first time doing this. You don’t have
your mudder and daed here or a brother. Luke is the bishop so it didn’t seem right
to have him here with you.”

He didn’t mention Leah, a fact for which Bethel was thankful. “Still, I felt it best
that you have another woman present for this conversation. You’ll feel more comfortable
and truth be told, so will I.”

She nodded, afraid to trust her voice. Emma gave an encouraging nod.

“That sounds good to me.” Her voice quivered. She drew a breath, hoping to steady
it. “Whatever you think is best.”

“This is what I’ve been told.” Thomas outlined in short, broad strokes what Elijah
had related to Luke, who in turn had reported to him. “I understand this young man
in the wheelchair approached you each time. You have this group discussion and he’s
in it. He’s taking an interest in you.”

“Jah. You could say that.”

“Does he make you uncomfortable?”

“Nee. He’s a decent person with kind intentions.”

“Kind intentions? How far do those intentions go? From what you know.”

Bethel bit her lip. Her throat ached with the effort to hold back tears. She couldn’t
lie, but if she told the truth, they might not let her go back. She had to finish
her therapy. She had to get better. So she could teach. So she could help Leah. So
she could have a chance at marriage and children.

“Bethel?” Emma slid forward on the couch and patted Bethel’s knee. “I know this is
hard, but we only want what’s best for you and for our families. This is a new community
and we have to be careful how we treat our new neighbors. We want this to be a good
fresh start.”

“I know that.” She sniffed and grabbed her hankie from the table next to her rocking
chair. “Shawn is a nice man. He’s kept an open mind about us from the start. He even
did research so he’d know what we’re about and try to not make me uncomfortable.”
She hesitated, trying to gauge how much she should say. Their conversations in the
group were private—Doctor Jasmine called them confidential. No one was to talk about
it outside the group. “He defended me—us.”

“Why?”

“He likes me. And he knows what it’s like to lose mobility.”

“I’m more concerned with the first part of what you said. The real question is, did
you do anything to encourage him? Did you go anywhere with him? Did you have a pop
with him before yesterday when Elijah saw you together?” Thomas’s tone sounded more
stern now.

“He didn’t see us together. I was going to the buggy to meet Elijah when Shawn came
out with the cans of pop and the candy.”

“I understand. What about before that? Did you go anywhere with him?”

“Nee.” She hesitated. “But he did come to me.”

The heat coursing up her neck to her cheeks told her in no uncertain terms that her
face and neck were red.

Concern mixed with a kind of sadness softened Thomas’s gaze. “He came to you where?”

“The PT room.”

“You were supposed to be alone when you do your exercises. Luke said that was the
agreement.”

“Jah, but Shawn came in early yesterday morning.”

“Because he knew you would be there?”

“Jah.” Bethel couldn’t contain herself. “Please don’t take the workouts away. I need
them to get better. I have to get better.”

Thomas’s expression didn’t change. “Did you ask him to leave?”

“Jah.”

“Did he?”

“Not right away. But we only talked and he faced the wall so he couldn’t see me and
nothing improper happened. We only talked.”

“Why?”

“Because he understands.”

Thomas studied his interlaced fingers as if he could find an answer there. “You asked
him to leave and he didn’t?”

“Not until Doctor Karen, my PT—my physical therapist—made him leave.”

“If you’d asked him again to do it, would he have?”

“Jah.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Nee.”

“All right.”

Thomas rose. Emma did the same. She smiled and offered Bethel a quick, tight hug without
speaking.

Her palms sweaty, heart pounding, Bethel followed them to the screen door. “What will
you tell Luke?”

“I’ll go home and sleep on it and pray on it and then I’ll decide. You should pray
about it too. Pray for forgiveness. Pray you will make better choices in the future.”

“I will.” Her stomach flopped at his sad expression. Thomas looked so disappointed
in her. “I’m sorry.”

“Actions have consequences. Not only for you, but for this man Shawn. Think of his
feelings. You encourage him and then he’s disappointed. I believe you are strong in
your faith and you will never leave it. Do you believe that?”

“Jah.”

“Then why risk hurting another human being?”

The wisdom of his words washed over her in a drowning wave. “I don’t know.”

“You do know.” He shoved his hat down on his forehead and pushed open the screen door.
“I want to ask Luke about something else—I have a hog that seems to have a bellyache.
Emma, can you wait here a minute while I talk to him about it?”

“Jah. It’ll give me a chance to visit with Bethel on more pleasant topics.”

The two were conspiring—Bethel could tell by the gaze they exchanged. A man and his
fraa could communicate without speaking. She wanted that. She didn’t, however, want
to talk anymore. It wasn’t her day for pleasant topics.

Emma didn’t give her a choice. She settled into the rocker on the porch and waved
at the other one. “I’m not in a big hurry to get home. Rebecca is watching the babies
and the twins are doing the dishes. Take a load off and tell me something good.”

“Something good.” Bethel tried hard to change directions, but exhaustion weighed her
down. “Let me get my darning. I try to keep up with the sewing. It’s something I can
help Leah with.”

She grabbed her sewing basket and returned to the front porch. Taking her time to
pull one of William’s socks from it, she settled in with her needle and thread. Already
she felt calmer. “I am sorry this is causing trouble for Thomas and taking your time
away from home.”

“Don’t be. It’s how it’s supposed to be.” Emma leaned back and rocked for a second.
“It’s a beautiful evening.”

Bethel hadn’t even noticed. She let the sock fall to her lap for a moment and raised
her face to the evening sky. An autumn breeze cooled her face. The air smelled of
rain even though no drops had fallen yet. “Jah, it is.”

“Thomas says Luke is considering letting you be a teacher’s aide.”

A more pleasant topic indeed. She plunged the needle into the heel of the sock and
made quick work of the tear at the seam. “He says he’s praying on it.”

“He sets a good example.”

Praying was good. She’d done her own praying. Now she wanted to be back in the classroom.
Deborah needed her help. “He does.”

“You say one thing, but your tone says another.”

“I guess I’m…I want things to happen more quickly.”

“You’re impatient.”

“Yes, but I’ve prayed for patience.”

“So God is teaching you to have it.”

Bethel laughed. “That’s one way of looking at it.”

“It’s the only way when things are beyond your control, and all things are beyond
our control.”

Nothing could be more true.

“I need to go to physical therapy.” She wrapped the sock up with its match and tossed
the pair into her basket. A tear in Luke’s shirt came next. She contemplated the rip.
At least it was on a seam. He must’ve strained against it lifting something. “It’s
the only way I can get back into the classroom as a teacher.”

“Do you like Shawn?”

The question startled her so much she stabbed the needle into her thumb.

“What kind of question is that?”

“A simple one.”

She sucked at her thumb, not wanting to get blood on the shirt. Shawn had nothing
to do with teaching, but she knew what Emma was trying to say. Shawn had everything
to do with physical therapy and her journey into the Englisch world. She pictured
his scarred face and gnarled hands. His sandpaper rough voice sounded in her head,
calling her
darlin’
even as his pensive eyes stared into the distance over her shoulder.

“I think he’s sad and he’s looking for someone to talk to who understands, that’s
all.”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I do like him, as another person.” She avoided Emma’s gaze, choosing instead to return
to her sewing. Her hands shook, making it hard to keep the stitches even. They looked
like something one of the twins had done. “As a person who has treated me kindly.”

“Nothing more?”

“Nothing more.”

“What about Elijah?” A smile played across Emma’s face. “Not to be nosy or anything.”

“He aggravates me.” The words came easily even as she thought of his question in the
buggy the day before.
If I shone a flashlight in your window, what would you do?
“A lot.”

“That’s a good sign.”

“It is?”

“Jah, very good.”

“That makes no sense.”

Emma laughed, a light, breezy sound that cheered Bethel. “Thomas used to aggravate
me all the time. Then I married him.”

“We’ve already had this conversation. Who wants to marry a woman in my condition?
And if they don’t let me go back to the physical therapy I may never get off the crutches.”

“If you can’t go back to the sessions, then you find another way.” Emma’s tone was
tart. “You’ve already seen what you need to do. Just do it here.”

“We don’t have the equipment—the treadmill, the bicycle, the bands, the warm water
therapy…” Bethel contemplated this idea. PT was more complicated than Emma could know.
“Luke is the bishop, though. Maybe he can make an exception on riding bicycles. You’re
so smart and so wise. How did you get that way?”

“I’m not.” Emma smoothed the arms of her chair with an absent movement. “There is
the possibility that you won’t ever walk freely again. Remember the disciple Paul’s
thorn in his flesh?”

Bethel stopped sewing. Emma stopped rocking. She sighed. “It’s not what you want to
hear. You might never walk freely again, but remember, God’s grace is sufficient.
His power is made perfect in our weaknesses.”

The truth of those words stung Bethel. Or maybe it was the tears she refused to let
fall. She bent over her sewing and Emma began to rock again. The silence stretched,
filled only with the occasional barking of a dog in the distance.

“You remind me of your Aenti Louise.” Bethel peeked at her friend’s face to see how
she would take this. It was meant to be a compliment. Emma and Luke’s aunt had been
loved by all for her long stories peppered with advice and wisdom garnered over almost
nine decades of living.

“Always telling people what they didn’t want to hear.” Emma’s expression turned wistful.
“I would hope to be so wise. God rest her sweet soul.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“I can’t promise to have an answer, but jah, you can ask.”

“Do you know anything about something called postpartum depression?”

Her eyebrows popped up and her smile disappeared altogether. “Why? Do you think that’s
what’s wrong with Leah?”

Emma was quick. That didn’t surprise Bethel. Her friend had been a good teacher before
her marriage to Thomas. “You know of it?”

Emma took Luke’s shirt from Bethel and folded it while Bethel pulled a pair of Joseph’s
pants from the basket. These needed the hem let out. The boys grew so quickly. Emma
seemed to be contemplating the shirt in her lap. “I spent a lot of time with Aenti
Louise. She delivered hundreds of babies. She talked to me about it some, when I got
older. I helped her sometimes.”

“I asked my doctor what to do about Leah.”

“And she said it’s might be this postpartum thing.”

“She said it could be, but Leah needs to go to a doctor.”

“Luke doesn’t abide much with this kind of doctoring.”