Lovers in law (20 page)

“T
hen tell me how you really feel,” I said softly. “I don’t
care what it is. I just need to hear the truth.”

Silent t
ears spilled over and down Allie’s cheeks when she looked
back up at me. They ran down her face unchecked until they dripped
down onto my scarf and I imagined her crying for me in Rome too.
The thought split my heart in two.

“I can’t get involved with
you again because I’m too terrified,” she whispered. “Scared I’ll
get in over my head and you’ll break my heart.”

“I’m terrified too.”

“Then why risk it?”

“Because the thought of not being
with you frightens me even more.”

Allie’s entire
body seized and the blood drained from her face.
I read the panic in her eyes. There she sat, desperate to trust me,
willing me to tell her the truth, and yet hesitating at the huge
leap of faith it would take to let down her defences.

I had one chance to convince
her I
meant every word and went for
it.

“I’ve never been in love
before, Allie. I
don’t know if I’d even
recognise it, or if I’m cut out for it, but it feels like I’m
standing on the edge of falling in love with you.”

Hark at me, I thought.
Pouring my heart out like a lovesick schoolboy on his first
Valentine’s Day.
But once I started, I
couldn’t stop. If Allie wanted the definition of risk, she was
about to see me break open up my chest and hand her my
heart.

“Until the moment I met you,
my entire life was about professional success,”
I said. “Work hard. Play even harder. Running from one case
to the next without time to look up in between. Falling into a
different bed every night without wanting to stay in any of
them.”

Allie
held her breath.

“Then that Sunday morning,
you lay naked in my arms, fast asleep, and I wanted the world to
stop. Suddenly I didn’t need to keep running. No more chasing
success. Because the missing part of me – that I’d been searching
so hard for – was right there with her leg curled around me and her
head on my shoulder.”

Allie’s
tears came again, forming a glassy sheen on her eyelashes
that hinted at a thousand more held back inside. I wanted so much
to kiss them away. To lie her down and make her forget that there
was anything else in the world but the two of us and the way I felt
about her.

“I can’t move,” she said
under her breath. “I can’
t back away from
you and I’m too afraid to step forward. Getting involved with you –
ending up in bed with you again – would just take me over the
edge.”

I didn’t know what Allie as afraid
of. I’d already plunged over the side where she was concerned and
the adrenaline rush felt incredible.

“Come to me,
Allie
,” I said, not too proud to beg.
“Let me take care of you. Trust me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because, if I take that
step, I know I’ll fall so deeply in love with you there’ll be no
way back.”

“Then fall,” I told her, as if it
were the simplest thing in the world. “Fall and let me catch
you.

“Then fall,” he told me, as if it
were the simplest thing in the world. “Fall and let me catch
you.”

I could barely see him
through my tears but I didn’t need to.
In
the space of one weekend, Radford had imprinted himself on me, like
an invisible tattoo below the surface of my skin, and only I knew
he was there.

Unforgettable. Enduring.
Indelible.

N
ow
he was asking me to make our relationship just as permanent and it
terrified me.

“It’ll never work,” I said,
my heart
too afraid to take the risk.
“It’s too complicated. Too dangerous.”

“We’re lawyers. We take risks for a
living.”

“Calculated risks,” I
reminded him. “On behalf of other people and underpinned by sound
argument. There’s no precedent for this.”

“What do you expect? A
guarantee?”
Radford’s full lips pulled
together, deepening the creases at the side of his mouth. His
short, sharp breaths betrayed his anger and the set of his jaw, his
determination. “Your heart doesn’t come with a warranty, Allie. All
I know is that mine stopped the day you got on that plane and it
didn’t re-start until I saw you standing next to Aiden.”

“You didn’t seem
very pleased to see me.”

“That’s because all I wanted
to do was pull you into my arms and kiss you until the last six
months melted away.” He half smiled. “I still do.”

I
caught a glimpse of Radford’s raw honesty and openness that
had shared our bed that sexy weekend when we’d shed our clothes and
our defences to connect on every level, not just physically. I’d
believed in him then and I wanted so much to believe him now, even
though I knew I could be putting my entire future in jeopardy
again.

Se
nsing my hesitation, Radford reached for my hand, took it
to his lips and kissed each fingertip in turn, reawakening feelings
for him that I thought had gone for ever. I closed my eyes,
imagining how wonderful it would be to wake up to his kisses every
morning, or have his strong arms curled around me as I drifted off
to sleep.

It wasn’t
difficult. It was so simple. The question was, was Radford
worth the risk?

“You’re not playing fair,” I
whispered.

“I know. I’m playing for
keeps. Which means I’ll do whatever it takes to get a second chance
with you.”

“What if it goes wrong?”

“What if it goes right?”
Those blue eyes of Radford’s looked deep into my soul and made the
most of my indecision. “What if soul-mates truly do exist and we
have a fabulously happy life together? Do you really want to close
the door on that chance?”

A bedroom door was all I
wanted to close at that moment, far away from a smelly café in the
East End, and with a
very big Do Not
Disturb sign on it.

But the minute I got into bed
with Radford, I’d be completely lost
and
there’d be no more time for safety checks.

“I need you Allie,”
Radford said, punctuating each word with a kiss
across my knuckles. “Stephen said I’d regret not asking you to stay
in London, and I did. Every second, of every day, from then until
this moment. Come back to me. Please.”

I needed him too, no matter
how much I tried to talk my way out of it.
The minute I’d laid eyes on him again, it had been
inevitable. All I could control now was the speed, not the
outcome.

“You have to give me some
time to think about it,” I said eventually, although it would
probably take half a lifetime to get my head around it.

“Why? Your
heart’s telling you this is the right thing to
do.”

“I want to
talk to my friends. Speak to my boss.” I made up excuses.
Delayed.

Radford’s jaw
tensed
, clamping his lips down on all the
arguments that were stacking up behind. “Okay,” he said
reluctantly. “But let’s go somewhere more private. I need to talk
to you. To hold you again.”

I’d have liked nothing more
but shook my head and saw the hope in Radford’s eyes turn into
frustration. “I can’t.” I showed him my watch. “I have a client
conference straight after lunch and I need to prepare.”

He cursed under his
breath.
“Later then?”

Again it was no.
“I’m meeting people.”

“Cancel.”

“No. I haven’t seen them
since before the summer.”

He tried a different
tactic
, resorting to charm to change my
mind and hitting me with that devastatingly sexy smile of his.
“Maybe I should come along and meet them too. Make them like me so
they’ll talk you round.”

It wasn’t an option. My
girlfriends would
fall for Radford on
sight and I’d never get an unbiased opinion out of them. Radford
was mine alone for the time being but, as second best, I took a
picture on my phone, unsurprised to find Radford was gorgeously
photogenic, even against the backdrop of a greasy spoon café. His
face carried the suggestion of a smile, those adorable dimples and
an expression that could have meant a hundred things, all of them
naughty.

“You’re my dirty little
secret again,” I said. laughing at his frustration as I put on my
sweater and coat. “And I want to keep it that way for
now.”

R
ealising he was beaten for the time being, Radford
reluctantly followed me outside where he tucked his scarf up around
my ears again and used it to pull me towards him. His head tilted
slightly and his lips parted as he half closed his eyes and moved
in to kiss me but I put my hand in the way.

“Just one little kiss,” he
begged, h
is breath hot against my skin.
“I can’t wait any longer.”

He trailed the tip of his
tongue up my middle finger before sucking it into his mouth. My
senses collided and exploded, and I almost melted right there on
the cold pavement.

“That’s
still not playing fair,” I gasped, swaying against
him.

“Who said anything about a
fair fight? I’m your dirty little secret
remember, so I’m prepared to use every dirty trick in the
book to get you back. You may as well give in now and kiss
me.”

But
Radford wasn’t the only one who could be unscrupulous. I
had a few underhanded moves of my own and I wasn’t afraid to hit
him below the belt.

“I’m not going to kiss
you
here because, the first time I do, I
promise it’ll be so horny, your bones will ignite.”

A sexy groan rumbled deep in
his chest.
“That could just be an empty
threat to buy you some time.”

“Unless you think back to the first
time I kissed you in chambers.”

“I often do.”

“And how much you wanted me
then.”

“Enough to fuck you right there on
the desk.”

“So imagine a kiss like that with a
locked door and no idea where it might lead.”

He groaned again and swore
under his breath
. “Have you any idea what
you’re doing to me right now? Please Allie. Come back to my
apartment. I’ve had a hard on for days. I can’t think of anything
else.”

“No.” Although I’d not been
able to think of anything
other than
Radford’s body either, I pushed him away firmly, putting distance
between us. “I’m not going to kiss you until I’m ready and I’m
certainly not going to end up in bed with you for a long
time.”

“How long?”
Panic etched into his expression.

“Who knows? But as soon as
you get me naked, it’s game over as far as I’m concerned. Your
body’s like an addiction. And once I taste it again, I know I’ll
want you naked every minute we’re alone.”

A slow, sensual
smile curved Radford’s unkissed lips. “Don’t let
me stop you. We already know how much fun that can be.”

Which was the whole point for
me. “My heart stops whenever I think about that weekend at
Claridges,” I confessed. “But you’re talking about a relationship
now. Falling in love. We need to make certain we’re as great
together out of bed, as in it.”

“We will be.” He sounded so certain
and I wanted to believe him so much. “If I don’t die of frustration
in the meantime.”

“That’s one risk
I
’m prepared to take. Now find us a cab
before I’m sacked again.”

Radford flagged one down on
the main road and gave the driver the address of my office.
As we pulled away from the kerb he took my hand
and held it all the way back to the City, lacing his fingers with
mine as though he never intended letting me go.

“How soon can I see you
again?” he asked. “
Tomorrow?”

“Soon,” I promised. “I’ll
call you when I’ve had time to think.”

“Don’t make me wait too long.”

“I won’t. I can’t wait
too long for you either.”

Predictably, Radford made the
next move.
First thing after the weekend
he appeared at my office with the boots he’d retrieved from Aiden’s
car.

“Special delivery,” he said when I
went down to meet him in reception. “And at my hourly rate, I’m
probably the most expensive courier in London.”

He gave me a
sexy smile that hit somewhere between my eyes
and dropped straight down to my pelvic floor, making my heart
quicken. A couple of women passing through reception gave him
admiring glances and tried to catch his eye, igniting the first
flames of jealousy in me.

Perhaps I was already starting to
think of him as mine again.

I realised I didn’t want him
rushing away immediately
. “If I made you
a coffee, would we be square?” I asked, laughing when he pretended
to think about it.