Love Takes Hold: The Helena's Grove Series Book 3 (5 page)

Once at Bianca’s apartment Jen got showered and sat with a towel wrapped around her as Bianca began her makeup process. Because she was a makeup artist she often called herself the queen of contouring. It was for this reason that it took a full three hours before the two of them were ready to go out. Jen walked to the mirror. The girl staring back at her had black around her eyes, making the blue in them seem intense, her cheeks were highlighted and her lips were some shade of maroon. She stared at herself; this was a side of her she hadn’t seen in a long time. It was like seeing an old association, one that you aren’t sure if you’re happy to see or not. It had been over a year since Jen had had this much makeup on her face, worn a strapless dress like this or shoes with heels this high. She felt uncomfortable and out of place. And even though she knew this night was supposed to help her forget about Zack, she couldn’t help but wonder what he’d think if he saw her now.

“Ready?” Bianca asked, emerging from the bathroom.

Jen nodded slightly. “I guess so.”

“Don’t be nervous sweetie, you’ll have fun I promise.”

“Can you really promise me that?” Jen asked skeptically.

“I’ll tell you what,” Bianca said as she stuffed her I.D. into her bra. “If you don’t have fun tonight then I won’t ask you to go out with me again until you’re ready.”

Jen thought about that for a few seconds. “That sounds fair.”

“But you really have to try.” Bianca pointed a finger at her.

Jen smiled. “I will.”

They headed out to the cab awaiting them. Jen walked cautiously, almost falling twice in her six inch heels. How had she walked in these before?

They got into the club without a cover charge and made their way to the bar. Bianca’s slim body moved gracefully through the crowd as she waved and winked at the men. Jen, on the other hand, smiled and waved awkwardly, feeling completely ridiculous. It was comical to her how ungraceful she had become. A couple years ago she and Bianca could literally paint the town red; they got into any club and never had to buy their own drinks, they had spent more money on clothes than they did on rent, and since Bianca’s father was a prosperous investor, the two of them had been able to live the high life. Those days seemed like an entire lifetime ago. She was grateful when they finally got to the bar and she was able to sit down as two men walked over and greeted Bianca.

She turned to Jen. “Jen, this is Chad and Luke.”

Jen nodded at the men. Chad stared hungrily at Bianca and Jen knew instantly that she would go home with him that night. She wondered briefly if either of them felt more than just lust for the other, but then caught herself, feeling strange for thinking such a thing when she already knew the answer.

The men bought the women drinks. Jen played with hers and took a couple sips but decided against drinking any more. They all sat around and chatted awhile before Luke asked Jen to dance. She agreed hesitantly, wobbling as he led her onto the dance floor. He was instantly too close for comfort and Jen had to keep reminding him of personal boundaries. It was clear to her he was already intoxicated and it annoyed her that he was so forward and ungentlemanly. After a couple songs she informed him that she was tired and he walked her back to their seats. Bianca and Chad were nowhere to be seen. Jen asked the bartender for a bottle of water who gave her a strange look as he pulled one from under the counter. Thanking him, she took several swigs; this place was way too hot. She fanned her face, and drank more water, willing it to cool her down.

“So what do you do?” Luke asked from the seat next to her.

“I’m a lawyer,” she told him, still fanning her face.

“That’s hot.” He grinned at her and Jen found herself rolling her eyes inwardly.

“Do you live here in the city?” Luke asked before taking a large swig of brown liquid.

“I just recently moved back after being away for a while,” she said, trying to keep the conversation controlled. The way Luke was looking at her made her skin crawl and she found herself leaning away from him.

“Lucky me.” He winked and smiled wickedly as he took another drink. Jen watched him for a moment. His blue eyes were cold and unfeeling, and judging by his designer ripped jeans and the tattoos on his broad arms, he seemed the typical bad boy. He looked nothing like Zack, acted nothing like Zack, and yet, Jen found herself comparing him to Zack in every way. In fact, she was comparing every man there to Zack. But Zack was one of a kind; and she knew he would never be caught dead in a place like this.

“How do you know Bianca?” Luke asked, scooting closer to her.

“We went to school together. I’ve known her for years.”

“I met her a few months ago but she never told me she had such a hot friend.”

Jen faked a smile.
Why would she you idiot. I was in a long term relationship.
Before Luke could say another thing Jen asked the bartender for more water. He gave her the same look before handing her another.

“I’d love to buy you a real drink,” Luke whispered to her.

“I’m sure you would,” Jen retorted. She knew she was being offish. She also knew that Bianca had told Luke to keep her company tonight. However, his roaming blue eyes and creepy demeanor was beginning to get on her nerves.

“You wanna get outta here?” Luke asked, breaking Jen’s thoughts.

She stared at him. “Excuse me?”

“Do you wanna continue this party at my place?” He looked arrogant, like he had this one in the bag.

Jen laughed, incredulous. “Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not?”

She shook her head; realizing she shouldn’t be surprised. She knew this would happen. This is the way it always happened. She just hadn’t expected the offer so soon. He clearly was not reading her body language correctly. At this point, Jen realized, he’d had enough to drink that she wasn’t sure he’d even be able to walk to the cab if she did agree to go with him. Disgusted and annoyed, Jen shook her head and stood to leave but a thought crossed her mind. She turned to look at him and for a moment, she saw the hope rise in his eyes. She smirked inwardly; she was about to shatter those hopes with a sledgehammer. “What do you think about marriage?” she asked, sitting back down.

“Whoa, what?” Luke asked, clearly surprised by her question.

“Marriage. What do you think about it?”

“I uh, well… I’m, I’m not sure I understand your question,” he stumbled.

Jen sighed in frustration. “Do you believe in marriage? Do you want to get married? Do you feel like marriage is in your future?”

Luke’s eyes were wide as he tried to process what he was hearing. “I, well…” He looked at her. She sat quietly, waiting. Finally he blurted out, “I didn’t ask you to marry me; I just wanted to take you home!”

“I’m not asking about me, I’m asking what
you
think about it. Are you capable of answering my question or not?”

“Honestly?”

Jen nodded.

“Marriage, I don’t think is really for me,” he admitted.

Jen nodded. “Why do you think that is?”

He chuckled. “Well, I guess it’s because I haven’t seen that many marriages work out. Besides,” he went on, “promising to commit to one person when you know you never will is just shitty.”

Jen narrowed her eyes at him, surprised he had a glimmer of sense. “You seem like the type that would struggle with commitment.” She stood but before she could walk away Luke grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him.

“Baby, come on. Don’t be upset. You asked me what I thought and I told you.” His hands rested on her hips as he looked up at her. “Marriage is fine for some people but…” his hand began to slide down her leg. “Being single is so much more fun.”

Jen’s rage boiled to the top as she shoved him away from her. “Don’t touch me!” she yelled.

He stood quickly and grabbed her again. “Hey, we could have a great time together. Come on, let me show you a good time.” He reached for her waist and she slapped his hand.

“You’re disgusting. I’m going home.” She turned to walk away but stopped at his next words.

“Hey! You came here! You sat with me! You let me buy you drinks!” He was slurring his words and wobbling as he yelled at her. She looked at him, shaking her head at his behavior. How could she have forgotten what the men in bars were like?

“This is a hookup club,” he went on, the drink in his hand sloshing around as he gestured to her. “If you aren’t here to hookup with someone, then why are you here?”

Jen stared at him; feeling the emotion rise. She blinked a few times and then whispered, “That’s a very good question.” There was confusion in his eyes as he sat back down.

“Thanks for the water,” she said evenly as she turned slowly and walked away searching the crowd for Bianca. She called her phone twice before finally spotting her in the far corner, making out with Chad. Jen walked to her as quickly as she dared in her heels and tapped her shoulder. Bianca looked up at her. “Hey, how’s it going?”

“I’m going home,” Jen told her.

Bianca said something quickly to Chad and stood to face Jen. “What do you mean you’re going home? We’ve only been here a couple hours.”

“I’m going home Bianca. Thank you for bringing me but I’m not ready for this. I don’t think I’ll ever be ready for this.”

“What are you talking about? This is what we do. Hell this is what we did every Friday and Saturday night before you picked up and went to hay town USA.”

Jen felt smothered. Everything about this place suddenly seemed too extreme. The music was too loud, the smells too potent and the air itself seemed to be closing in around her, suffocating her. She tried to take deep breaths, but the thick, smoke-filled air offered no relief to her aching lungs. She knew she had to get out. “I’m sorry Bianca, I love you and I appreciate you trying to help me but I really have to go. You stay, I’ll catch a cab.” She turned to leave.

“You’re supposed to be trying to have fun! Remember?” Bianca called after her, clearly annoyed. 

Jen turned, her chest heaving as she tried to take in air. “This isn’t my kind of fun anymore.” She walked out of the club, leaving Bianca shaking her head.

Jen’s mind raced as the cab took her back to Roger’s apartment. She steadied her breath, trying to remain calm until she got home. She carried her shoes, not ever wanting to wear them again as she made her way into the apartment and to her bedroom. 

She closed the door as quickly and quietly as she could, being careful not to wake her father. Breathing heavy, she stripped out of the tight strapless dress and threw off the necklace, rings and bracelets. Making her way to the bathroom sink, she scrubbed her face with furious determination. Her hair was dripping with water when she was finally able to recognize herself in the mirror. The smells of the club were still on her and she quickly got in the shower, scrubbing her skin until she felt clean again. She let the water wash away her tears before slowly getting out and drying herself with a clean towel. She then slumped to the floor and sat there, relishing in the coolness. The tears were flowing and she didn’t bother to wipe them away. She allowed her heart to ache for Zack; she missed him so much she thought she’d break. She sobbed pathetically on the cold tile flooring for some time before she pulled herself up and went to the bed. Instead of getting into her pajamas she pulled one of Zack’s over sized t-shirts over her head. She had taken it on purpose; it was her favorite one and still had a faint smell of him. Climbing into bed, she allowed the heavy comforter to encompass her. She was disappointed in herself for going to the club. She’d known better, but she’d gone anyway. However, it had shown her some things. Now, for the first time she realized what Zack had seen when she’d given her reasons for not wanting to get married. He had seen her, just as she’d seen Luke; a shallow, uncommitted, partying fool. It broke her heart to think he thought of her that way. She didn’t want to think of herself that way. He had offered her commitment, security, love and a home, and instead of accepting, she’d scoffed and made him feel like those were ridiculous things. She shook her head.
No wonder he was so upset!
She wasn’t sure what time it was when her mind finally started to slow, but one thing she did know was that tomorrow, things would be different.

Jen awoke with the sun on her face. It shone brightly through her window and she shielded her eyes as she rolled onto her other side. Her eyes hurt from the night of crying and she had a slight headache. Inhaling deeply, she caught the scent of the t-shirt she was wearing. The smell was so familiar and comforting that for the briefest moment, she thought she’d turn to find Zack lying next to her. She closed her eyes and basked in the thought and in the reassurance it brought her. After a few moments she got up and got dressed. Her phone beeped and she looked at it; five missed calls from Bianca and seven text messages. She also had three voice mails from Annie she hadn’t yet listened to. She scrolled through Bianca’s texts:

Hey just wondering if you’re alright. Give me a call.

Hey, what ever happened with Luke?

I was thinking next time we try a different club. I’m determined to give you a good time. Call me!

Jen didn’t bother answering her; she would catch up with Bianca later. She made her way into the kitchen but didn’t see her father. She found him in his office.

“Good morning Daddy. Aren’t you going to work today?” she asked, sitting in the overstuffed chair across from him.

“I just have a few things here I have to catch up on. I have to be in court this afternoon. How was your night?

Jen sighed. “Not what I expected.”

“Is everything alright?”

Jen shook her head as the tears sprang to her eyes. She covered her face with her hands not wanting her father to see.

Roger quickly made his way around the desk and pulled a chair up next to her. “Jenny, honey, what’s wrong?”

Jen waited until she was able to trust her voice before she spoke. “Oh Daddy, I’m such a mess. I miss Zack so much it hurts. And last night was… it was just awful. I saw him in every man there, compared him to everyone. I’ve made a terrible mistake. I have to talk to him. I need to talk to him.” She covered her face again as another wave of sobs went through her.

Roger said nothing, but put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. Dealing with emotions had never been his strong suit and Jen knew this must be uncomfortable for him. He handed her a box of tissues and waited, sensing she had more to say.

When she looked up at him, his eyes were searching hers. “You know I don’t like to get into your personal life,” he said slowly. “But, what happened between you? Did you break up with him?”

Jen sniffed loudly and wiped her nose. “He…” She stopped and took a few steadying breaths. “He asked me to marry him and I…” She blew her nose. “I said no. He said that he believed in marriage and wanted kids and a house with a white picket fence; I mean the whole nine yards Dad. And…”

“Why?” The surprise in Roger’s voice was evident. “Why did you say no?”

Jen blinked. “Well, we’re still so young. We hadn’t even been dating a year when he asked me and we’d only been living together for a few months.”

Roger looked at her with skepticism.

“I’m not sure I even believe in marriage at all,” Jen defended herself.

Roger waved a dismissive hand at her. “That’s bullshit.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, bullshit. This isn’t about you believing in marriage or not believing in marriage, this about you dealing with your own insecurities and fear.”

Jen stared at him, her mouth hanging open in surprise.

“You’re afraid of marriage and its commitment,” he said pointing at her.

“I thought you didn’t believe in marriage either,” Jen retorted a little too loudly.

Roger made a scoffing sound. “What in the world gave you that impression?”

“Um, I don’t know. The fact that you were married FIVE times maybe,” Jen said sarcastically.

“Exactly. I was married five times. Why would a guy who doesn’t believe in marriage get married five times?”

Jen was speechless; she had always assumed her father felt the same way she did on the subject. “I guess, I just thought you wouldn’t have a very high opinion of it since it hadn’t really worked out for you.”

Roger exhaled and leaned back in his chair. “Jenny, I was married five times because I do believe in marriage. I was divorced five times because, in case you hadn’t realized, I’m not the easiest person to love.”

Jen smiled and chuckled a little through her tears.

“I’m a hardass, and I’m inconsiderate. Those women all left me because I didn’t give them what they needed. I’m not a good husband. I’m a good boyfriend…” He shook his finger at her. “But I’m not a good husband.”

“You spoiled them rotten,” Jen observed. “I mean, spas and trips and cars and…”

“Never time, or love or devotion,” Roger finished.

Jen’s eyebrows furrowed. She had never talked to her dad about his relationships. She’d always assumed it was the women who’d had the problems, not him. This was an entirely new side to the story.

“Don’t blame the institution of marriage for the many divorces in this country,” Roger went on. “Blame the people! The idea of marriage is a good one. Commitment, love, family, like Zack is saying, that’s what happiness is. He’s offering to give you that.”

“I thought you didn’t like him?”

“I’m not supposed to like him. It’s not my job to like him,” Roger said gruffly. “How many of your boyfriends have I liked?”

Jen laughed. “None, now that I think about it.”

“Zack is a good man. I knew that the minute I met him. I didn’t like him because he took you away from me but he also gave you a reason to stand on your own two feet. He helped you see the world differently and taught you how to love to a greater degree than I ever could. I understand that my failed marriages have tainted your view of relationships but honey…” He leaned forward and held her hand. “Don’t let my mistakes become yours. You love Zack and he loves you. And I have no doubt that he will honor and cherish you for as long as you live.”

Jen sniffed as new tears fell down her cheeks.

“What you really need to ask yourself is, are you willing to let him go? Because, he will go on and get married, he will have children and he will build that life with someone else. Are you willing to sit back and let him do that just because you’re too scared to try?”

Jen looked at her father’s eyes, the reality of what he was saying seeping deep within her. She finally shook her head

“Well then,” Roger said softly. “What are you waiting for?”

Jen grinned and then laughed. She threw her arms around her dad and hugged him tightly. “I love you so much Daddy!” she whispered.

“I love you too Jenny,” he replied as he held her.

She pulled back just enough to kiss him on the cheek before she sprang out the door and into her room to pack her things. She threw all her clothes and belongings in her suitcase with lightening speed, not bothering to organize or fold anything. She got online and bought a ticket to Boston and then called a cab service and told them to be there in ten minutes.

By the time she walked into the living room Roger was there waiting for her. “Do you need anything?” he asked.

“No, I think I’ve got everything,” Jen said, a little out of breath.

“You have money?”

“Yes.”

“You have your purse and I.D. and everything?”

“Yes.”

“Looks like you’re ready to go.” He smiled at her and his eyes twinkled.

Jen exhaled, her heart was racing but she suddenly felt bad for leaving her Father alone again. “Are you going to be okay?”

“Of course, don’t worry about me.”

“I hate that you’re here all by yourself,” she said softly.

He shrugged. “Maybe I’ll follow your example and get married again.”

That made Jen laugh. “Sixth time’s a charm eh?”

He was laughing too. “You never know.”

Jen reached for his hand. “You’re a good man Daddy.”

“That’s nice of you to say.”

“I’m a lucky girl to have a father like you.” She hugged him tightly and when she pulled back she could have sworn he wiped a tear from his eye, although she couldn’t be sure.

“I want nothing more in this world than for you to be happy,” he told her, smiling.

“I know.”

“And remember, anything that is worth having…”

“Is worth the risk of getting,” Jen finished for him. She knew that motto well.

He nodded. “You better not keep the taxi waiting.”

The two of them went down to the street together and Roger gave the taxi driver her suitcase. “Let me know when you get everything all sorted out.”

“I will.” Jen breathed in deep. “I’m so nervous Dad, what if he won’t take me back?”

Roger shook his head. “He’ll take you back. Don’t worry about that.”

Jen gave her father one last hug before opening the taxi door, but turned when her father spoke again.

“If you tell Zack I like him, or that I said anything nice about him, I’ll most emphatically deny it.” His voice had reverted back to the gruff, lawyer tone she knew so well.

Jen tried to suppress the grin that threatened to spread across her face. “Fair enough.”  She got into the cab and it pulled away. As they headed toward the airport she tried to steady her breathing. The drive seemed unusually long and Jen nervously chewed on her fingernails until they reached their destination. She grabbed her bag, paid the driver and hurried to security. It wasn’t until she was seated and waiting for take-off that she started to relax but it was short lived.

Her mind began to race with scenarios. She imagined showing up at Zack’s apartment, only to find another woman there. What would she do! She quickly dismissed the thought, knowing Zack wasn’t that type. Her next fear came in the thought of him turning her down flat.
I wouldn’t blame him,
she thought.
He would have every right to not ever want to see me again.
As painful as that thought was, it was less painful than the thought of him already having found someone else. She picked up her phone.
I should call him. I should at least make sure he’s at the apartment. He’s probably at the hospital – would he even see that I called? I could page him, but he’s so busy. Would he be able to take the time to call me if I did? It’s more romantic if I just show up. But I don’t want to spring this on him…

When the pilot finally announced their descent into Boston, Jen had made up her mind to surprise Zack. She wanted see the expression on his face when he saw her. She wanted to look into his eyes and see whether he was happy, surprised, angry, hurt, or just plain annoyed to see her. Whatever the emotion, she wanted it to be real and genuine – without him having time to think about it. She got off the plane quickly, picked up her luggage and ran to the front to get a cab. She told the driver the address to the apartment and then sat back and let the butterflies in her stomach consume her. She took deep breaths.
Anything worth having is worth the risk of getting,
she chanted to herself over and over as the cab got closer and closer to their apartment.

When the driver announced they had reached their destination, Jen quickly paid him and unloaded her suitcase. She went up the stairs but stopped outside the door. She tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever she would see. She knew the chance of Zack being home at this time of day was slim but she still had to try. She knocked once, no answer. She knocked again, still no answer. She searched for the key under the mat. Inserting it, she was just about to turn the knob when the door opened. Jen jumped back, startled, her heart racing, mind whirling. There was a figure standing before her but it wasn’t Zack.