Loving Enough (The Enough Series Book 2) (9 page)

Rylee

Spending the day with Austin yesterday rejuvenated me. I
woke up today missing him, but ready to take on the world. It is amazing what a
little sleep and a whole lot of Austin Black can do for a girl. I cannot
contain my giddy grin at the memory of yesterday. We definitely made the most
of our alone time.

J is being transferred out of the Critical Care Unit this
morning, so I am back at the hospital. Bode and I couldn’t be happier to
finally be leaving the waiting room we have spent the better part of two weeks
in. We walk through the hard steel doors and head for a new waiting room on the
second floor.

Sadly we find ourselves waiting in another room just as depressingly
dreadful as the last. This time we know where J stands and that makes the ugly
gray chairs and light blue walls somewhat more tolerable. This room sits off a
long corridor which connects several blocks of rooms. Bode and I take a seat in
the far corner next to a table with a cute potted plant boasting a few pink
blooms.

Bode seems preoccupied and nervous. He hasn’t stopped
fidgeting since we sat down. Staring at the television on the opposite wall, I
try to keep up with the news story by reading the closed captioning. The story
centers on the price of oil and the likelihood that gas prices will once again
skyrocket as summer nears. Well, that is nothing new.  

I am so focused on the story that I nearly miss when Bode
asks if we can talk for a minute. His serious tone worries me. Tearing my
attention away from the price of oil, I focus on the stern face of my best
friend.

“Ry, I am so happy things are getting better and J is close
to going home. I don’t want to be selfish, but I need to get back out on the
circuit. My sponsors are getting aggravated and I don’t know how much longer I
can put them off.”

I can see remorse and sadness in his eyes. It makes me feel
horrible - I never considered what Bode had given up to be here with me all
this time. He competes in surfing competitions on a near weekly basis. He has
been around a lot lately, which confirms that his sponsors are likely irate by
now. They spend a bunch of money on him because he brings in a ton more, so I
am sure his presence is missed.

Bode has his hands in his long blonde hair with his head
down. He thinks he is failing me by needing to get on with his life. I grab his
hands and direct his gaze to me.

“Bode, I completely understand that you need to go. You have
been amazing. I could not have gotten through any of this without you, but it
is not fair for you to put your life on hold any longer. Go, go rule the oceans
like you do. I love you, Bode. You are the best friend J and I could ever ask
for.” 

My words seem to ease the tension in his body. He squeezes
my hands and some of the tightness leaves his face.

“I love you too, Ry, more than I should … which is the other
reason I have to go. The past few months I have hoped you would see me the way
I see you, but you don’t.”

Sadness overtakes his eyes and I am speechless. I can’t
believe Bode feels this way. My suspicions were raised after being at his cabin
with him, but I chalked it up to my crazy emotional state. There was a time
when I wanted nothing more than to hear those words from Bode. Then we dated
and we could never make it work. We are better friends than we ever were
lovers.  

“Bode, I, uh... I had no idea. We have always been friends.
Even when we tried dating it never worked.”

I am at a complete loss for words. I don’t want to hurt my
best friend, but I don’t see him the way he sees me. For the first time in my
life I am in love with an amazing man. A man I consider to be my destiny. Tears
pool in my eyes because the thought of losing Bode terrifies me. I almost lost
J. I cannot face the prospect of losing Bode.

“Come on, Ry. Don’t cry, baby girl. I have seen you with
Austin and he is good for you. I know we aren’t right, but I haven’t been able
to convince my heart of that yet. I just need some time. This isn’t goodbye and
you won’t lose me. I couldn’t stay away if I wanted to. That would mean telling
J how I feel about you and we both know he would kill me.” He chuckles at the
thought.

I smile timidly at him, commanding my tears to stop.

“I am so sorry, Bode. I really didn’t know, but you are
right - J would kill you. He hated it when we dated. It was uncomfortable for
him.”

He kisses my hand. “Yeah, I’m sure it was. You will call me
if you need anything? And if Austin ever messes up, you let me know,” he says
with a wink.

I can’t help laughing at that. Ryan made the same comment a
few months ago. Poor Austin, if he only knew. Of course, it wouldn’t matter
because he is the only one I want.

“I adore you, Bode Roberts, you know that, but you had
better not leave without telling J goodbye.”

We walk silently back to J’s room. He seems to be in much
better spirits today. He told Bode to leave and promised we would call if there
is any news. I decide to leave them alone. I need to clear my head. I walk
through the hallways and up to the roof for a bit of fresh air.

I stand looking out over the city, taking in the day’s
events, when my phone buzzes in my pocket. Every time that thing goes off my
stomach twists with fear of the constant shadow in my life.

Unknown: I am glad
to see u will finally be alone. We can be together now

Shit, I hadn’t thought of that. With Bode leaving and Austin
already gone, I will be alone much more frequently. I am sure Eric will be
around, but unfortunately his girlfriend Jen does not like him hanging out with
us. I wish he would just be done with her already.

The thought of being alone sends a shiver down my spine, so
I make my way back down to J’s room in search of familiar faces. I plaster a
smile on my face before entering the room so I don’t alert either of them to my
sudden distress. I will talk to Ruzek about the text and see what we can
arrange.

After an hour of joking around and meandering down memory
lane, Bode gets up to leave. He pulls me in for a big hug and I fit perfectly
beneath his shoulder and against his chest.

“Are you sure you will be OK being alone? I hate that Austin
left too, but I talked to Ruzek and he said somebody would be with you at all
times.”

I don’t know why I am surprised he has already spoken to the
detective; these boys always look out for me. I squeeze him tightly, holding on
to the person who has provided me refuge in recent weeks.

“I will be fine, Bode. Go rule the waves. I will call you if
I need you, I promise. Same rules as always, though; you have to call me once a
week and let me know how things are. I want to know how the competitions go.”

He pulls back from me with a sad smile and shakes his head.
“Sure, same rules as always. I will text and call you like I always do. Take
care of J and let me know how everything is. It may be a few months before I get
back, unless you need me before then. I love you, Rylee. Stay safe.”

He squeezes me into his body and I breathe him in. Saying
goodbye to Bode always hurts because I fear for his safety even though he is
the best at what he does. This time saying goodbye is even harder, since this
is the longest stretch he has spent at home in years.

“I love you too, Bode. Stay safe out there and come back in
one piece, please.”

It hurts my heart to watch him go, but I know he has to. I
hope that, with a little time away, he will realize he is not in love with me
and we can go back to the way things were. I am not sure I could bear the
thought of anything else, so that is what I will hold on to for now.

Rylee

After Bode left yesterday, J and I watched crappy television
and I attempted to get some work done. It is abundantly clear that J is ready
to bid the hospital farewell. He is bitchy and always a little on edge. I try
to roll with the punches, hoping he will be back to his old self once he is
released.

We haven’t talked about much other than sports and the
weather. We are both avoiding the elephant in the room. Ruzek has not been by
in two days and we are all on edge. We on the verge of leaving the relative
safety of the hospital and we have no plan in place. This maniac struck out of
nowhere last time and I do not want any of us to be caught off guard again.

I wanted to go out and pick up a decent breakfast, but J
said it wouldn’t be a wise move. I know he is right, but two weeks of being
cooped up in here is starting to drive me crazy. I know he feels the same way. Luckily,
I will be leaving in three days for New York and, if all goes well, J will be
with me.

After lunch, J and I are watching an absurd reality show
when a light knock sounds at the door. Dr. Bowen enters. He has a smile on his
face and seems to sense the tension in the room when he addresses us both.

“Jeremy, Rylee, how are you today? You look like you could
use some good news.”

The prospect of good news shifts both of our moods immediately.
God, I hope he tells us J will be released and can travel back to New York with
me on Wednesday. Dr. Bowen towers over J’s hospital bed and scribbles something
on his medical chart.

“How are you feeling today, Jeremy? Any new pain, anything
worse or better than yesterday?”

Jeremy replies, “No, I’m feeling pretty good. I would give
anything to get out of this bed a little more often though.”

That sounds about right, but I also doubt he would tell the
doctor if anything were wrong. He wants out of here like yesterday.

Dr. Bowen looks J over a final time and then takes a seat in
the chair next to his bed. His posture is relaxed, much more so than the last
few times he has sat down to deliver news about J. I hope that is a good sign.

“So, Jeremy, here is what I am thinking. I want to see how you
do with the physical therapy today and then, if all goes well, I will release you
tomorrow. However, we have to set up your therapy at home as well. Are you
planning to go back to New York or will you be staying here with your sister?”

J glances over with indecision awash in his features. I nod,
knowing exactly what he is thinking. We are going to New York this week, but we
have made no decisions beyond the few days I will be in town. J won’t be able
to get around on his own for a few weeks. We could hire a nurse or something,
but I would rather stay with him. Being separated from everyone with all that
is going on scares me, but it might be safer for J to stay in New York and away
from me.

Dr. Bowen senses our indecision before looking at both of us.

“Well, you need to decide what you want to do. I cannot
release you until we have a solid plan lined up. If you need me, the nurses’
station can get a hold of me anytime. I want to get you out of here. I think it
will speed your recovery to be somewhere you are more comfortable.”

We thank the doctor as he stands to leave the room and promise
to have a plan by the end of the day.

J turns to me and addresses the obvious question.

“So what do you think we should do?”

I shrug, trying to think through all of our options. I
cannot expect J to go to New York and then come back to Boston with me; the
travel would be too hard on him. However, I cannot stay in New York much past
the draft, because I will be drowning in work and contract negotiations. I don’t
like what I come up with, but I’m sure it is what’s best for J.

“Well, big bro, I think we will have to hire you a naughty
nurse.” I try to add levity to the somber conversation.

He looks at me before he busts out laughing. “I could
appreciate that joke from one of the guys, but from you it seems wrong.”

I join his laughter, knowing the absurdity of my joke but
replying in all seriousness. “Well, you don’t think I’m going to bathe you, do you?
I love you to death, J, but that is where I am drawing the line.”

His stops laughing and looks at me with complete
understanding.

“Yeah, you’re right, we are definitely
not going down that road. Naughty nurse it is. I do have one request, though,” he
says with an evil smirk. I doubt I want to hear the request, but I ask anyway with
a raise of my eyebrows. “I want Eric to hire the nurse. If we are going the
naughty route, I don’t want my sister picking her out.”

He falls into a fit of laughter. Well, I’m glad to see that my
brother has found his humor. I just shake my head.

“I will see what I can do. But I doubt Jen will go for
that.”

The mention of Jen kills all of our lighthearted fun immediately,
and we silently agree to leave that subject be. I steer us back to the original
question.

“Well, I know you cannot travel back and forth with me. So
the real question is, where do you want to hole up and heal?”

He seems to ponder the question for a few minutes before finally
looking at me. “I don’t know, Ry. I would like to go home, but I don’t want you
being all alone when you come back from New York either. Although in New York, I
would have access to the team trainers and physicians for therapy. What do you
think?”

He makes an excellent point about the trainers and
physicians, which makes my mind up for me.

“You have to go home, J. It would be best for you and your
recovery there. Hopefully the rest of this crap will be over with by the time I
get back anyway.”

I can tell he doesn’t like the idea, but he agrees that is
the best decision. Right now, the only choice for him is to go home and heal. He
will be miserable until he is back to normal and he has a long road ahead of him.

Still trying to rationalize our decision, he asks, “So when
will Austin be back?”

I wish I knew the answer to that question. Hell, I wish I
could talk to him.

“I’m not sure, J, and since we can’t talk, I don’t know his
plans.”

He seems ready to say something else when Ruzek appears at
the door smiling. At least the visitors seem to bear good news today.