Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (5 page)

The nurse just finished showing us how to properly strap Lucas into his car seat and is now having me demonstrate to her that I was paying attention. Thankfully, I was because this is
a lot
harder than it looks. Vanessa has been crying all morning because she can’t come home, in turn her blood pressure monitor has been going off like crazy. I’ll be honest, I’m getting a little bit concerned that she’s still on all the IV meds and her pressure is still high. The doctor says sometimes this is harder to control than others but he has no doubt she’ll be good as new in a week or two.

Chad looks weary. I’m sure this is hard on him and I haven’t seen anyone around supporting him. It really is just him and Vanessa against the world right now. It’s nice she has him, though, because it’s obvious how much he loves her.

“Vanessa, I’ll bring him by every day you’re here to see you. There’s no need to keep crying; we’ll be fifteen minutes away. I’ll come as often as you want.” I’m hoping this will calm her down. Chad looks relieved; he’s probably hoping this will get her to stop crying, too.

“No, you can’t,” she sobs loudly. I wonder if these are the post-partum hormones speaking.

Chad and I both look at her with questioning stares and ask, “Why not?” in unison.

She sighs loudly and blows her nose into a tissue, answering through her hiccups, “Because…you can’t expose…him to hospital germs. It’s one thing to be up here, but bringing…him in and…out…puts him at risk. He’s…perfect…so we’re not taking any…chances.”

Well hell
.

The nurse nods in agreement. “It really is best for him to just be in his home environment right now and avoid unnecessary trips out. At least for the first week or two, but some people do it for the first month.”

“See…I told you. But I’m going to miss him so much!” she wails and Chad pulls her into his embrace.

“Okay. So we’ll Skype or FaceTime or whatever people do, as many times a day as you want. We’ll make this work, Vanessa. I promise.”

Her face brightens immediately. “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Of course I would and I’m sure you’d do the same for me. This is
our
son, Vanessa. It might not be conventional, but we’re his parents and we’re going to love him. That means we’re going to have to be there for each other, too. It’s the three of us and this little boy from here on out.” Chad finally cracks a smile and I suddenly realize I haven’t made him feel like a part of this.

“And Kate?” Vanessa asks hopefully and my heart lurches in my chest with the memory of Kate holding Lucas.

“I…I don’t know…maybe someday.”

“Well, that’s a start I guess,” she says haughtily and I know she must be feeling better.

Chad takes Lucas out of the carrier and kisses him on the head before passing him off to Vanessa. While Vanessa says her goodbyes, we stand and watch this precious and extremely sad moment.

“You know, Chad, anytime you want to come by and visit or check in on him you’re obviously welcome to do so.”

Vanessa smiles at Chad and the unspoken words between them are clear. She’s letting him know he had nothing to worry about, he’s being accepted into this family the way he should be.

“Thanks, man. I’ll think about it, but I don’t like leaving her here too long by herself.”

I understand. It’s not his baby and he didn’t get any leniency with school, and being pre-med, his schedule is rough. He’s been juggling school
and
the hospital the past two days.

“Well, the offer stands whenever.”

“I appreciate it. Really.”

As I strap Lucas back in the carrier, Vanessa begins to cry again and I can hear her sobbing as I walk out the door. I pause, wondering if I should go back, when Kate comes up and places her hand on my shoulder.

“Go, Daniel. I’ll help her. This isn’t going to be easy for her. Mothers want to go home
with
their babies not
without
them.” Her words are heavy with emotion and I can only imagine what she’s feeling right now.

“I’m sorry, Kate.” I find myself apologizing to her. I’m not sure why, maybe just for everything.

“I know, Daniel, me too. I’ll stop by later to see if you need anything.”

Before I can accept or decline she ducks into the room. As I walk past the lobby, April is there waiting for us.

“What are you doing here?” I’m shocked she’s here; she should be at work.

“Did you really think I was going to let my best friend take his first born son home alone? I don’t think so. I rode here with Kate and I’m riding home with you. Come on, McCormick, there’s a surprise for you at home.”

I’m touched and completely relieved I’m not fully on my own yet. April was a career baby sitter when we were in high school and college. Thank God. She’ll know exactly what to do because I have no clue.

“You guys planned this?”

She looks at me smugly. “Of course we did. There’s no way I would leave
any
of you alone with a baby the first day home. You might be the responsible one, Daniel, but you have
no
idea what you’re in for, my friend.”

Before we got home I got the feeling that April was right. Not five minutes into the drive, Lucas started screaming bloody murder. I thought riding in cars calmed kids—that’s what you always see on TV—but Lucas doesn’t seem to be having any part of it. I start to pull to the side of the road but April vetoes that idea right away from the backseat.

“He’s fine, Daniel. He just isn’t used to this. If you pull over each time he cries you’ll never get anywhere. Keep going. If for some reason you need to stop, I’ll let you know.”

A few minutes later, Lucas quiets and I hear him sucking on the pacifier. “See? I told you, he’s fine. What would you do without me?”

Shaking my head, I answer her, “I’d be sitting on the side of the road trying to figure out what to do.”

“Exactly why you needed me,” she teases as we pull up to the house.

The whole front of the house is decorated with balloons and a giant stork with all the details of Lucas’s delivery. I’m touched they would do this but I feel bad that Vanessa is missing it. As if reading my thoughts, not only is April recording everything but she answers my unspoken questions.

“We’ll put it all back up again for Vanessa when it’s time, I promise.”

That’s exactly what I needed to hear.

April grabs the diaper bag and opens the front door for us. Immediately, I remove Lucas from his carrier and get him back in my arms. Jess is inside waiting and laughs at me.

“You know he can stay in there. It won’t hurt him. And if he’s sleeping, which he obviously was, you should leave him and catch a break. Although, there is
nothing
sexier than a man with a baby, Daniel. I think your fuckability rating just climbed up a few more notches, if that’s even possible.”

At least some things will never change.

I find myself laughing, which in turn startles Lucas and of course that gets him crying again. This is going to take some getting used to. Jess reaches out her arms and I hand him over. She hasn’t seen him since the first day; I think she’s been trying to give us space. But now that I see how enamored she is with him, I wonder if she was consoling Kate and that was the true reason for her absence.

Only now when I turn around do I see the massive baby inventory on the counters and table.

“Did you guys do all of this?”

“We went shopping this morning. The last thing you need to do is take Lucas to a store, so we stocked up on all the necessities. Diapers, wipes, formula, water, baby bath, you name it, we got it. Some groceries for you, too. Kate and Vanessa really prepared well, but since you never know about formula that was really the biggest thing we had to wait for.”

“Thank you.” I’m overcome with emotion; my friends never cease to amaze me.

“Well, to be honest, Kate coordinated the whole thing. Not that we hadn’t thought about it but she just kind of swooped in and delegated it all,” April tells me sweetly.

Jess snorts. “Delegated, demanded, what’s the difference? We would have done it regardless, but damn was she bossy.”

April shoots her daggers and Jess shrugs her shoulders. “Sorry, but it’s true. It’s not a bad thing, it’s just, oh hell. Daniel, so help me God, I know you’re angry but be careful with her heart. She’s going to want to help and if you let her get attached to this baby and don’t forgive her...”

She pauses to take a deep breath, exhaling it loudly. “All I can say is it’s one thing for Kate to be Auntie Kate, it’s another thing for her to be here helping you and hoping for a future. If you can’t give her the future, Daniel,
don’t
let her hope. Stay away from her. Keep your distance. She’s lost too much in her life to go through this, too.”

Gently, she passes Lucas to me and places a tender kiss to his cheek. “If you need something, call the house. I left my phone at your house. See you guys later.”

I’ve only seen Jess emotional a few times and they were all circumstances when she was worried about Kate. This was no different; she was wiping away her tears as she left. Of course I feel like a complete asshole in her wake.

“Stop. You can’t change your feelings, but you are going to have to decide pretty quickly how involved you’re going to let Kate get with this baby, Daniel,” April tells me softly.

“Tell me something I don’t already know. I don’t know what to do, April. I don’t want to keep her away from Lucas. She already loves him. I need time to think, to adjust, and to figure out how this new life is going to work.”

She motions for me to sit on the couch while taking a sleeping Lucas from my arms and placing him in the baby bouncer. She’s a fucking natural; the kid doesn’t even flinch. If Jake sees her do that he won’t stop until he convinces her to have
his
baby.

“Daniel, I love you. You are my best friend and I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. Somewhere deep down inside you know that Kate and Mike are through. In that same place, you also know you’re going to eventually forgive her. If it were me, I wouldn’t keep Kate from Lucas, but I would distance myself from her instead. You guys can eventually bridge that gap if you choose to. But if you keep her from Lucas and she’s going to be in his life anyway, well, that’s just cruel. And if there’s one thing you’re not, Daniel, it’s cruel.”

“I’m scared, April. I’m terrified of the anger I have. I’m terrified of what I’m going to do when I see her with Marc. They’re friends like you and I, so seeing them together is inevitable.”

April wraps me into a big hug and when she releases me, she tells me the good news. “Marc left town for a few weeks. I don’t think I’m supposed to know that but I overheard Jess and Kate talking about it when I got there this morning.”

“Did he run from Kate?”

That son of a bitch! If he hurts her, so help me God…

“No, I didn’t get that impression. Just something about a vacation he had planned that he didn’t tell her about. Use this time to calm down, Daniel. Bond with Lucas, just enjoy being a dad, and leave the worrying and the anger for another time, okay?”

April is always the smart one. “Okay.”

April ends up staying here most of the day. She spends a lot of time teaching me endless things about babies. How she can tell the difference between a hungry cry, a diaper change cry, and an attention cry, I’ll never know. They all sound the same to me. Maybe she’s just really good at guessing.

It’s almost six o’ clock by the time she leaves to go home. I loved spending the day with her, I
needed
that. But now that she’s gone, I realize I’m starving and fully exhausted. Just as I stand to go look for something to eat, there’s a gentle knock on the door. Thankfully, whoever it is knocks softly because I just got Lucas to sleep again.

As I open the door, Kate looks up at me apprehensively.

How the hell did we get here?

“Hi. Do you mind if I come in for a minute?”

She’s afraid I’m going to tell her no; the fear in her eyes is unmistakable.

“It’s your house.” Her shoulders slump and her expression turns into one of defeat as I motion her inside.

“Maybe this was a bad idea. I’m sorry, I’ll go. I just wanted to check on you guys and let you know I made some dinners for you. They’re in the fridge. You just need to heat them up. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my distance.”

Abruptly, she turns to leave and instinctively, I reach out and grab her. “Don’t go yet. I’m sorry. That wasn’t nice.”

She relaxes her body and turns toward me. When I let her go, her eyes are brimming with tears.

Fuck, I hate this!

“Can you stay for a few minutes? I think we need to talk.” I can’t stand being the reason she has tears in her eyes. I’m supposed to
protect
her from pain, not be the
cause
of it.

“Of course I can.”

She sits on the far end of the couch, looking a little unsure of herself. Instinct pulls me to sit right next to her but I fight it, instead sitting at the opposite end.

Her eyes dart around the room. “Where’s Lucas?”

“I just put him down in his crib for the first time. I’m hoping he’ll sleep long enough for me to eat and grab a shower.”

She nods but doesn’t respond. Since I asked her to stay I should say
something
but I’m so focused on how sad she looks it’s hard to talk. Instead, my mind spins trying to think of ways to ease her pain.

“Kate, thank you for putting all this in order today.” She’s shaking her head no because she doesn’t want the credit. “April and Jess told me it was all on your orders. I appreciate it, really. I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy for you.”

“It was easier than you might think. I wanted to do this for you
and
for your son. He’s adorable and he looks just like you. You’re going to have to beat the girls off of him with a stick.”

I didn’t miss the way her voice caught when she said ‘your son’. My heart aches for her and what she’s going through right now.

Damn it.

“Honesty, Kate. Right?”