Loving Siblings: Aidan & Dionne (11 page)

Her body told him how she really felt about
him. This was good. There was hope. And lucky for them, too, he
thought, because he knew there was no turning back for either of
them.

**~~**

Chapter Six:
Conflicted

You can’t leave me like this.

His words echoed in her head over and over
again. She couldn’t escape them. Like a scratched record, Dionne
could hear Aidan’s muffled words skip and drone in her head
repeatedly, pulling her back to that moment when she locked the
door on him and heard his muffled outcry through her door.

She wished he hadn’t spoken them. She wished
she hadn’t heard them. But she had, and she was faced with having
to relive the painful truth of what she’d done, and what she
instantly felt each time she heard his words. It was like a hot
knife cutting through her chest in an endless cycle of torture.

But no matter how hard or what she tried,
she couldn’t escape them. She heard them during class, at the video
store, and in her car. She heard them before she slept, when she
slept, and after she awakened from a restless night, and each time
it only reaffirmed the fear she had about the whole situation.

But she had to face it. She had to be honest
with herself no matter how much, or how hard, she wished things
were different. She had to face the cold, hard fact, that she was
nothing more than her younger brother’s current object of interest;
an experimental phase in his young life.

She was, just as she feared, Aidan’s newest
exciting adventure. His words told her as much. But really, she
said to herself. Was that such a huge surprise?

“
No,” she sighed softly. “I guess
not.”

She stood in the cool kitchen looking out
into the shade of the backyard. Beyond the small canopy of trees,
she could see the black, wrought iron fence surrounding the
sparkling pool. It was Saturday again, a whole week since that
event by her room, and the evening when she knew, beyond any doubt,
she was in deep, deep trouble.

“
God. You’re pathetic,” she said
softly. “How could you be so stupid, Dionne?”

Her pretty face looked deeply troubled,
hinting at the turmoil inside her. She lowered her eyes under a
frown, hugging herself tightly as she stood there, wondering how
long she’d been standing in front of the wide kitchen window.

Time just seemed to fly by those days. A
whole week passed, yet it felt as if that moment of her humiliation
had happened just moments ago. It still felt that real, that big,
and that painful.

And she was all alone to deal with it by
herself.

The family was out before she got up that
Saturday morning. No one bothered her, and that’s exactly what she
needed now. She needed time to think, time to recoup herself and
find that balance that had been missing ever since that
not-very-sibling kiss a week ago.

The last thing she felt strong enough for,
were curious eyes. She must’ve been acting out of sorts, because
far too many curious eyes were on her those days, although she
pretended not to see them.

Although she’d prefer someone to turn to and
talk to about how she was feeling, perhaps draw on their strength
to make it her own so she could deal with this, she also knew she
needed time alone. She needed time to recoup. She also needed to
steer clear of her sexy younger brother—something she’d
successfully accomplished in that past week.

She’d been vigilant and creative at avoiding
being anywhere near Aidan. It really wasn’t all that hard. Since
the championship, he’d been invited to party after party, taking
him away from the house every day. He was also busy meeting with
scouts for universities. She easily avoided being in the same room
with him, but then again, his schedule made it easier for her. It
was almost as if he was staying away from the house more and more,
too . . .

Then she frowned.

Wait a doggone minute. What if the
success she’d booked avoiding him had everything to do with him
avoiding her? Could that be it? Could it be that Aidan was
avoiding
her
as much as she
was avoiding
him
?

“
Oh Jesus,” she moaned in torment.
“Please say it isn’t so.”

When Aidan came home, she always made sure
she left for her attic room or she’d quickly call Helmut to go out
before Aidan was back. Although the Craftsman house was huge, she
still felt as if the walls were closing in on her, and she felt an
overpowering need to get out and away from him—and her naughty
thoughts—as much as possible.

But did her success at avoiding him had more
to do with Aidan being as sorry for what happened as she was?

That thought slammed her unexpectedly square
in the chest, and it hurt enough to make her catch her breath.
Because fact of the matter was, even though every rational bone in
her body told her she couldn’t continue down this road with her
younger brother, her heart wanted nothing more.

“
Pathetic,” she said, making a face
before she shook her head. Then she looked wholly disenchanted.
“Urgh!” she finally exploded before she snapped around and began
locking up the house.

She needed something to take her mind
off of her forbidden desires. She needed to stop thinking about
Aidan. She needed to freakin’
cool her
head
already!

Dionne finished locking all the doors and
ended up in the family room. She paused when the California sun
bounced off the rippling surface of the family pool, making silver
lights dance and bounce off the walls of the cool, shaded room.

She paused, suddenly feeling this sickening
sense of suffocation; feeling so caged all of a sudden. She needed
to breathe. She needed fresh air. She was already getting very
lightheaded, and she was near hyperventilating.

Then she slowly blinked big, thoughtful eyes
as she turned her attention to the window and looked through the
lace curtains. A clever thought hit her, and she already felt a
little better.

“
Why not?” she said before she whipped
around and rushed out of the family room, down the hall, and toward
the stairs.

Since it was Saturday, and she knew everyone
was out till evening, she decided to, literally, cool her heels. A
soothing swim in the family pool was the perfect solution.

It had been a long time since she’d been in
the family pool. Classes, work, Helmut, and preparation for Aidan’s
last championship soccer game kept her from a weekly swim, and at
the end of those longer than long days, she just didn’t have the
energy to join the family in the pool.

Summer was heating up those troubling
days, but it also signaled more down time for the entire family.
Including Aidan. More down time meant being around each other more.
After what happened, she knew this was a very bad idea, so it was
no huge mystery she wasn’t looking forward to
that
particular summer.

Maybe it was time she left the nest?
Maybe it was time she stopped
thinking
about Helmut’s offer to move to Loma
Linda with him, and just
do
it? Loma Linda wasn’t on the other side of the country so it
wasn’t all that far—something, she knew, Mom would be devastated by
were that the case—but it wasn’t next door, either. The distance
was enough for her to never have to see Aidan again if she didn’t
want to.

She knew she could finish her internship at
Loma Linda University which would take her far away from Aidan and
the inevitable catastrophe staring them both in the face. Although
she’d thought it was an impossibility when Helmut first mentioned
it to her, it was becoming increasingly tempting now.

Dionne was well aware she was merely trying
to run away from her problems, rather than face them, but for once
in her life, she felt she needed to be the coward. She knew her
attraction for her younger brother was too strong to fight. She’d
always been a smart cookie.

For the past year, she hadn’t been out of
the house much unless it was to go to classes or to her job at The
Video Paradise. With Helmut busy with his own internship now, their
dates were limited to one night a week.

So it was no surprise he was so
disappointed when she told him she couldn’t accompany him to Loma
Linda that Saturday. In retrospect, she should have, though. Then
she wouldn’t be in this state
now
. Yes, she was still in that “state”, but it
was a choice she had to make.

She’d refused touching herself ever since
she hadn’t finished the last time, but she was too afraid she’d be
tempted into thinking about her brother while getting busy with
herself, and that would only weaken her will to steer clear of
him.

She truly missed spending nights with the
family, though, but that was the price to pay for not being more
careful. She just couldn’t bring herself to be around the family
with the risk of being in the same room with Aidan. She needed time
to strengthen herself against . . . herself.

Unfortunately, Aidan was home more those
days than he’d ever been in the past—despite his busy summer
itinerary. For most of his life, a person couldn’t keep him home
with a team of horses—wait. Wrong metaphor. Most days, a person
couldn’t keep him home even if he were shackled to the
foundation.

Although she refused to show it, it hurt her
every time to see Mom rise from her seat to serve her dinner only
to look almost slain when she said no each and every time. It
really hurt having to tell Mom she’d already had something to eat
at school or work because she knew how important it was for Mom to
have her enjoy her cooking—something she was very proud of.

Of course she wasn’t at all that brave. Her
rejections were usually given in passing as she rushed for the
stairs and flew up them to the safety of her bedroom. It was hard
enough to see Mom’s smile fade each time she was rejected—that’s
how Mom saw it—and she never failed to feel the burn of tears in
her own eyes.

Now, this late Saturday morning, just a week
after that incident with Aidan, she was home alone, by the pool,
staring down at the beckoning blink of the rippling water in
summer’s breeze.

She decided a short swim would suffice. It
would be just enough to ease her tense muscles before she’d head
out to the Santa Anita Mall with a couple of girlfriends. She
really disliked going to the popular and busy indoor shopping plaza
for any reason, but the place, bustling with people and loud rides
for kids, would be a welcome distraction now.

“
Hm,” she mused. “Maybe a pair of new
shoes or a new outfit for tonight might help lighten the mood.”
Then she made a face. “Even though it would lighten my wallet as
well.”

She was thinking about calling Helmut for a
long overdue dinner date. He’d have to pay for it, though. Maybe
they could split the costs for a movie, too. Then, perhaps, go to
his parents’ house until about 9:30 in the evening when she was
sure Aidan would still be out with his friends. Mom and Dad would
have the children in bed and they’d retire right after, too.

Saturday nights were usually quiet times, if
Mom and Dad were asked to visit friends. And they had a lot of
friends! Now that the kids were older and less boisterous, Mom and
Dad usually took them to Arcadia Park during the day where there
was a public swimming pool with lots of colorful slides for them to
tire themselves on. That public pool, unlike the family pool, was a
lot of fun for kids.

The family pool was Olympic size, but it
really was boring, lacking all the fun stuff. It really wasn’t
built for family fun anyway. It was actually put in for Aidan ever
since he’d taken up swimming.

Dad had put the pool in for him so he could
train at home. But that was years ago, and Aidan no longer
participated in swimming contests, and she wondered if she could
convince Mom and Dad to have the pool renovated for the kids.

Her gaze roamed the giant, blue sparkling
pool, already seeing the colorful waterslides and water cannons
placed here and there. Her gaze inevitably landed on herself, and
then down her length. Her lips tightened as she glared at the flaws
of her much too plump, young body.

She believed she had the fattest
thighs in the world! They were, in addition to being much too
wide
,
pretty pasty and pale,
too. She really needed more sun. And a good aerobics workout. That
Fonda lady had a few tapes she might be able to rent for longer
periods of time IF she asked her boss nicely.

Although she hated wearing a swimming
suit—and would’ve rather worn a tee shirt and shorts to camouflage
her “thunder-thighs”—a proper swimming suit was mandatory wear in
the family pool.

So not really having any choice, she pulled
on her really unflattering one-piece that, at least, had pretty
colors going for it. It was a bathing suit in various shades of
green and aqua, but the cut would have appealed more to
grandmothers rather than twenty-three year old college co-eds.

Then again, she
was
a bit of a nerd, and she
was
alone. Or, so she thought.

As she stood at the edge of the pool, close
to the pre-molded steps, she quietly braided her long, mousy brown
hair in a single braid. This was another rule Mom and Dad were
fanatical about. They wanted to avoid loose hair from getting
caught in the filter and have Jason, their pool man, blow a gasket
in an easily provoked fit when he’d find gobs of it in the filter.
So everyone with long hair had to braid it before entering the
pool.