Lucky Strike (12 page)

“Ryder!”

The door comes to a close with a loud thud. One that sends a cold chill through my body. Ryder is gone. He just fucking left in the middle of our fight. This is a weird and scary turn of events, and what has me completely shattered is that he used my real name. He’s never once called me Nadine, not even on the day we met. He’s pissed and I don’t know if he’s coming back.

I should be just as angry as he is, he had the balls to tell me he didn’t want me stripping anymore. But seeing that disappointed look in his eyes and watching him walk out that door, I have this gnawing feeling of guilt in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know what to do to make this go away. I need Lucy, she’ll know what I should do.

I run up the stairs to the bedroom and grab the phone off my nightstand and type up a quick text.

Me:
I just got into a huge fight with Ryder and he walked out. I don’t know what to do, I need you.

I hit
send
then slump down on the bed, trying not to let my mind go to the worst scenarios, but sadly it doesn’t work. Ryder calling me Nadine has me completely rattled. What if we are over before we even got started? Before my head can go any further into the darkness, my phone dings.

Lucy:
It was just a fight. He just needs time to cool off.

Me:
He called me Nadine
.

Lucy:
I’m on my way.

Fifteen minutes later, I hear Lucy knocking on my door. I race downstairs for the door. Hands fumbling with the knob. The door flings open and I grab Lucy by the lapels of her coat and pull her over the threshold. She steadies herself on her feet again while I close the door.

“Okay, tell me what happened?”

“I was talking with Ryder about how I’ve been going a little stir crazy not working. I mentioned that Bridget would give me my job back down at the club. Since none of the art schools are hiring right now.” I follow Lucy to the kitchen, where we both take a seat on the bar stools at the kitchen island. “The moment I mentioned the club, Ryder freaked out and told me he didn’t want me dancing there anymore. You know me, I went into full bitch mode and we got into a huge fight. I don’t know what his problem is with me stripping? It never bothered him before, at least, that’s what I thought.”

“Oh, sweetheart, none of us have ever liked the fact that you were a stripper… especially Ryder. On the nights you were dancing, Ryder was a cranky pain in my ass. He blames Jackson for making you have to strip in the first place,” she informs me.

“So this whole time you’ve all have been lying to me about supporting my decision to strip?”
Some friends they are.
I cannot believe that after all this time Lucy, Brian, and Ryder have been fucking lying to me.

“I’m not going to sugar coat this for you sweetheart, but you are a walking cliché. Look, I get that you have parent issues. I was there for all the fights, and when they kicked you out for not going to law school. I was also there when Jackson left you the first time, the second time, and let’s not forget about the third time that asshole left you and you almost ended up homeless.” The disappointment in her voice wraps around every syllable that slips from her lips. It’s making the knots in my stomach twist even harder. “I get that stripping gives you some crazy sense of control in your twisted life, but you’re not twenty-two anymore. You are a fucking adult with a man who loves you and wants to take care of you.” She slides her hand over mine. “That man loves you more than anything in this world. He’d take a fucking bullet for you.” The disappointment in her eyes fades and a sincere look takes over.

“Ryder is not Jackson and he’s not your parents. His love comes unconditionally. Ryder genuinely wants to take some of the burden off your shoulders, so you can be happy for once in your life. Put yourself in Ryder’s shoes, would you want him going out in front of a room full of screaming, horny women, taking off all of his clothes?”

I never thought about it like that before. I’ve never actually put anyone’s feelings ahead of mine, so this a strange new concept for me. But if the shoe were on the other foot, I would hate it if Ryder was a stripper. It was bad enough that I had to see him flirting with other women before we got together, let alone watch him parade around in a banana hammock in front of a bunch of screaming woman. “Of course not, I would hate every minute of that.”

“Now you know how Ryder feels. He finally has you, and he doesn’t want to have to share you with anyone again. I know you hate asking us for help, but if you really do want to start working again, you always have a job at the coffee shop. You can even sell some of your paintings there, too. I still get people trying to make me offers for the fairy wonderland you did for me.” She softly smiles. “I love you, Lucky, and I just want you and Ryder to be happy.”

“That’s assuming Ryder comes home.” My eyes drop down to my hands in my lap, my black nail polish slightly melted off from the fire. When Jackson and I would fight, he would leave and not come back for days if at all. My heart wants to believe that Ryder will come back, but my head is telling me he’ll leave me like everyone else, and that I should just leave to save myself the broken heart. It doesn’t matter how far I run the heartache will catch up to me.

“Oh, no you don’t. I know that look, you’re not going to shut down like you always do.” Lucy’s fingers slide under my chin, forcing my eyes back up to hers. “Ryder will be back. He just needs time to cool off, and you need to be here when he comes walking through that door. You promised no more running, now you better keep that fucking promise. Do you understand me?”

I sheepishly nod yes. I feel completely disgusted with myself for even letting my head go to my dark place.

“Fighting sucks, and with you and Ryder both having alpha personalities it’s inevitable that you will butt heads again. So you can’t keep thinking the worst is going to happen, and you sure as hell can’t run every time the going gets tough.”

“I said no more running and I meant it. But it’s hard sometimes. I’ve never had the best influences in the relationship department. My dad cheated on my mom constantly with his secretaries and my mom just let it happen. Like how I turned a blind eye to Jackson, because in our twisted DNA both my mother and I thought that was the kind of love we deserved. I don’t know how to accept or feel
real
love.” Talk about major Mommy and Daddy issues. Lucy is right, I am a fucking cliché. Using stripping to get attention and to feel in control. I’m just as bad as the dancers I made fun of. But I’m just like them. Lost, scared little girls who just want attention any way we can get it.

“You don’t have to end up like your mom, Lucky. You have the opportunity to change your fate. You can choose to be happy and be with the man who wants to bring you that happiness. You just have to learn how to compromise a little bit and know Ryder isn’t going anywhere.”

She slides down from her stool and pulls me into her arms in a big warm hug.

“Thank you, Lucy.” I wrap my arms around her waist, squeezing her tightly. I don’t want to end up like my mother. Like some dead behind the eyes, gin-soaked zombie who cries herself to sleep every night because my husband can’t keep his dick in his pants. I put up with enough of that from Jackson.

“Why don’t I help you clean up this mess?” Lucy takes a few steps back and slips off her jacket. She looks around at the disaster that was me foolishly thinking I could cook. She just shakes her head as she walks around the kitchen island to grab a rag from under the sink. “What made you think you could cook?” She giggles under her breath while lifting out the burnt remains of my chicken out of the sink.

“Brooke makes it look so easy. I just thought I could do it.” I shrug, pulling the garbage can around to the sink.

“Oh sweetheart, you can paint the most beautiful pictures and turn a slab of clay into a vase, but cooking will never be your thing.”

“I realize that now. Guess that means I should work the coffee counter at the shop. I do make a mean cup of coffee.” I give her a sideways glance, waiting for it to click in her head what I just said.

Lucy pauses mid-wipe of the counter, her head slowly turns back to me. Her big chocolate brown eyes widely gazing at me. “Are you really taking me up on my offer to work at the coffee shop?”

“Yes. You’re right it’s time for me to put stripping in the past and move forward. But I’m only working for you until a position opens up at one of the art schools.”

Lucy lets out an excited squeal and starts jumping around the kitchen. “We are going to have so much fun working together.”

Maybe working with Lucy isn’t such a good idea.

A warm wet tongue sweeping across my face stirs me awake. I crack an eye open to see Spike’s slobbery mug staring back at me. Not the face I was hoping to wake up to. I look over at Ryder’s side of the bed finding it empty. I reach for my phone to check the time—one-forty-two. I haven’t woken up at this time since Ryder found me in San Diego. And what’s worse, there are no messages from him. I lay back on my pillow, staring up at the ceiling and that’s when I see the light from Ryder’s gym coming through the windows.

I pull back the covers and rest my feet on the cold wooden floors while I slip on my nightgown. I quietly tip toe down the stairs and into the dimly lit gym, where I find Ryder taking out his frustrations on the punching bag.

He’s dressed in just a pair of thin dark blue shorts, his body covered in a sheen of sweat. His heavy breathing and grunts filling the air as his fists rain down on the bag. The light above him illuminating his perfectly sculpted body. Every inch of him taut and firm muscle. He’s pure raw masculinity and he’s all mine.
I hope he still is.