LOVING ELLIE (19 page)

His gaze locked with hers.  “I have every intention of coming back.  Besides,” he added with a grin, “what man in his right mind would pass up the chance to watch you try and milk Flo every morning?”

She gave him a playful jab in the ribs.  “I’m beginning to think you have a thing for milkmaids.” 

“No, Ellie, what I have a thing for is
you
.”

                                                        *              *              *

Ellie sighed softly.  Lucas had only been gone a few hours and she was already missing him.  She’d never noticed how quiet the ranch was before.  Slipping on her coat and snow boots, she made her way out to the barn to check on the animals.  Lucas had given them fresh water and fed them before leaving that morning for the airport, but she was going stir crazy in the house.  She needed an excuse to get out. 

She looked in on the horses, wishing she could take one out for a ride.  Jarrett had taught her to ride when they’d first met and she’d loved it.  But now, she thought, placing a hand on her stomach, she didn’t dare try.

She continued back through the barn, glancing into the storage room on her way past.  Spying the broom propped up against the far wall, she smiled.  Maybe she couldn’t exercise the horses, but she could sweep.  Something she could do and feel like she was contributing, if even in a small way, to the ranch.

Stepping into the small storage room, she reached for the broom and began sweeping around several cardboard boxes that were stacked along the wall beneath several rows of shelves.  Try as she might, she couldn’t get to the pieces of straw and dust that had collected between the boxes.  Propping the broom up against the wall, she knelt to pull the boxes out so she could sweep around and behind them.

The second box was heavier than she expected it to be when she worked it out from under the shelf.  Writing on the box drew her gaze to the word KEEP.  It was Jarrett’s handwriting.  She ran her fingers over the dusty flaps, tracing the hastily scrawled letters.  What piece of her friend’s life, her son’s father’s life, was stored away inside?

Hands trembling, Ellie worked open the flaps until she could see its contents beneath the stark light of the overhead bulb.  An embossed brown leather and brass photo album stared back at her from inside the box.

Pictures from Jarrett’s childhood?  Other than the one she’d seen of him with Lucas at Alice Mulrooney’s house, she’d had never seen any lying around.  Apparently he’d stored them away in the barn for safekeeping. 

Smiling wistfully, she pulled the album out and flipped it open to the first page, gasping in shock.  It wasn’t the childhood pictures of Jarrett and Lucas she’d been expecting to find, but ones of Lucas dressed in a tuxedo, standing in a church.  Next to him stood a very beautiful, very young bride wearing a long, white satin wedding dress.  Her midnight hair was swept up and adorned with a crystal tiara, and she was looking up at him, her wide green eyes filled with love.

Ellie’s heart wrenched.  There was no question in her mind as to who that young woman was.  The love of Lucas’s life - Anna.

An unexpected twinge of jealousy moved through her as she turned the pages of his wedding album.  But as she scanned the pictures, that emotion turned to a deep, aching sadness for Lucas and all that he had lost.  All one had to do was look at those pictures to see the depth of love shared between the young couple. 

She closed the album, tears blurring her vision.  Setting the heavy book aside, she reached into the box and pulled out a smaller book – a journal of some sort – and opened it.  The moment she realized the writings inside belonged to Anna, her first thought was to close the book and return the collection of Anna’s private thoughts back to the box it had been stored in for safekeeping.  But the words that greeted her from the open page stopped her cold.

I can only pray Lucas will forgive me.

Forgive her?  For what?

She read on, stunned by the words Anna had written.  Proof that Lucas wasn’t responsible for the death of his wife and child.  Desperate to have a child of her own, of their own, Anna had lied to her husband about being allowed to conceive.  She had made the decision for them – not Lucas – and in going against her doctor’s orders had forfeited her young life along with that of her unborn child.    

“Oh, Lucas,” Ellie groaned as hot tears rolled down her cheeks.  Her heart ached for him, for all those years he’d blamed himself for what had happened to his wife and their baby. 

She read on.  When her health began to suffer, Anna was forced to confess the truth to her husband who was devastated.  Then the journal entries ended. 

“He knew,” Ellie gasped.  Yet he still felt responsible.  How could Anna have done something so selfish?  Didn’t she know the risk she was taking, should it turn out badly, would leave Lucas emotionally damaged?  Or had she convinced herself that everything would be all right? 

Lucas had taken the blame for his wife getting pregnant against her doctor’s wishes, letting everyone believe the worst of him.  That he’d wanted a child of his own bad enough to put his wife’s life at risk.  And he’d continued to protect her even now, years later, because he loved Anna that deeply. 

Closing the journal, Ellie buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking as she sobbed uncontrollably.  She felt Lucas’s pain.  Finally understood.

“Ellie?” a familiar voice called out from inside the barn. “You in here?”

Her head shot up.  Panic set in.  The last thing she wanted was for Blaine to find her crying over things she had no right to be seeing, to be reading.  She swiped a hand across her tear-streaked face and took a moment to collect herself.

“I’m in here, Blaine,” she called out despite the lump of emotion lodged in her throat.  She hurried to return the journal and wedding album to the box and was just closing it when he walked in.

He was dressed in his uniform, hat pulled down low over his brows.  Light from the bulb overhead reflected off the polished silver badge pinned to the front of his shirt.

“I was getting worried.  I tried the house first and then...” his words trailed off as his gaze shifted to where she sat on the floor.  “Ellie?”  He knelt beside her, his brows creased in concern.  “Are you all right?  What happened?”

“I’m fine.”

“You’ve been crying.”

“A little.  I was going through some old boxes of Jarrett’s.”  At least, what she’d thought was his.

He stood and helped her to her feet.  “That had to be hard for you.”

He couldn’t even begin to imagine.  She turned and bent to restack the boxes, shoving them back under the shelf.  “Life is hard.”

“It can be,” he acknowledged.

"Lucas told me you’d be stopping by,” she said as she walked out of the storage room.  It was hard to focus on anything except for the words she’d read in Anna Tanner’s journal.  “You don’t have to check on me.”

“I don’t mind.  It’s not like Eagle Ridge is a haven for crime.”

She stepped over to Cash’s stall, stroking him through the fence rails.  “Guess that leaves you with lots of free time for other pursuits.”

“By other pursuits, do you mean Victoria?”

“I might.”  She glanced back at him, determined to move the conversation away from her current emotional state.  “How is she?”

He smiled.  “Settling in to her new place.”

“Lucas said she’d found a place in town.  I’ll have to get by to see her.”

“I wish you would.  She really enjoyed visiting with you and she doesn’t really know anyone else here in town yet.”

Ellie nodded.  She knew how it felt to be a stranger in a new town.  At least Victoria had her aunt and uncle and knew her and Lucas and Blaine.  Ellie had known no one.

“I’ll make a point to,” she told him.  “I’m sure her aunt and uncle are going to miss having them living there with them.”

“They do, but they’ve been looking into retirement communities in the area and hope to move soon.  I’ve offered to help look after their place until they find a buyer.”

She continued stroking the horse’s nose.  “I’m glad you decided to give Victoria a second chance.”

“Not as glad as I am,” he admitted as he stepped up beside her, folding his arms atop the stall rail.  “You sure you’re all right?”

“Blaine, please, I’m fine.  I really wish everyone would stop worrying about me.”  It was still hard to accept that people could actually care about her when for most of her life that hadn’t been the case. 

“I have to.  Lucas would have my head if anything happened to you while he was away.  Now, enough about Victoria and myself.  Something tells me there was more to your tears earlier than you’re letting on.”

“In case you’ve forgotten, Blaine, I’m pregnant.  And pregnant women have a tendency to cry a lot.”

He studied her for a long moment before shrugging off his concern.  “Just making sure.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked suspiciously.  He knew Lucas was seeing to the animals that morning before leaving for the airport.

“I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d swing by to see if you needed a lift to the coffee shop this morning.”

“Thank you, but no.  I’m not going to open today.”  She had intended to go in late, but after her discovery in the barn she needed time alone to take it all in, something she wouldn’t get much of at work. 

His surprise registered on his face.  “I thought Sunday was the only day you were closed.”

She turned from the stall to face him.  “I wasn’t this pregnant before.” 

His gaze dropped down to her rounded belly.  “I suppose not.”  He stepped away from the stall.  “You have my cell number.  Call if you need anything.”

She smiled up at him.  “I will.”

Ellie returned to the house and tried to busy herself doing small tasks, but the contents of Anna’s journal weighed too heavily on her mind to focus on anything.  That is, except for how much Lucas had loved his wife.  A love Ellie couldn’t help but envy, no matter how wrong it was to feel that way.

*              *              *

Lucas stared out the window as the runway drew closer and closer.  After nearly twenty-four hours of in-air flight and layovers in Denver and Miami, he had finally arrived in Rio.

As soon as they’d landed and taxied up to the gate, he gathered up his carry-on and hat.  He hated being this far away from Ellie.  Especially now.  She had consumed his thoughts the entire flight.  A huge change from his previous flight from Rio to Wyoming when all he’d thought about was losing his brother, his wife, and his unborn child.

It wasn’t that they weren’t still in his thoughts.  It was more that he was finally able to focus on something other than the emotional pain.  And that
something
happened to be Ellie Sanders.

He’d wanted to call her when his flight landed in Miami, but it was late and he hadn’t wanted to wake her.  It shocked him how much he missed hearing her sweet voice.  Seeing that beautiful smile.  Crazy as it was, he even missed the look of sheer determination she’d get on her face every time she set to work milking Flo. 

He glanced down at his watch with a frown.  It was 8:35 a.m. in Rio; which meant it was even earlier in Eagle Ridge.  He’d still have to wait a few more hours before he’d be able to call Ellie.

Pulling his cell phone from the pocket of his jacket, he joined the stream of passengers exiting the plane.  The second he powered up, a loud beep signaled an awaiting message.  He stepped out of the crowd’s flow to check it.

Lucas, this is Blaine.  When I stopped by to check on Ellie this morning she’d been crying.  Apparently, she’d been going through some of Jarrett’s old things.  Of course, she insisted she was fine.  Thought you’d want to know.  I’ll look in on her again tomorrow.

The message ended and Lucas clicked the phone shut with a deepening frown.  He hated the thought of Ellie being out at the ranch all alone.  Hated even more that she’d been crying and he hadn’t been there to comfort her.  Because, whether she chose to admit it or not, she needed him.  Every bit as much as he needed her.

CHAPTER
FOURTEEN

Carry-on in hand, Lucas made his way through the airport in search of a coffee shop.  He sorely needed some caffeine.  While he’d managed to get a little sleep during the lengthy flight overseas, he felt the effects of jet lag setting in. 

After grabbing a large cup of java, he exited the terminal.  He’d called Alexandre from the airport in Denver during his layover to let him know he’d be coming by the ranch when he arrived the next day.  That he needed to talk to him.  Only his friend had insisted on picking him up when he got in which meant Alex should be arriving soon. 

While he waited, Lucas checked the time again and reached for his cell phone.  Though it was still on the early side for folks in Eagle Ridge, he couldn’t wait any longer to talk to Ellie.  He needed to know she was all right before heading out to Alex’s ranch.  Especially after having heard Blaine’s message.

He dialed the ranch and waited.  Several rings later a sleepy voice answered at the other end of the line.

“Mmm...hello?”

“Ellie, it’s Lucas.”

“You made it there?”

“My flight got in a short while ago.  I’m sorry to be calling so early, but I’m not sure how good of a signal I’ll have once I leave the airport.  I was hoping to catch you before you left for work.”

“Don’t be sorry.  I’m glad you called,” she replied with a sleepy yawn.

“Did I wake you?” he asked, despite hearing the television in the background.

“I should have been up long before now, but I’m not in my bed so I never heard the alarm clock go off.”

“Where are you?”

“On the sofa.”

“You slept in the living room?”

“Not on purpose,” she answered tiredly.  “I guess I fell asleep waiting for the week’s weather forecast.”

“Talk to me, Ellie.”

“I thought I was.”

“You know what I mean,” he said in frustration.  “I can’t stand being thousands of miles away from you and not being able to fix whatever’s wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“Blaine left a message on my cell that he’d stopped by to check on you and found you crying.”

“He didn’t need to worry you about that.  It was nothing.”

Not worry about her?  As if that were possible.  “He said you’d been going through some of my brother’s things.”

There was a long silence before Ellie replied.  “I found some old pictures and other things.  It was hard.”

“If you need me to, I’ll change my return flight and start back tomorrow.”

“But you only just got there.”

“I don’t care.”

“You would do that for me?” she said, her voice catching.

“In an instant.”

“Don’t tempt me.  I might just beg you to come home,” she said with a muffled sob.

Being away from her was hard enough, but hearing the emotion in her voice was killing him.  “Say the word, Ellie, and I’m there.”

“I’m not about to make you come home just because I’ve turned into a weepy female.  You do what you need to do down there and then come home, cowboy.”

Home.
  He smiled at the word.  “I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’m counting on it.”

“Take care of yourself and that little one.”

“I will.”

“I’ll call you when I can.”

“Goodbye, Lucas.”

“Take care, Ellie.” He closed the phone and brought his coffee cup to his mouth.

“Missing her already, eh?” 

Lucas turned to find Alexandre standing behind him, a wide smile stretched across his friend’s deeply tanned face. 

“Alex,” he said, extending his free hand in greeting.  “I didn’t see you pull up.”

Alexandre shook his hand with a low chuckle.  “It’s not like you to be caught so unaware, my friend.  This Ellie must truly be something special.”

“She is.”

“Come,” he said.  “We’ll speak more on the way to the ranch.”

Lucas tossed his suitcase into the back of Alexandre’s Ford Avalanche and then hopped up into the cab. 

Alexandre glanced over at him as he pulled away from the terminal.  “So you are finally going home to stay.”

Lucas looked to him in surprise.

His friend laughed.  “It was just a feeling, but I can see by your response that I am right.”

“It’s time,” Lucas admitted.  “Besides, Ellie needs me, even if she’s too damn stubborn to admit it.”

“Something tells me you need her as well.”

A vision of her beautiful face slid lazily through his mind.  “More than I ever thought possible.  But you know things are complicated between us.”  He and Alexandre had spoken over the phone several times since Lucas returned to Eagle Ridge.  Alex was his confidante.  A man who passed no judgment, listened attentively, and was trustworthy to a fault.

“Then it is a good thing for you I have begun my search for a possible replacement in case you would come to this decision.  Though I doubt there are many I will find who will fill your shoes completely, my friend.”

“I appreciate that, Alex, but I hate that I’ve put you in this position.  You deserve more notice.”

Alexandre shrugged nonchalantly.  “You and I both know that a smart businessman expects change and moves freely with it.  Growth and expansion are an important part of that change.  That’s where you come in.”

“Me?”

“I’ve wanted to get into the American market for a while now.  What better way to do so than to have a business partner who lives in the states?  One I trust implicitly.”

Business partner? 
Lucas had never considered that possibility.  When he’d come to Brazil all he’d wanted to do was bury himself in whatever job he found to the point he focused on nothing else.  And he did just that.  His hard work and dedication impressed Alexandre who asked Lucas to take charge of several of his larger business projects.  Lucas taught Alex the ins and outs of horses and ranching.  In exchange, Alex had taught him about investing which had paid off two-fold for Lucas, leaving him as he had told Ellie financially secure.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“I accept would be a good start,” Alex said with a grin.  “But at the very least say you will hear me out when we get back to my place and give serious consideration to my offer.”

“I’m definitely interested and I happen to know about some property going up for sale on the outskirts of Eagle Ridge that might be a good investment for a guest ranch.  Great highway access.  Lots of acreage.”

“You’ve got my interest, mi amigo.  So how long are you back for?”

“A week at the most.  A lot less if I can help it.  Ellie is determined to burn the candle at both ends, so I need to get back to her as soon as possible.  I’m telling you, Alex, that woman is as stubborn as the day is long.”

Alex chuckled.  “Sounds like the pot is calling the kettle black.”

“But I’m not pregnant,” Lucas argued.  “She’s at the end of her pregnancy and is putting in just as many hours at her coffee shop as she did when she wasn’t pregnant.  Not to mention the things she tries to do around the ranch.”

“I admire her dedication, but I do understand your concern.”

Lucas nodded, knowing Alexandre was well aware his painful past.

“Have you convinced her to keep the baby?”

Lucas frowned.  “No, but she hasn’t chosen adoptive parents yet either.”

“So your plan is working then, eh?”

“Not as well as I’d hoped,” he admitted with a sigh.  “Ellie still refuses to marry me, but I’m not giving up hope.”  Not when there was so much at stake – his heart included.

“All I can say is better you than me,” Alex said, meaning every word of it.

Committing himself to one woman wasn’t something Alexandre would ever contemplate.  Not again.  He’d gone that route once and had been fortunate enough to find out before it was too late that his fiancée was more interested in what Alex could offer her monetarily than emotionally.  There was no doubt in Lucas’s mind that his friend would remain a bachelor for life.

Then again, Lucas thought with a smile, he’d felt that same way, too.  And now look at him – willing to risk it all and go home for good with only the hope of winning Ellie’s heart driving him.  And win it he would because he couldn’t even imagine his life now without her in it.

*              *              *

Ellie hurried to zip up her coat and then stepped out onto the porch to greet Blaine as he pulled up in front of the house.

“Morning,” she called out as he stepped out of the patrol car.  Wisps of steam followed her words, curling up into the frigid morning air.

“Morning,” he replied with a glance up at the sky.  “Looks like more we’ve got more snow on the way.”

She looked up at the thick grey clouds hovering overhead. “I don’t know.  I think it’s too cold to snow.”

“We could only be so lucky.”

“You know, I love living here in Eagle Ridge, but on days like this I find myself missing California.”  Its climate, not the life she’d had there.

He looked around with a shrug.  “I don’t know.  I’d have to say I’d take the beauty of a mountain backdrop and freshly fallen snow over earthquakes and smog any day.”

She laughed.  “You’ve got a point.  Thanks for reminding me of what I’m not missing.”

“My pleasure.  You’d best get back in the house where it’s warm while I go see to the horses and Flo.”

“And I’ve already milked Flo.”

He raised a tawny brow. 

“Lucas knows I’ve been milking her.  It’s one of the few things he doesn’t have a fit about my doing around here.  So you don’t have to tattle on me for doing it.”

That brought a grin to his face.  “Okay, I suppose I’ll let that one slide.  But I am keeping my eye on you.”

“I know.  Lucas called.”

“I was worried about you.”

“Well, you can stop worrying,” she told him firmly, even though she truly did appreciate his concern. 

“As if that’s going to happen,” he said with a chuckle.  “Do you need a ride in to work today?”

She shook her head.  “No.  It’s cold out, but the roads aren’t bad.  I can drive myself to town.”  Besides, it would save him from having to run her back out to the ranch after the coffee shop closed. 

“It’s freezing out.  What if your car breaks down on the way?” he asked, subtly reminding her of the risk she’d be taking. 

“Fine,” she relented with a groan.  “You can drive me into town today, but tomorrow’s weather forecast is warmer temperatures.  I
will
be driving myself. And you can tell that to Lucas when he calls you to see if I’ve been behaving myself.”

Blaine chuckled again.  “I’ll be sure to do that.”  Tipping his hat, he headed off toward the barn.

Ellie headed back to the house to finish getting ready for work.  Even though Lucas was miles and miles away, he still managed to care for her and the baby through Blaine.  He had made her a promise and he was doing everything he could to keep it.  That was the kind of man he was.   

Tears blurred her vision.  She missed Lucas.  And if she missed him this much after only a few days, how would she handle it when he left for good?  Which he would, she knew, once the baby was born.  If only she could make her heart accept what she knew was inevitable.

*              *              *

Ellie flipped the CLOSED sign in the coffee shop window to OPEN.  Then, after hanging her coat on the coat rack by the door, she headed back to the kitchen to turn on the ovens.

Once the coffee was brewing and the day’s muffins and croissants were in the ovens baking, she made her way back out to the still empty dining area. 

She walked over to the window to look out.  The streets were as empty as they had been when Blaine had driven her into town.  The chilly temperature had no doubt made people rethink leaving the warmth of their homes. 

It wasn’t until nearly an hour after she’d opened that the coffee shop door finally swung open.  The jingling of the overhead bell drew her gaze that direction.

Ellie looked up with a welcoming smile.  “Victoria!”

“Hello,” her friend said with an exaggerated shiver.  “Brrr...it’s freezing out there.”

Her friend.
  Ellie had never had a close female friend.  They were too catty.  Too ready to judge you.  But Victoria was different.

“Get used to it,” she warned with a smile.  “Winters here have three settings – cold, colder and freezing.”

Laughing softly, Victoria walked over to the counter where she settled onto a stool.  “So how are you doing with Lucas away?”

“I’m surviving.”  Just as she would once the baby was born and he left for good.  “How’s J.B.?”

“He’s started school here and really seems to like it.”

“And things with you and Blaine?”