Loving Her (9 page)

He combed his hands through my
hair and stared at my face.  “You are so beautiful, Jen.  I need you….so
much.”  His brows were furrowed and full of concern.

“Ry….oh, God.”  I blinked slowly
and waited a breath until he leaned down and kissed me like his life depended
on every response I gave. 

“I need you….just you.”  His
words were so raw and full of emotion.  I didn’t understand them, didn’t even
know if I wanted to understand them.  All I knew was that I was willing to give
Rylan just what he asked for…me… and a piece of my heart. 

“I’m here, Ry….for you. Let me do
this for you.”  I wrapped my hands around his neck and pulled him to me.  I
lifted my hips to his and felt his erection against me.  Rylan moved to align
his cock with my entrance, but paused for a second like he was nervous or
worried.  “Jen, I don’t have anything with me.”

“It’s okay, babe.  I’m on the
pill and for some stupid reason, I trust you.  Can I trust you?”

“Yes.  It’s been a really long
time, like years.”  His face was buried in my shoulder.  I couldn’t even
comprehend what would cause ‘years’ to go by without this man getting laid. 

I pulled his hair to get him to
lift his face and look at me.  What I saw was worry that didn’t belong on such
a beautiful man.  I stroked the back of my hand down his cheek and said, “Rylan,
I trust you.”

He stared into my eyes for a few
seconds, then without looking away, he watched my face as he pushed into me,
causing a little gasp to escape my lips as he entered my body. 

“You okay?”  Rylan said as he
leaned in to kiss me.

“Yeah, just a little unexpected.”
 I grinned against his mouth and he let out a little laugh then closed his eyes
and pushed in all the way.

“Oh my God, you feel so good.” 
His voice was gruff and full of heat.

“Ry…..”  I kissed his neck and he
quickly found my mouth.  His tongue frantically searched mine as his hips
pushed deeper into me.  I was so completely lost in this man.

We moved together like we were
made for each other and I felt my climax building.  I gripped my hands into his
hair and shoved my tongue further into his glorious mouth.

Rylan slowed down our kiss and
his movements as he gently slid in and out of me.  I could feel him working to
restrain himself, but his pace only made my arousal grow.  “Oh, God…Ry…”

“I know…”  He leaned back a tiny
bit to look into my eyes.  Then, he rested his forehead on mine, took a breath,
closed his eyes and whispered, “You have no idea what this is for me….what this
is doing to me.”

“I think I might have an idea.” 
I kissed his lips and Rylan opened his eyes as he thrust into me making me
gasp.  I exploded around him and felt him harden even more just before his
release into me.

Dear God she felt so good.  I
didn’t want to move…ever.  I smiled against her neck and kissed her behind her
ear causing her to let out a little moan.

“Jen?” 

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. You’re just what I’ve
needed.”  I didn’t know how to say what I was feeling and apparently she didn’t
know what I was trying to say because Jen turned her head toward me and looked
at me with furrowed, questioning brows.

“What I mean is, you make me want
to feel again.  I know that may not make much sense to you, but you make me
want to be alive.”  She relaxed her face and smiled.

“I think I can understand that. 
I’m sort of feeling the same thing, Ry.”  She kissed my nose and I smiled.  I
wanted so badly to tell her about me…about Kristen, but I wasn’t ready.

“Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“I really love that you’re not
the total douchebag prick I thought you were when we first met.”  I tilted my
head and she started laughing….like snorting laughing and I couldn’t help but
to join her.  She was so beautiful, especially when she was laughing. 

“Yeah, me too, babe.”  I froze
for just a second at my own word….the word I hadn’t uttered in five years and I
hoped Jen didn’t pick up on it, but I saw her face and knew she’d caught me. 

She placed one hand on my cheek
and said, “It’s okay.  I have a feeling that word is something that might need
dusting off too.”  She had the most beautiful little smile on her lips. 

“Thank you,” I whispered as I
leaned into her hand. 

“You’re welcome.”  I leaned down
and kissed her.  I was still buried in her warm folds so when her tongue
slipped out and softly licked across my lips, by cock twitched inside her
making her smile.

“Yeah, someone else thanks you
too and is very happy where he is.”  She laughed, but it wasn’t like before. 
It was muted by the lust and want I saw in her eyes.

She moved her hips just a little
and I groaned.  “Shit…you do crazy things to me, Jen.”

“Same here, Ry.”  Jen ran her
hands through my hair and gripped the back of my head, pulling me closer to
her.  With her eyes shut and our faces so close our noses were touching, she
said, “You feel amazing to me.  I could really get used to this, babe, and that
scares the hell out of me.” 

“Why?”  I knew why and I wanted
to hear her say it, but by the look in her eyes and the feel of her hips moving
against me, she didn’t want to talk at the moment and I was finding it rather difficult
myself.

I grabbed her face in my hands
and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth.  She slid her hands down my back and
scratched her nails along my spine.  It was sexy as hell and my cock grew even
bigger, stretching her.  She took a deep breath and moved to get out from under
me.  “My turn, baby.”  She smiled and I let her flip us over with her riding on
top of me.

She sat up, knees bent,
completely impelled by me, forcing my cock to be as deep as it could be inside
her.  She grinned and moved a bit, feeling me and let out a slight wince and
moan.  Her little sexy move nearly caused me to have a ‘preemie.’

“Shit!”  I closed my eyes as I
let the word slip out.

“You okay there, babe?”  Jen
grinned, eyebrows raised, and moved again, but this time she was caressing her
breasts when I opened my eyes to look at her.

“Oh dear God, Jen!  You can’t do
that!  I won’t last, babe.  Shit!”

“Do what, Ry?  This?”  She moved
her hips again.  “Or this?”  She moaned and continued to rub her breasts and
play with her nipples.  She leaned her head back as the pleasure of her own
touch and my throbbing cock aroused her.

“Jen….”  I quickly sat up and
covered her hands with mine and rubbed her breasts while I kissed down her
neck.  She wrapped her legs around my waist and started pumping herself on me.

She moved her hands around my
neck and let me take control of massaging her breasts.  I leaned down and
closed my mouth over one of the taut nipples and sucked.  “Oh, God, Ry.”  Yeah,
turnabout and all that!

“Feel good?”  I kept going.

 “Yes!”  Yes, it did….all of it
felt good, great actually.

I suddenly flipped us, with Jen’s
legs still wrapped around me and while on my knees I started pounding into her. 
“Hang on tight, baby.  This isn’t going to be gentle, but I need to do this….to
have you like this and make you mine.”

“Ry…”  She gripped me with her
legs and dug her nails into my back as I slammed into her over and over until
we both exploded, screaming each other’s names.

Jen pulsed around me for several
minutes as we came back to earth.  “Amazing,” she said with a low, sleepy
voice.

“Sorry if I was rough.  Watching
you touch yourself brought out the fucking animal in me, Jen.  I needed it to
be
me
making you feel like that.”  Wow, just throw your shit out there,
Rylan.  Way to go.

Jen was rubbing her hands up and
down my back.  “Oh yeah?  I’ll have to remember that ‘cause I sure did like how
you handled your ‘need’ there, baby.”

I laughed and moved to slip out
of her.  “Hey, where are you going?”  She asked.

“I’m taking you to the shower and
then, if you’ll let me, I’m going to sleep naked right beside you tonight.  Is
that okay?”

Jen smiled and said, “I think I
could fit that in my schedule this evening.”

I jumped up, grabbed Jen’s arm
and pulled her with me.  We climbed in the shower and gently washed each
other.  I tried not to linger too long on her best parts, but couldn’t help it
when I washed her breasts and she leaned her head back, closed her eyes and
moaned.  She was causing all kinds of wonderful things to happen to my body and
a shitload more to my mind and heart. 

I pressed myself against her body
and placed my lips right under her ear and said, “You can’t make those noises. 
You will undo all the washing I’ve done.” 

She laughed, but didn’t move. 
She just kissed me, eyes wide open looking at me as she did.  “Hmm, like you
didn’t know what you were doing to me?  Don’t play innocent, Daniels!  I know
your game.”

I just smiled and wrapped my arms
around her tighter.  “Yeah, okay.   I can’t help it.  You are an incredibly
beautiful woman, Jen and you’ve awakened something in me that has missed out on
life for a while now.” 

She kissed me again and said,
“Thank you,” but it didn’t reach her eyes.  She was holding back, thinking
about my words.  I wasn’t judging….God knew I had no place to judge her holding
something back.

 We stared at each other for
several long seconds before Jen said, “I’m ready to lay in bed…naked with you. 
Come on.  Let’s get out.”

I was totally good with that and
moved to grab towels for the two of us.  We dried off, brush our teeth….Jen let
me borrow her toothbrush….and climbed back into her bed completely naked, face
to face with arms and legs wrapped around each other.

“Ry?”

“Yeah?”

“Tell me.”  Oh shit!  I couldn’t,
not yet.

“Tell you what?”

“Tell me what happened to you. 
What caused you to shut down and avoid life?”  She really wanted to know, but
telling her caused too many emotions and confusing feelings.  I didn’t want to
ruin this time we’d had together.

“Jen, I would rather not talk
about it now.  I’ve had an amazing time tonight and don’t want anything to
taint it with anything.”

“Okay.”  She was really quiet and
rolled to face away from me.  I held on tight to her as she pressed her back to
my front.  She didn’t say anything else.  Before long, I could feel her breath
even out as she fell asleep with my arms wrapped around her.

I felt like crap.  She asked,
knowing there was some serious history with me and I chickened out and didn’t
tell her.  I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, but I felt like right at
that moment, I missed out on an opportunity to create something incredible with
Jen and I hated myself for it.

I woke up in a panic.  I’d had a
dream again and my body was on high alert.  I only had them when I was stressed
or overwhelmed.  I guess you could say spending the night with Rylan fit both
those categories.  He was still asleep and had his arms wrapped around me like
I might flee in the night. 

I thought about our night and the
conversation I had tried to start before falling asleep.  I knew his baggage
was really deep.  He’d obviously been hurt by someone or something.  I wanted
him to talk to me about it so that I’d know what I was getting into with Rylan,
but he shut me out and I wasn’t going to push.  I understood, even though it
bothered me.

I maneuvered my way out of bed,
went to the bathroom to wash my face and find some clothes.  I had decided to
just play it cool with Rylan.  I really liked him and had no regrets about our
night together, but seeing his reactions to things and piecing together what I
could, he had some serious shit to deal with and I wasn’t sure that I was
equipped to handle it.

I went into the kitchen and started
making some breakfast.  I sipped my coffee and sat at the bar while my egg
casserole cooked in the oven.  I didn’t hear him walk up behind me, but felt
his presence.  He wrapped his arms around my waist and whispered in my ear. 
“Good morning.  Why did you sneak out of bed?”

“I just wanted to make some
breakfast.”  I lied.  I wanted time to think.

“Oh, okay.”  He leaned around me
and looked at my face.  “Everything alright?”

“Sure.  Everything’s good.”  I
kissed his cheek as I stood to check on our breakfast.  I was trying to put
just a little distance between us without being too obvious. 

“Okay.” 

We were silent for an eternity
before Rylan finally said, “Jen….I….need to say thank you for not pushing me to
talk about things last night.  It isn’t something that I want to share with you
right now.  But, like I said to you yesterday, my reluctance has nothing to do
with whatever ‘this’ is between us.”  Wow.  That didn’t make me feel any better
than what I’d felt thirty seconds before he said a word, but I could fake it
like no one else.

“Rylan, it’s fine….really!  We
all have things to deal with.  Let’s just enjoy each other and not ask too many
questions, okay?”  I was so full of shit because it all mattered to me.

He had a strange look on his
face, but I didn’t have the energy to process it.  What I wanted at that very
moment, was something I didn’t think he could give.  I was falling for him and
hated myself for it because I knew damn good and well that I would never be
able to survive another broken man.  His ‘reluctance’ only sealed the deal for
me….loud and clear. 

So, I smiled and turned to get
the casserole out of the oven, praying my face wouldn’t give away the sadness I
knew was coming. 

“Okay.”

I placed our breakfast on the bar
and forced myself to eat a bit of it.  I had no appetite, but pretended to
eat.  I think Rylan was doing the same thing.  We ate in silence for the most
part and when we were done, Rylan smiled and said, “I better get home and check
on Butch before he chews his way free.” 

I laughed and said, “Oh nice! Wouldn’t
want that to happen.”  God, I was a mess, which was completely stupid
considering I barely knew him.  How in the hell did I get so invested in
him?!?  I needed Rylan to leave so I could pull my shit together. 

I walked him to the door and he
turned to me and said, “I’d like to take you to dinner tonight.  Are you
busy?”  Perfect.  I knew just what to say to stop this disaster train.

“Yeah, sorry.  I already have
plans with my girlfriend.  Maybe another night.”  I wanted to spend time with
Rylan so badly, but I needed to pull back from him for both our sakes.

“Oh, okay.  I’ll call you later
and maybe we can figure out another day.”

“Yep.  Sounds good.”  Get going
dude so I can have a little meltdown.

Rylan leaned in for a kiss, but I
turned my cheek at the last second and the kiss landed next to my mouth.  I
could tell it bothered him, especially after all we’d done last night.  “Jen,
are you sure everything okay?”

“Yes, Rylan.  Everything is just
as it should be.  I’ll talk to you soon.”  He hesitantly moved through the
threshold of my door and started to walk downstairs. 

“Bye,” was all I heard as I shut
the door and slumped against it.  Tears slowly streamed down my face.  I was a
fool.  Here I was crying over a man I barely knew only because he wouldn’t tell
me his deepest, darkest secret and let me in to his world.  It was just sex,
Jen!  Fucking get over it! 

 I sat there against my door for
a long time and tortured myself by replaying the events from the night before. 
If I closed my eyes, I could still feel Rylan and even smell him.  I hated it
because it just taunted me. 

I made my way to the shower,
deciding I needed to completely wash away any part of Rylan that was left on my
skin.  As I passed my bedside table, my phone buzzed signaling a text.  I
picked it up to see a message from him.

Rylan:

I’m sorry if I did anything

to upset you, Jen.  I didn’t

intend to.  I had the most wonderful

night with you and want to see

you again….please.

Fuck!  The tears started flowing
again at his sweet words.  I wanted so badly to say ‘okay,’ but I just
couldn’t.  There were so many red flags screaming at me to protect myself and I
didn’t know exactly why.  All I knew was that my heart would get crushed if I
let things go on with Rylan.  He was so damn sexy and unbeknownst to him, he
had the ability to draw people in and make them care about him.  But, he wasn’t
ready for me because I didn’t think I could keep it to just sex.    So, I was
grateful he wasn’t around to see me because it made my text more convincing.

Jen:

I had a great time too, Rylan.

Thank you.  I will call soon and

let you know when it’s a good
day.

I hoped that the text sounded
flippant and no big deal, even though that was nowhere near what I was feeling.

I turned my phone to silent,
flipped it upside down and walked into the bathroom.  I took the longest shower
ever, just letting the water cascade over my used parts.  I tried not to think
about why I was a little sore. 

I decided that I’d go do a little
shopping down in Cedros Avenue for a little designer therapy in Solana Beach. 
I considered a little more Markie Mark, but I really needed to get out of my
house.  Besides, I didn’t want Rylan showing up again.   I didn’t even bother
to take my phone with me.  It was just better to go off the grid for the rest
of the weekend.  At least, when I showed up at work tomorrow, I wouldn’t have
to see Rylan, Jack or anyone who knew about my little weekend tryst. 

Browsing through all the stores
with no particular thing piquing my interest, my mind drifted to Rylan.  I
almost wished I would have brought my phone with me just to obsessively check
it for missed calls and messages.  The thought made me smile and shake my
head….I was just pathetic. 

By six o’clock, I stopped to grab
a bite to eat and head home.  I didn’t know if I wanted Rylan to be sitting on
my steps or not, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t there when I got home. 
And, out of pure curiosity, I checked my phone to see only a few messages from
Emily and none from Rylan.  Truthfully, I felt really sad about it and had no
idea what to do with the feelings.

I couldn’t stop checking my phone
all evening.  I even called Em and we made peace with each other after a few
harsh, but true words we shared.  She would always be my very best friend and I
knew that she loved me unconditionally no matter the fucked up situation I
continually got myself in to. 

Monday morning came too soon,
only because I was still moping around and not in the mood for anyone at my
office.  I had to shove my personal crap way down deep and put on my most
professional persona, especially since Michael was supposed to be back in the
office after his trip.

I was fortunate that the second I
walked in the door, I was so stinking busy that I didn’t have a single second
to think about Rylan Daniels.  Michael had me running circles around the
building wrapping up some loose ends that I had no idea existed because he
never told me.  Had the old asshat let me know, I could have had it handled
before he got back into town.

By the time six o’clock rolled
around, I was completely exhausted and practically crawled home to slump on my
couch.  I stayed there the entire night.