Love's Fate (Love Trilogy #1) (9 page)

“I missed you.” He whispered into my ear.

“Um, yeah, it has been a while hasn’t it.” I pulled away from the intimate embrace and tried to smile casually.

I didn’t want to be mean, but I didn’t want to lead him on either. I hadn’t missed him, at least not any
more than I had missed Dan. I actually had only really missed Amy. I looked for her now and found her and Dan making out in the corner.

Christy and Kevin were sitting silently on the couch, both looking a little uncomfortable now. Jared was looking dejected, waiting for some response from me that I couldn’t give.

“Who’s hungry?” I asked trying to shift everyone’s attention.

It worked and everyone eagerly followed me to the
dining
room. We ate and shared stories about how we’d spent our summers. I didn’t really have much to tell about mine, but Amy had a million stories to make up for it. Jared told us about how he was working for his father now, and how he planned to be a junior partner by next year. When he spoke he looked only at me.

“I think we’re going to take off.” Christy said as soon as we’d finished eating.

“But we haven’t had dessert yet” I protested, “That’s the best part!”

She looked nervously over at Kevin, who still didn’t look completely relaxed and I understood.

“I’ve got a really early morning” she started to explain.

“Ok, maybe next time” I told her smiling.

She seemed relieved and after a quick goodbye with Amy she and Kevin left.

“What’s for dessert?” Dan asked as soon as they were out the door.

“Saved the best for last!” I winked as I went into the kitchen to bring out the chocolate soufflés.

Everyone raved over how fantastic they were and it felt so nice to have my friends around me again. Just like it used to be.

However, as soon as we finished with dessert Amy offered to give Dan a “grand tour” of the apartment that started and ended with her bedroom, leaving Jared and me alone.

Jared helped me clear the table and wash the dishes. We worked quietly side by side in the kitchen. The casual atmosphere had lifted and I felt nervous again.

“I really meant it when I said I missed you” he finally broke the silence.

I wished he hadn’t, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I decided it was time for the awkward conversation I’d been avoiding.

“Jared” I started, but he interrupted me

“There’s something I have to tell you, and I need to just say it.” He took a deep breath and then looked at me with determination.

“I love you Katherine.” He finally blurted out.

I just stared at him dumbfounded.

“I’ve been thinking about you all summer and it made me realize how much I care about you” he continued “I know it’s not as easy for you, but I can be patient. I’ll give you all the time you need. Just give me a chance.”

He looked at me pleadingly and I knew it was my turn to speak.

“I don’t know, Jared. I’m not really sure if I want to be with anybody right now”

It was the best excuse I could come up with. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t love him the way he wanted me to. That I had tried before and I knew it just wasn’t there. I was trying to find the best way to explain that to him, but before I could say anything else he was kissing me.

At first I was too surprised to do anything but stand there. Then I decided to kiss him back. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to feel his lips pressed against mine, to feel his strong arms pulling my body tightly against his. I wanted to feel something for him. I tried. But there was nothing there so I pulled away.

“I just can’t” was all I could say before I was choked by tears, and I ran for the door.

I went straight to the beach. Fate was so cruel! I couldn’t have the man I longed for and I couldn’t love the man who longed for me. What was wrong with me? I felt broken. My heart didn’t work right. Maybe it didn’t know how.

I wanted to love Jared. I wanted to be happy with him. Maybe I could if I tried harder. I could pretend at least. But would that be fair to him? Didn’t he deserve better than someone who only pretended to love him? Surely there was someone out there who really could love him. I knew there had to be.

But what about me? Was there someone out there that I could love? Deep in my heart I knew there was. I already loved him. I didn’t know why or how it was even possible, but I was in love with a man I’d never met. A man I could never have. I really was broken.

I needed to clear my head. I felt so confused. I began climbing the trail to the
cliff
, but stopped before reaching the end. Someone was already there. In my spot! Sure it was a public beach, I didn’t own this spot but it was mine. And I needed it right now more than ever.

I stared at the back of the guy’s head and I was so mad I wanted to throw a rock at it! How dare he take my spot! All the times I’d come here over the summer no one had ever been here, and now the one time I needed this spot the most someone was already there. Tears were silently streaming down my face as I turned around and walked away.

My farewell with Elle was unemotional. We had planned on leaving the day after the wedding to go back to Paris, so that night I told her I would not be going back with her. She just smiled with a sad look in her eyes kissed me once saying “au revoir”.

She was gone when I woke up in the morning.

Charlie and Claire had offered to let me stay at their place while they were on their honeymoon. I appreciated their kindness, but I knew they would need their privacy when they got back so finding my own place was definitely a priority.

I was nervous and excited about the prospect of finally meeting Katherine. It was so nice to finally know her name. It made her feel more real to me, not just the girl from my dreams.

The anticipation of finally getting to meet her was almost too much to take. I was tempted to call the catering service the very day after the wedding, to ask for her and arrange a meeting. But suddenly I was apprehensive. How would she react to my call? Would it totally freak her out to have some stranger call her out of the blue and ask to meet her? Of course it would. I had to find a way to meet her casually, but how? And what would she think of me?

I had nothing to offer her. I was 26 years old and I had absolutely nothing to my name. No car, no money, no job, not even my own place. I was suddenly terrified that she would have no interest in getting to know me. But at the same time a small part of me felt like she was longing for this reunion as much as I was. How strange that it felt like a reunion when we had never actually met.

I was drawn to her, of that I was sure and I owed it to myself to find her, to meet her. There had to be some reason that our paths had crossed again. Like Fate was trying to bring us together.

I decided that I needed to get my feet on the ground before I found her. It didn’t take me long to get settled. I had found an apartment by the time Charlie and Claire got back, but I only had a little money left in my savings. Seven
years’ worth
of savings spent in once careless year floating through Europe. I needed to find a job fast.

I went by the radio station at UCSD and my old station manager put in a good word for me with the marketing department since they had an opening. It was amazing how easy it was to start my life back up almost where I’d left off, like the last year hadn’t even happened. It was strange being back in San Diego. I had never planned on coming back. But I had a reason to be here and now that I was settled it was all I could think about.

I started my search at the last place I’d seen her. I got the phone number for the catering company from Claire and I called to see if they could tell me how I could reach her. I was shocked when a woman told me she had quit and she didn’t know where to find her. It hadn’t been that long since I’d seen her.

I thought about that day and remembered how upset she’d seemed. She had practically run from the building. I wanted desperately to know what could have happened that might have caused her to quit her job.

Then I thought back to the first night I’d seen her in the coffee shop. From the moment our eyes met I had been determined to meet her, but then in one brief moment everything changed and my course was altered. I wondered if she had experienced a similar life altering moment on that fateful day just a few weeks ago.

How strange it would be for some sort of tragedy to strike her life on the same day that our paths crossed again. Was Fate actually trying to bring us together or keep us apart?

All I knew for sure was that I needed to meet her. Something was pulling me to her, something strong. I regretted not meeting her that night in the coffee shop. I regretted not going inside the coffee shop to look for her the next day. I was not going to miss my chance again. I would find her.

I spent the summer searching the UCSD campus and surrounding areas. I had to enroll as a student again to have full access, so I decided to take some more art classes. I had grown to love art during my year in Paris. I was eager to expand my knowledge and ability.

I spent every night at the coffee shop, hoping and praying that I might see her. I asked around but no one seemed to know her. I watched for her everywhere I went, but after several months I began to lose hope. I didn’t know where else to look. I didn’t know where to go.

So I went to the one place I always went when I needed to figure things out. I went to the beach. I easily found my favorite little cliff. I had spent so many nights there in the past. It was nice to be back. More than anywhere else I had been since coming back to San Diego, this place felt like home. I stared out at the stars and thought about my future.

My life had been frozen for so many years. I had gone from my controlled existence with my father to my aimless existence with Elle. I was ready for my life to have direction. The summer art classes I was taking would actually satisfy all the credits I needed for a bachelor’s degree. I could graduate.

I thought of how ironic that was, to have fought so hard against my father only to come back and do exactly what he had wanted. But this time it wouldn’t be for him. It would be for me. I knew I would never stop looking for Katherine, but I needed to start moving forward.

As I stood there gazing down at the moonlit waves imagining her face I heard someone walk up behind me. I didn’t turn around. I tried to ignore them so that they would leave. But I could tell they didn’t leave immediately and I was just about to turn around when I finally heard them walk away. I wondered who else would be out here so late. I had never seen anyone on this
cliff
before.

I went back to my apartment that night with a new determination. I would graduate. I would get a degree and move forward with my life. If I was meant to find Katherine again I would. And for some reason I felt confident that I would see her again. There was something about her, something about how she made me feel, I knew I was meant to meet her. It was only a matter of time.

I was focused on my new goal. I quickly completed the necessary credits to obtain my degree and had decided to enroll at the Art Institute of California. Drawing was becoming my obsession. I would carry my sketchpad everywhere with me, just like I had in Paris. But this time I was practicing techniques and styles. I was challenging myself with various types of scenery. Back at my apartment I would paint over some of my sketches adding color and life to the pictures that were my favorite. Most of my paintings were of the ocean.

I never stopped looking for Katherine. Every slender brunette with long hair caught my attention if only momentarily. But as soon as I saw that it wasn’t her I lost all interest. I realized that none of those women would have ever caught my attention had I never seen her. It’s as if my heart knew that it belonged to her even before I did. Until that first night in the coffee shop no woman was of any interest to me, and now only she was. My heart came alive the first time I saw her, and now it only beat for her. But I continued moving forward.

I started the fall semester at the Art Institute and decided it would be easier to find an apartment closer to campus. I had been able to buy a broken down old truck, but the less I had to use it the better. I was lucky that only a few months into the semester an apartment in walking distance to the campus became available. Charlie offered to help me move.

“I don’t remember you having this much stuff when we lived together.” Charlie complained looking at the tower of boxes in my small apartment.

“Me neither” I laughed.

I wondered how much of it could be left behind and not missed. I was not looking forward to the multiple trips across town to relocate it all. I hated moving.

“Where do you want to start?” Charlie asked clapping his hands together. “Big furniture or boxes?”

“Let’s get the big stuff out of the way.” I suggested and we began loading my truck.

I only had a few large pieces of furniture: a bed, couch, dresser and my art easel. We were able to fit it all in one load. It was a short trip across town and we unloaded the truck in front of my new apartment building.