Lovely Shadows (6 page)

How helpful, Aidan thought at the time. So, he was supposed to wander around earth until he figured out what he was supposed to do. How enlightening.

Now Aidan was glad to finally be getting somewhere with this mission. They had a list, they had possibilities, they had each other.

Death was good.

Aidan, after discovering Levi was not a part of Jessa's night, accompanied her to Billie's. He hovered around in the background while the girls discussed Billie's date with Luke. Aidan still couldn't fathom why Jessa endorsed this endeavor. If any of his friends tried to date his sister he'd kicked their ass. Then again, he was a brother—his protective nature was strong. Jessa probably felt the same way. She wanted to see her brother and her best friend happy, so why shouldn't they be happy together? Just another mystery of the differences between men and women.

Billie obsessed over her clothes and hair. She worried about saying something stupid. Behind her back, Aidan made a swirling motion around his ear with his finger. Jessa covered her mouth to hide her laughter. Billie didn't notice. She continued to ramble endlessly about how cute Luke was and how she never knew he liked her. Aidan rolled his eyes. Even he knew about Luke's crush. Of course, ghost were privy to all kinds of things mere mortals couldn't access—like hidden journals or late-night phone conversations with parents in other countries.

As always, Jessa reassured Billie that everything would be perfect. Aidan didn't share her optimism. Dirt-biking for a first date? This date was just screaming for a trip to the emergency room. Aidan shook his head. What ever happened to a good old-fashioned trip the movies? His last date had taken place at an arcade. Nothing but fun, no time for the chitchat or awkwardness that inevitably occupies much of the time.

Somewhere in the midst of his brooding, the conversation switched to a more painful topic. Ugh! The last thing he felt like doing was hearing about the farm boy. Jessa looked uncomfortable herself. Interesting. Aidan slipped down on the floor next to her and waited.

Billie huffed impatiently.

“So you love him, and he loves you?”

“Right,” Jessa confirmed.

“Then what is the big deal? I say, why not?”

Because she's not you, Aidan thought.

Jessa sighed, twirling a strand of her inky-black hair around her finger.

“Because I don't need to have sex to be happy with him,” she explained. “We've done the friendship thing; we went on the clumsy first dates. Now we're past all that; everything feels more serious. Just because I love him doesn't mean I need to fall in bed with him right this second.”

Aidan gave her a mental high-five.

Billie didn't look convinced. “I'm totally confused.”

Jessa gritted her teeth but her voice was calm when she spoke.

“I have my whole life to sleep with Levi. You and I both know that no matter how much protection we use, pregnancy is still an option. I am not ready to deal with those consequences.”

“The fear of pregnancy is holding you back?”

“Are you going to sleep with Luke the second he tells you he loves you?”

Billie shrugged. “Who knows?”

Aidan couldn't believe how dense this girl was. Seriously, sleeping with a guy just because he said he loved you was the oldest trick in the book. Aidan knew several of his former male classmates that told girls they loved them just for the chance of a booty call. Aidan himself never pulled such a slimy trick. His sisters and mother would have killed him.

“This is ridiculous,” Aidan muttered. Jessa gave him a sharp look.

“What?” Billie asked, looking at Aidan. For a brief second, he thought she saw him.

“What?” Jessa echoed.

Billie shook her head. “You just gave a dirty look to thin air.”

“Would you rather I give you a dirty look?”

“No.”

Thankfully, Jessa left a short time later, with Aidan drifting along next to her.

“How can you stand her?” he asked once they were on the road.

“Years of practice. I love her dearly, even if I don't always agree with her.”

“You're a saint.”

Jessa laughed as she turned up the radio. Warm air blew through the open windows. Aidan, glad to feel the breeze, even if he couldn't find comfort in its warmth, hung his head out the window like a dog. His thick shaggy hair blew back from his face, the wind caressing his skin like his mother used to do when he was a child. Moments like these brought him home, a place to which he could never return. He hoped when he finally crossed over he wouldn't lose his memories.

The house was empty. Jessa grabbed an apple and a glass of juice from the kitchen before retiring to her room for the night. Aidan watched as she changed clothes then curled up on her bed. She snuggled as close to him as she could without touching him.

“Um...” he suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“Did I make you blush?”

“Yeah.” He felt like an idiot.

“Look, you're not exactly the most...normal guy. It isn't like you can jump me or whatever.”

“No, I can't.”

“You're sad about that?”

“I'm sad that I'll never be able to kiss anyone again, or hold their hand, or feel them in my arms. Listening to you talk about Levi made me feel vulnerable I guess.”

“I'm so sorry. I guess I didn't think...”

“It's okay,” he interrupted, “I know.”

The truth was she had no idea.

5.

The more time I spent with Aidan, the more I could see him. From the sharp contours of his face to the golden flecks in his eyes to the slight bump of his nose, every single feature was more clear. Whether he was projecting or not I wasn't sure; what I did know was that he wasn't quite a stranger anymore. And I couldn't deny how beautiful he really was.

We were no closer to solving the mystery of his death. Honestly, I didn't believe he was actually murdered. To me, the evidence was circumstantial at best. Still, I humored him with my lists. Plus, I had nothing else to do. Levi spent sunup to sundown in the fields. Billie helped with her mother's daycare until noon so really, I was on my own. Aidan provided much-needed companionship for the morning.

As Aidan became more real to me, my attraction to him grew. Odd, especially since I was most certainly head-over-heels for Levi. Most of my dreams were about him. The feel of his hair between my fingers; the lightness of his lips against my throat; the way his legs tangled with mine—each memory was vivid as if it was still happening. I longed for the next date when we could be alone again. Billie's incessant sex talk struck a nerve. I couldn't understand why my virginity was so important to her. It made me nervous for Luke. Yeah, he was sixteen, and completely capable of making his own choices. Still, something nagged me about the whole situation. I didn't want Luke or Billie doing something dumb, especially on their first date.

Tuesday night Luke anxiously paced around the living room, cracking his knuckles. I gave up trying to help him calm down. Each minute the clock counted down towards six ratcheted up his nerves. Grandpa sat in the recliner, watching a rerun of
Law and Order
. Grandpa normally hated TV but he loved that show. He watched the reruns for a few hours whenever he could, then he would watch the newest episodes at nine. Sometimes I joined him, sometimes I avoided him. Before becoming a minister, Grandpa considered a career in law. He found his true “calling” before applying to Harvard. He packed up his law books and entered the seminary. However, the lawyer in him always came out during the courtroom scenes. He could get riled up like I've never seen him, even on the pulpit.

Aidan opted to haunt the attic, for which I was grateful. With him out of sight, it was much easier to focus on Luke. Billie planned to ride her dirt bike down the trail that led from her house to ours. Luke would meet her then they were going to Dairy World. I thought it was a cute first date, but Luke acted like he was dating the Queen.

“Lucas, if you must pace please do it outside or in a different room,” Grandpa huffed. Luke obliged, shuffling out of the room. I followed him to the back porch and sat down next to him. Words weren't going to help him so I rubbed his head like Mom used to when we were kids.

“What if she doesn't come?” he asked in a rush.

“She isn't going to stand you up, Luke. She is looking forward to this just as much as you are.”

“I doubt it.” He scanned the back field for signs of life. Only a lone deer scampered through the tall grass.

I sighed. “I talked to her last night. She really likes you, okay? Finding out you like her was a surprise. I think you and Billie are perfect for each other.”

“Do you think so?” He cracked his knuckles again.

I covered his hand with mine. “I wouldn't say it if I didn't believe it. Just take your time. There is no need to rush
anything
.”

He gave me a questioning look but didn't comment.

Billie arrived right at six. Somehow, even in her biking garb, she managed to look stunning. Luke complimented her, causing her to blush which made him blush. I rolled my eyes. Billie never blushed when guys complimented her. Compliments were expected.

I watched them disappear down the path that went up the small rise that led down to the Kyle farm. The sounds of the roaring motors faded into the wind. My cellphone buzzed in my pocket. Without even looking at the number I said, “Where and what time?”

Levi laughed. “Miss me do you?”

“It's been three days,” I pouted.

“Well, the wait is over. Mom and Dad are back so we can't hang here. Any suggestions?”

“Actually, no, not off the top of my head. Luke and Billie are at Dairy World...”

“Together?” he interrupted.

“Yes, on a date. I set them up.”

He paused. “Um, why?”

“Because he's my brother and she's my best friend. I want to see them happy, so I figure they could be happy together. Besides, Luke has crushed on Billie for years. Apparently, she likes him too.”

“Right. Somehow, I just don't see it. Anyway, we could go to ReelTime.”

“Nothing is playing. I already checked.”

“Who said we had to watch the movie?”

“Pick me up in a half-hour.”

I ran up to my room, taking the stairs two at a time. Aidan stood at my window, staring pensively out at the street.

“Are you okay?” I asked, yanking my shirt over my head and tossing it on the floor. I wasn't going to waste time being proper in front of a ghost.

“Just thinking.”

“About?” I pulled a black button-down shirt off the hanger and quickly slipped my arms through the short sleeves.

“Nothing. Going out?”

“Yeah. Levi and I are going to the movies. Want to come?”

He snickered. “No thanks.”

“What? Do you have a problem with him or something?”

“I don't know the guy. I just hated playing third wheel when I was alive. I don't need to relive the experience in death.”

His attitude towards his mortality still caught me off-guard. Of course, he had three months to adjust to the fact. Only five days had passed since our confrontation. I laughed.

“What?” Now he smiled.

“Do you realize that today is Tuesday? Friday we talked for the first time.”

“Best day of my life.”

I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

“I have to admit—it wasn't too shabby for me either. Are you sure you don't want to come tonight? I promise not to suck face in front of you.”

He winced then shook his head. “I'll be fine.”

Slowly he walked across the room and finished buttoning my shirt. His hand lingered longer than necessary against my throat. I should have smacked him but I was memorized by him. Strong and gentle, I saw him as clear as day. Without thinking about it I touched his face. His cheek was cool and smooth against my skin. His eyes widened in wonder. When was the last time he actually felt the touch of another person? Before his death? After? Had he ever touched me in me sleep? I had vague, half-awake memories of swatting at something that brushed my hair one night. Could it have been Aidan?

“You look good, kid,” he complimented lightly.

“Thanks.” I felt dizzy.

The compulsion to kiss him took me by surprise. Throwing my arms around his neck, I pushed my lips so hard against his they felt bruised. His hands, tangled in my hair, gripped my head, holding me against him. We fell back onto my bed, our legs tangled around each other, our hands everywhere we could reach. I felt powerful and in control; for the first time in my life, I felt invincible. Something about giving into Aidan made me believe I could do anything. With him, I was everything I thought I'd never be, especially wild and free.

Then Levi's face popped in my mind.

“Oh!” I scrambled away from Aidan and backed up against the wall.

“Jessa?” Aidan's confused face tore me.

I buried my face in my hands as I thought about the ramifications of my actions. I kissed someone who wasn't my boyfriend. I kissed a ghost. Sliding down the wall, I hid my face in shame.