Loves Redemption (17 page)

frustration, and fear mingle inside his gut.

“Dammit, Maya! Don’t do this shit! Don’t shut down on me,” he demanded. When she

continued with that blank look he hated on her face, he felt helpless. “I was only dancing, baby.

That’s all, he told her in desperation.

“I know,” she spoke so low he had to strain his ears to catch her words.

“My first response was to run when I saw you dancing with another woman. It seems like

I’ve been running my whole life.”

He felt uneasy. As though something wonderful was slipping from his grasp. In a

desperate attempt to stop her from saying something he didn’t want to hear, he captured her lips with his. He moved his mouth searchingly over hers; capturing and then releasing her full bottom rim over and over, as his hands shakily caressed her face.

When she didn’t respond, he realized he wasn’t reaching her. He released her lips and

moved slightly away. Afraid, he wanted to get her alone, away from the bar.

“Maya, listen to me sweetheart. Why don’t we go somewhere and talk. We can go

anywhere you want. I want us to be able to talk somewhere, uninterrupted. Please,” he pleaded.

It took her a long time to answer, and when she did, he felt his body sag with relief. “If

you’d like, you could come to my house and we could talk.”

“I parked in the parking lot right out front. I need to go and tell Jordan I’m leaving, and we can go.”

“I came here tonight with a friend and I need to tell her the same.”

He guided her back through the throng of people, keeping physical contact with her as his

hand settled on the small of her back. When she stopped, he looked down at the pretty woman who had been sipping her drink as they approached.

“What happened to you, Maya? One minute we were talking about your friend, and the

next minute you got up and left. Are you all right?” her glance slid off Maya to go to Mark, as his hand rested on her waist.

“I’m sorry ,Arlinda; I’m fine. Mark and I need to talk about some things, so I’m going to

have to leave if it’s okay with you? I’ll call you tomorrow and we can schedule a time to go over the particulars for the fundraiser,” Maya answered her friend, her voice solemn.

“Mark, this is my friend Arlinda Nyoni,” she introduced.

“Hello, Arlinda. It’s nice to meet you.” He shook her hand before releasing it to place his arm back around Maya’s back.

As Maya picked up her oversized bag, Arlinda watched the man at her side as he took the

heavy bag from her hands, his eyes lingering on hers, as she looked up to thank him, and just as quickly, looked away.

Arlinda watched the pair leave and a sigh of longing escaped her lips. She then noticed

the man at the table Mark had been sitting with, look across the room her way.

A slow smile spread across Arlee’s face and she lightly pat her curls in place, as he

unfurled his long body from the table and sauntered over in her direction.

* * * *

In silence they walked to Maya’s car. Mark didn’t know what was going on in her mind,

and that alone put him on edge. His main thought was he needed to be alone with her and

reassure her there wasn’t any other woman out there for him.

He could think of no other reason for her sudden withdrawal from him. And it scared the

hell out of him the way she’d shut down.

When they reached the lot where her car was parked, Mark asked for her keys and

opened her door.

“I’ll be right behind you, sweetheart.” He gave her a quick kiss, closed the door and ran

back toward his vehicle.

He followed her as she drove home. When she drove into the garage, he followed suit

within seconds. After climbing out of her car, she reached back to retrieve her things and waited for him to join her inside before closing the garage door.

“This door leads directly into my wing.” She allowed him to go in first when he gently

moved her aside. She followed him as he turned on lights and began to look around, making sure nothing was out of order.

“I know it’s getting late, but I think we need to talk.” He followed her into the sitting

room.

“Do you want anything to drink?”

Picking up on her nervousness, he walked over to her and took both of her hands between

his, and then he led her to the overstuffed sofa.

“Maya the two of us have been learning more about the other. I love the fact you’re

beginning to trust me and grant me access into your world. Baby, I know that’s something you don’t do easily and I don’t want it to change. You’ve got to know there was nothing going on at the bar.”

Mark sat back and pulled her with him to a more comfortable and intimate position on the

sofa. He knew it would be easier for her to talk without looking at him. He felt her resistance, and ignored it, forcing her to accept his touch.

“You’re right. One part of me knows that. But I guess for me it seems I don’t have much

luck when it comes to intimate or personal relationships.”

Her words caused some of the tension to ease from his body, the fear that she was

slipping away from him abating as she spoke.

“I know that, Maya. That’s why what we have is so special. Something I wouldn’t

jeopardize for anything.” He closed his eyes and placed a small kiss on her top of her head.

“I had a difficult childhood I guess you could say. It seemed as though I could never do

anything right no matter how hard I tried.”

Mark knew of her childhood and how she’d been the caregiver for her foster sister from

the time she herself was little more than a child.

“I started doing chores and taking care of Ally when I was young, and I thought that was

the way it was supposed to be. Although Ally wasn’t much younger than I was, she always

seemed
to be. We settled into the role of mother and daughter. I never did resent it. At least I didn’t think I had. In high school, the girl who shared a locker with me was pretty nice. She would invite me to go to the local hangout a lot. I’m sure you know the type.”

Mark looked down at her upturned face and placed a small kiss on her forehead. He knew

her childhood had been hell, but this was the first time she had gone into details. Lifting his hand, he stroked the side of her face, encouraging her to continue, “I know the type.”

“It was a Friday afternoon, and my locker mate issued her standard invitation for me to

join them. I don’t know who was more surprised, she or I, when I accepted. It was my senior year, and maybe I wanted to hang out for once. I don’t know. Feel normal.” She said with a

laugh that had him tense, not sure what was coming next.

“I went with my locker mate to the mall, and for a couple of hours I forgot my

responsibilities, forgot about what I needed to do at home, and had a fun time.” Knowing there was a ‘but’ coming, his breath caught as he waited for her to continue.

“After a while one of the kids suggested we all go somewhere to eat, and I was horrified

at how late it was. I got on the first bus that would take me near our apartment, and ran the rest of the way home. I had this awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew something wasn’t right.”

She paused before continuing with a hitch in her voice. “When I made it home, the door

was opened, and I could hear Allison crying. Danny was standing over her. His shirt was open and his pants were around his ankles. I was stunned. I didn’t know what to think or do, I felt sort of detached. You know when you feel disconnected with your body somehow?”

Her phrasing and the hesitancy in her voice told Mark she didn’t expect an answer. She

was caught up in the horror of reliving her sister’s rape.

“Mark, I can’t begin to tell you how guilty I felt that night. Because of my selfishness,

Allison was brutalized and scarred for life. I’ve always felt responsible.” Her voice was thick with unshed tears.

“Maya, I’m sorry Ally was harmed by that asshole. No woman should have to go through

that. And because she was a young girl that makes it much worse.” He consoled her, hugging her tightly against his chest, refusing to allow her to move away from his comfort.

“But sweetheart what happened wasn’t your fault. No, look at me, baby.” He said when

she tried to turn away from his probing eyes.

“I know I’m not responsible for another person’s actions. I know that. But I also know if

I had been there, then Allison wouldn’t have been harmed,” Maya nearly cried her response.

“Baby,” Mark paused, and she could hear his frustration. “Maya, because you went out

on
one
normal activity in all of your young life and something terrible happened to your sister does
not
mean you’re responsible. Had you been there, he may have assaulted both of you. Or he may have come back when you weren’t around and still raped Allison. The truth is, you were

able to take care of her, and you may have saved her from him hurting her even more. Don’t

keep beating yourself up for participating in a normal adolescent activity.”

“Whether or not you believe I have a place of blame for what happened to Allison

doesn’t negate the fact my sister was raped and her life was changed. Ally had always been a carefree girl, always found something to laugh about. After she was raped, she was different.”

“How so?”

“I told you Ally came to live with me when I left Melissa’s house for college.”

At his nod she continued, “I’d known she had been experimenting with drugs with some

of her friends at school. Whenever I tried to say something to her about it she’d tell me to mind my own business. After what happened with Danny, she also became promiscuous and would

come home from school late with no explanation. When I confronted her about it, she admitted she was doing drugs and she didn’t always have money for it. I think you can guess how she got the money for her habit.”

“I can.” He answered and Maya knew in his line of work, he came in constant contact

with young people who grew up in the type of neighborhood she’d grown up in. To them, crime was a normal way of life--dealing and taking drugs, gangs, and prostitution. Each was a normal component of their everyday lives.

“Maya, I want you to understand I would never take you for granted. You deserve so

much more than to be treated with casual neglect. No, please listen to me. I’m sure Allison loved you. Dalia, I can tell cares a great deal for you. The women at Imani House admire and respect you. I’m not saying no one cares for you. What I see is you give a lot.”

It was hard for Maya to listen to what he was telling her. She was comfortable in the role

of counselor where she was helping someone to get her life on track; she felt confident of her welcome.

But when it became personal, she wasn’t as sure of her reception. She’d learned not to

expect much in the way of return affection. To have expectations was a surefire way to

disappointment. It was the way she’d learned to cope--not to expect too much. That was the way to avoid heartache.

She hadn’t realized it, but with Mark she had been doing the same thing. He was the first

man she had shared so much of herself with. He said things to her no one had ever said.

He did things to her body she’d allowed no other man to do.

He seemed to have a genuine interest in her. He asked her about her life, and wanted to

explore new things with her.

“When I first saw you dancing, I was upset because all I could see was this woman in

your arms, dancing with you. Then I kind of felt it was inevitable.

“What do you mean inevitable? That you would see me with someone else? Baby, I was

only dancing with her,” Mark said gently.

“I know. I guess I’ve always waited for the other shoe to drop. That something was

bound to happen to end this,” she admitted in a low voice.

“I’ve always been honest with you Maya. I’ve told you how I feel, and my feelings

haven’t changed. In fact the opposite has happened. You’ve invaded my heart,” he admitted, and her heart caught at his simple words.

“Sometimes I get a little scared of what’s happening, because it seems like it’s happening

too fast. But it doesn’t make it any less real. I’m not walking away from this, and neither will I let you.” He hugged her close. As he’d come to the last words, he cleared his throat.

“I’m sure along the way one of us will make a mistake, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love

each other. Or, that our relationship is destined to fall apart. It means we made a mistake, and all we do from there is learn from that mistake, not give up on the relationship. Giving up is too damn easy, Maya.”

Maya didn’t think it registered on him he mentioned love. She allowed the slip to pass

because she didn’t want to examine it too closely. What she did examine was his desire to be with her. She was happier than she’d ever been, and she didn’t want to sabotage it through her fears. Fears she carried around like the unnecessary, excess baggage they were.

“You’re right. I don’t want to give up on this. It’s natural for me to withdraw when it

becomes personal, and it’s something I’ve been working on. But I’ll keep trying. That’s all I can promise. I’ll try,” she promised him with a small smile.

“We’ll work on it,” he corrected her.

When she saw him glance at his watch, she realized how late it was. Lately, she would

take one of her weekend days off to spend with him, which meant her Fridays were busy late

nights at the house.

When Mark realized she was working later on Fridays and figured out why, he didn’t try

and talk her out of working late. He simply arrived at Imani House on Friday night when he left the precinct and worked from his laptop or visited with the residents. After Maya finished for the night, they would drive to her house and he would spend the night.