Loving Lucius (Werescape) (16 page)

"Let's sit," he said behind me.

I jumped again.

"Elise, please, I won't hurt you. Believe me."

The stupid backpack didn't help at all the way I hugged the useless thing. How could I have opened the door for it? For useless things?

"Come on."

The floor creaked again.

One footstep. He'd taken only one. Fine. I'd sit. I'd live or die. And dying sounded pretty damned good with the clock counting down my nine-month wait for Sherry to share our secret with what remained of humanity. I quickly grabbed a chair, yanked it out from the table, and sat.

The floor creaked. And creaked.

His legs came to stand before me, bent, and he descended to present that unnerving gaze of his.

Like I'd want to look into it. I'd already seen him for what he was. Crazed. I stared at the dark leather.

I'm such a fool. Why had I gone outside? I knew better. And that pack…I swung the bulk from my lap until it disappeared under the table.

Now, I can stare at my bare hands. Skin. Not a good thing to see with him so close. His sire had touched one already. I had to keep them away from Lucius. Just in case my body decided he needed healing. Bodies had a damning mind of their own. Wouldn't that be the funny end to this madness? Killed by my subconscious.

"Look at me, please," he whispered. "You can't read a person if you don't look at him."

Just like Augustus said. But if I look at him, he'll stay longer.

"Okay, think about this. I'm kneeling. Lower than you. To wolves, I'm in the submissive position. You're the one in the power position. You shouldn't be afraid to look at me. You're in control."

If only that was true.

"Please, I just need to clear the air between us. I need you to look at me."

Okay. If it'll hurry things along. I met his blue gaze, a little.

"Alright. That's a start." He grinned.

The most amazing grin I'd ever seen that shook the room. That shook every cell trapping my soul inside my body. He's so gorgeous with that neatly trimmed wisp of a beard and moustache encircling his mouth.

"I'm sorry for everything, Elise. I can't explain it any other way than my Wolf interfered."

What does that mean?

He leaned a bit closer.

Pressing the air tightly around me. And I couldn't lean back because the chair's wood held me at his mercy.

"My sire won't have a thing to do with me if I can't close the rift between us."

But I'm the outsider. "Why?"

"I lost the game, Elise. I was so caught up in you but tried to do my job. And it went all wrong. So wrong." He winced like the thought shafted him with pain. "I never touched you. Never hurt you. Only asked a few questions. Right?"

Easy to say when you're over six feet tall and intimidating.

"Right?" His blond eyebrows arched.

Almost playfully.

My knees went limp.

And something, who knows what, got all hot and hollow feeling between my legs. If he grinned, the rest of me would melt too. Look away. I slid my gaze back to my fingers.

"No. Don't look away," he whispered. "Please talk to me. Tell me what I can do to make things better between us. To help you not feel intimidated when I'm around."

Intimidated or smitten? Alone or together, either way those reactions still resulted in panic for me. I can't allow him to discover my truth. And smitten is the last thing he could think of me. Smitten turned into touching. "I don't know." I focused on the faded denim on my knees.

He grabbed my hands.

With warm smooth skin and a strong grasp.

No touching. I jerked my hands away from the comfort of his being.

He leaned even further over my lap, his gaze searching upward to meet with mine. "That's the second time I touched you. The first by accident that night with the rifle. But this time was no accident. Why did you pull away?"

Did it matter I if I spill my guts again about being a healer? Not good when that subject led to my
DNA
.

"Why can't I touch you? Am I a Shifter? An abomination to you the Normal? Is that it?"

No! I'm not that heartless or insane. God. I dare not speak though. Or I'd start shaking. Maybe cry. I couldn't afford to look weaker now. I wagged my head.

"Well, nothing else makes sense. Sherry doesn't have a problem with touching a Shifter."

No. She doesn't if she's still alive and mated now. Damn her. She'll be my undoing.

My heart lurched.

Fanning fear's fire in my chest. Wafting heat up my neck. To my nose and eyes.

Hell, tears. Why now? Why can't I just be angry? Strong? I turned to the log wall beyond the table.

"What is it then?" he insisted gently. "You're crying."

Not yet. I'm not going to cry either.

Warmth closed around my hand.

His hand. I jerked mine away.

"Elise, if you won't look at me, you're going to have to talk to me," he said a tad more sternly.

Then, he'd have to make me.

He grabbed my bare hands.

Tightly. And the tingle sparked like a flame on a tiny candle we'd used on special cakes at New Years' celebrations. I couldn't jerk mine away from his warm solid grasp. I spun to his patient mask. "Let me go."

"Talk to me. I'll release you."

The concerned twist to his tanned lips made him so handsome. I could feel my heart warming in the wake of the tingle fanning through my body, my heart spreading, betraying me. The traitorous organ would force me to sit here. Talk to him if I didn't hurry to please him. I have to convince him to leave. "What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me why you can't stand it when I touch you." His gaze fell to my hands where his thumbs began brushing over my knuckles.

Curse him and his dogmatic nature. Maybe declaring that one thing would shut him up. "Fine. Father feared everyone would learn about our healing powers just from touching our skin. So he hired Shifters to be our Guardians. And touch became taboo for us. Our Guardians saw to that." Or at least made certain we never forgot. Some of us remained more concerned than others…

His brow pinched slightly then straightened, but he released my hands.

Thank goodness. I snatched both to my chest and buried them beneath the shirt's bulky fabric at my armpits.

"That's why you wear that huge shirt over your clothes." His gaze dropped to the quilted plaid for a moment. "You don't want anyone to touch you."

Why did he have to look at me like he understood? As if we'd just become friends?

"Alright. Is that why you despise Shifters?"

"No." Why won't he go away?

"You can't stand us because Shifters wouldn't allow you to touch people?"

Why did he insist this is racism? "No." If only I could run. Hide. Just find a place to stop hearing all the questions. Because something would lead to the aliens. And I'd be in trouble again.

"You're not making sense, Elise. You tell me one thing but behave differently. There's something about Shifters you dislike."

No. I turned to him and choked down a growl. "No. I never held it against them. They were my friends. They protected me. The only one among my sisters who despises Shifters doesn't seem to any longer. Me, I just wanted to be normal. Just wanted to have what everyone else had."

"To touch somebody?" He slowly leaned forward again, an inquisitive arch to his brow.

Probably to chase my receding gaze. What did it matter if I told him the truth about the touching? Maybe he'd leave. "Look, I never got to have normal friends. Never got to be alone with--" I just couldn't say a man. Just couldn't spit the word out. The confession was so humiliating. And Lucius--so touchable.

Run. Hide. Jump off a cliff.

"A man," he said the condemning words.

My heart sank.

My gut cringed.

Everything was out there. Everything. Almost. Because he said it.

"Look at me, Elise."

I can't. He'd do something to make me say more. Or something.

"Elise," his whisper hissed.

"I can't," I managed not to groan.

He grabbed me into a firm hug and pulled me against the amazing heat of his bare supple chest.

Why the torture? I was a good person. I'd always helped others. Maybe I could have healed a few who were ill. But Langston forbade me from using my gift. Why this torture?

"No more of this, Elise. You aren't bad. You haven't done anything wrong. Touching someone won't end the world."

Oh, he had no idea how wrong he is. And I will surely die like this. My skin against his.

Being held felt so good.

Like the world would right itself.

That I wouldn't have to fear giving birth to monsters and the lynching that would follow.

But he had no idea what touch might instigate. The risk of some alien monster walking the Earth. "You can't say that." I shoved against the heat of his steely shoulders with both palms.

To escape the seduction of his warm bare skin.

Before it's too late. Before I can't push away.

His iron embrace didn't budge. He pressed his forehead against my temple and pushed my head backward until he wormed his head around, touching his nose to mine. "Shifters are scientists, Elise. We know how things work. Gods-damn-it. Stop fighting me."

All those muscles felt so strong. So powerful. Like he could scare away all the bad things haunting me. I didn't want to fight. Didn't want to run. But this has to end so I can try to save Violet. I shoved again.

His grip weakened. His arms slid away.

Not completely. He hovered so close. Too close. Breathing warm smothering breaths around me. Inescapable breaths that sucked me in closer to his flounder in the circle of his arms.

"Tell me why you can't stand me touching you."

Not that. How to answer? I stared at his tanned undulating flesh and tried to think of a reply. There was just so much muscle. Touchable muscle that screamed for me to touch it. Just one more time. To remember what he felt like.

"Tell me and I'll leave." He settled back, kneeling on the floor, relinquishing his hold on me. "I'll leave, Elise. Just tell me."

Okay. Anything to end this madness. "It's not that I can't stand touching you--"

"You like touching me?" he asked quickly and softly.

No. But admitting that will only find his warmth wrapped around me again. I shot him a glare. "I haven't touched you of my own accord."

"So, you
can't stand
touching me."

Why won't he listen? Maybe if I told him the truth, he'd be satisfied, thinking I liked him enough to go on living his life. Or he'd cringe at my interest in him and go on to do whatever it is he does. After all, his sire says he favors me. "No, I never wanted to touch anyone until--" I couldn't say the rest. Couldn't bring myself to finish blurting the insanity. He had never said one thing to make me feel he was attracted to me. But he's quiet now. I slid my gaze from my lap to his alert bright glinting blue eyes.

His eyes widened. "Until what, Elise?"

My heart cringed.

Sinking. Fading into nonexistence. Why is he so relentless?

"Until what, Elise?" he barely hissed with insistence.