Love UnExpected (Love's Improbable Possibility) (13 page)

Nervously, I turned back and saw Azmir listening in as one of his handlers whispered something to him, all the while his eyes were glued to me with the same scowl and intensity he wore from the moment he snatched me off the dance floor.

“Are we leaving, Divine?” the girl who came with him screamed over the music.

Hearing her reminded me of my frustrations with him. Had he really played me by moving on so quickly
even if he didn’t know that I’d be there that night?
I didn’t know whether to feel cheap and used or that the joke was on her because he had just fucked the shit out of me behind the club that she was
in
during their date. Or, again, was I the trash dumpster whore who didn’t care that he was there on a date? I was so confused and unsure of myself. Not to mention slightly still buzzed.

Azmir never answered her, at least verbally because I never heard a word from him. Michelle’s gape stayed on him. She didn’t know if he had hurt me or not but knew that something definitely happened because we were both behaving conspicuous
ly by wanting to leave.

I grabbed Michelle by the arm, “Let’s go, Shelly
.”

Reluctantly
, she followed but not without paying Azmir a few more nasty looks before turning on her heels.

As we walked off I heard, “Yo, where are you going?” It was Azmir.

Michelle jumped and turned around in an alarmed manner. I knew she was frustrated by our bizarre and fragmented interaction.

Along with my feelings of self-debased obscurities were specifically those of insecurity and embarrassment. Right away I thought that if he was asking where I was going, he was putting himself out there to
ol’ girl that there
was
something between us. I rubbed the back of my neck and gave a reversed nod in Michelle’s direction as to say I was going to her place.

“I’ll send the car
,” Azmir informed loudly.

Michelle immediately turned to me for my response to that in hopes of getting some answers as to what happened. I fought the smile that begged to eclipse my face. Oh, it was a wrap! If his “
date
” didn’t know I was someone special in his life she knew then.

The ride back to Michelle’s where everyone had met earlier to leave for the club was weird. The other girls were cackling and carrying on almost as if nothing had happened
, and to my delight. Michelle would only speak when spoken to and I was completely silent. I knew she was going to rip me a new one once at her place. I felt so dirty and needed to wash the sex I’d just had in the parking lot minutes before off me. I was wearing Azmir in between my thighs.

When at her house, Michelle practically kicked the drunken girls out in anticipation of reprimanding me. Once she closed the door on them
, she turned and set her dangerous gaze on me as I sat on the couch like a child waiting to be scolded.

“Spill it, bitch!”

Ouch!
She’d primarily call me out of my name when she was absolutely angry.

“I know…I know! I just don’t know how to explain it. It was all so weird
,” I attempted, rubbing my temples.

“No! Fuck that! Start with the dance floor fiasco. Was he crazy or what?” she demanded in her valley girl trill.

“I thought he was for a moment,” I murmured trying to gather my thoughts. My buzz was wearing off and the details of that night began settling in.

“Rayna Brimm, if you don’t start talking I’m going to kick your ass!” she screamed trying to intimidate me. And it worked.          

I forced my pleading eyes up to her and opened my mouth hoping something would come out, but nothing.

Frustrated, she shouted, “Okay. Let me try to help you out. The biggest question I have is what the fuck happened after the dance floor? Did you guys go to the bathroom?”

I shook my head no.

“Okay now we’re getting somewhere. Did he take you outside?”

I nodded my head yes.

“Well…what the fuck happen
ed then?” Already she was getting tired of the guessing game. I tried to use my hand to motion an explanation but that didn’t work either. Exhausted from defeat, I took both my hands and buried my face in them.

She walked up to me with wide eyes and a collapsed mouth and calmly s
urmised, “You fucked him, didn’t you?”

I nodded my head in shame. I felt so low.

We discussed the girl he had there with him. Neither one of us could answer whether or not they were romantically involved. We went back and forth about the potential for a real relationship between Azmir and me. Of course, Michelle was a proponent, even after she said how she’d overheard a conversation at the nail salon about the radio personality, Lady Spin, being linked to him. My head continued to spin. I didn’t know what to say to that. I told her I needed to shower. I felt nasty wearing sex
from
behind a garbage dumpster
.

While in the shower
, Michelle yelled to me, “Na-Na, Azmir’s driver is here to pick you up.”

Damn!
It had been a long day and I didn’t know if I was up to seeing him.

~~~~~~~~~~

Azmir

My phone rang and I answered to find it was Ray, my driver. He had arrived at Michelle’s pad and was informing me that he was waiting on Rayna.

“Indeed,” I replied.     

After I hung up the phone
, I looked down at my left hand. I had it wrapped in an ice pack to help with the swelling. I hit dude with the left instead of my usual right because I didn’t think. I was fucking mad as hell! If he saw me snatching shorty up off the dance floor like that he should have known something was up between the two of us and walked off. What random dude is going to just yank up a woman like that without a connection to her?

I couldn’t stop thinking about that number she was doing with him trying to show her ass. After I saw him kissing on her I told
Marcus to watch my back because I was going in to get her. I didn’t think it would get ugly but had him on the lookout just in case. I can’t front, I was to ready to shut that shit down if I had to.
What the fuck was running through her mind dancing like that?
When I first stepped on the scene, she was with an obviously gay man, but when the other dude asked her to dance and tried to kiss and feel all up on her ass, it was over.

I didn’t really know what I was going to do with her once I snatched her ass up. I just knew I wasn’t go
ing to stand there and watch her play herself.

What really fucked my head up was what took place in the back of the joint. I knew Rayna was a little freak but didn’t know she got down like that. I was fucked up in the head! If she didn’t know she was soon to find out that she was mine. I mean, I wasn’t about to sweat her ass but we needed to make some serious decisions
—and tonight. Shit needed to be solidified.

An hour or so later the doorman called me to inform that my guest had arrived. Minutes later
, she was ringing the doorbell to my apartment. I opened the door to find her wearing a figure fitting white sweat suit with the hood covering her head and her LV Keepall hanging from her shoulder. Rayna looked distressed. 

She gave little eye contact. I took that to mean we were both in awkward places behind this shit. She dropped her duffle bag on the floor and stood there as if she was waiting for further instructions from me. I was at a loss. I tried to play
it cool.

“What’s this all about?” I asked to break the ice.

“You tell me. You summoned me,” she said dryly.

“Quite frankly, I don’t know what to say
—” I began until she interrupted.

“I can’t do this, Azmir! I’m not property. What is this game that we’re playing? Where are we?”

“That’s what I wanted to discuss—”

“If we’re going to be friends then let’s do that with minimal conflicts. If you just want to be fuck buddies then tell me. But anything outside of those two things I can’t promise because of your situation
,” she continued firing off, referring to the pregnancy issue.

“Rayna, that is not my baby
,” I tried to assure once again.

“Can you prove it?”

“I will be able to prove it soon. Believe that.”

“That just isn’t acceptable.” Rayna’s voice crackled into a whisper.

“What can I do to get back into your good graces? Do you want me to have the paternity test done in utero? I can push for it if it’ll satisfy your inquiry.”

“Are you using condoms when you fuck other women?” she spat out of no where.

Whoa!
That hit me like a ton of bricks.
What is she insinuating…that I am some type of gigolo going from woman to woman?

“Where is all of this coming from?”

“Just answer the question. Let me know what I’m up against. And don’t forget that Spin girl…the D.J. that I met a few months back. Oh, and the one from the club earlier, either!” she hissed.

I was fucking offended.
“Ray, I will swear on a stack of Qurans that before tonight I ain’t touch no pussy since yours in The Bahamas! I told you then that I wasn’t fucking anybody else. Where is this going?”

“Ummmmm…I think it’s fair for me to ask since you’ve gotten in the habit of fucking me raw!” she continued with venom until I
decided I needed to correct her.

“Hold up! You initiated sex without protection
, Ms. “
I don’t want anything in between us
” in the Caribbean! And if I recall you were the one demanding sex earlier…not me! Where are you going with all of this, Brimm? I’m not going to sit here and allow you to make me out to be a womanizer one minute and some damn perv the next! I’ve never pressured or manipulated you into shit.” I was about spazz.

She got quiet. The silence remained for seconds.  She backed herself onto t
he wall near the door and fell on her haunches.

“I am so confused! I hate this place that we’re in! What the hell is this? I’m really having a difficult time figuring out your feelings for me. And don’t claim to have been open with me all this time because if you were I would have known about this Tara girl and her pregnancy! This is the very reason why I’ve been avoiding relationships
—they’re too damn complicated. Do you know that right now I’m feeling like a whore after that episode earlier? I mean…what decent woman allows a man she’s only been dating,
before taking a hiatus for nearly a month
, to fuck her behind garbage dumpsters in a parking lot in the back of a club? I’ve been trying to answer this ever since it happened. And did I mention the guy was there with another woman? This is all too much for me. I can’t do this!” She collapsed her head into the palms of her hands.

Once again she involuntarily exposed her vulnerable side. I couldn’t believe she had all of those insecurities. I didn’t have the words to answer those questions. The young broad
, RinRin, that was with me was an aspiring rapper. I’m acquaintances with her manager and he wanted her to hang out with me to develop her image. She was dope, but ain’t have shit for me.

I saw that Rayna was absolutely clueless about my feelings for her. Shit, I counted
twenty-two days since we last saw each other. I had a few of my people tail her a couple of times while we weren’t speaking just to keep an eye on her. I hadn’t resolved to just walking away from her.

It’s funny that she brought Spin up. Rayna would be shocked to know that I almost smashed her
again recently, but just before going in I got turned off because ol’ girl wasn’t fitting the “Rayna bill”. I remembered how well things
didn’t
go that night after I rejected Spin. Our relationship plummeted after that experience. Even though I couldn’t get Rayna out of my system, I wasn’t going to chase her. My pride wouldn’t allow me to do it. She had to let that Tara being pregnant shit ride. It was a moot issue, I was done with it.

I was still a little confused about where I wanted my relationship to go with Rayna. The one thing I had been clear on was my strong feelings for her. I didn’t know if it was my age catching up to me or what
, but I had never felt this way about a woman before. I felt like I was addicted to her. She had concerns of me being with other women when little did she know, I was too wrapped up in her to notice anybody else. Again, I was fucked up in the head.

I saw her there squatting on the floor. She wore no makeup, only
lip-gloss. Her hair was up in a ponytail. She looked sexy even in sweats and Ugg boots. I extended my arm to help her up. She obliged and rose to her feet. People would be surprised to know that I’m not a man of many words when it comes to love. I wanted to express my feelings to her as well as my desire of her physically. It had been almost a month since I’d had that ass. I needed my fix and what transpired earlier was just a tease.

I took Rayna back to my
bedroom and lit the decorative candles around the room that had never been used. I didn’t know how well this would go over; she didn’t seem to be in the best state of mind. But I had decided to try my luck. I needed to have her. Again.