Loving Enough (The Enough Series Book 2) (19 page)

Rylee

After a few hours of sleep and yet another nightmare
featuring a loaded gun to my face, I wake slightly hungover.

Reaching across the bed, I find Austin missing. It is just
after seven so I have about an hour before I absolutely need to leave the
house. When the events of last night pop to the forefront of my mind, a
gigantic smile crosses my face.

The hot spray of the showerhead massages my aching skull and
caresses the length of my body. After countless minutes under the delicious
spray, I reluctantly pull myself from the shower and ready myself for the day.

While applying a coat of mascara to my long lashes, I notice
Austin sitting on the bed with his phone. When he pulls the phone from his ear,
a heart-wrenching sadness covers his face and takes root in his eyes. His runs
a heavy hand down his face before looking up in contemplation.

My gaze is trained to the mirror watching every sullen
movement before he captures my stare. My heartbeat slows as the world begins to
fall away. Uneasiness pours from him, causing a disturbing shiver to slide down
my spine. Something is wrong and I get the feeling it has nothing to do with
the Ryan fiasco.

He glances away, leaving me full of doubt and worry. The
past few days have taken their toll on all of us, but Austin seems lost when
the rest of us have found comfort in one another. Uncertainty fills the air,
but my love for him grounds me. With careful steps, I go to him, hoping I can
provide whatever it is he needs.

Austin and I live on the edge of something amazing. Every
time we are close enough to enjoy it, stronger forces pull us back. Even though
we have only been granted a few perfect days of bliss, those days are what propel
me forward. I know what perfection with Austin feels like and there is nothing
that could keep me from fighting for more.

Tension rolls off his shoulders in waves. He sits with one
leg folded up on the bed and the other hangs down, his foot resting heavily on
the floor. Not a word is spoken between us as I reach out and run my left hand across
the front of his tight chest and up to his shoulder. Placing a knee behind him
on the bed, I climb up and wrap my right arm under his and my left snakes lower
around his trim waist.

I hold him tight, with my cheek flush against his powerful
back. The tautness in his body lessens when he covers my arms with his. Then he
slides me around his body to straddle him. His blue irises resemble a
thunderstorm with dark clouds coloring the background, the flashes of fear
resembling lightning. Through it all, I can sense his silent plea for me to
love him.

He rests his chin on my shoulder and buries his face in my
hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.

He moves his head back and forth before whispering, “Not
yet. I still need to figure it all out.”

His voice is low and broken. I can’t lie and say I am not
hurt that he won’t confide in me. My body sags in defeat before I attempt to
extricate myself from his hold. I push against his chest halfheartedly, hoping
he will understand. Instead he tightens the embrace.

“Don’t, Ry. I’m not ready to let you go yet and I am afraid that,
when this comes out, I will lose you. You have been through so much shit. The
last thing you need is me piling more on you.”

His words tick my irritation up a notch. While I am
accustomed to the men in my life protecting me, they have also always confided
in me. The fact that Austin believes I cannot handle his troubles, or that I
will leave him because of them, concerns me. Does he not have any faith in me?
Any faith in us?

My fists tighten behind his back in frustration as I search
my thoughts for a way to give both Austin and myself the reassurances we need.
Releasing the stiffness in my body, I press a soft kiss to his lips and rest my
forehead against his.

My hands come up to frame his face with soothing strokes. I
chance a peek at his storm-filled eyes, only to find them closed. With a chest-expanding
deep breath followed by a slow and steady exhale, I opt to ask the only
questions that matter.

“Hey, Aus,” I whisper in an assuming tone.

“Yeah, baby?” He whispers back.

“Do you love me?”

“More than anything in this world, Ry.”

We sit in our embrace, the only sound coming from our
combined breaths. He loves me, that I already knew, but I have also learned
that love isn’t always enough.

“Are you leaving me?”

“No, fuck no. I am praying you don’t leave me.” His voice is
a breathless whisper.

There is only one reason I would walk away from Austin and
that is infidelity. I know, besides that, there is nothing he and I cannot
handle together.

“Did you cheat on me?” My voice cracks at the question.

His head snaps back from mine at the same time his hands frame
my face. He directs my gaze to him, but I cannot hold his pleading stare. I
cannot imagine what else he could have done that leads him to believe I would
walk away.

“Rylee Ash, absolutely not. You are it for me. You were it
the moment you stumbled down my driveway. I love you so damn much, Ry. I would
never cheat on you.”

Our eyes meet and honesty overflows from his. Trepidation
and fear are still present, but I am no longer concerned with what he is
hiding. Whatever it is, we can handle it.

“I love you too, Aus. With that settled, I am not going to
worry about whatever it is you feel like hiding. You can tell me when you’re
ready.”

A smirk plays at the corner of his mouth and his eyebrows rise,
challenging my statement. “What do you mean you aren’t going to worry about
it?”

The truth is that not knowing will drive me crazy, but it
feels like Austin needs blind support so that is precisely what he is getting.

“I mean you answered the only three questions that matter.
So, you can tell me or not tell me when you are ready. My sanity is hanging on
by a thread these days, so worrying about the unknown is a waste of energy.”

Reluctantly I pull from Austin’s grasp, only to have him
crush me back into him. His lips are against mine in a flash and between kisses
he tells me he loves me. Repeatedly. After one final heart-melting kiss, I pull
away.

“I have to get to work, Aus, and so do you.”

I straighten my clothes and take a quick peek in the mirror.
I don’t look too worse for wear, besides my flush complexion and smeared lip
gloss. After composing myself, I kiss Austin goodbye.

“I love you, baby.”

He smiles a half smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “I love
you, too, Ry. We will talk tonight, I promise. If you need anything before then,
you call me.”

Stepping through the bedroom door, I look back with a wink.
“That goes for you, too.”

Rylee

It isn’t until I step on the elevator leading to the tenth
floor that I realize I haven’t been back to my office since the bomb scare. It
is almost nine o’clock, so the building is buzzing with activity and this calms
my nerves slightly. I garner a few curious glances from people who no doubt
recognize me from the ongoing news coverage of Ryan’s death. I keep my head
down and ignore it until I get through my office door.

On the other side of the solid, wooden door stands Gabe,
with a cup of coffee in his hand and a scowl on his face. He has his headset on,
listening intently to someone on the other end of the line. A sideways smile
tells me that he is frustrated with the caller and is in a typical cheery mood.
He paces the room in his dark gray suit before ending the call.

“No comment and do not call again.”

He flings the headset onto his desk and turns back to me.
“Hey Boss, how are you doing?”

His voice is filled with more sympathy than I care for.

“I am good, just ready to get back to normal. We need to have
a chat when you have a spare moment.”

My less than enthusiastic tone causes him to cower slightly.
“I am free now, if you like.”

I find myself somewhat uneasy. I am accustomed to making
business decisions unilaterally. I realize I should have spoken to Gabe before
hiring Eric, but this is still my business even if Gabe is now a minority partner.

My office is back to normal, with all signs of Ryan and his
threats removed. There is a stack of files in the center of my desk waiting to
be read. I take a seat in my black leather ergonomic chair and motion for Gabe
to take a seat in one of my guest chairs.

Reaching down, I power up the computer and slide the files
to the right of my desk. Gabe is uneasy and loosens his bright blue tie. I feel
bad for him and put his mind at ease quickly.

“So, as you know, we have more on our plates here that just the
two of us can handle.” He visibly relaxes, so I continue. “An opportunity
presented itself last night, and I made a spur of the moment hire.”

Clearly taken aback, he nods as he absorbs the statement.
“All right. I have interviewed several candidates and the decent ones are in
that pile you have there, but I guess we won’t be needing those.”

His tone is dejected and I regret that he put so much work
into something I overrode without a thought.

“Gabe, I appreciate everything you have done. I apologize
for not consulting you on this decision, but I am overjoyed with my choice. I
know without a shadow of a doubt that I can trust Eric with what you and I are
building.”

A small smile crosses his face and his chocolate eyes
brighten. “Eric, huh? This wouldn’t be your best friend Eric the lawyer, would
it?”

Playful sarcasm drips from his words and I cannot help
laughing. “Yes, the one and only Eric the lawyer/best friend.”

“Awesome, Ry. I like Eric. He seems like a good guy. I
thought he had a job with some big fancy firm though?”

“He did, but his circumstances are changing. He is ecstatic
to be coming on board here.”

I didn’t want to share any personal details of Eric’s
situation, since it is his story to tell. Gabe and Eric are only acquaintances,
a situation that will no doubt change soon.

Gabe stands to return to his workspace in the front. “Truthfully,
Ry, I am glad you hired a friend. I know it will put your mind at ease and,
given the world around you right now, you need friends around. It is a double
bonus that he is also a lawyer.”

I am equally relieved and stunned that Gabe took the news so
well. “Thank you, Gabe.”

He strides towards my office door before turning back one
more time. “So when does he start?”

No sooner than Gabe finishes his question, the door to the
main office swings open in a flurry. The sound catches us both off guard. Gabe whirls
around to assess the intruder only to look back with a massive smile.

“Never mind, looks like he is reporting for duty now.”

Confusion mars my reaction until Gabe exits my office and a
disheveled Eric enters. He collapses into the chair Gabe left moments ago,
causing it to slide back.

“Eric, what’s going on?”

With a huff, he runs a hand through his hair and over his
face. His light brown eyes are full of pain.

“Well, Ry, it has been one hell of a morning. Please tell me
you were serious last night.”

“Of course I was serious, Eric. Now tell me what happened.”

A callous laugh escapes his lips before he lets loose. “Well,
for starters, Jen was at my office this morning when I arrived. She wanted to
work things out. When I said no, things deteriorated. Her father stepped into
the argument and fired me. Jen reacted by going into a hysterical fit. The
hysterics only got worse once I explained to them both that I already had a
better opportunity. Jen accused me of plotting the entire situation and her
father threatened to sue me. After that, I grabbed my shit and went to the
condo to get my things. Shortly after I arrived, so did the police, Jen, and
her father. I left there with a restraining order and my clothes.”

My mouth is agape in shock. He wasn’t kidding when he said
he’d had a hell of a morning.

“Jesus, Eric, why on earth did you leave with a restraining
order?”

“Who knows? That man has a lot of pull in the right circles.
I didn’t need to get much else, but I would have liked the chance to retrieve
the few things I had before she and I got together.”

“We will get it all, Eric, I promise. They can’t keep your
stuff. Let it all die down and in a few days we will try again, or file a
petition with the courts. I’m sure he will respond to that.”

Eric gives no reaction to my statement, other than a sad
smile. I am sure this is harder on him than he will admit. He loved, or possibly
still loves, Jen. They spent several years together, and that doesn’t go away
in a matter of hours. I know the feeling all too well. It is the same feeling I
had towards Ryan, and to some extent still struggle with after the events of
the past few days.

With a few steps, I make my way around the desk and pull him
into a hug. He is hesitant at first, but after a moment he relaxes into me.

“We will get through all of this, if it’s what you want.” I
tell him. “I promise I will be here for whatever you need and you know Jeremy
will be, too.”

I feel him nod into my shoulder. “I know, Ry, and I cannot begin
to thank you.”

We separate from the hug and I see the pain that is etched
across his face.

“Why don’t you head home and get all of your stuff situated?
I will come by when I am done here and we can hang out for a little while. Take
the extra room next to J’s, or take mine. I really don’t care.”

“Are you sure, Ry? I can stay and work.”

“Eric, get out of here. You can start when you are ready. I
assumed it would be at least a week.”

“All right, I will see you later.”

Rylee

The rest of the day passes in a frenzy of phone calls and
contracts. It feels good to be busy with normal, everyday life. All thoughts of
Ryan and the incident are forgotten, if only for a few hours. Inside the walls
of my office, I find peace in doing the work I love.

After leaving work, I find myself in bumper-to-bumper
traffic. I always leave the office before rush hour for exactly this reason. However,
Gabe and I were discussing possible new locations for the office and, before I
knew it, the time was after five o’clock. We are excited to be in need of a
larger space for our operations. The addition of Eric has moved up the
timetable of our relocation.

Inching closer to my exit, I am startled when my phone rings
through the stereo speakers and cuts off my favorite Breaking Benjamin song.
Glancing down at the screen, I smile when I see Austin’s name.

“Hey Aus, what’s up?”

“Hey, baby. Where are you?”

“I’m stuck in traffic, but I’m getting close.”

“Okay. I want to order dinner. Is there anything special you
want?”

“No, baby, I’m good with anything. I’m going to stop by and
check on Eric before I head home, though. He had a really shitty day.”

“Ry, are you sure that’s a good idea?”

His question catches me off guard.

“Of course checking on my friend is a good idea,” I say with
more aggravation than intended.

“That’s not what I meant, Ry. I mean is it a good idea to go
back into your house? Are you sure you’re ready for that?”

Shit, shit, shit! Focused on Eric, I never considered that I
haven’t set foot in my house since I took a man's life in my living room. Lack
of sleep and a single-sighted goal let me forget the possible ramifications of
reentering my home.  

Images bombard me, bringing tears to my eyes and causing my
hands to shake. They flash through my mind like a power point presentation. I
have viewed this ‘here is your life’ presentation multiple times a day since
the shooting.

I fight to keep focus on the road ahead as I exit the
freeway and take a left towards our quiet neighborhood.

“Ry. Ry. Rylee. Can you hear me, baby?”

Austin’s voice breaks my trancelike state as I take another
left to head up our street.

“Yeah, I hear you. I haven’t been in there since that night,
but I told Eric I would stop by. Shit, Austin, I didn’t even think.”

“Just call him, Ry. You know he’ll understand.”

I think about that option for a moment. It would definitely
be the easiest, but then again I need to face my fears too. If I don’t go now,
then when? It will not get easier as time passes. The memories of that night
will be forever etched on the walls of that house and in my mind.

“No, Aus, I think I need to do this. Maybe it will help with
the nightmares. Just give me twenty minutes or so and I will be at your place.”

“What nightmares?” Concern laces his words before he
continues. “Never mind. Just wait for me, Ry. If you are going to do this, I
want to be with you. Will you wait for me? I will be there in a few minutes.”

“Sure, Austin. Thanks.”

Pulling into my driveway, panic courses through my veins to
the beat of the Halestorm track blaring from the speakers. I sit staring at the
front door of the house I was once so proud to call home, realizing how much
has changed in my life in the past few months and days.

After taking a few calming breaths, I step out of the Jeep
just as Austin comes sprinting up. Despite the apprehension living in my core,
I cannot help appreciating just how gorgeous he is. Clad in a pair of dark gray
workout pants, and a dark blue team t-shirt that shows off the definition of
his chest and arms, he is perfection. His wet hair is unruly, adding to his
devil-may-care appearance. It amazes me that he can look this good straight out
of the shower.

He strides up and pulls me into him. Not wanting to get lost
in the feel of him around me, I turn in his arms to face the door. The warmth
of his body warms the cold shivers running down my spine.

“Well, I guess it is now or never. If Eric catches us standing
out here staring at the door, he will think we’ve gone mad.”

A few steps are all that separate me from the scene of the
worst night of my life, my home. I take Austin’s hand and walk the remaining
steps to the door. I pause a moment to debate whether or not I should knock. It
is still my house, but technically I don’t live here anymore. With a quick
knock, I slowly enter my house.

Everything looks the same, but it feels worlds different.
Austin has a death grip on my hand, or maybe it is me clinging to him for dear
life. I am not sure.

The entire place smells of bleach and cleaning products.
With a deep, steadying breath, I step into the pass-through kitchen and towards
the living room.

From here, I notice that my old couch, the one with the
bullet hole, has been replaced with a brown leather sofa. I stop to note all
the changes to the room, then realize that, two steps into the room, I am
standing in the exact spot Ryan fell to the ground. Without notice, the images
of that night flash through my head and send my mind into overload.

My world stands still as I try to find my balance and rid my
conscience of the crippling memories. During my inner struggle, strong arms encircle
me and a voice of reason rings in my ear.

“Ry, it is over. Nothing here will hurt you. Rylee, come
back to me. You’re okay, Ry.”

Austin. His voice pulls me from the thoughts and images overwhelming
my soul. Leaning into his hard chest, I focus on the warm feel of him and look
up to see Eric and Ruzek watching me from the open patio doors. With one last
fortifying breath, I squeeze Austin’s hands, which are tightly wrapped around
me, to signal my return to sanity. He releases me and I dash a few steps to the
other side of the sofa, trying to further extricate myself from the memories.

With more pep than I feel, I ask, “How are you, Eric?”

He gives a slight shake of his head and looks at me with a
smirk before addressing the question. “I would say I’m better than you right
now. Are you all right, Ry? You don’t look too good.”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little shaken by the ghosts, you
know,” I say, somewhat embarrassed by my reaction to being in this house.

“I can only imagine, Ry,” he says with complete sincerity.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I replaced a few items and got rid of anything that
needed it.”

Looking around the room, I realize he has actually replaced
all of my old furniture and the rug.

“No, Eric. I don’t mind. In fact, thank you. I cannot
imagine how hard it would have been to walk in here if everything was still the
way I left it.”

Ruzek looks up at me after my last statement. “Trust me, you
did not want to see it the way it was. We had a cleaning crew come in as soon
as the crime scene tape came down. We replaced a few of the blood-soaked planks
in the floor where you were standing. A few more need to be replaced over here,
but, for now, they are hidden under the rug.”

The longer Ruzek spoke, the more unsteady he became. It is
clear this affected him more than he would like to let on. I cross the room to
where he and Eric are standing and pull them into a hug, with one arm around
each of them.

“I cannot thank you guys enough. You certainly didn’t have
to do this, but I’m glad you did. What would a girl do without awesome boys
like you?”

The truth is, I don’t know what I would do without all the
amazing men in my life. Which reminds me - I have a date with the most gorgeous
one in the room tonight and we need to get going.

“If you guys don’t mind, I’m just going to run upstairs,
grab some more clothes, and head out. I have a hot date tonight,” I say with a
wink in Austin’s direction.

The smile I get in return melts my insides. Yes, it is time
to get out of this house of horrors and go home with my guy.