Love Unscripted (61 page)

I thought about how I would do that. I certainly wouldn’t ask him for their numbers; that would ruin any possible surprise. I’d have to be sneaky.

“
I thought he was coming home for Thanksgiving or did that change?” Ellen asked.

“
I’m sorry. I don’t know. He didn’t say anything to me.” My words cast other thoughts through my head.

“
That’s when he always gets together with the boys. Every year they drive to Potter County to go deer hunting.”

I thought about last Thanksgiving and feeling like an oddball at Pete and Tammy’s table. I was glad that they convinced me to come over; I had thanked them but declined several times until Thomas ditched me at the last minute.

Thanksgiving was always a big production for my mother. She’d make a huge turkey and all the fixings. All the relatives would gather and we’d eat too much.

As we grew older, my cousins had families of their own and everyone scattered in their separate directions. After my parents passed and I turned down one too many invitations, my phone stopped ringing at the holidays. Large family get-togethers seemed to be a thing of the past.

Ryan had not mentioned his Thanksgiving plans to me, but I had hoped or more accurately assumed that we would be together, especially after the conversation I just had with his mother. If not, I’d be alone once again.

Maybe Ryan would want to spend the holiday alone with his family and then the rest of his free time with his friends hunting instead? Thanksgiving I could deal with, but another Christmas by myself… that would be painful.

Last year Thomas conveniently picked a fight with me two weeks before Christmas and we temporarily broke up. I still think it was because he didn’t want to have to buy me a gift.

My mind was wandering when my eyes noticed an old Gibson acoustic guitar tucked away in the back corner of the antique shop. I picked it up and gave it a strum; it had a great sound. I handed the cashier my bank card and five hundred and ninety dollars later, walked out with Ryan’s birthday present.

After a full day of roaming through stores, we both had our fill of shopping. I turned the car in the direction of the cabin. Ryan and his father were busy doing something by the edge of the lake.

“
What are you up to?” I asked. Ryan was squatting down and had a big boning knife in his hand. He was gutting a fish.

“
Look at this bass! I couldn’t throw this one back, Honey. Taryn - supper. Supper – Taryn.” He was trying to be funny with the poor fish’s dismembered head.

“
We should cook that outside on the fire pit.” I pointed in the direction. “Good job, man!” I said with my playful cavewoman voice. I gave him a congratulatory squeeze on his shoulders.

“
Man catch fish for woman!” he stated proudly.

I started a fire in the large, circular fire pit and sat down in one of the wooden chairs that surrounded it. The sun was starting to set and the fire felt nice and warm on my hands. Ryan put the metal grate over the hot coals and soon his catch of the day was cooking.

“
Taryn, how much property does your family own here?” Ryan asked.

“
I think it’s almost three acres. Why?”

“
Who owns that property over there? There’s nothing but a little shack house on it.” Ryan pointed to the east side of the lake.

“
I don’t know. I’ve never seen anyone there. Deeds are public records; I’m sure it would be easy to find out.”

“
I love this lake,” he said, the tone of adoration was evident. “I spent all day out there designing a house in my head.”

He looked over to me. “Tell me, if you could pick a place, where would you want to live?”

“
I don’t know, but by a lake sounds perfect,” I answered truthfully.

“
I wonder if I could buy that land over there?” Ryan pointed. “What?” he questioned my stare.

I was surprised by his comment. “I just assumed you would want to live closer to your parents; somewhere in Pennsylvania.”

“
How’s the fish doing?” Bill asked, taking the seat next to me.

“
It’s cooking, Dad.” Ryan pushed the tin foil pack closer to the center. He was not going to be distracted from his train of thought.

“
Honey, it doesn’t matter to me. As long as I’m close to an airport I can live anywhere, but I’m not going any further west than Pittsburgh. What these people pay for homes in California is crazy. I could build a ten thousand square foot house here for the same amount of what you’d pay for a one bedroom apartment in L.A.”

“
Ryan, are you planning on coming home for Thanksgiving?” Ellen interrupted.

“
I was planning on it," he answered, turning his attention to her. “I want Taryn to meet Nick and Janelle, and I want to take her to Mellon Arena for a hockey game. I have to ask David to check on game dates and tickets.”

Ryan looked back at me, resuming our original conversation. “The only decision you need to make is what to do with the bar. If you still want to manage it too, then we have to live closer to the coast.”

“
Pull that back to the edge, Son. It’s going to burn there,” Bill instructed.

While Ryan was distracted, I stood up from my chair.

“
Excuse me, please,” I murmured. I pulled my car keys out of my coat pocket as I crossed the lawn.

Ryan trotted up behind me. “Tar, what’s up? Are you going somewhere?”

Part of me wanted to get the guitar out of the car; the other part did not want to have to think about selling the bar in order to keep a boyfriend. “No. I’m not going anywhere,” I muttered.

“
I thought maybe I upset you. Did I?” He took hold of my arm, stopping me from taking the next five steps that would put me at my car door.

“
No. I’m not upset. I’m…” I sighed. “I’m not really ready to make those kinds of decisions, Ryan.”

“
I understand. I’m sorry. I know… I’m rushing you.”

“
Yeah, a little,” I whispered. “I need some processing time. I thought we’d stay in the apartment a while longer. You know, start there.” Frustration coated my words. I think I even huffed. I felt like everything was in fast-forward and at any moment, the proverbial carpet would get yanked out from underneath my feet.

Ryan looked conflicted by my reaction. “Come on, let’s go for a walk.”

He took me by the hand and led me towards the dock. We sat down on the long bench in the shadow of the cabin lights.

“
Taryn, since I’ve met you, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future.” He scratched his forehead before looking me in the eyes again. “I can’t help it.”

Ryan picked up my hand and twined our fingers together.

“
When I was out there on the lake today, all I could think about was building a house right over there in that clearing. I could see it all in my head. A big log sided home with a private gated entrance. A boat dock over there jutting out on the water. A small boat house to keep a boat in.

“
But all those thoughts
include you
. I’m not thinking about me anymore, I’m thinking about us. And maybe I’m rushing those thoughts, but I know what I want.

“
I understand if you’re not ready for all of that just yet, but I want to know if you can picture it too. Is that something you want?”

I looked in his eyes when I spoke. “Yes, very much so.”

He let out a big sigh and smiled. “That’s good to know. Then
we’re
on the same page.

“
But… last night when we were talking out on the beach, you sort of clammed up on me,” he sighed. “Before we go on… well, I just want to make sure that we want the same things.”

“
I’m pretty sure we do,” I said softly.

“
Then why did you get distant on me last night?”

I thought about what his mother said to me this afternoon. I had to stop fearing that he’d run away if I talked about my feelings openly with him.

Ryan squeezed my hand to get my attention.

I took a deep breath and looked at him.

“
Ryan, I’ve heard the words ‘I love you’ before, and every time I believed them they just turned out to be nothing more than words. I need more time to know that I can rely on you when you tell me you love me. I haven’t had the best of luck in relationships.”

“
Me neither,” he interjected.

“
Then why are we rushing it?”

Ryan stared down at his feet, rubbing his sneaker over the knot in the wooden plank. He pursed his lips and shrugged.

“
I don’t know,” he muttered. “I guess I’m just ready to get on with the next chapter of my life. I’ve been living like a nomad for the last two years. It’s really starting to get to me.”

I knew he was lonely and terribly isolated by this sudden, overwhelming fame. I had been surviving in loneliness for months myself.

“
Last night you said some things.” I wiggled uncomfortably on the bench, measuring my words. “I need to know that it’s truly
me
that you want, and not just the idea of a life with
someone like me
that’s driving you.”

Ryan rolled his gaze back to me. He stared at my face for a moment before he spoke. I felt as if I was missing some obvious point.

“
Taryn, it
is
you that I want!” He laughed lightly, like I was being silly again. “
You
are the reason I’m even thinking about all of these things! I just want to be sure that
we
are heading in the same direction, that’s all.”

I thought about several different directions we could actually head to. I didn’t want to assume.

“
Well, since you’ve mentioned words like
married
before, I guess I don’t need to feel frightened to bring it up.”

“
No, you don’t,” he confirmed gently.

“
Children?”

“
That too,” he said with a soft smile.

“
If those are the things that you want too, then I’d say we are heading in the same direction.” I looked him in the eyes.

Ryan nodded.

“
Then let’s just let it grow naturally,” I softly pleaded.

“
Okay,” he whispered, agreeing with me.

A light breeze blew across the water, sending a chill through my body. I shuddered, wishing we were sitting in front of the fire pit having this conversation.

“
Are you cold?” Ryan asked, wrapping his arm around me. He rubbed my arm to warm me.

My teeth chattered together as I sniffed in some chilly air. “Just a little.”

Ryan was still deep in thought. His brow was furrowed - a telltale sign that he was mulling over something. I snuggled deeper into his hug and waited.

“
I’ve been thinking about what you said,” he answered my glance. “I know it’s easy to toss the phrase ‘I love you’ around. I’ve said that line out loud a couple of times myself.” He twined our fingers together again.

“
And I’m sure girls have said the same to you,” I said.

“
Yeah.” His eyes brightened and he laughed lightly. “Can I tell you something? Promise me you won’t laugh.”

I crossed my heart with my fingers. “I promise.”

“
You know that first night when we stayed together here in the cabin? As sick as we were, there was no place on Earth I would have rather been than here with you.”

I smiled at his statement. “I’d say we got to know each other on very intimate levels that night!”

“
I know! But it made me realize something… it made me realize how comfortable I am with you. And then that first night I stayed with you in your bed, when I woke up in the morning holding you I thought, ‘this is the woman I want to wake up to for the rest of my life.’ I knew that before I even kissed you for the first time.

“
Every time I get angry or upset, you have this magical way of bringing me back to Earth. I don’t know how you do it, but somehow you manage to keep me sane.”

“
You do the same for me, you know,” I added.

“
That’s good to know!” He shot me his sexy smirk.

Ryan lifted my hand to his lips. “So when I say those words to you,
that
is what I truly mean. You need to realize that who you are, right now, is exactly what I want and need.”

My heart never felt so full. I looked into his eyes. “No fair… you stole all of my lines!”

“
Ryan, Taryn. Dinner is ready.” His mother shouted from the deck.

Ryan looked at me. I shook my head quickly; I wasn’t finished with our conversation.

“
Start without us,” Ryan yelled back.

“
So what else is on your mind?” he asked.

I stared up at the stars, watching the flashing lights of an airplane as it passed through the nighttime sky. It was a good distraction while my mind sorted through the various insecurities that have been plaguing me lately. I was unsure if any of them were conversations I wanted to get into right now.

He squeezed me again. “If my memory serves me correctly, it was right after I mentioned filming
Slipknot
when you shut down on me last night.”