Lucky Number Four (24 page)

Yep, that’s Grandma. I must be missing a
fight.

“I’ve never heard of a ‘turducken,’ and I
have no desire to see it on the table. It sounds hideous,”
Grandmother fires back.

Turducken, what the heck is that?

Grandma shakes a finger at her adversary.
“It’s delicious, and I say we put it to a vote. I’m tired of roast
beef every year.”

I look around and notice that my mom, dad and
granddad have fled the room. Only Jeff and I are left with the two
warriors. This could get very bloody, and I don’t want to get in
the middle. I grab Jeff’s hand and we slowly make our way out of
the room and into the kitchen, where I know the rest are hiding.
Neither woman notices us leaving as they do the famous
Bannister-Phillips stare down.

The three previous escapees are standing in
the kitchen. My mom is drinking something amber in a glass. My dad
is patting my granddad on the back, probably because he knows if
Grandma loses, it won’t be a happy place when they get home.

“I say we’re going to have a turducken, and
if you don’t like it, well, then just stay home and eat your roast
beef.”

“Next you’ll want us to eat alligator or
something equally bizarre.” Grandmother’s voice is now an octave
higher.

“I’ve heard it tastes just like chicken!”

I watch Granddad grab Mom’s glass and take a
big gulp. It causes him to cough violently while my dad thumps his
back. Oh, lord … just what my headache needs.

“I’m going in,” my mom pipes up. She stands,
taking another long drink from the glass.

Dad shakes his head. “Honey, do you think
that’s wise?”

“Wise or not, I’m so tired of this bullshit.
Yes, I said it.
Bullshit.
We deal with this almost every
Sunday and somebody has to take the bull by the balls and stop
them.”

Holy fried fish with bones removed, my mom is
serious. She pulls her head up and her shoulders back before slowly
leaving the room. We cowards follow her. Did she just say take the
bull by the balls?

“I love your family. We really should
videotape this. Just think of all the millions of hits we would get
online.” Jeff’s voice is full of laughter. I elbow him in the
stomach and go through the doorway that my mom went through.

“You two. Cease and desist.” Her voice is
loud, louder than I’ve heard in a long time. In fact, the last time
it was this loud was when—oh, look … they’re listening to her.

“I’m tired of you two always at odds with
each other. It happens every Sunday. We’re going to solve this.
We’ll have turducken and roast beef and that’s that. Not another
word.”

Mom marches out of the room and up the
stairs, with everyone—even Taylor and Bridget from over the
balcony—watching her.

“See what you did?” Grandma whispers across
the table.

“It wasn’t my fault. You’re the one who
started this whole mess.”

“I can hear you both from up here. Not
another word,” Mom shouts from the top of the stairs and then she
disappears as we hear a door slam shut.

“Hope you’re both proud of yourselves,”
Granddad says. “I’m sick of this little feud you two have too, and
I think if you can’t play nice, both of you should stay home. Dora,
make sure your grandma gets home safely. I’m leaving.” He kisses my
cheek and then grabs his coat from the hallway closet before
exiting the house.

Wow. Both grandmothers are speechless, as are
all of us. Granddad has never spoken like that—ever. Good for you,
Granddad.

After going upstairs and giving Mom a kiss
goodbye and assuring her that everything was fine downstairs and
nobody hated her, Jeff and I say bye to my dad and the speechless
grand matriarchs before heading out ourselves.

No, we didn’t forget Grandma. Shockingly,
Grandmother said she would take her home. Things in this house
never fail to surprise me.

“It’s freezing. I can’t feel my feet,” I moan
as we enter the warm, cozy lobby of my building.

“They’re still there. I can see them.”

“Well, I can’t feel them. I wonder where Brad
is. I haven’t seen him since last week.”

The lobby is dimly lit and quiet.

“Want me to knock on his door and see if he’s
okay?” Jeff nudges me with his elbow as he presses the elevator
button.

“No, I don’t want to be one of those nosey
people. I just wonder, is all.” The doors open, and Jeff gives me a
gentle push inside the elevator.

The hallway upstairs is quiet too. I bypass
the main door and put my key into my private entrance. I’m really
not up to seeing the gorgeous trio when I know I look like hell
frozen over. How do I know this? The bathroom mirror in my parents’
house showed me. I feel as bad as I look and start stripping off my
clothes as I make my way to the bathroom, desperately needing a hot
bath.

“Hey, are you going to pick up your mess?”
Jeff asks as he locks the door behind him.

“No, I thought you could do it for me,” I say
before I shut the door behind me, missing what I know would be a
withering look. I shiver while standing in my underwear waiting for
the massive tub to fill. A delicious smell fills the air as I pour
in my favorite lavender-scented bubble bath. I pull my hair up into
a half ponytail and toss my underwear across the room. I slide down
into the soothing warmth. My bones seem to melt as the water swirls
around me. It’s a whirlpool bath, with the jets sending pulsating
water all over my achy parts.

The bathroom door opens, as do my eyes in
surprise. I’m temporarily shocked at the sight of Colin standing in
the doorframe, dressed only in his boxers. He’s as perfect as his
images on the billboards and magazines—definitely no airbrushing
there. His eyes are focused on mine, and I feel my body reacting
from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes. I have never felt
this aroused.

His eyes move downward and I notice my
hardened nipples are peeking through the bubbles. In fact, my whole
body is pretty much exposed as my bubble coverage has dissipated. I
pull my eyes up and watch as he licks his lips and runs his right
hand through his silky hair. The water has cooled, but my body temp
has risen by a hundred degrees. He moves closer, and I see he his
boxers are becoming tighter by the second as his arousal pushes to
escape. He slowly puts his hands to his waist and in one move, his
penis is free, and lord, it’s just like I remembered it when I saw
it in art class.

Wait.

I look up again to his face, and it’s not
Colin. It’s Drew standing there with his penis pointing at me. How
the fuc…

“Have you drowned in there?”

Jeff’s voice shocks me to my senses. I
realize I fell asleep and it was all a dream. More like a
nightmare, with Colin turning into Drew.

I really need to get a life
, I think
as I look down and see my nipples still standing at attention. I
pull the plug and watch the water swirl out of the tub. Shivering,
I grab an oversized towel and wrap my totally aroused body,
replaying my dream.

Drew? Who in their right mind would dream
about Mr. Playboy? Okay, so maybe the majority of women in the
world.

When I leave the bathroom, I see Jeff spread
out on the recliner adjacent to my bed. “Still feeling like shit?”
he inquires.

“No more wine for me. If you see me going for
a glass, remind me of this horrible day.”

“Okay, but last time you drank wine you said
the same thing. I don’t think it’ll work. Now, to change the
subject, are you up for some studying?” He pulls out our math book
and raises an eyebrow at me.

“Like I have a choice. I need to nail this
exam. Otherwise, I’ll be a senior forever.”

“Sounds like your roomies are home.” Jeff
stretches and rubs his eyes.

We hear laughing from the next room, male and
female voices. Of course women would be included. Two of them are
hot-blooded males, and the other one pretends to be. I really need
to talk to Liam alone. My mom pulled me aside earlier this
afternoon to reiterate Henry’s requests to help Liam and Drew. I
really don’t know what I need to help Drew with. Yeah, he has a
screwed up family, mom ran off, dad’s been married several times,
but who doesn’t have family issues? He has all the attention anyone
could want or need. Why would he need my help?

“Dora, I just turned straight, and I want to
have kinky hot sex with you,” Jeff’s blurts out in an attempt to
make me focus.

It’s laughable, but I play along. “Okay, well
then take off all your clothes so I can jump your bones.”

Did I really just yell that? Yep, the voices
have ceased. Good lord, Dora. Now they all probably think I’m about
to hook up with someone in here. Well, that could work. If they
think I’m involved with someone, maybe they’ll leave me alone and
let me return to my normal—okay, so semi-normal—life.

“What the…?”

I quickly place my hand over Jeff’s mouth.
“Play along,” I whisper. Then, in a louder voice, I say, “Ted, what
is that in your pants? I think it wants to come out and say hello.
Oh, sweet caramel apple on a stick, your stick is more like a log.
It needs to be freed. See, it’s taunting me.” I put my finger to my
lips and nod my head at the door. Jeff looks at me, confused, then
it’s like a light bulb comes on and he gives me a shit-eating
grin.

“Yeah, babe, it’s all for you.” I almost
giggle at his fake deep voice.

“Wow, it’s really hard. Oh, you want to put
it where?”

I motion for Jeff to move with me to the
door. We hear nothing—nada—coming from beyond the door. I mouth
on the count of three
and motion to the door.
One, two,
three
, and we both grab the handle and pull the door open. Just
as I figure, three heads attached to three bodies fall flat on the
carpet. They look up at our grinning faces, and at least Colin has
the grace to look embarrassed. Liam and Drew pick themselves up and
try to act cool.