Loving Summer (Loving Summer Series) (9 page)

            I remember a bigger kid snatching it from my hands as I pulled it out of the water. “Little kids shouldn’t have sea stars,” he said.

            “Give it back!”

            “Make me.”

            I remember him doubling up then, and Nat stepping past him, ready to hit him again. I remember him picking up the sea star and putting it in my hands.

            My mind snaps back to the present, where Astor’s hands are sliding under the straps of my dress. My hands go to his.

            “Astor, no.”

            “No?” Astor freezes, and I practically jump off him.

            “I… I can’t.”

            “Why not?” He sounds genuinely puzzled.

            What can I say? Because we got to that point and I started thinking about Nat? “It’s just too much, too fast,” I say. “When I said I’d stay over, I didn’t know that this was what you had in mind. I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear. I… if you want me to go home now, that’s fine.”

            Astor shakes his head, reaching out for me and placing a gentle kiss on my forehead. “
I’m
sorry,” he says. “I got carried away. And you don’t have to go home. I’ll drive you back in the morning. I meant it before, when I said that I have plenty of guest rooms here. And I meant it about finishing the movie marathon too, if you want.”

            I nod. This time though, we both sit on the couch, and I spend as much time staring at that sea star as I do at the movie. Staring at it, and glancing at Astor. He looks like he’s trying to enjoy the movie now, so I try too. Somehow, it just isn’t the same.

Chapter
10

A
stor drives me back early the next morning. Early enough that I can still make my run with Drew along the beach, grabbing some running clothes out of the laundry basket and getting changed downstairs so that I don’t wake Rachel. I figure that just because I had a great night, that doesn’t give me the right to crash into the room we share.

            Drew is waiting for me on the beach by the time I’m ready, though he seems kind of serious this morning. Quieter. He has another flower for me, this one apparently from a different patch of them the other way along the beach.

            “I’ll race you to it,” he says, and sprints off without waiting for a reply.

            “Hey! No fair!”

            I race after him up the beach, finally catching him when we’re almost far enough out to turn back. We take the jog back slower, but Drew is still kind of playful with it, speeding up and slowing down so that I have to work to keep pace with him. Finally, I set off ahead of him, making him keep pace with me instead.

            Him making breakfast has gotten to be a ritual once we get back from our run, and even though I had some cereal at Astor’s place, I’m still hungry after that run. This morning though, I decide to help out in the kitchen, frying ham and eggs while Drew takes care of the rest. There’s something so sweet about him when he’s like this, though I guess that sweet is one word he won’t want to hear used about himself.

            “Why aren’t you like this more often?” I ask. “I mean, I remember the way you used to be, but now you seem to spend so much time hunting after girls, playing the football hero…”

            Drew shrugs. “What can I say? I have an image to keep up. You think anyone back in San Francisco will want to know me if I’m not what they expect me to be?”

            “You aren’t there now,” I point out. “And anyway, why do you care?”

            “Everyone cares what people think, Summer. As for why I’m different here… maybe you just bring out a different side of me.”

            “Just me?” After everything last night, I’m not sure I want to have this conversation now.

            Drew shakes his head though. “Part of it is being back here too. There are so many good memories here, I guess it’s easier to be who I used to be. Now, are you going to wake Aunt Sookie? She’ll need to be at the acting academy soon.”

            “I’ll wake everyone up,” I say, because it’s starting to get a little later. “I figure that if I’ve been up all this time, they can be too.”

            I wake Aunt Sookie first, along with Rachel. Aunt Sookie hurries to get ready for work, barely taking anything to eat for breakfast. She hugs me, and even after just waking up, she seems a little tired.

            “I’ll see you down at my school later, Summer,” she says, hurrying out while Rachel grabs the shower. While she’s doing that, to my surprise and I think Drew’s shock, Ryan pads out of the bedroom Rachel and I share. He pauses just long enough to grab some of the ham, but he looks pretty sheepish in the face of Drew’s stare.

            “Hey, Summer,” he says. “Hey, Drew.”

            Drew’s look isn’t particularly friendly, and Ryan turns to me.

            “I guess I’d better… well, would you tell Rachel I’ll see her later?”

            “Sure,” I say, trying to keep things casual, even though Drew obviously doesn’t want to. “Goodbye, Ryan.”

            Ryan nods and leaves, a little before Rachel finally comes out of the shower, drying her hair with a towel.

            “Did Ryan go already?”

            Drew looks at her, and he looks almost disgusted. “You didn’t. With
him
?”

            “What’s wrong with Ryan? At least I care about him, which is more than you can say about most of the girls you sleep with.”

             “But that… that’s
different
.”

            “And that,” Rachel shoots back, “is a
total
double standard. Isn’t it, Summer? I mean, you stayed the night at Astor’s place…”

            “Nothing happened,” I say, not telling her about the moment when it almost did. Definitely not wanting to say it in front of Drew. It occurs to me that I’ve somehow managed to plant myself firmly in the middle of a brewing sibling argument. Both Rachel and Drew are staring at one another in an angry silence.

            “I’m just going to go check on Nat,” I say, because it seems like the quickest way to get away from them. “He should be awake by now. I mean, I knocked loud enough.”

            “Loud enough to wake Ryan, at least,” Drew says.

            Rachel shoots him a nasty look. “Oh, would you just grow up?”

            I get out of there pretty quickly, heading for Nat and Drew’s room. I knock, waiting for Nat to answer. When he doesn’t, I finally push open the door and realize that he isn’t in the room. He’s obviously gone out while I was with Drew. I head back to the kitchen table, eating quickly while Rachel and Drew continue the icy stare-down that has developed between them. It’s enough to make me give up on breakfast early.

            “I’m just going to go look for Nat,” I say.

            “Sure,” Rachel says, not taking her eyes off Drew.

            Drew shrugs. “Fine.”

            I practically run out of there, making it out onto the beach before the shouting begins. I know I should probably try to stop Drew and Rachel from fighting, but I know from experience that there’s no point trying to get between them until they’re done. They don’t fight often, but when they do, it’s a good idea to be somewhere else.

            I settle for heading down the beach the way Drew and I didn’t run earlier, figuring that if Nat is anywhere, he’s going to be there. I finally spot him sitting on an outcrop of rocks, where he’s writing in a small, pocket sized journal bound in leather. He puts it away in the pocket of the deep cream shirt he’s wearing as I get closer, standing and brushing off his jeans as he steps back down onto the sand.

            “Hey, Nat,” I say. “What are you doing all the way out here? We missed you at breakfast. I did, anyway. Rachel and Drew are just gearing up for open warfare.”

            I smile as I say it, but Nat doesn’t return it.

            “I wasn’t hungry,” he says, moving closer and sitting down on the sand. As I sit down beside him, those deep green eyes of his seem to burn into mine. “How was your date? I know you didn’t come back last night.”

            “My date was good,” I say.

            “Just good?” Nat asks, and there’s a sharp note in it. I guess he’s made the same assumption that Rachel did. It annoys me a little.

            “Nothing happened, but who
wouldn’t
want to be with Astor Fairway. I mean, he’s everything a girl could want, all wrapped up in one boyfriend, right? He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s successful, rich, good-looking…”

            I don’t know why I’m doing it. Maybe because I want some kind of reaction from Nat. If that’s what I want, I certainly get one.

            “He sounds perfect,” Nat says. “I guess it depends on whether you want perfect. I hear some girls prefer their boyfriends a little more flawed and troubled.”

            “And that’s you?” I ask. I shake my head. Nat isn’t flawed, or troubled. At least, I don’t think he is.

            Nat’s gaze is intense. It’s like he can see right through me. “It is today, and I guess it isn’t going to get much better.”

            “Why?” I ask. This isn’t like Nat. It isn’t like him at all.

            “I called Chrissy last night, after you left for Astor’s place. I know I shouldn’t want you, but I do, and I can’t ignore that.”

            I swallow, thinking that I know what might be coming. “What are you saying, Nat?”

            “I broke up with Chrissy last night. I told her that it wasn’t fair to keep seeing her, to keep moving forward with her, when there was someone else I couldn’t stop thinking about.” He reaches out for me. “You, Summer. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

            He kisses me there on the beach, his lips pressing into mine the way I’ve wanted them to for so long. So many years waiting for this, and now it has finally arrived, the kiss is amazing. Nat’s a great kisser, taking control of it and kissing me powerfully, searchingly. He kisses me until I can barely think straight, but right now it feels like I’m having plenty of problems with that anyway.

            It’s like the previous night with Astor. I’m kissing Nat, but I’m not thinking about him. Not all the time, at least. For some of it, I’m swept up in the sheer physical closeness of him, but I also find myself thinking about Drew, and the side of himself he’s shown me in the last few days. I think about how he looked getting out of the pool, and how much he obviously wants me, too.

            Then there’s Astor. I told Nat at the start, he’s pretty much the perfect guy.
And
he’s the guy I dated just last night. The guy I thought I might… the guy I came so close to taking it further with. Yet I didn’t, thanks to all my thoughts of Nat, and now here Nat is, kissing me. Yet I don’t know what I want to do. I just don’t know.

            I push back from Nat, standing, and he looks like I’ve just slapped him. “What’s wrong,” he asks. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

            “I wanted you to be sure about what you want,” I say, “but now that you are, that doesn’t suddenly mean I am, Nat.”

            “You don’t feel the way I do?” Nat asks. “You had me break up with Chrissy for nothing?”

            I shake my head. “
You
broke up with her, Nat. I didn’t tell you to. I didn’t even know about it until you told me.”

            “And now you don’t want me.”

            That makes me step back. “I didn’t say
that
either. Of course I want you. There’s a part of me that wants you more than anything, but it isn’t the only part of me, Nat. I can’t just turn off what I feel for other people just because it suits you.”

            Nat follows. “So now I’m the one left hanging while
you
decide what you want?”

            “I don’t know what I want!” I practically yell at him, knowing that I have to get out of there. I can’t keep having this conversation. Not when it will inevitably bring in Drew at some point. Not when I don’t know the answer to the questions he’s asking. So I turn and hurry off down the beach, back towards the house.

            Rachel and Drew are doing the quiet staring thing again when I get in, but right then, that just makes it easier for me to want to get out of there. I head past them, walking quickly up to the room I share with Rachel to grab my purse and my car keys. Then I head out front, knowing that there’s only one place I’m going to be able to think.

            I start driving towards Aunt Sookie’s school. I see Nat in the rearview mirror, but I ignore him. He’s looking so anguished and a part of me wants to stop the car to rush out and hold him, to kiss him, but I don’t. I’ve loved him for so long, and he has ignored me for so long. I would go to him in a heartbeat, but now, now that I have opened my eyes to my feelings for Drew and even Astor, things have become more complicated than I’ve ever imagined. Aunt Sookie was right. This summer is going to be really different, a summer everyone will remember.

Chapter
11

B
y the time I get to Aunt Sookie’s acting academy, I know what I’m doing there. I’m going to tell her everything that has been happening and get her advice, even if it means answering some awkward questions when it comes to Drew, Astor and Nat. I pull up and head inside, going straight to the classroom in the old theater where I know Sookie will be teaching one of her more advanced classes.

            “The trick is to not be too large, when it comes to TV. The cameras are right in your face, so you have to be much more subtle than on a stage.”

            That isn’t Aunt Sookie’s voice. Instead, when I step into the old theater space, it’s Astor up on the stage, leading the class. My aunt is nowhere to be seen. For now though, I’m too caught up in watching Astor teach. It’s kind of strange seeing a kid my age telling adults how to act in front of the camera, but I guess he knows as much about it as anyone. He’s confident and cool, as if he has been teaching for years. I take a seat and start to watch.