Loving Her (18 page)

The doctor wrote down some notes before looking up at us. It was a wom
an, who looked like she was in her fifties. Her hair was gray and down to her shoulders. She wore wide rimmed black glasses that sat low on the bridge of her nose. “I’m doctor Pritchett. It’s nice to meet you both. I understand you’re in here today because you’re having some issues at home. Can you tell me about them?”

Miranda and I took turns, starting at the beginning when she’d first become pregnant, all the way until present day. We didn’t talk about how we obtained illegal paternity papers, but just that my name was added to the birth certificate as the father.

She took notes the whole time we talked, and I felt like I was on trial instead of being helped.

“I’d like to talk to Isabella, i
f that’s alright with you two?”

We got up and
Miranda went out, letting Izzy know that it was her turn.

After only ten minutes, the doctor came out and got us to join them. We sat there, staring forward and waiting for her to magically make us a happy family again.

“I’d like to see you all the same time next week. Would that work for you?”

I looked at Miranda and shook my head. “I knew this was a waste of time.”

Before I could get up and walk out of the room, my wife grabbed my hand. “Ty, wait!”

I turned, sighed and stood there. “For what? We’ve sat here and told her everything and now she wants to see us next week.”

“Actually, sir, I was going to suggest some exercises that you could do together at home.” I turned around to see that she’d handed Miranda a printout of paper. “The three of you have just been through something traumatic. I know it isn’t life threatening, like some things could be, but it’s important to understand that something like this takes time to get through. Isabella, excuse me, Bella, has a lot to take in. We’ve only spoke briefly, but I can see that she’s angry. The exercises that I’m asking you to do are easy. It requires you both to spend fifteen minutes alone with her, in which you are expected to ask one question at a time, until the allotted fifteen minutes are up. You don’t have to do them back to back. One of you can do it in the morning and one before, or however it works best for you. You’re not the only family that’s going through a crisis and everything is fixable as long as you can be patient with each other. Restoring things back to normal is going to take both understanding and forgiveness. I want you to head home and work on this every day. We’ll talk about progress next week.”

We all three started to get up and
as the girls walked out I heard her calling me back inside the office. “Mr. Mitchell, could I have a word?”

I sat down, feeling like she was going to scold me for being so rude earlier. “I’m sorry I jumped the gun. You can imagine I’m a little on edge.”

“Don’t give up on your daughter.”

“I won’t. It’s just hard knowing she hates me so much.”

“She doesn’t. It was one of the first questions I asked her. I sense that she’s being resilient to communicate and that’s very normal. For eleven years, she’s only known one thing. Being able to accept change doesn’t happen overnight. I do hope you come back next week. Try your best to do the exercise with Bella each day, no matter if she cooperates or not. Don’t let her see you giving up, because she’ll think you don’t care.”

I reached over and shook her hand. “I’ll do whatever it takes.”

“See you next week, then.”

I met the girls at the car. Bella was in the back, looking out the window like she was all alone. I smiled at Miranda as I climbed into the passenger seat. “Are you ladies hungry? We can stop and get something to take home. The boys are eating over Mimi and Poppy’s.”

“We could eat somewhere here in town, too. Are you hungry, Bella?” She looked in the rearview mirror at our daughter.

“Kind of.”

“We could go to that place that has the cool dessert case. Would you like that?” I was trying to butter her up, but she wasn’t having it.

“I don’t like that place anymore.”

“Since when? You’ve loved that place since you were two.”

“Since now. I’m not really hungry. Can we just go home?”

I’d struck out again. Miranda reached over and took my hand. She smiled and squeezed it. I knew not to push my luck.

We stopped at a drive-thru
, and even though she didn’t ask for anything, we got her something anyway. Miranda and I stole a couple fries out of the bag. I picked it up and held it behind me to see if she wanted one, but she acted like she didn’t see it there, in front of her face.

“Remember when Bella was a baby and she called them fri fri’s?”

“Every time she saw a fast food place she’d yell for them,” I replied.

“And you’d get them for her
,” Miranda added.

I leaned my head against the window. “I got her everything she ever asked for. It was my job.”

The car got quiet and it was hard to fight my way back to her heart. The more we brought up the happier times, the more she refused to interact with us at all.

That following night, I headed into Izzy’s room after dinner. She was sitting on her bed, working on a school paper. I sat on the edge and looked
over at her. “We need to do our exercise now, Iz.”

“Can we do it tomorrow? I don’t feel like talkin’.”

“We have to do it every night. Don’t you want things to get better? I hate that you won’t talk to me. I miss you, Iz.”

“Don’t call me that. I’m not your Izzy anymore.”

I closed my eyes as my lips began to tremble. “Please don’t say that.”

“It’s true. I’m not doin’ these questions with you. You can’t make me talk. You can’t make me do anything.”
She packed her papers into her book bag and sat it down on the floor. Then she got under her covers and rolled on her side, like I wasn’t even there.

I stood up and started to walk out of the room.
My head rested on the door as I considered yelling, pleading or anything that would get her attention. Deciding that it would only piss her off more, I knew I had to walk away. “You’ll always be my Izzy, because you’ll always be my daughter. Even if you hate me forever, I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop waiting for you to forgive me.”

I went straight to my room and closed the door. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk to
Miranda about. All I wanted to do was be alone. It was exhausting living like this day after day. I wanted my family back and I could tell that it was beginning to take a toll on us all.

Miranda came in a short while later, probably because she’d noticed that I wasn’t in Izzy’s room. I’d already gotten into bed and turned off the lights. She sat down beside me and rubbed my back. “I guess it didn’t go well?”

“She told me not to call her Izzy anymore. Miranda, I don’t know how much more I can take of this. It’s tearing me apart by the second. I’m sick of feeling like I’m helpless.”

“I just talked to my mom. She and John want to take to the kids for the weekend. They are coming to get them on Friday. I know she’s still punished, but I think we all need a break. Maybe if she’s gone for a few days she’ll get homesick and realize we’re all she has.”

I rolled over and looked at her. “I’m willing to try anything. You know that.”

“Good, because I already told her it was okay. Let’s just try to get through this week. I know it’s hard. I hate this. She’s so stubborn.”

I grabbed her hand. “She’s like her mother.”

“Well, if she’s so much like me, then I know she’ll forgive you.” She leaned down and kissed me on the lips.

I couldn’t give up on hoping she’d come around. It wasn’t the guilt that was killing me anymore. It was the pain. I longed to have her love me again and the longer I went without it, the emptier I felt.

Chapter 24

Miranda

I’d like to say that things started to get better after seeing the therapist, but it wasn’t the case. Nothing had changed.

We were stuck in this vicious circle of ignoring the issue, every day and every night. I missed my family and the way we used to do things together. Now, getting them in the same room was impossible.

You couldn’t even cut the tension in the house with a chainsaw. Bella stayed in her room, while Ty stayed in ours. Neither of them wanted to bump into the other.
The exercises didn’t do anything except frustrate Ty more. Each night he’d go in and attempt to do them. Ten minutes later he’d come out upset.

Bella refused to associate with Ty or
do things with her brothers, and she wasn’t exactly being friendly to me, either. By the time Friday came along, I was excited for her to get away. Don’t get me wrong, I adored my children, but something had to give. Maybe if they had a break from each other, Bella would miss us and start to appreciate the life she had.

My mother and John came while the kids were still in school. It gave us a chance to talk and fill her in on everything. I could see that she was hurt by all of this. The thing was, there wasn’t one person in our family who was against Ty being Bella’s father. They all wanted it to happen, so clearly they were as upset as we were that she’d learned about Tucker.

My family had hated the man from the beginning. I’d always had terrible taste in men, but he was by far the worst. Many times I thought my brother was going to kill him, especially after I found out I was pregnant.

Usually when someone’s in a relationship, even when it’s bad, you can pick out the good times and focus on them. Unfortunately, there were no good times to remember about Tucker. He was a liar, a cheater
, and a criminal. I was the biggest fool for being interested in someone like him, and it hurt so much knowing that it was my fault he’d come into our lives and made such a mess of things. After all these years, his ghost was still haunting us and wreaking havoc on our future.

More than anyone,
Van was especially upset. The things that went down with her and Tucker had scarred her for life. She never wanted her children to know about that horrible time. There was a chance that Noah had already dug too deep. If he knew, it was only a matter of time before it came out.

It would break Van’s heart to be looked at as the victim, especially now after everything they’d gotten through.
The woman had battled breast cancer and came out healthier than ever. She was a fighter, even if she didn’t know it herself. I hated that my child could dredge up something that should have stayed buried forever.

When the kids came home and learned what was happening, they were
completely ecstatic. We’d already packed their things, so after saying goodbye, we watched them driving away from the house.

I turned around and looked at
him, who seemed relieved to have a break from the constant tension in the house. “We have the whole house to ourselves. I think we should take a nap and clean the carpets.” They were a mess from everyone dragging in dirt every day.

He grabbed the elastic of my pants and pulled me toward him. “The only carpet I’m planning on cleaning is yours.”

Leave it to my husband to come off with a joke as soon as he felt comfortable again. “I’ll have you know that my carpet has been gone for years.”

“I think I need to check.” He started tugging down my pants and kissing me on the neck.

“Ty, they just left. We have all weekend. Don’t you want to do somethin’ constructive?” I had a huge to-do list to conquer.

“Getting you naked is constructive. I need to flush out your pipes, baby,”

I laughed at him as he tried to kiss me again. I moved my head to the side so that he missed my lips. “If we get naked now, I know you won’t want to get out of bed. We’ll get nothin’ done.”

He reached up my shirt and started to unclasp my bra. “I promise, I’ll be quick. One hour and you can scrub whatever you want. Just give me some pussy.” He stuck out his bottom lip. “Please?”

I rolled my eyes and pulled away from him. “You’re worse than a kid.”

“Whatever it takes to get me in those pants.” He winked at me, like his efforts were going to
get him further. It wasn’t like I was denying him sex. In due time, after we’d done everything on the list, I’d spend all night in his arms. There was a time and a place and Ty never seemed to follow those rules.

“You’re hopeless. How about I just bend over right here, let you have your way
, and then get to work?”

His eyebrow raised and a smile formed out of the corner of his mouth. “Really?”

I smacked him across the chest. “I was kiddin’. My God, you’re a horny man. You need the reverse of Viagra. You need NOagra.”

He laughed at my comment and I left him standing there, while I went in our bedroom to put away three baskets of clothes. Like always, I made our bed and dumped the baskets on top of it. From there, I’d separate what belonged to who and then fold it.

Ty came in the room and jumped on the bed. The pile scattered off the bed and onto the floor. As I bent over to pick some up, he grabbed me and pulled me on the mattress. “Let me work.”

“Sex first than I’ll be your slave all day.”