Lovers in law (19 page)

“I will, as long as you
promise to let Radford buy you a coffee on the way back. You’re
chilled to the bone.”

With a final wicked glance in
my direction that said, you owe me,
Aiden
strode off toward his car leaving Allie and I stranded in the
middle of freezing wasteland.

“We’d better get walking,” I
suggested. “Or the
y’ll be sending out the
Arctic Rescue Squad.”

“I didn’t know there was such
a thing.”

I shrugged.
“I
’m not sure there is. But I’m not
hanging around here to find out.”

Allie giggled
at her own gullibility and we set off in search
of civilisation and coffee, walking at a brisk pace to warm us up
after standing around for so long. I thought I’d feel awkward being
alone with her again after so long, but it instantly felt easy and
familiar and I relaxed.

“Aiden’s driven off with my
leather boots,” Allie laughed, pointing down at her Wellingtons.
“Not quite the thing for the office.”

“I’ll pick them up if you
like,” I said. I was glad of the excuse to see her again. “I’m
having drinks with him tomorrow.”

“Thanks
. They’re my favourite pair.” She pushed her hands down
deep into her pockets and hunched her shoulders against the wind.
“I like Aiden very much,” she said, “He’s funny. And incredibly
charming.”

“And very successful with
women,” I finished for her.

“I’m not surprised.
He’s
very handsome. Pity he’s a client or
I’d be tempted.”

I glanced sideways at her,
trying to work out if she were serious but she snuggled down deeper
into my scarf and gave nothing away. I suffered a pang of jealousy
that a piece of my clothing was allowed closer to her than I
was.

“How long have you
known
him?” she asked.

“Since the very early days.
When we were both at the bottom of the career ladder and long
before he floated his company on the Stock Exchange. He’s a great
client.”

“More than that though,
surely.”

“Aiden’s a very good friend
too.” I laughed to myself. “Despite his obsession with Erika
Fenn.”

Allie
laughed loudly, every shred of tension dissolving from her
body until her whole being sparkled and her eyes came alive. The
urge to pull her into my arms and kiss that smile off her face had
never been stronger but I didn’t dare push my luck.

Just being with
her was enough for the moment and I shortened my
stride, in no rush to get back.

“Look, there’s a café,” she
said, pointing across the road at the worst kind of greasy spoon
imaginable.

I couldn’t help turning my
nose up at what looked like a breeding ground for every kind of
food poisoning going. “It’s not exactly The Ritz.”

“So what?
” She looped her arm through mine to drag me across the
road. “Walk on the wild side with me. I could murder a cuppa and a
bacon butty.”

How could I refuse? Although
I wondered what
later my colleagues would
have said seeing me with a mug of builders’ tea and a doorstep
bacon sandwich on a cracked plate.

Once we
were in the warm, Allie hung her coat on the back of her
chair and took off her heavy sweater before unbuttoning the
cashmere cardigan she had on underneath. Her final layer was a
skimpy black vest that clung tightly around her body, showed enough
cleavage to be distracting and had my imagination running round in
circles.

I expected her to
unwind my scarf too but she simply loosened it,
as if still staking her claim.

“I’m glad we have this time
alone,” she said out of the blue when our tea and sandwiches
arrived. “I’ve been looking for an excuse to call since I came back
to London.”

“Oh?”

My heart jump-started and
raced away from me but I said nothing. It was an old lawyer trick –
opt for silence and let the witness do all the talking. Sooner or
later they give themselves away – far quicker than asking too many
questions.

“I regret not thanking you
properly for my new job,” she went on, determined to say her piece
even though she was clearly nervous. Her voice sounded stilted, as
if she’d rehearsed the speech a hundred times in front of the
mirror. “We didn’t have a real chance to say goodbye
either.”

I couldn’t stop
a cynical laugh escaping me. “We left a lot
unsaid. Not just goodbye.”

My hostility made her
flinch
. “I know. And I’m sorry. I don’t
blame you for being angry.”

“I’m not angry.”

“What are you then?”

“A lot of
things
.” I shrugged to show I hadn’t
worked through exactly how I felt yet. It went a long way towards
the truth.

Allie
searched my face but I was the master of the blank
expression. My living depended upon it, after all. And when I felt
as uncertain as I did at that moment, it was my best defence, even
though all I wanted to do was kiss her.

Unsettled,
her tongue flicked nervously across her lips, stirring up a
dozen hot memories and I gripped my chair to stop myself reaching
for her.

“Thank
s for persuading Stephen Mercer to take me on,” she went
on, interpreting my uncertainty as coldness but continuing anyway.
“I appreciate it more than I can ever say.”

“How could I stand back and
do nothing when it was all my fault? If I hadn’t punched Daniel
Greene, you wouldn’t have lost your job.”

“If you hadn’t punched Daniel
Greene, I might have ended up another rape statistic.” She glared
at me, her mouth taut and her eyes burning fiercely. If I still
felt anger over that night, Allie’s feelings were obviously far
more complicated. “Don’t ever apologise for what you did. You saved
me.”

Her face
gradually softened into an uncertain smile and, acting on
impulse, I reached for her hand. Anticipating it, she pulled away,
putting both hands under the table, out of reach.

Too fast, I
warned myself again. Frighten her off and you’ll
never get a second chance.

“I hear great things about
you from Stephen,” I
therefore said,
returning the conversation to neutral, even though I only wanted to
tell her how much I’d missed her. “Are you happy?”

“I am now I’m back in
England.” She
laughed softly and sipped
her tea, playing for time. “I loved Rome but found it hard to
adjust. London gets into your blood and it’s impossible to settle
anywhere else. I missed the sights, the sounds, my
friends.”

Me? I wanted to ask but
didn’t dare.

“I
spent the summer in LA and missed London too,” I agreed.
“My younger sister’s a consulting historian for film and TV
companies.” I rattled off a list of period dramas Eve had worked
on, not bothering to disguise my pride. “She’s been begging me to
go out there for ages. And with the collapse of the Zeus case, I
thought, why not?”

At the mention of Zeus
Developments, Allie shook her head wistfully and let out a huge
sigh. “I still can’t believe what an impact that one evening had on
so many lives,” she mused. “My job. Your reputation. Zeus losing
the case. Now the failure of the company…”

“…
our relationship,” I
finished for her
. The words exploded
between us and Allie recoiled. “If you’re compiling a list of
casualties, don’t forget to include our relationship on the list of
exhibits.”

“There wasn’t one.”
She stiffened. “One weekend doesn’t count as a
relationship.”

“One amazing weekend,” I corrected
her.

But
Allie refused to let the memories resurface, the effort
filling her eyes with tears and she blinked hard. “I don’t want to
go back there, Radford. I’m looking for closure with
you.”

“What if I want more?”

“You can’t have it. “

“Why not?”

“Because it’s taken me six
months
to put my life back together.” She
took a deep breath. “When I got on that plane, I felt I’d lost
everything. My home, my friends, my career.”

“Me?” This time I wasn’t
afraid to prompt her.

Allie hunched her shoulders
a
nd folded in on herself, pulling the
scarf up around her ears. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have
thought she was trying to make herself disappear.

“How could I lose you when I
didn’t really have you in the first place?” she asked, looking at
me steadily. “We were the couple that never was.”

“Only because we didn’t give
ourselves a chance.”

“Even if we had, it wouldn’t have
gone anywhere.”

“How can you say that?”

“Experience and instinct.”
Apparently I wasn’t the only one allowed a lawyer’s intuition.
“Eventually we’d have gone the same way as every other relationship
we’ve ever had. Neither of us has a great track record.”

My
lover’s mouth geared up to deliver a stream of reasons why
she was wrong but the professional side of my brain called a
halt.

“I could do the lawyer thing
here
and play my cards close to my
chest,” I began, “But instead I’ll tell you exactly why I think
you’re wrong.”

“Why
?”

“Because you and I were made
for each other.”

It was Allie’s turn to laugh
cynically. “Do you really believe in all that? Soul mates? Destined
to be together?”

“Had you asked me a year ago,
I’d have laughed in your face. But a lot’s happened since
then.”
I didn’t like to throw the past
back at her but she left me with no choice. “Before you went to
Italy, you said that, if you could put together a brief for the
perfect man, it would end up on my desk. What’s
changed?”

“I was upset. I wasn’t thinking
straight. I probably said a lot of things I didn’t mean.”

“You meant it.” I wouldn’t
let her alter her story now. “And no matter what you say, it
doesn’t change the way I feel about you. I missed you, Allie.
Missed you more than I thought possible. You’re beautiful.
Intelligent. Funny. And the sex…” I let my voice trail away. I
didn’t need to remind her how incredible that had been. “When I
went to America I put half the world between us, hoping it would
cure the dead ache inside me. But I couldn’t stop thinking about
you. I’ve never met anyone like you before. I never will again. I
don’t want to let you go a second time.”

Allie
hung her head, giving herself time to let the information
sink in, analysing and evaluating. Her fingers trembled and I
wanted so much to kiss the heartache away.

“You’re not the only
one who did a lot of thinking,” she said
eventually. “I cried myself to sleep for a month over you but then
I spent the next five coming up with all the reasons we’d never
have lasted. It doesn’t take a genius to work out what’s going on
here.”

I came pretty close but I
didn’t have a clue. “What?”

“Women don’t normally walk
away from you
. Your love life is a
succession of one night stands. Meet them. Flirt a little. Fuck a
lot.” She waited for me to argue but I couldn’t. “Then you put your
clothes on the next morning and leave. That’s exactly how you like
it. But me…” She narrowed her eyes and leaned forward across the
table as if about to confide a huge secret. “…I’m the one that got
away. If I hadn’t bruised your ego so much, you wouldn’t be sitting
here now asking for a second chance.”

“Is that what you think this is? A
sick desire for revenge?”

“Isn’t it?” Her expression
dared me to disagree with
her. “Be honest
with yourself. Had I remained in London, we’d have bonked each
other’s brains out for a month but you’d have got bored eventually
and found someone else. When I finally worked that out, I promised
myself I wouldn’t get involved with you again.”

“It wouldn’t be like
that.”

“No. You’re right. It
could be much worse.” Allie started counting off
the ways on her fingers. “Aiden’s a huge client, bigger than Zeus
ever were, and you’re one of his closest friends. If you and I got
involved and broke up, the knock-on effects would be disastrous. My
career doesn’t have nine lives. I’ve been handed a second chance
and I don’t want to mess it up again.”

She tried to back away from
me but I caught the ends of the scarf and pulled her closer again,
my face only inches from hers. Had
I
leaned in, I could have kissed away the gloss of butter and tea on
her lips but I wasn’t willing to play that dirty.

Yet.

“So far, your reasons for not
getting involved,
have been about me,
other women, Aiden, your job, the firm. But what about you, Allie?
What’s really stopping you?”

“Please, Aiden. Don’t
push me. It’s too painful.”

Her wide eyes begged me to
let the subject drop but I couldn’t.