Love UnExpected (Love's Improbable Possibility) (44 page)

While washing, sweeping
, and organizing the trash I began to reflect on the lesson and attempted to apply the principles of the spirit of peace in my personal life. I quickly thought of several ways in which I didn’t actively pursue peace and how I could improve upon it. My thoughts were so deep and engaged that before I realized it, I had the living room, dining room, and kitchen back in place and spotless.

After turning off the lights
, I sauntered back to the master suite feeling comatose. As I passed Azmir’s office door I saw it was almost closed and I was too tired to stop in so I kept my stride to the back. I was beyond thrilled that it was Friday and I didn’t have to get up so early the next morning.

While in the shower I mentally rolodex
ed my plans for the following day. I had planned to meet up with Chanell at the mall. She was trying to put together an outfit for Kid’s birthday party in Vegas next week and wanted to hang out, so I told her I’d tag along before my dance class that evening. I dried off in the mirror, taking note of my pink eyes. I really needed to get some rest. I could swear I looked at least ten years older from being so tired.

I saw a white undershirt that Azmir must have tossed
onto the bench before his shower and I couldn’t resist. I grabbed it, held it up to my face and filled my lungs with the delicious fragrance of Azmir. Per usual, it was laced with his natural body oils, fabric softener and cologne—altogether a heady concoction. I had a not so hygienic inclination to wear Azmir’s worn undershirts. They were comfortable, sensual, and well fragrant. Whenever he was due to leave town, I found myself collecting enough for the duration of his time away to keep me feeling near to him in his absence. Tonight was one of those nights that he was home but I couldn’t resist.

When I walked out into the bedroom
, I found Azmir sitting on the coffee table in the sitting room looking over papers and watching the plasma television that hung on the wall above the fireplace. He was shirtless in only his basketball shorts and black ankle socks, no doubt partly engaged in his sports channels. He ran several channels at a time on one screen. I didn’t understand how he could concentrate on more than one at a time. As I walked over to him, he smiled with knitted eyebrows.

“What are you wearing?”

I ran my hands over the front of the T-shirt, slightly embarrassed. “You.”

“I don’t get it
,” he murmured when I reached down to peck his soft lips quickly and wetly.

“I have a nasty habit of wearing your used tees.” I smiled
, mildly embarrassed.

“Habit? This is news to me.”
He still looked confused. I plopped on the couch to the side of him stretching my legs on the coffee right behind him.

“That’s because I usually do it when you’re away.”

“Why tonight? And
why
the tees? What type of predilection is that?” he chuckled before diverting his eyes back to the television hearing something that beckoned his concentration. 

    I waited patiently for his attention to return to me. And when it
did he said, “I’m sorry. I thought I’d just heard something that would defy all sports ethics,” he shook his head slightly, brushing off the thought and then turned his body to me. “Well…?”

“Well…it’s arousing for one.” I giggled
pathetically. He chuckled in response. “And…I don’t know…it makes me feel closer to you.”

“Un-huhn…” H
e was bemused, but entertained me.

“It brings me peace…”

“Peace?” he squawked sarcastically with eyes wide and mouth opened.

“Yes, silly. It’s one of the nine fruits of the spirit. We’re learning them and tonight we discussed peace. God left us with the spirit of peace to comfort us in our times of need. We discussed that peace is a state of the mind and heart that you choose…something that has to be deliberate during hard times or inconvenient circumstances. Since the girls left I’ve been
meditating
on it trying to see ways that I can implement into my everyday life.”

“And wearing my
T-shirt—deliciously by the way—brings about peace? I should sell them in a bottle,” he teased all throatily.

“It brings a bit of peace to me, yes, but there’s something else that I should decide on, too
,” I added. He reached for the remote and muted the television giving me his full attention.

“Okay
…?” he spoke nervously.

“No. No bad news. These are all positive changes that I am undergoing to repair myself, Azmir
,” I tried to calm him.

“Hmmmm…okay.
” His face softened at that notion. “Well, what is it?”

“Well, here’s the thing…one of the biggest point
s of contention in our…friendship is the money spending thing…on me. The superfluity. You like to lavish me with considerably expensive things and for some reason that makes me uncomfortable. We’ve fought over this on numerous occasions and you’ve been adamant about wanting to do nice deeds for me and to take care of me. I still don’t think I need to be cared for in that manner but I don’t want to change you no more than I can stand for you to change me. I’m not used to all of this…your wealth and eagerness to tend to me. I’ve never had it, but clearly it’s here—smack-dap in my face, all 6 feet 4 inches of it that can’t be ignored.” I transitioned into a joke to lighten the moment.

“I
’m pretty sure he’s longer and stronger than 4 inches.” Azmir flashed a roguish smile that I couldn’t begrudge.

I gasped, “Azmir!”
though unable to hide my shameful blush. “We’re talking about holiness here. Don’t.”

With a more serious and straight
ened face he nodded in agreement.

“Anyway, I will no longer reprove of your
supererogatory ways—” he cut me off. 

“
Supererogatory? You always make it take on a negative connotation.”

“No…no! It’s not negative at all.” I sighed. I didn’t mean for this to
morph into such a serious conversation. “Can I be completely honest for a second?”

“I hope you would. That’s all I ever want to be with you.” Azmir’s eyes were intent and he was trying to take in this deep conversation.

“I think the reason I’ve given you so much grief over it is because I feel like I can’t reciprocate. I don’t have the means to
play
on your level and quite frankly, I don’t know how to make myself useful in your world.” I raised my hands in the air. “Please don’t try to placate my insecurities by explaining your feelings for me. It’s useless and unfair to do on the spot. More than that, I feel like it’s something that I have to figure out on my own
before I screw this up
,” I choked on my last few words, but caught my tears before they pooled in my eyes.

Azmir sat there speechless but evidently still in the moment with me. I managed a little chuckle to put him at ease. He eventually grabbed my hands and kissed them gently. I smiled at his loving gesture.

Breaking the moment, I rose to my feet and exhaled. “Now, it’s time for me to hit the sack. I’ve been dreaming about your cozy, tempered, firm, and snuggly bed all day. I must go meet with it.” I laughed.

“Our bed, Ms. Brimm. You said you’re on the path of peace and it starts with accepting me and all that co
mes with me. I’m yours and so is the bed.” His voice was solemn and commanding. I so wish that I was ready to receive that. I reached down and kissed him on the lips. I didn’t want an emotional brawl, it was late and I was too exhausted.

En route to the bed portion of the grand room he said, “This
so
didn’t end the way that I thought it would.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought I was going to get a verbal lashing about coming home too soon and blowing your
shacking
cover,” Azmir admitted while organizing his papers and laying them at the opposite end of the coffee table so that he could sit on the couch and put his feet up.

“Oh, I haven’t forgotten about your monumental mishap. You’re so busted! You forgot they would be over. Didn’t you?”

He raised his arm in the air giving me that coochie creaming smile.

“Oh, and there it is!
” I pointed my index finger towards his face. “Did you really have to flash those teeth and bat those lashes at them? You weren’t playing fair. You were supposed to slip in and out of their view if anything,” I fussed.

“I thought I did. Hey…I’m not use
d to us having company. I was caught off guard, too!” he played affronted.

“You knew what you were doing when you saw them at your feet sa
livating, willing to lick the tips of your shoes. I don’t know how I’m going face them until this dies down.” I massaged my temples.

He shrugged his shoulders apologetically trying to hide his smile.

“Thanks, Mr. Jacobs!” I hissed and turned on my heels toward the bed.

He called out, “No, seriously…are you going to be okay if it gets back to your pastor? I thought you said he knew we cohabitated.”

It was sweet of him to be so concerned about my spiritual developments as well as my religious concerns considering he was of a different faith. Azmir never made light of the restrictions and rules that came along with the Christian walk that I was pursuing. I knew deep down inside he feared me moving out or pulling back on sex, but I hadn’t arrived at a place where I felt the need to address those issues. I had found a spiritual leader who said he wanted to start repairing my heart to make room for God and that God would urge me to transform in ways that regarded my lifestyle. And for that I was relieved and felt compelled to stay on this therapeutic passage.

“He does. It’s just that I don’t feel the need to give people too close a view into my life. I like our solitude.
Our bubble. It’s been my refuge.”

He smiled
contently, “It’s been working for me, too.”

I walked off,
crossing the suite, peeled back the sheets and climbed into bed feeling the cool firmness that yielded to my curves.

Ahhhhhhhh!

The following afternoon I was out shopping with Chanell and she was sure not to disappoint with the gossip. She told me how Kim had just learned that Petey had a twenty-three year old lover, a Mexican PYT—
pretty young thang
as she termed it—that he'd paid for to go to school.
Whoa!

She also mentioned how Kid's oldest daughter
, by a woman he had cheated on Syn with when he was eighteen, had entered into college this fall and that Kid bought her a baby Beamer, much to Syn's dismay. I guess the lavish gift was warranted seeing that she was a sixteen-year-old whiz kid who was entering into college two years early. Apparently, Syn never forgave Kid for stepping out on her so long ago and has deeply resented this young girl. 

“
Yeah, but Syn can't be mad because Quadasia caught a full ride to USC because she smart as hell!” Chanell exclaimed, smacking food in her mouth.

“
Quadasia?” I asked as we sat in the food court eating lunch.

Chanell downed a tempting looking cheese
-steak while I had a paltry salad. I was pissed that I had a dance event coming up and needed to lose a couple of pounds to fit into my costume perfectly. I'd have much preferred eating what she had. Since being with Azmir I'd rarely had the opportunity to eat sinfully, though there was no doubt that I ate well either.

“
Oh, that's his daughter's name. You know Kid's government name is Quadir, right? That bitch, Heather, wanted to stick it to Syn ass bad as a muthafucka and named his first seed after him.”

“
Didn't know that.”

There was never a dull story leaked from Chanell. She was honestly a sweet girl who valued my friendship for reasons beyond who I was in Azmir's life
. And I had to admit that her prattler ways had its benefits, even if they were reduced to this mindless hood bulletin.

“
So how old will Kid be?” I asked.

“
The big three-five! And I can't believe he that old. I remember when his ass used to beg for dry pussy. Word up!” she nodded her head. “Shit! That reminds me that I gotta call the strippers for Friday.”

“
Strippers?” I asked as she went for her phone.

“
Yeah. Petey got his hands full wit' that jumpoff shit wit' Kim so he asked me to book the strippers for Friday in a suite in the hotel we staying.” She pulled out a small piece of paper that I'd soon realize was the number of the
Tip Down Drills
for the strippers. “You know ‘dem dudes love ‘dem sum fuckin’ strippers. They like to bring ‘dem to their room instead of going to the clubs cuz’ sum of ‘dem mufucka's wanna fuck. I be in there buggin’ the fuck out at ‘dem drooling’ ass fuckas!" 

All types of alarms
went off in my head. Azmir hadn’t mentioned Kid’s birthday bash to me. I knew he was leaving again for business tomorrow, but was due back on Thursday. 

“
So the ladies are invited to these birthday bashes?” I tried so bad to downplay my hard pressed curiosity and rising anger.