Lover's Road (13 page)

“People get remarried all the time.”

“And then they
get divorced all the time.” The bitterness was in her voice.

I knew I should tread carefully here. This was a hard subject for her. “Your ex may have broke your heart and shattered your trust, but I’ll never do that. You see how much I love you every single day.”

“And he used to be the same way…” She rested her chin on her hand. “He was madly in love with me, but over time, he just got bored with me.” The hurt and pain was heavy in her eyes and her voice.

I leaned over the table, giving her my heated gaze. “I admit there are a lot of jerks out there, and you never know what to expect from the future, but I can promise you that won’t happen with us. I have a strong sense of morals. I was never in a relationship because I could never make the commitment to someone. But now I can. I’m not a cheater and I’m not a liar. When I think about the disappointment from my brother and father, the men I look up to, I’d shrivel and die. Cassandra, I promise I’ll never cheat on you. Our relationship will never fall apart like that because I’ll always communicate with you. Please don’t be scared because of what that shithead did to you.”

Cassandra still seemed torn.

“I’m not asking you to marry me today or this week, but you’re absolutely sure you never want to get married?”

She fidgeted with her hands. “What does a marriage mean anyway? We’re living together and we love each other. Why can’t we just have fun and see where it goes?”

“Where it goes?” I asked incredulously. “That’s the point. I want it to go somewhere.” This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t be serious.

“Let’s just talk about something else.”

“No, we’re talking about this now. Why do you want me to meet your parents if you’re never going to commit to me?”

“I am committed to you,” she said quickly. “I’m living with you, aren’t I?”

“But I want more, Cassandra. I want you forever.”

“And you can still have that. I want my parents to meet you because I love you.”

“I want more than that. I want a wife that has my last name. I want her to be the mother of my kids. I want to know she’s going to be mine until I
die. I want to stand in a room full of my friends and family and tell the world I found the woman I love. That I’ll love her until my last breath.”

Her eyes softened. “Mike…”

“Please give that to me, baby. It’ll be different with me.”

“I thought the same thing about him…”

“Stop comparing me!” I tried not to get angry because I knew this was hard for her, but I was getting frustrated beyond reason. “You want to have kids, right? Don’t you want them to grow up with a proper family? Don’t you want that stability?”

“I…I don’t want to have kids.”

What?

Shit.

What?

This couldn’t be happening.

She ran her fingers through her hair in frustration. “Mike, I didn’t know you wanted all that.”

“Why
the hell not?” I snapped. “On our first date I told you I wanted to get married and have kids. You thought I was bullshitting?”

“I just didn’t realize how much you wanted it. You’re so easygoing that I assumed you wouldn’t care either way.”

“Well, I do care! I want you to be my wife.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. “I’m sorry…”

I couldn’t believe this was happening. I found the woman who stole my heart, and I would never get my happily ever after with her. She didn’t want to be my wife. She didn’t want to share her heart with me. I would be a bachelor for the rest of my life. I felt the anger inside me. Now I knew what every girl felt when they dated a jerk that used them.

“Cassandra, I made it clear what I wanted when we met. If you didn’t feel the same way and you knew you never would, you shouldn’t have wasted my time.” That was cold, but I was pissed.

“Wasted your time…?” The hurt was in her voice.

“Yeah. I told you I was looking for my future wife and you knew the entire time you didn’t want to be her. What the hell were you thinking?”

Tears were in her eyes. “I don’t know…I fell in love with you.”

“Then marry me.”

“I…I can’t.”

I moved out of my seat and paced the room.
What the hell do I do?

Cassandra left the table and sniffed. She covered her face then headed down the hallway.

I chased after her. “Baby, talk to me.”

“I’ll just get my things.” She hid her face from me and grabbed her bag.

I snatched it then tossed it aside. “You aren’t leaving.”

She still wouldn’t face me.

“Look at me.”

“No.” She sniffed again.

I grabbed her and turned her gaze on me. “Look. I want a wife, kids, and a house with a picket fence. But I want you more. Even if you told me that from the beginning, I still would have fallen for you. I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you. You’re the woman I fell in love with. I never want to be apart from you. So, if you don’t want to get married, I can accept that.” Since we’d only been dating for three months, I decided to give her more time to think about it. Perhaps if we were together longer, a few more months or a year, she would change her mind. The relationship was new and fresh. She trusted me, but she still had to heal. I would put her back together and make her realize she couldn’t live without me, and when I proposed, the only words she would utter would be, “yes”.

She calmed down slightly. “I can’t take that away from you…”

“I want you,” I said firmly. “That’s all I know.”

“I—”

I sealed my mouth over hers and silenced her. Her words were stifled as our kiss quickly became heated in a raging fire. I cupped her face and tasted her lips, noting the faint saltiness. She gripped me tightly like she’d never let go.

I led her to the bed and we undressed each other slowly. Whe
n we were naked, we combined our bodies together in the throes of passion. I gripped her hands in mine and leaned over her, moving into her slowly. Wordlessly, I told her I would always be there for her, that I wasn’t going anywhere. When I fell for this girl, I fell hard. And she couldn’t get rid of me that easily.

I went to Scarlet’s the next day to have a serious talk. My brother and I were close, but naturally, Scarlet was the best friend I never had because I could be open and vulnerable with her. She wouldn’t call me a pussy then punch me in the shoulder.

My brother opened the door. “I just saw you all day at work.”

“Fuck you too.”

He rolled his eyes and opened the door. “You’re here to paint your nails with my wife?”

“I’m getting French tips.”

Scarlet emerged from the kitchen then glared at Sean. “Leave him alone.”

“I don’t like it when someone hogs my wife.”

“We can’t spend every single moment together,” she said. “Go get some friends.”

I laughed at her diss. “Now go away.”

Sean turned his gaze on her. “After being at work all day, I liked to spend time with you when I get home.”

“Which would be valid if you didn’t text me and call me all day.”

I laughed again.

My dad came down the stairs and patted me on the back. He only hugged me when he didn’t see me in a while, but he was somewhat affectionate with me. “Hey, kid.”

“Hey, Dad.” The sadness was still heavy in his eyes. I’d known him long enough to see the signs. While he held himself together better than any other broken man, the pain was still there. And I hated seeing it.

I opened my bag and handed him the DVDs and magazines. “Enjoy.”

My dad flipped through the selection. “
Playboys
and porn?”

I nudged him in the shoulder. “Now that I have Cassandra, I don’t need them anymore.”

Scarlet blushed crimson red and Sean shook his head like I was crazy.

“Um…thanks, son.”

“We’ll hit the strip club next week. I’ll pay for a few of your dances.”

“Mike!” Scarlet shook her head. “Leave your dad alone.”

My dad opened the magazine and his eyes widened. “Whoa…”

I flipped through the pages. “Check out this girl.”

“Yowza!” my dad said. “How is she bending that way?”

“Let me see,” Sean said. He came beside Dad and took a peek.

Scarlet glared at him.

Sean nodded. “You’re going to have a good time with that.”

“Your mother never let me have porn in the house.” He turned the magazine over. “And now I understand why.”

Scarlet gave me a look of hate. “
Enough of that.”

My dad held the pile in his hands. “Well, I’ll be upstairs…”

I patted him on the back. “Have fun.”

Sean laughed. “Go crazy.”

After he was up the stairs, Scarlet turned on me. “What the hell are you doing?”

“What?” I asked. “Guys like porn—even old guys.”

“But he’s your dad…” She cringed.

I shrugged. “He knew I jerked off all the time and slept with more girls than I could count.”

“But he’s depressed,” she whispered. “I don’t think that will help.”

Sean and I shared a look. “Just leave the big boy stuff to me and Sean.”

She shook her head then walked into the kitchen. I followed behind her and watched her place a cup of coffee at my place at the table.

“How did the clinic go?” I asked.

Sean sat beside me. “We’ll know something in a few days.”

I nodded. “I’m sure everything will be okay.”

“We’re optimistic,” Sean said quietly.

Scarlet sat across from me. “Everything alright?”

“No.” Not at all.

“What’s up?” She blew the steam from her coffee.

“Cassandra asked me to meet her parents.”

Sean smirked. “Just don’t act like a dog and they won’t kick you out.”

I ignored my brother’s jab. “At some point during the conversation, she told me she never wanted to get married.”

“Ever?” Scarlet asked.

I nodded. “Her ex cheated on her and she doesn’t have a good view of marriage.”

“So…she wants you to stay exactly the same forever?” Sean asked.

I shrugged. “I guess.”

“Does she want kids?” Scarlet asked.

“No,” I answered.

Scarlet and Sean shared a look. Scarlet spoke first. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “But I can’t live without her.”

“So, you’re okay with the arrangement?” Sean asked. “Being a bachelor for the rest of your life?”

“No, not at all. But I hope she changes her mind.”

Scarlet put her cup down. “She didn’t tell you this beforehand?”

“Not really,” I said. “She mentioned her marriage and said she was unsure if she wanted to get married again, but that was our first date. I didn’t realize she felt so strongly about it.”

“Did she not know you wanted a wife and kids?” Sean asked.

“I told her on our first date,” I said. “A part of me wishes I hadn’t wasted so much time with her, but another part is glad she didn’t push me away. She’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don’t want to lose her. And I don’t want to be back on the streets looking for a woman that wants the same thing. That’s…depressing.”

Scarlet felt her coffee cup in her fingertips. She was quiet for a long time. “I love Cassandra and think she’s such a sweet girl, but I admit I’m a little put off that she continued to date you when she knew you were looking for a wife.”

“I am too,” I said. “But she said she fell in love with me and didn’t want to lose me.”

“Then why won’t she marry you?” she asked.

“I guess she’s scared I’ll cheat on her,” I said with a shrug.

“If she paid any attention to you for the past three months, she would know that wasn’t possible,” Scarlet said.

“She said she felt the same way toward her ex.”

Sean patted my back. “Then what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to stay with her and hope she changes her mind,” I said honestly. “We’ve only been together for a short time. Maybe a longer relationship will put her head on straight.”

Scarlet took a deep breath. “And what if it doesn’t?”

Cassandra was the only woman I ever loved. When I thought of my future, her face was the first thing I saw in my mind. I couldn’t imagine being with someone else. I loved her smile when I woke up in the morning. I loved making love to her every night before we went to bed. Even if we weren’t legally married, we would be in my eyes. And that would have to be enough. “I would accept it.”

13

Cortland

“That’s all you’re going to eat?” I asked.

Hazel handed the menus to the waitress and watched her walk away. “So?”

“Just a salad?”

“I have to watch my weight,” she said with a sigh.

I stared at her incredulously. “You’re a stick.”

She grinned. “As a dancer, I have to maintain a certain weight. If I exceed it, I could lose my job.”

“Wow. I’m glad Sean and Mike don’t have such strict work policies.”

She chuckled. “It’s okay. I knew how this career would be when I signed up for it.”

“That’s still ridiculous.”

“I know. But when it’s over, I can eat pie and pizza again.” She added sugar to her ice tea then sipped it. “So…how’s it going with Monnique?”

“Good. I told her you were in my life and she had to accept that or walk away.”

Hazel’s eyes brightened slightly. “And what did she decide?”

“That she isn’t going anywhere.”

“Wow.”

“What?”

“You’re different than you used to be with her, at least according to your friends.”

I noticed the change too. “I want to spend the rest of my life with her, but she can’t just forget what she did. She hurt me a lot and she needs to know that I won’t put up with it again. I did everything for this girl and I’m not taking anymore bullshit.”

She nodded. “I’m glad you’ve
grown a firm hand.”

“And I did nothing wrong. She either trusts me or she doesn’t. She can’t just walk back into my life and dictate who I hang out with.”

“Most men would just submit.”

“Not me,” I said firmly.

“But…how’s the relationship? You’re happy?”

“I am—for the most part. We’re still working things out.”

“Is the sex still good?” she asked.

“We haven’t been having sex. I’m just not ready for that. We’ll take it slow then move in together again. It’ll be fine.”

She stirred her ice tea with her straw. “It’s good not to rush things. And it’s even better that you realize your relationship won’t be the same as it was before. You’re building a new one.”

“Exactly.”

“If you’re happy, I’m happy for you.”

“I know you are,” I said.
I looked out the window for a moment before I turned back to her. “You seeing anyone?”

She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “No.”

“Still not over him?”

“No, I think I am. I’m still in pain over the whole thing, but I’m not missing him. When we were happy, our relationship was perfect. But I’ve learned to let that go.”

“Have you run into him?”

“No. And I hope I don’t.”

“And you aren’t interested in anyone?” I asked.

“I haven’t met anyone.” She shrugged. “Maybe that will change when we start practicing for the performance.”

“Would you date another dancer?” I assumed most male performers were gay.

“Yeah. A lot of them have fantastic bodies,” she said with a smirk. “But the good ones are usually taken.”

“You’re going to be taken by somebody soon. Don’t stress about it.”

“I try not to.”

We fell into a comfortable silence. Hazel looked out the window, the light highlighting her green eyes. There was sadness deep within, but no words I could fathom would chase it away.

My phone vibrated so I picked at the screen.

Want to get lunch?
It was Monnique.

I’m eating with Hazel.
I didn’t care if it pissed her off. She could deal with it.

Okay. Ttyl.

Wow. She was actually being mature about this. I expected her to fight or throw a fit. But she accepted it.
You’re welcome to join us. I miss you.

I don’t want to intrude.

You’re never intruding. You’re my girl. I always want you around.
I knew her hesitation came from Hazel. She didn’t know how to act around her or how to talk to her. I really wanted them to get along. I hoped Monnique would make that effort.

Okay. Where are you?

Charles Bistro.

I’ll be there.

I put my phone away. “Monnique is joining us.”

“Oh.”

I studied her face. “She’s not going to be catty with you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“It seemed like she hated me the other day.”

“She doesn’t,” I said firmly. “I’d really like it if you two got along.”

“I don’t have a problem with her,” she said quickly. “She’s the one who can’t stand me.”

“I slept with Scarlet and she got over it. She’ll get over this too.”

“You seem confident.”

“I know she loves me and will do anything to make this work,” I said. “That’s what I’m confident about.”

Hazel sipped her tea.

Monnique walked inside then spotted me. She was wearing her scrubs like she’d just taken a lunch break. Her hair was pulled back, and the clothes were baggy around her petite frame, but somehow, she still looked sexy as hell.

I stood up to greet her, wrapping my arms around her waist and giving her a warm kiss. “You look hot.”

She raised an eyebrow. “I’m wearing clothes that hide all the goodies.”

“But I already know what your goodies look like.” I rubbed my nose against hers.

She melted in my arms. I could feel the desperation she felt toward me, her constant need for my embrace. I kissed her again to give her what she needed. When I said and did little things to make her feel loved, she completely changed. I could tell how much she missed me when we were apart.

“You hungry?” I asked.

“I’m hungry for you.” Her eyes lightened in desire.

“Good response,” I said. “But maybe later.” I knew she was anxious to make love on a regular basis but I wasn’t ready for that. “I ordered
a burger. You want to split it?”

“Hmm…”

“I take that as a yes,” I said with a laugh. I slid into the booth and pulled her with me. My hand moved to her thigh and gripped the muscle playfully.

When Monnique looked at Hazel across from her, the awkward tension arrived.

“Hi,” Monnique said. Her voice sounded completely different than it did a moment ago.

“Hey.” Hazel stirred her tea even though she already did it a hundred times.

I knew I would have to mediate the situation. “Hazel just got a gig on Broadway.”

“Wow,” Monnique said. “That’s impressive.”

“But she can’t eat anything.” I shrugged my shoulders.

Hazel rolled her eyes. “Who wants to see a fat dancer?”

“Actually, I would,” I said. “That would probably be funny.”

Talking about her new job cleared the air a little bit. Talking about something besides the awkward relationship between the three of us seemed to make Monnique more comfortable. She wasn’t crawling into my lap and grinding my crotch like she did a few nights ago. I hoped she would realize that Hazel and I really were just friends—nothing more.

“We’ll get tickets to the show,” Monnique said. “And we’ll throw flowers on the stage.”

I stared at Monnique, surprise in my eyes. I hadn’t expected her to make such an effort.

“That would be nice. I don’t have any friends or family that live here,” Hazel said sadly. “Unfortunately, Cortland and the gang are my only friends.”

Monnique gave her a sad look. “I’m sorry. Did you move here?”

“I came to be with my boyfriend, but he decided to leave me for someone else instead.” The bitterness was in her voice. “And my parents think dance is the stupidest thing in the world. They would never watch me perform.”

Monnique shifted her weight in the seat. A strand of loose hair fell from her ear. “For what it’s worth, they both sound like idiots.”

This lunch was going surprisingly well. “I agree.”

When the food came, I split my plate with Monnique. She hardly ate, so I encouraged her to take down as much food as she could.
We demolished the food together then smirked at each other. I could tell she was loosening up around Hazel. And that made my life a lot easier.

“I need to get to class,” Hazel said. “I’ll see you guys later.”

“Bye,” we both said.

Hazel dug in her purse for her wallet.

“I got your tab,” I said quickly. “You can get mine next time.”

“Thanks,” she said with a relieved voice. “Bye.” She bolted out the door then got into a cab.

I turned to Monnique. “Thank you for trying.”

“She’s not that bad…” She shrugged.

“I appreciate it. Really.”

“As long as you only love me, I don’t care who you’re friends with.”

I rubbed my nose against hers. “I will always only love you.” My hand moved up her thigh to her hip. “So…how long is your lunch break?” My meaning hung in the air.

She smirked. “Half an hour.”

“That’s plenty of time.” I tossed the cash on the table and we headed back to the apartment.

When I returned to the office, Ryan was waiting outside my door.

“What are you doing here?” I asked when I walked in.

“Sean said you went to lunch with Hazel, so I figured I’d wait for you to get back.”

I walked into my office then sat behind my desk. “What’s up? You seem down.”

He sat in the chair across from me. “I’ve been better…”

“What happened with Janice?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, the despair coming into his eyes. “I threw away the greatest relationship I ever had.”

I felt like I smacked into a concrete wall. “You broke up?”

“No,” he said immediately. “But I ruined the perfect relationship we had.”

“What happened?”

“I went to her office to have lunch and ended up spending it with her and Cal. I liked him less and less. He was so perfect and refined. The idea of her spending so much time with him every day drove me crazy. But he ended up knowing everything about me like Janice talked about me often. Her desk was covered in pictures of she and I. And to top it off, Cal is gay.” He covered his face with his hands. “I made something so small into this huge ordeal and now Janice is pissed at me. I didn’t trust her and now I’ve pushed her away. She’s really, really angry with me. I’m fucking terrified she’s going to leave me.”

That was a lot to take in. I had to process it for several minutes. “Have you guys been talking…?”

“We haven’t spoken in days.”

“Where are you staying?” I asked.

“I stay at the apartment. But she doesn’t talk to me or look at me. Every time I look at her, I see the disappointment heavy in her eyes. I really fucked this up.”

I wished I could make my friend feel better, but there was nothing I could say or do. “If she was going to leave you, she would have done it already.”

“You think?” he asked hopefully.

“If she’s still at the apartment and she’s not sleeping elsewhere, I’d say you’re going to be okay.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “I feel so stupid. Normally, I would just apologize until she forgave me, but I know this won’t be so simple. I humiliated her at her work party then I did it again in front of her boss. God, if I were her I’d dump me too.”

“Well, it’s pretty clear that Janice is head-over-heels in love with you.”

“I just hope that will be enough.” He rubbed his temples and sighed. His eyes were closed.

I let him be. Sometimes quiet companionship is what we needed to keep the fear from choking us. I opened my emails and scrolled through them.

A knock sounded on the door.

“Come in,” I said.

Andrew stepped inside, looking spiffy in a suit. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, Andrew,” I said in surprise. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

He shrugged. “I thought I’d stop by. Gets lonely at the house.”

I felt so bad for him. His wife was a total bitch and he was better off without her, but I could tell he was lonely.

Ryan stood up and patted him on the back. His earlier depression was gone, masked by the fake façade he put up. “Hey, man. Looking good.” He wiped the imaginary dust off his shoulders. “Chicks are going to be throwing themselves at you.”

Andrew’s cheeks tinted slightly. “I’m an old man.”

“Chicks dig that shit,” Ryan said. He nudged him in the shoulder. “Janice is like four years younger than me.”

“But you aren’t fifty,” Andrew said with a smile.

“Dude, now that you’re single, you’re going to get so much pussy,” Ryan said.

I covered my face. “Ryan, watch the language.”

Andrew waved his hand. “It’s quite alright. The door is closed.”

Ryan hopped on his feet. “We’re taking you to the strip club. There’s a lot of action you haven’t seen.”