Love's Miracles (35 page)

“Exactly.
My father ate that up. Vinnie gets off on it too.”

“I
bet you spend long hours carving wood.”

Too
many
,
he thought as he remembered the statue. When he carved the animals it was for
the satisfaction of creating. But when he spent the long midnight hours working
on the statue, there was no joy or sense of accomplishment, only pain – and he
didn’t want to think about it today.

“You
spend long hours working. Do you do it because you enjoy it?”

“Yes.
I like working with people.”

And
he’d bet she was good at it.

“But
I’m discovering there’s more to it than helping others.”

He
saw the contemplation and hoped she would confide in him, although he wouldn’t
blame her if she kept to herself. When her glance locked with his he could see
glimpses of inner struggle, and he had to resist the temptation to reach out to
her.

“I’ve
been going to therapy myself.”

That
surprised him. Alert and concerned, he listened.

“Ever
since that night at your place I’ve realized I haven’t dealt with my past. My
father.” She took a deep breath. “I think a lot of my drive is guilt. I
couldn’t help my father, so maybe I can make up for it by helping others.”

It
was painful for her to discuss this; he could tell from the expression on her
face. It took effort, but he resisted the need to pull her into his arms and
offer comfort and strength.

“Is
knowing that about yourself going to make a difference?” he asked. “Are you
going to be able to slow down?”

Her
laugh was wry. “It hasn’t yet, but I’m working on it.”

She
started making piles in the sand in front of her. Zane watched her fingers sift
in and out of the small grains. When she smoothed her palms across the top he
couldn’t help wondering how her hands would feel on his body. Her hair hung
forward, hiding her face. He started to smooth it back but dropped his hand in
his lap. He’d better not touch, he thought. He wouldn’t want to stop.

“So
what are your dreams? What is it you crave to do?” he asked, hoping his
conversation would distract his thoughts.

She
glanced up then. Her sudden enthusiasm captured his attention. “I want to build
a retreat. Out in the country somewhere, where people can come and do like
we’re doing today. Enjoy nature. Relax and take a break from their stressed
world.”

She
was a dreamer all right, he thought. As she went on to explain the property she
was considering, he had to bite his tongue to keep from bursting her bubble.
Didn’t she know what something like that would cost? The work and planning it
would entail?

As
if reading his mind, she glanced up from the sand. “I know it sounds like a
pipe dream and believe me, I realize it will be years down the road before I
can begin to afford it. But it’s a good dream and it keeps me going.”

Zane
looked at the earnest set of her features and realized she was determined
enough and had the self-confidence she needed to achieve her dream. He envied
her for that. Perhaps if he had something to feel that strongly about, he’d be
able to put the past aside.

“I
don’t think your dream sounds impossible,” he told her. “When you get closer to
it, you’ll begin to work out the details.”

Her
eyes narrowed, but a smile formed. “Are you trying to tell me some of my ideas
aren’t workable?”

“They’re
sound; they just need some revision. You’re a city woman and can’t be expected
to know how it’s going to be in the country.”

“You
can teach me if you’re such an expert on the subject,” she challenged.

The
idea of teaching her anything pleased him. “That’s a promise,” he said, but
wondered in all honesty how long she’d be in his life. The thought of her not
being there depressed him enough so that he stood. “Let’s walk some more. These
old bones are getting stiff.”

“You’re
so ancient.” She accepted his hand and let him pull her up.

“Sometimes
I feel it. But not today. You’re good for me, Margo Devaull.”

***

Margo
heard the sincerity in his tone and saw it in his face. It pleased her to know
she could make this man happy. Just being with him did wonders for her. She
kept her hand in his as they walked along the beach. The afternoon sun hung low
in the sky and the breeze was starting to cool.

They
started back to their picnic spot when Margo spotted several long-legged birds
running toward the surf and then scurrying back to shore when the next wave
came in.

“What
are they doing?”

“Those
are sandpipers. See their longs beaks? When the water washes out they run out
and poke their beaks in the sand looking for food. But they don’t want to get
wet so they hurry back to shore before the water gets to them.”

They
were fast and Margo laughed at the sight. The brown and tan markings on their feathers
were attractive, but their long legs were comical.

“Come
on.” Zane grabbed her hand. “Do like they do. It’s a game we used to play when
we were kids.”

She
followed him as he charged after the receding wave, but when she looked up to
see the wall of water bearing down on them she screamed and ran back to the
beach.

Zane
laughed, a sound she didn’t think she’d ever tire of.

“Come
on. Try it again.”

“Not
on your life. That water’s freezing!”

In
spite of her protest, she soon joined him and ran back out to sea. She couldn’t
remember the last time she’d been this carefree. After several daring ventures,
she began to feel more confident. It didn’t take long before she was
challenging Zane to see who would risk going the farthest. When Zane misjudged
and ended up with wet cuffs, she couldn’t stop laughing.

“Think
it’s funny, do you?” He started toward her, and from the look in his eye, she
knew she’d better retreat.

She
wasn’t fast enough. He caught hold of her hand and spun her around to face him.

She
was prepared to run, so when he bent forward and kissed her it took her by
surprise. He let go of her hand and retreated, but she was too distracted to
notice his move. The rush of icy water swirling around her the calves of her
legs brought her attention around in a hurry.

“You
rat! You did that on purpose.”

He
stood on the beach and shrugged. “What can I say?”

He
sounded smug, but there was laughter in his eyes. If she hadn’t been sloshing
in ankle-deep water, she would have run up and given him a hug. By the time she
did get to him, her ardor had cooled.

“We’d
better head back now that we’re wet. I don’t want you catching cold.”

Margo
looked at the far horizon and saw that the sun was getting low. Where had the
day gone to? It seemed like they’d just arrived.

“Let’s
pack up and take a drive along the coast. If we get cold I can turn on the
heater.”

“I’d
like that.” She smiled. She’d agree to anything to prolong the day.

It
didn’t take long to load their gear. For the first time since she’d been coming
to Fort Bragg, the coast was not fogged in. The sight was breathtaking as they
drove along the narrow highway that hugged the steep cliffs. Even after
spending the day at the beach, she wasn’t tired of looking at the ocean.
Hundreds of feet below them, frothy white waves crashed against volcanic rock,
creating a sharp contrast against the deep blue of the Pacific.

“There’s
a pull-out up ahead.” Zane pointed past the curve. “Let’s stop for a minute and
watch the sunset.” He turned off the highway and parked the Bronco.

Today
had been a good start for them. They’d laughed and talked about mundane things
as they walked along the beach. Several times they touched on serious subjects,
but it was almost as if they’d decided that today would be a carefree time –
nothing heavy or emotional allowed. Margo had no problem with that.

Laughter
was a balm to her troubled mind. The fact that it was shared with Zane made it
all the more special. She glanced at him now as they sat in the Bronco, her
mind full of happy memories. He shifted position and caught her staring. His
smile widened. “You want to walk along the cliffs?”

She
nodded.

Zane
opened the door. A crisp breeze brought in the tang of salt air. He reached out
his hand and helped her scoot to his side and out the door. With his arm draped
across her shoulders, he led her to the edge.

The
sharp cry of sea gulls blended with the rhythmic crash of waves. Margo turned
her face upward to soak in the sunshine. Blue sky seemed endless as it met the
ocean on the horizon.

Zane
pointed with his free hand to an outcropping of rock. “There’re some sea lions.
Their brown heads are bobbing up and down. Do you see them?”

“They’re
riding the waves,” she exclaimed in delight.

Zane’s
arm tightened and Margo smiled up at him. His eyes reflected the color of the
sea and sky, and in them she read contentment. She couldn’t begin to express
the happiness within her: to be with Zane, in a beautiful setting, and to know
he was braving his past to come out and face the world. And he had told her it
was all for her.

“Too
bad we have to go back to town,” Zane commented. “I’d rather go explore more
beaches. There’s one on our land I want to take you to sometime.”

“I’d
like that. What’s it like?”

“We
call it Mystery Beach because of the grove of cypress trees that grow to the
edge. The wind blows so strong it has sculpted the trees into odd shapes. When
you walk inside the grove it’s very mysterious.” He chuckled. “Well, it seemed
that way when we were kids.”

Margo
didn’t pay much attention as he went on to describe some of his childhood
experiences with his father and Vinnie. It was enough to hear his voice and
know he was enjoying past memories. Unlike hers, his childhood had been full of
family outings, laughter, and fun.

“Maybe
someday you’ll have sons to bring here,” she commented, her thoughts dreamy as
she pictured a couple of miniatures of Zane.

His
grip tightened and she felt his body stiffen against hers. “I’m not looking
that far ahead.”

“But
like we said earlier, it doesn’t hurt to have dreams.”

“It
does hurt when you know they won’t come true.”

“Won’t
they?” Concern lines furrowed her brow. “Are you that sure?”

Zane
paused and swung around to face her. “I can’t be sure of anything except that I
can’t get you out of my mind. What that means for the future, I can’t tell
you.”

Margo
couldn’t respond as the import of his words took effect.

“I
can’t make promises.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t make commitments
either.”

“Do
you think therapy will bring you to the point of doing so?”

Did
he realize how far he’d come by simply admitting he was considering those
elements of a relationship? Hope filled her heart.

“I
don’t know. Will it? You’re the expert on the subject.”

“If
it’s what you want, say so and set your goals. It’s what you will achieve.”

“Right
now I’m digging around trying to find something to offer a woman like you.”

“Zane.”
She reached for his hand and drew it against her heart. “All I want is love.”

He
slid his fingers from hers, traced his hand to her throat, and then slid it
around to cup the nape of her neck.

His
voice was a whisper when he spoke. “I’m not sure there’s any inside of me to
give.”

“Love
can fill you, Zane. If you open your heart and accept it.”

“Do
you have enough love for both of us?”

The
longing in his gaze was too much to bear. She closed her eyes. Did she have the
love he needed? Did she want to risk what she did have inside on a man like
him? He might throw it away like her father had done.

His
hand dropped and Margo watched him as he looked to the sea.

She
tried to explain. “I want to have a family. Do family activities. Have family
outings like you did as a child.”

“You
should forget about me and find yourself the man that can guarantee those
things.”

“You
can be the man for those things.”

Zane
shifted. He was restless and nervous. This discussion needed to come later, she
thought, not now when they were both so unsure. Then again, dreams of the
future, a bright and hopeful future, could be the impetus that pushed him
toward healing.

A
fountain of white spray spouted past the last finger of land. Glad for a change
of subject, Margo pointed to it. “What is it, Zane? See that dark shape in the
water?”

Zane
followed the direction of her finger, obviously as relieved as she was with the
change of subject. “I don’t see…”

“Look.
There it goes again.”