Lovely (35 page)

Finally, at seven o’clock, more than nine hours after Colt’s surgery began, Dr. Stanley shows up in the waiting room. We all rush over to him at once.

He rubs his hands together, sincerity in his deep-set eyes. “Everything went well. We managed to remove the tumor. It was small in diameter but in a difficult to reach area of the brain. We still don’t yet know if there are any other ramifications. We’ll have to wait until he wakes up. But he’s alive, and he’s holding his own.”

Five huge sighs of relief leave us all at once. Mom and Delilah start crying and Cara’s eyes are welling up, too.

“We’re going to be bringing him to the ICU in a little while. You’ll be able to see him shortly, although he’ll be asleep from the anesthesia.” He scratches the back of his head, resting his hand there. “The nurse will be in to let you know.”

Mom lunges at Dr. Stanley, hugging him tightly, catching him off guard. “Thank you for saving his life,” she says with gratitude.

Dr. Stanley smiles. “Your son is strong and healthy; that’s a huge advantage when it comes to this type of surgery.”

As soon as the doctor walks away, Mom engulfs me in her arms, no longer stiff, as sobs of relief surge from her chest. Colt made it this far and I can’t wait to see his eyes open and talk to him again.

Cara embraces me next, her dainty arms tighten around my waist. “He’s gonna be okay, Ash,” she whispers.

My lips make their way to her ear and I hold her close. “I wouldn’t have been able to get through this without you.”

She pulls back and her loving eyes caress mine. She doesn’t need to say anything. I see everything in her eyes … and it’s all for me.

Sixty minutes later, Nadine comes in, her brown eyes dull, her hair a pile of messy waves on top of her head. “Colt’s in the ICU now and you can see him. I was able to get them to allow three of you in at a time, but no more.”

We travel in the elevator up to the Intensive Care Unit. Mom, Delilah and I go in, while Cara and Jason stay in the waiting area. I’m completely unprepared for what I see when I walk in. It doesn’t even look like my brother, only a former shell of himself. His skin is sallow, his body frail. He’s lying lifeless in the bed, a bandage wrapped around his head, his eyes closed. There’s an IV taped to his hand and tubes everywhere; in his mouth, his nose and near his ankle, with some sort of a drain near his head. My legs collapse almost instantly and Mom has to hold me up. My chest physically aches seeing Colt so helpless. It’s so opposite of who he is. Mom walks over to one side of the bed and I follow Delilah to the other side.

I pick up Colt’s limp hand and grasp it tightly. “Hey, baby brother. You made it. We’re all here, just waiting for you to wake up. Take your time, though. We’re not going anywhere.” I lean in and kiss him on the forehead, just below his bandage.

Delilah reaches around me to grab the bed railing and places a gentle kiss on his cheek, a tear rolling down her own, whispering, “unstoppable.”

I back up quickly and take a seat on a chair while Mom and Delilah stay next to his bed. I let my head fall in my hands. A wave of exhaustion rips through me, the emotional drain of this whole experience crashing down on me all at once, leaving me completely spent.

Thirty minutes later, one of the ICU nurses comes in and asks that we exit the room for a few minutes so she can check his vitals and remove his breathing tube. Mom doesn’t want to leave his side and the nurse nearly has to push her out behind the glass doors.

After several more minutes of waiting, which seems like all we’ve been doing since we got here, she ushers us back in to the room indicating that all of his vital signs look good, prompting more sighs of relief and a half-hearted smile from Mom.

Another sixty minutes pass and just as I’m about to go find Cara in the waiting room, I see Colt stirring and we instantly bolt over to his side. His eyelids are fluttering and they open slowly to eyes I don’t recognize—glossy, bloodshot, and glazed over. He slowly turns his head to where I’m standing and it appears he’s trying to say something but I can’t make out what it is.

“I can’t hear you, bro. Just rest, you can talk later,” I assure him, patting his hand.

With that, his eyes close and he drifts back to sleep.

I walk out to the waiting area and leave Delilah and Mom with Colt. Jason and Cara are sitting together chatting when I walk in.

Cara immediately gets up when she sees me. “How is he, Ash?”

“He’s sleeping right now. He tried to open his eyes for a minute but he fell back to sleep.”

“Can I go in?” Jason asks, shoving his hands in his pockets with an anxious smile.

“Sure, Jason, go on.”

“Thanks, man.” He pats me on the shoulder and rushes down the hall.

Cara threads her fingers through mine and leads me to a chair. “You okay?”

I tuck a few curls behind her ear. “It was so hard to see him like that. He’s got tubes everywhere and he looks so helpless … but he’s alive.”

She touches my face and I feel it in my heart. “Yes, he is.”

Mom walks in thirty minutes later. Her hair looks as though she’s been trying to pull it out, her clothes are wrinkled, and her eyes are inflamed. “He’s awake. The doctors came in and checked him and everything looks good. They’re going to monitor him overnight in the ICU and then in the morning he’ll go to a regular room. Come on.”

The first thing I see when I walk into Colt’s room is Jason hugging Delilah, which, for the first time, doesn’t bother me. Colt’s alive, and that’s the only thing that’s important right now. I inhale a deep breath and walk over to my brother. I curl my hand around his wrist. “Hey, man. Am I happy to see
you
.”

Colt eyebrows pull in and his eyes lock with mine. “Who are you?”

The smile falls from my face and I look over at Mom.
Oh my God. He doesn’t remember me
.

He stares at me again. “Oh yeah, you’re Ash, right?” he says hoarsely with a lopsided smile.

I shake my head with disgust.
Asshat.
“I’m glad to see you haven’t lost your sense of humor.”

Colt’s coming home from the hospital today after six days. The house hasn’t been the same without his smartass remarks, his rebellion … his general zest for life. For the first time since this whole ordeal, my chest doesn’t ache and my breathing is steady.
He’s coming home
.

Mom went to pick him up, while Delilah, Jason, Cara and I stayed behind to prepare a welcome home celebration. Cara and Delilah are hanging colorful balloons everywhere and I finished baking his favorite chocolate cake while Jason ordered the pizzas. Now, all we need is my kickass brother.

Cara ties the last of the balloons to a curtain hook and comes over to stand beside me. “I’d say we have a lot of life in here. What do you think?” She glances around the room with a happy smile, bunches of balloons in all colors of the rainbow hanging on the railing to the stairs, on both sides of the curtains, and in the archway to the kitchen. There are ten balloons tied together and weighted down on the dining room table by a glass jar filled with Bazooka gum. Cara and Delilah made handwritten “Welcome Home” posters and placed one over the fireplace and another on the wall opposite the bay window.

I settle my arms around her shoulders. “Yes, I feel life … everywhere.” Leaning in, I whisper, “we’re gonna have our own private celebration of life later.” I nip her earlobe and she yelps, drawing the attention of Delilah, who just rolls her eyes and laughs.

We hear two car doors slam. Delilah screams, “They’re here! Okay, everyone hide behind the balloons!”

We scramble around like hiding is a big deal and Colt has no idea we’re all here waiting for him. Regardless, I pull Cara with me and we duck behind a curtain panel. The lock on the door clicks and after a minute we all jump out.

“Surprise!”

I still can’t get used to seeing Colt with a bald head. He looks so much older … and so very tired. Even though he needs further radiation, I push the thought away because none of it matters now. He’s alive and that’s the only thing that’s important.

“What the he—” He spies the glint of excitement on our faces and smiles with appreciation. “I mean, this is awesome!”

I go over and hug the shit out of him. “Welcome home, bro. We missed you.”

Colt embraces me and I feel all the tension leave his body, replaced with relief. After several seconds, he pushes away, but I see tears in his eyes. “Okay, enough of this mushy crap. Let’s party!”

Delilah turns on some music while Cara and Mom prance to the kitchen and sort out the food. I hear giggling and look over in the corner to find Delilah and Jason all over one another, their arms and lips tangled. It seems it’s time for me to have a talk with my baby sister.

Colt makes his way over to the two of them first. “Break it up, break it up. I need to talk to Jason for a minute.”

Perfect
. I waggle my finger at Delilah. “Delilah, can I talk to you for a sec?”

She skips over, a big smile covering her cheeks, and puts her arm around my waist. “What’s up, big brother?”

I might as well get straight to the point. “What’s going on with you and Jason?”

She freezes and her eyes dart around the room. “Um … well …”

My lips flatten. “Don’t ‘um’ me, Delilah. You guys have been going behind my back. You know how I feel about the two of you.”

She backs away, one hand on her hip, glaring at me. “Ash. I love you, you know that, but you’re my
brother
—not my father, not my mother. Jason and I are none of your business. I’m a big girl and this is my life, and right now, I’m choosing to make Jason a part of it. Besides …” her features soften and her eyes shimmer, “he’s a really good guy and I care about him.”

I draw in a breath and let it out slowly. “Yes, I know he is … I’m just worried about you getting hurt.”
And maybe I’m also afraid I’ll lose my best friend if things don’t work out.

She walks closer to me and kisses my cheek. “I know, and I appreciate it, but I can take care of myself. I mean, isn’t it better I’m with someone you know and respect than some stranger you loathe?”

I chuckle, thinking about all the wise women in my life. “Gee, when you put it that way, baby girl …”

She rises on her tippy toes and gives me another kiss. “I knew you’d see things my way,” she says, bouncing away, happy to be right back with Jason.

I shake my head and grin when I look over and notice Colt hugging Jason. That makes me smile, too.

By seven o’clock, after hours of sucking down pizza and chocolate cake and doing something that might qualify as dancing, we’re all exhausted.

Colt stands up from his chair. “I’m gonna head up and go to bed,” he says, clearing his throat. “I just wanted to say thank you to you guys for coming to the hospital, for the party, for …” he trails off, tears pricking his eyes, “for everything.”

One by one, we all take turns hugging him. I go last. I wrap my bicep around him and pull him close. “I love you, Colt. I’m so thankful you made it.”

He hugs me back, harder than I’ve ever felt him hug me before. I’ve never been more grateful.

I watch him walk up the stairs and disappear, turning around in time to see Cara coming out of the kitchen holding a purple balloon that she releases when she sees me. I encircle her wrist. “Where are you going?”

She flashes me a wink. “I’ll be right back. I’m just going to the bathroom.”

I like that wink
.

I guess I’m going to the bathroom, too. I follow her down the stairs and just as she’s about to close the door, I scoot inside.

She squeaks in surprise. “Ash, what are you doing?”

Pushing her curls away from her face, I place my hands on the nape of her neck, strumming my finger over her flesh. “I need a kiss.”

Her cheeks flush and she shivers, goosebumps flaring up on her skin. I love the effect my touch has on her. “Just one kiss,” she says.

“One.” I smirk.

I tilt my head to the side and rub my nose against hers before covering her mouth with mine. She opens and I suck her tongue into my mouth, biting softly, prompting a tiny moan to stray from her lips.
I need to be alone with her
.

“Come on, it’s time to go,” I say with a mixture of lust and love in my eyes.

“Ash, I really do have to go to the bathroom,” she whines.

I back her up flush against the door, my erection pressing into her. “Oh yeah … okay, well, hurry up.” I whisper, blowing in her ear. “I need you,” I say, trailing kisses down her neck.

“Ash,” she responds with a breathy whimper, pushing up against me, “I need to be quick now.”

“I’ll be waiting.” My voice is husky and I plant a quick kiss on her lips before shutting the door behind me.

I seek out Mom in the living room and stride over to her, thrilled to see the yellow specks in the green of her eyes finally showing signs of life. “Mom, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“What’s up, sweetie?”

“I wanted to let you know that I can take Colt to his radiation treatments. I don’t want you to have to worry about it.”

Mom raises her hands to my face and holds me, staring deep into my eyes. “I don’t want you to shoulder this responsibility, Ash. You’ve done so much for so long; I know in many ways you felt you had to, and I’ve let you, which was my mistake … But now I want you to do for you, Ash. I’ll take care of Colt, and Delilah, for that matter. Go take care of Cara.”