Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (16 page)

He slanted a glance at her as she sang. She looked very lovely tonight, he thought, in her rosy wool dress and single strand of pearls. She’d done something to her hair, too. It was fuller and fluffier, as if she’d curled it a little, but the sides still curved around and under her jawline like a soft caress. Tenderness tugged at Neil as he studied the slender line of her throat, the vulnerable curve of her full lower lip, the faint dusting of freckles across her cheeks and nose, the thick gold-tipped eyelashes framing her vivid eyes. She looked so fragile right now, so defenseless, so in need of love and protection.

For Neil, as Mass began and the priest intoned the words of the liturgy, the night took on an unreal quality, as if he were a player on a stage, with lines and actions that were predestined, only waiting for him to say them or do them. He stood and knelt and said the responses, the words awkward at first, then more sure as the service proceeded. Around him, in the flickering candlelight, the faces of the other worshipers receded into the background, and there was only Laura beside him.

As the congregation joined hands to say the Lord’s Prayer, Neil felt the warmth and softness of Laura’s hand as it slid into his, and when his fingers closed around hers, he was filled with a fierce longing. And later, when he turned to her to wish her peace, their eyes met as they shook hands, and when he gazed down into those bottomless blue depths, he knew that the next few weeks would be the hardest weeks of his life, and that he would need all the strength he possessed to get through them.

* * *

On Christmas Day, all the Cantrelles had been invited to a celebration being given by Réne’s brother, Leon, and once again, they invited Laura to spend the day with them. After the strain of spending Christmas Eve in Neil’s company, having to watch everything she said or did, Laura told Denise she was feeling a bit under the weather, and really preferred to stay at home. But Denise wouldn’t hear of it.

“You’ll do no such thing! Why, Mama would have a fit! You can’t be alone for Christmas.”

“Really, Denise, I don’t want to go with you,” Laura insisted. “And I won’t be alone. I’ll spend the afternoon at the hospital with Norman.”

“We’re going to the hospital, too.”

“I know. But I’ll stay on. Really,” Laura added as she saw the stubborn glint in Denise’s eyes. “I’ll enjoy a quiet afternoon with him more than a noisy party. Besides, they’re your family, not mine.”

Denise gave her a knowing look. “Come on, Laura. You don’t have to pretend with me. I know Norman has asked you to marry him, so we’re practically your family, too.” Laura couldn’t stop her sound of dismay.

Denise looked stricken. “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking when I said that.” Then she put her arms around Laura and hugged her. “No matter what happens, we’ll always be friends.”

Laura closed her eyes as she hugged Denise back. The urge to confide in her was strong. It would be so wonderful to have someone she could discuss her feelings with. Keeping everything bottled up inside, especially the way she felt about Neil, was really getting her down. Having to put on a face every time she was around him was so hard. And it would be nice to assure Denise that only Neil’s presence was stopping her from accepting the invitation, because Laura
would
enjoy being around the exuberant Cantrelles and sharing in the closeness of their Christmas.

“It’s sweet of you to ask me,” she said. “It means a lot to me.”

They hugged again and Denise turned to leave. “See you at the hospital, then?”

That afternoon, as Laura stepped off the elevator onto the fourth floor, she didn’t notice Neil right away because several other people had exited the elevator at the same time and were blocking her view. But as she walked down the hall toward Norman’s room, she saw Neil standing outside the door. When he saw her, he walked toward her.

Her stupid heart immediately started beating erratically, maddening her. For the thousandth time, she wondered exactly what it was about this man that made her react this way.

Only good looks, charm, kindness, intelligence, and sex appeal, her inner voice chided. Laura couldn’t help smiling. Neil certainly possessed all of that, and more. Today he looked particularly attractive, wearing khaki dress pants and a bright red cable-knit sweater. The sweater looked new, and she wondered if it had been a Christmas present.

“Laura,” he said in a low, urgent voice, “before you go in to see Norman, there’s something I have to tell you. Let’s go down there.” He motioned to the other end of the hall.

“What is it? Has something happened?” Alarm jolted through her. Had Norman taken a turn for the worse?

As they walked quickly down the hall, Laura slanted a look at Neil. His face was set in pensive lines. Anxiety gnawed at her.

When they reached the end of the hall, he turned to her and said, “Don’t look so worried. It’s nothing terrible, it’s just that I came to the hospital early today, and Norman and I had a long talk. About you.”

“Me?”

Neil nodded. “When I mentioned that Dunado was really pleased by his progress, especially his positive attitude—which I’m sure you’ve noticed—”

“Yes, of course I’ve noticed.” They’d all wondered about the change in him. Laura had hoped that maybe the change was due to her challenge when she told him she hadn’t realized he was a quitter.

“You know what he told me?”

“I have no idea.” Neil’s dark eyes held her gaze for a long moment. Her heart gave another little flip.

He watched her face intently. “He told me he’d thought everything over, especially the things you said to him, and that he finally realized all he had to do was get well. He said once he learned to walk with his artificial leg as well as he’d walked with his own leg, then he was sure everything would work out the way he wanted it to. Then he told me he still hoped to marry you. He told me the whole story, how he’d asked you, what you’d said, what he’d said, and I pretended I didn’t know anything about it.”

The longer Neil talked the more alarmed Laura became. “But Neil, when I told Norman I’d marry him, I really thought it would work out. But I know better now.” Her eyes locked with his. “Things are different now.”

Something like pain flashed across his face. “I’m sorry, but I thought you needed to know how he feels.”

“This isn’t fair.”

“I know it’s not.” Now there was real anguish in the dark gaze that pinned hers. “But as long as he has something to fight for, he’ll fight. And isn’t Norman’s recovery more important than anything else right now?”

Laura felt as if someone were pressing down on her chest. She didn’t want this kind of responsibility. It had been such a relief to stop pretending. It was hard enough that she had to watch herself around Neil. But now she’d have to be doubly careful. She’d be walking on eggs all of the time. She wasn’t sure she could.

Five minutes later she stood in Norman’s room with a bright smile pasted across her face. He was in high spirits. The entire family was already there, and because it was Christmas, even Jett’s and Denise’s children had been allowed to come. When Laura walked into Norman’s room, Jeannine was sitting on the side of the bed and Norman was holding her hand. They were laughing and giggling. Justin, her six-year-old brother, was standing on the other side of bed.

Norman looked Laura’s way, a big grin on his face. She kissed him on the cheek, noticing the blush of pleasure he didn’t try to hide. Everyone greeted her happily, and for the next hour, they all laughed and talked and watched Norman open the presents they’d brought.

But the whole time, Laura could feel Neil’s presence, even though they avoided eye contact. Each time Norman said something to her and she answered, she knew Neil was listening to every word and every nuance of her reply. She wondered if anyone else felt the tension in the air. She’d have given anything to just be herself, to be completely honest with all of them.

But she knew if she did anything to cause Norman to have any kind of relapse, Neil would never forgive her.

And she would never forgive herself.

A storm front was moving in from Texas, and the weather forecasters were predicting possible major flooding. Laura considered calling Norman to tell him she wasn’t coming to see him that evening, but she hadn’t been to the hospital for three days.

After what Neil had told her, she hated to disappoint Norman. Even though she knew she couldn’t marry him, Neil had made it very clear she was his touchstone, and she was resigned to the part she was playing. She just kept telling herself it wouldn’t be long before she could stop the pretense. Norman was doing better all the time.

So despite her reservations about the weather, when she locked up the office that night, she decided she’d go home, make a quick sandwich, change into warmer, more sturdy clothes, and head for Baton Rouge and the hospital.

An hour later she was on her way. It was already raining, a steady downpour from leaden skies. As she drove cautiously toward Baton Rouge, keeping her speed moderate and two hands on the wheel, the wind picked up, rocking the small Honda, and lightning streaked the sky. Now Laura wished she’d followed her instincts and stayed home, but she’d come so far, it seemed silly to turn back now.

When she finally reached the hospital, a trip that took her more than an hour instead of the usual forty or forty- five minutes, she was so tense her shoulders ached. She wasn’t all that fond of driving at night under any circumstances, and driving in this weather, especially so soon after the accident, had been a nerve-racking experience.

But she’d made it, she thought in triumph, as she entered the brightly lighted lobby of the rehab wing and nodded to the guard on duty.

“Terrible night, isn’t it?” he said, smiling and lowering his magazine, a dog-eared copy of
Field and Stream.
He was an older man, middle sixties, Laura thought, with thinning gray hair and kind eyes.

“Yes, it’s awful.” She removed her coat, shaking some of the water off. Then she turned it inside out so she wouldn’t get the rest of her clothes wet, and folded it over her arm.

“Not many people here tonight,” the guard said. “Been real quiet.”

Just then, there was a tremendous clap of thunder, and Laura jumped. She laughed shakily. “Sounds like it’s getting worse, doesn’t it?”

The guard nodded. “Yep. You pro’bly should’ve stayed home. Do you live far from here?”

Laura grimaced. “Yes. I’ve come over from Patinville.”

The guard raised his eyebrows. “If I was you, I’d think about stayin’ here tonight. Mebbe gettin’ a hotel room, or somethin’.”

He had given voice to her own uneasy feeling that it had been foolhardy to come out tonight. The ride back to Patinville would probably be a nightmare. But there was nothing to be done about it now. She was here.

Trying not to think about the drive home, she walked over to the elevators. Both were in use, so she pressed the Up button. A few seconds later, the one on the left descended, pinged its arrival, then opened, disgorging two nurses who were laughing and talking. They smiled at Laura, and she smiled back.

As they walked away, Laura eyed the yawning empty space of the waiting elevator. Trying to act nonchalant, she looked around. There was no one else in sight. The nurses had disappeared in the direction of the cafeteria, and there was only the guard, who was once more reading his magazine.

He looked up, idly curious. “What’s the matter?”

“Uh.. .nothing.” He must think she was crazy. Biting her lip, she moved toward the empty elevator, but her feet felt like two concrete blocks, and her heart pounded against her chest wall.
Boom. Boom. Boom.
It sounded so loud, she was afraid the guard would hear it.

No.
She couldn’t do it. She knew she couldn’t do it. Stomach jumping, she stopped, looking around again. Her face must have reflected her growing panic, because the guard frowned, pale blue eyes now containing a glimmer of concern.

She would have to say something. Do something. “I—”

At that moment, the front door opened, letting in an explosive gust of wind and rain as well as a sodden-looking Neil.

A tidal wave of relief swept her. She felt weak with it. She had never been so glad to see anyone in her entire life.

Neil, shaking himself like a dog, spraying droplets of water everywhere, swore softly. “Damn, it’s bad out there.” He looked up, surprise firing his dark eyes. “Laura! You drove over here tonight?”

“Yes.” Her heart was pumping madly, which she told herself was the aftermath of her panic attack and had nothing to do with seeing Neil.

“I wish I’d known you were coming. I would’ve tried to talk you out of it.” He shrugged out of his wet leather jacket. Underneath he wore a pale blue sweatshirt and jeans. His cheeks were reddened from the cold, and his dark hair looked windblown and wet.

She smiled gratefully as he walked toward her. “It took me longer than usual, but I didn’t have any real trouble getting here.
I am a
bit worried about driving back, though.”

Now that he was here, her fear had disappeared. With no hesitation, she stepped into the open elevator with him, and Neil pushed the button for five, the top floor of the wing. “I don’t think if s a good idea for you to drive back on your own,” he said. “Maybe you should ride back with me.”

The elevator doors slid shut, and the car started its ascent.

“But I have my car—”

She broke off the sentence as lightning, sounding like the boom of a cannon, struck somewhere near. The lights in the elevator flickered, and Laura froze. A split second later, the elevator was plunged into darkness and rocked to a stop.

She couldn’t breathe. The air was all gone. She tried to take a breath. The darkness closed in on her. Terror, unreasoning and wild, exploded inside her. A scream bubbled into her throat.
No, no, no, no.
The thought raged through her like a maddened bull, terrified and out of control.

The scream ricocheted off the walls and filled the darkness. Kept filling the darkness as it went on and on.