Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (25 page)

“Well, come on over and talk to Paul. I’ve told him a lot about you.”

Laura wondered if her first instinct had been right, that Alice really was trying to maneuver her into a date with Paul Fontayne. She wondered what her friend would think if she knew it was much too late for anything like that. Laura unconsciously laid her hand over her flat stomach, a fierce joy shooting through her as she thought about the tiny baby growing inside.

But she allowed Alice to lead her over to the tall, elegant man standing in front of the fireplace. She stood there and made small talk, and smiled and said the right things, but all the while she had one ear trained on the front door as she waited for Neil to arrive.

The party had started at seven-thirty. It was now nine o’clock, and Neil still hadn’t shown up. Alice commented on his absence once in Laura’s hearing, so obviously he hadn’t called to say he wouldn’t be there. Laura wanted to ask Alice about him, but she knew it was better not to.

So she tried to concentrate her attention on Paul Fontayne. Too bad she wasn’t interested in him, because he really did seem like a nice man, and he was certainly good-looking, and from what Alice had said, successful. More importantly, he was available.

He didn’t seem any more interested in her than she was in him, even though he was very polite. But Laura could see no spark of real interest in his eyes. It was a relief then, when another woman joined them, and Laura could ease away.

She escaped the noisy, crowded living room into the familiar kitchen where Alice was taking a tray of egg rolls out of the oven. “Hand me that platter, will you?” Alice said. She used a spatula to remove the egg rolls from the hot cookie sheet to the platter. She frowned, looking up at the kitchen clock. “Darn that Neil. I wonder why he didn’t come?”

“Did I hear my name spoken in vain?”

Alice’s head jerked up, but Laura turned slowly. Her heart shot up into her throat. She smiled a greeting, trying to keep her mouth from trembling. Her hands were shaking, and she clasped them together to hide the fact that her emotions were tumbling unchecked. Right now she felt as if she’d been flattened by a steamroller as she was filled with the realization that this man was the father of the child she carried inside her. This man was the man she loved desperately and hopelessly. This man was the man she could probably never have.

“Sorry I’m so late.” He smiled at both of them, but his eyes lingered on Laura, sending a shivery trail down her spine as their gazes held. Her knees felt like mush.

Neil, oh Neil. She had to get control of herself. She couldn’t fall to pieces in front of him. She couldn’t. She tried to look away, but she couldn’t do that either. Something stirred deep in his eyes. Just as Laura thought she might really lose it, just fall apart right here in Alice’s kitchen, blubber like a big baby, he broke eye contact, and when he did, Laura was able to breathe again, and the moment passed.

“Well, where the blazes have you been?” Alice demanded. “I was counting on you to tend bar.”

“I went to the rehab center today, and without any warning, Norman’s doctor said he could go home.”

“What?” Laura was shocked out of her preoccupation with herself by this stunning piece of news.

“How wonderful!” Alice exclaimed. “Did you bring him home?”

“I took him to the folks because it wouldn’t be smart for him to try to navigate the stairs at his apartment. They’re very steep. He’s going to have to find another place to live, I guess.” Neil grinned. “But he’s home. And he’s very happy to be there.”

“I’ll bet he is,” Alice said.

Laura was still assimilating Neil’s bombshell news. Somehow she hadn’t been prepared for Norman coming home this soon. She was happy for him, of course, but she wondered what this development would mean in terms of Neil and how long he’d stay in Patinville. She felt hollow inside when the realization dawned that Neil might be leaving for Florida very soon.

As if to confirm her worst fears, Neil said, “He’s even talking about going in to the office for half days starting on Monday.” He reached for one of the egg rolls. “I’m hungry. I missed my dinner.”

“Well, there’s plenty to eat on the dining room table,” Alice said. “Go help yourself.”

When he left the room, Alice leaned toward her and said sotto voce, “Pull yourself together, kiddo.”

Startled, Laura met her clear, gray eyes. What she saw unnerved her. “What do you mean?”

“If you keep looking at him like that, it’ll be obvious to everyone in the room how you feel about him. Is that what you want?”

Laura licked her lips. “You know?”

“I’ve known for some time.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I was waiting for you to say something.”

Laura slumped into one of the kitchen chairs. She felt so tired. All her elation over the baby, which had sustained her until five minutes ago, faded. Suddenly, she was facing reality. She was still happy about the baby, but now she knew she had a very rocky road ahead. Because the hard, cold, truth was that Neil would be leaving Patinville very soon. His sense of commitment to his family, his sense of fair play, his sense of honor, would all force him to leave. Whether he loved her or not.

Unless...the thought trembled in her mind...half formed ... so tempting.

Unless she told him about the baby.

Having Norman back in the office was a strain—a strain Laura wasn’t sure her nerves could take. She was glad he was home, of course, and happy he was doing so well. Aside from an occasional grimace or whitening around his lips, she would never have known he wasn’t entirely comfortable with his prosthesis.

Each day he seemed to grow stronger, rapidly progressing from working four hours a day to working the whole day. If she hadn’t known he had an artificial leg, she probably wouldn’t have noticed anything physically different or unusual about him.

Emotional differences were another story.

He’d gone from being a carefree, open, jovial man who never worried about anything to being a moody, guarded man who brooded about everything. And she never knew what he was thinking or feeling.

Sometimes she’d catch him looking at her with a bleak yearning in his dark eyes, a yearning he would quickly mask. Since he spent so much time in the office, Laura always felt on edge.

Added to that edginess was the ever-present worry about her future and the future of her unborn child. What was she going to do? If only things had been different. If she had fallen in love with Norman instead of Neil, she could be married now and openly declare her pregnancy. She could be basking in the attention and love of all the Cantrelles instead of feeling so alone.

She wondered now what would have happened if she’d never met Neil. It was entirely possible that eventually she and Norman would have gotten together. And realistically, they might have had an all-right marriage. Norman would never have been the love of her life as Neil was, but he would have been good to her, and she probably would have been contented.

Sighing, she gave Norman a furtive look. She
had
met Neil. She loved him, and now she carried his baby.

Norman glanced up. A frown furrowed his brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” She returned her attention to the bank statement she was reconciling. Darn. She had to stop daydreaming. Norman seemed to have developed a sixth sense during his travail; he was much more aware of her feelings.

“Something’s not right,” he insisted. “Something’s worrying you.”

“No, really,” Laura said, forcing sincerity into her tone. “I think I just have spring fever.” She met his eyes and then was sorry she had, for she could see the genuine concern shining in their dark depths.

“I wish you’d let me help you if you have a problem,” he said softly. “I care about you, Laura.”

“Oh, Norman...” There was an awkward silence while Laura groped for something to say.

“I’ll always care about you.”

Laura bit her lip. For one fleeting moment, she had an almost irresistible urge to spill everything, to tell Norman exactly what
was
wrong, but as quickly as the urge had formed, she dismissed it. She could never do that. If anyone told Norman about her and Neil, it would have to be Neil.

She sighed again. “You’re a good friend, Norman, and I appreciate it.”

His eyes clouded. She pretended not to notice his disappointment and bent her head to her work.

The clock ticked loudly as Laura’s discomfort grew. She could feel Norman watching her. Oh, God, she was going to have to do something. This situation was almost untenable.

So as inexorably as her child grew inside her, her awareness that she must soon make a decision grew, too. She knew she’d been marking time, waiting, still holding on to a sliver of hope that somehow she and Neil could work things out between them.

But finally, on a Friday morning toward the end of March, almost two weeks to the day from the time Norman left the hospital, Laura knew the hiatus was nearly over.

“I think I’ve found a new apartment,” Norman said as he took a break from the bid he’d been working on.

“That’s good,” she answered.

“Funny,” he mused, “I thought I’d live upstairs until I got married and bought a house.” His voice sounded wistful.

Laura cringed inwardly. Why must he constantly remind her of how guilty she still felt? Then, at the uncharitable thought, she felt even more guilty, because she knew Norman wasn’t purposely trying to make her feel uncomfortable.

“Will Neil stay on in your old apartment then?” she asked in what she hoped was a casual tone. She pretended to be looking at a column of figures, as if his answer wasn’t very important at all, as if she’d only asked the question to veer him away from the subject of marriage.

Norman had been in the act of pouring himself a cup of coffee, and he finished, carefully making his way back to his desk before answering. The first couple of days he’d been back in the office, Laura had fussed over him, wanting to help him do everything, and he had quickly let her know he didn’t appreciate her misguided attempts. His pride in his physical ability was one facet of his character that his accident hadn’t changed.

Seated again, he said, “No. He told me last night he’s planning to go back to Florida next week.”

Next week.
The words knocked all the breath out of Laura. Unable to meet Norman’s eyes, she fought to still the trembling of her hands as she turned and lifted her mug of tea. When she trusted her voice not to give her away, she said, “I thought maybe he’d decided not to go back.” She lifted her eyes, finally meeting Norman’s gaze.

“He said he’s glad he knows the truth about Erica and Willis because now he can live with what happened and not feel guilty. He can finally put the past behind him.” Norman frowned. “I thought sure he’d stay here in Patinville, but nothing I said would change his mind.” He grinned. “He’s as stubborn as I am.”

Laura’s thoughts whirled. So she had less than a week. Should she tell Neil about the baby? That question had been going around and around in her mind ever since the night of Alice’s party.

If she told him, she knew he wouldn’t abandon her. The same sense of honor that now demanded he leave Patinville would force him to shift his loyalty to her and his child.

And that knowledge, that Neil would feel obligated to honor his responsibility to her, was the crux of Laura’s problem.

Do I want him at that price?

That night, as she lay in bed, she still couldn’t answer the question. She loved Neil, passionately and with an intensity of feeling she hadn’t known herself capable of feeling. She also loved their child, fiercely and possessively. She would defend both with her very life.

She placed her palms on her stomach, feeling the firmness beneath her hands through the sheer cotton gown she always wore at night. Soon that firmness would change shape, and there would be a betraying roundness.

She drifted into a hazy half sleep, and soft, misty images floated through her semi consciousness. A fat, laughing baby sitting on Neil’s lap with Laura bending over them. Neil tilting his head to kiss her, then kissing the top of the baby’s head while Laura slipped her arms around his neck and leaned over the two of them. Shimmering images of the three of them surrounded by a nimbus of
dazzling
light and a thick, sparkling golden circle that enclosed them and kept them safe.

* * *

Neil felt numb. He’d known for weeks that he had to leave. He had no other choice. What difference did it make that he loved Laura? He wasn’t free to love her. So what if the thought of leaving her made him feel physically ill? He’d get over it. He had to get over it.

But he couldn’t rid himself of the picture of Laura’s haunted eyes the night of Alice’s party. For minutes there, when they’d met in Alice’s kitchen, she’d let down her guard, and Neil saw that instead of the acceptance, even indifference to him that he’d convinced himself she felt, she was just as miserable as he was. He’d almost come unglued that night. He wanted to haul her into his arms and kiss her senseless. He wanted to hold her and never let her go. He wanted to claim her in front of Alice and the entire world.

But he couldn’t. Laura wasn’t his to claim, and she never would be. At that very moment, he knew he had to get the hell out of Patinville. Soon.

Tomorrow he was leaving. All the arrangements had been made.

Tonight his parents were having a welcome home party for Norman. Neil hoped he could get through the evening. It would be one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do. Because he was leaving in the morning he would have to endure a lot of backslapping and good wishes and tearful goodbyes from his demonstrative family.

And he would have to say goodbye to Laura. Laura, who had brought light into the darkness of his soul.

His stomach felt hollow at the thought. Nothing he’d ever done, even the most dangerous assignment, had ever frightened him like the prospect of facing her tonight, of looking into her beautiful eyes and knowing he would never see the light of love shining in them again.