Lucky Strike (8 page)

As the miles tick by I can feel the knot in my stomach growing bigger and bigger. We are just twenty miles outside of Seattle. Twenty miles until I have to face the music with Lucy and Brooke. Things went better than expected with Ryder, but who’s to say I will have the same luck with them. Brooke maybe, she and Brian are the reason Ryder started looking for me again. Lucy, on the other hand, can hold a grudge like a motherfucker. She still brings up the time I ripped the head off her Barbie doll when we were eight. She might never forgive me for walking away from her and our friendship.

“Are you okay?” Ryder asks from the driver’s seat.

“I was until we started getting closer to home. I wish we could have stayed in Oregon.” I let out a saddened sigh resting my head against the window, watching the trees go by. “I left Brooke at one of the biggest moments of her life. She got married and had a baby and I don’t even know what she had.”

“She had a girl. They named her Ella, and she’s the cutest little kid on the planet. And baby number two will be here in three months.”

“And now I feel even worse. What kind of person just abandons their best friend when they need them the most? I am a heartless human being.”

“That’s enough!” Ryder shouts. “Look, you fucked up, but everyone makes mistakes. I let my guard down and my best friend got shot and he almost died. The guilt almost ate me alive but instead of letting it kill me, I manned up and faced my mistake head on and made things right with Brian and me. Now it’s time you grow a fucking pair and face your mistakes and fix it. You have a chance that not many people get in this lifetime, so don’t fucking waste it.”

I’m taken aback for a moment, it’s been awhile since Ryder has had to kick my ass. But I know he’s right. Not many people get a second chance and I can’t let it slip away from me. I made things right with Ryder, and now it’s time for me to put my big girl panties on and stop running and hiding and get my two best friends back.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, but this pity party you’re having is not you. I know this emotional shit is hard for you, and I know if given the choice you’d much rather jump out of the moving car than face Lucy and Brooke. Which is why I’ll be by your side to help you through it.” Ryder rests his hand on my knee, tenderly rubbing my bare skin. His rough hand sending a reassuring calm through me.

“Don’t be sorry, you’re right. You always are in these cases, and as much as it pains me I did promise no more running. I know I can do this as long as I have you.” I slide my hand over his, lacing our fingers together. As long as I have Ryder I know I can get through anything. I just have to resist my urge to run.

We pull up to Brian and Brooke’s house as Ryder kills the engine. I get a flash of Brian’s excited face the morning before I left when he came to the coffee shop to tell Lucy and me he got Brooke her dream house. I wish I could have been there to see Brooke’s face when Brian gave her the keys. Just then I’m hit with an overwhelming urge flee.

Ryder gets out of the car first then jogs around to my side to open my door. He holds his hand out for me. Just sliding my hand into his gives me a jolt of confidence.

As we walk closer to the door, I can see Brooke through the living room window sitting on the floor with Ella and they are playing peek-a-boo. Brooke looks positively happy, unlike when we first met almost three years ago when she first moved to Seattle. She always looked so sad and lost, but now that she has Brian and a beautiful daughter she’s beaming with joy. Marriage and motherhood suits her.

The moment we step up to the front porch Lola jumps up in the window, barking loudly. Fucking crazy ass dog has always hated me. Brooke looks over and spots us through the window. My heart begins to beat rapidly when I see her get up from the floor and walk to the door. I squeeze Ryder’s hand tighter when I hear the deadbolt click open. My breathing stops the moment the door opens.

Brooke comes into view, she’s dressed in black leggings and a red and white plaid shirt and I can see the faint signs of a baby bump beginning to show. I meet her big blue eyes, the tears beginning to well up in them, just as they are in mine. Brooke crosses the threshold and envelopes me in her arms and that’s when the tears start to stream down my face. My hand falls from Ryder’s and my arms wrap around Brooke.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I chant over and over again. It’s the only thing I can get to come out.

“Shhhh. It’s okay, I’m so glad you’re home.” Brooke gently rocks me in her arms.

Ryder sneaks past us and heads inside the house to give Brooke and me a little space.

“I’m sorry for running away like I did. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve felt so empty without all of you.” I sob into her shirt. The emotions flooding out of me. It feels both painful and freeing.

“Ryder told me everything that happened that night and I understand, sweetheart.” She pulls away and cups my face in her hands. “No more tears. Your home now and you’re safe. That is all that’s important.” She gives me a warm smile and hugs me again.

“How is it that you are so forgiving?”

“It’s because I love you, and I know what it feels like to be in your shoes. I also believe people deserve second chances. But if you ever pull that shit again, I will punch you in the clit,” she warns. My thighs clenching at the mere thought of her doing that.

Don’t ever piss off Brooke.

“I promise this will never happen again. Now can I meet your beautiful little girl?”

“Yes, of course.”

Brooke grabs my hand and leads me inside. Ryder is sitting on the floor with Ella in his lap, making silly faces at her. Brooke lets go of my hand then scoops up Ella into her arms.

“Ella, this is your Auntie Lucky. Lucky this is Ella Faith.”

She hands Ella to me. Ella looks up at me her big brown eyes studying my face. She is so damn cute in her little red and white plaid jammies, that match Brooke’s shirt and her big red bow headband.

“Oh my God, Brooke she’s beautiful,” I say before giving her a little kiss on her chubby little cheek.

“We call her Brian’s mini me,” Ryder chimes in walking up behind me.

“If Brian were a girl he would definitely look like her.” Brooke smiles rubbing Ella’s back.

“It’s a good thing your daddy is a cop because the boys are going to be beating the door down to get a piece of you.” I give her a little grin.

“Your Aunt Lucky can teach you how to kick the little boy’s asses like she did mine,” Ryder teases.

“Ry-Ry,” Ella mumbles, reaching her hands out for Ryder to pick her up. He scoops her up and holds her above his head then brings her down to blow a raspberry on her tummy. She lets out a cute little squeal of joy.

“She certainly loves you.”

“Those two have become good buddies. Ella loves her Uncle Ryder.”

It’s cute watching Ryder with Ella. He never really bonded like this with Bailey, Lucy’s daughter. Ella just adores him and it’s kind of sweet. He’s going to be an amazing dad, assuming I can get my shit together enough to give him kids.

Brooke grabs my arm and leads us upstairs, leaving Ryder and Ella to play while we talk. We walk down the hallway, my eyes quickly glimpsing at the pictures hanging on the wall, ranging from Brian and Brooke’s wedding to Ella’s first birthday. All happy memories I missed out on. The feeling of guilt rushes back. I’ve missed so much.

We step into Brooke’s bedroom, she closes the door behind us and motions for me to join her in the little sitting area by the bay windows. I slowly walk over, looking around the room. There’s a big king sized bed, covered with large fluffy white pillows and a matching duvet. My eyes catch a glimpse of the painting hanging on the wall above the bed, it’s the painting I did for Brooke after Brian and she were engaged. It’s a painting of them on the beach the day Brooke said goodbye to Jake and gave her heart to Brian. It was a sweet moment and I can’t believe she actually kept it.

I slump down in the mint green chair next to Brooke. All I want to do is cry until I pass out. I’ve been hit with so many emotions the past few days I feel completely dizzy like I’ve been on a nonstop roller coaster ride. I’ve built so many walls up to keep myself from feeling anything but distrust and anger, that now as these walls have come down it feels like I’m being ripped into two different people. The bitter hate filled Nadine and the newly born Lucky, who doesn’t know how she’s going to navigate her new life.

Brooke reaches her hand over, gently placing it over mine. “I know the past few days with leaving Mexico and having Ryder tracking you down must’ve been taxing on you. How are you doing with all of this?”

I can’t hold it back any longer. My eyes open the floodgates and the tears start flowing. I’m sobbing uncontrollably, my breathing becoming more labored. Brooke squeezes next to me in my chair. She wraps her arms around me and rocks me while I cry. This whole not holding back your emotions crap is complete bullshit.

A wet slobbery tongue sliding across my face pulls me out of my slumber. I crack an eye open and see a massive mound of brown and white wrinkles laying on top of me.

“Good morning, Spike.” Spike licks my face again before rolling off of me and over to Ryder’s side. Spike and I got to know each other quite intimately last night as he spent most of the night trying to hump my leg. Leave it to Ryder to adopt a dog that’s a bigger horndog than he is. But Spike is a big sweet dog, though.

I roll onto my side just in time to see Spike practically devouring Ryder’s face with his tongue. “Should I leave you two alone?” I ask with a chuckle. Finding this whole scene quite hilarious.

“That’s enough, Spike,” Ryder groans, pushing Spike down. Spike moves across to the foot of the bed and nestles between us.

“Good morning, beautiful.” Ryder leans in giving me a good morning kiss then pulls me into his arms.

“Good morning.” I nestle in closer to Ryder’s massive frame kissing the spot on his chest just above his heart.

“What time is it?”

As the words slip from Ryder’s mouth we hear a muffled,
“Oh God, I love your cock,”
come through our bedroom wall. Damn Brooke’s got some lungs on her.

“It’s seven.”

“How do you know that?” I ask.

“Because that scream has come through that wall every morning at seven since the first night I stayed here,” Ryder replies. “How about we give them a run for their money?” Ryder holds me tighter against him and I can feel his morning wood pressing against my stomach.

He nuzzles his face in the crook of my neck, leaving a trail of warm kisses in his wake. I glance up and spot Spike sitting up on his hind legs, his head cocked to the side watching us.

“Ryder, Spike is watching us,” I say tapping him on the shoulder.

“He’ll leave once we get going,” he murmurs against my neck.

I push him away. “I’m not having sex while your weird dog watches us.”

“Come on, Lucky, he probably just wants to see how a real alpha dog does doggy style.” He tries to pull me back to him, but I push his ass to the floor.

Ryder’s head pops back up and he gives Spike an evil glare. “What the hell, Spike? You’re not supposed to cock block your bro. The one that rescued you, gave you a home, and three hot meals a day and some fine ass tail to bang whenever you want,” he scolds.

“Oh my God, I’m going to go get some coffee.” Rolling my eyes, I throw back the blankets and climb out of bed. I slip on one of Ryder’s T-shirts before heading downstairs to the kitchen.

I turn the corner and see Brian standing there and my stomach does a flip. Brian was still out working a case by the time Ryder and I crashed for the night, so I didn’t get my chance to apologize to him yet. After the flood of emotions I had dealt with seeing Brooke it was good, I got some sleep before talking with Brian.

Brian turns around and we’re now face to face. “Good morning, would you like some coffee?” he asks holding up an empty coffee mug.

“Yes please.” I grin politely, sliding into one of the bar stools at the kitchen island. He pours us both a cup and pushes a mug and some creamer over to me.

“So, I know you went through a lot yesterday and all I’m going to say is this… I’m really glad you’re home.” He warmly smiles, then takes a sip of his coffee.

“Thank you. I’m happy to be home.” I return his smile. Out of all my friends, Brian is the only one that knows when not to push me, especially when it comes to the emotional stuff.

“So, you’re a brunette now I see.”

I run my fingers through my hair remembering the night in Mexico when I couldn’t sleep and got it in my head that maybe if I changed my hair color, the nightmares would stop like somehow a new hair color would make the ghosts of my past disappear. Boy was I wrong, but I ended up liking the change so much I kept it.

“Thanks. So I hear your wife really loves your dick.” I giggle from behind my coffee cup. I can’t help myself sometimes. But he should have seen it coming with how fucking loud they were this morning.

Without missing a beat, Brian replies, “What can I say my woman loves my big gun.”

“So how do you two fuck when she’s sporting a full preggo belly? Is it like a teeter totter?”

“Ha! Where there’s a will there’s a way, and Brooke loves to be tied to the bed and fucked from behind when she’s pregnant.” He slyly grins.

“Damn, Brooke is a naughty little thing.” God this feels so good to just laugh and bust Brian’s balls again. It feels like old times again. “Thanks for this. I’ve really needed a good laugh. I should also thank you for helping Ryder track me down. I know you could have gotten fired for doing that.”

“It was worth the risk to get you home.” He softly smiles.

“How bad a shape was he in? He told me about getting arrested and being taken off active duty, but how dark did he go?”

Ryder almost lost the job he loved because of what I did. I can’t even imagine how bad he really got. As much as it pains me to know the pain I caused him, I need to hear it.

“It got bad there for a while. If he wasn’t working, he was down at the bar drowning himself in booze and sleeping with anything with tits. He was trying to drown the pain of losing you any way he could. He’s not himself when you aren’t around and I know neither are you. You two are intertwined into each other’s souls, and when one of you is missing you both start to die.”

Damn Brian can be one insightful son of a bitch when he wants to be. He’s exactly right. I noticed it in San Francisco, after about six months of being away, and I didn’t feel like myself. I felt this huge void and that’s when I tried to fill it with Jackson. While in Mexico, I felt like I was dying. Ryder is the missing piece of my soul. That day on the playground when I slapped his face, we were forever linked together.

I feel Ryder’s hand slide down my back and hear him say good morning to Brian. Brian turns back to the coffee pot to pour a cup for Ryder but stops when something outside catches his eye.

“God damn it, Ryder!” Brian shouts. “Get your damn dog off Lola.”

Ryder walks over to the kitchen window, fighting back a laugh. “That’s the most action your dog has ever seen, let the girl enjoy it.”

Brian grabs Ryder by his shirt and gets right up in his face. “I swear to God if Spike knocks up my fucking dog, I’m going to rip your balls off.”

“Spike, get off of Lola. Daddy would like to keep his balls.” Ryder bolts for the back door with Brian hot on his heels.

“What’s going on?” I hear Brooke coming up behind me.

“The boys are trying to keep Lola from getting some.”

“Fucking Spike, he’s the sweetest dog but he’s a horny fucker.” She giggles.

“He’s the dog version of Ryder.” We both laugh. Brooke grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and joins me at the kitchen island.

“So are you ready to go see Lucy?”

“No, but I know I can’t keep putting it off.” Facing Brooke was hard but having to face Lucy, who’s been like a sister to me since we were kids, is going to be even tougher.

“She’s been hurting and she’s pissed, so this isn’t going to be easy, but I’ll be there with you. She can’t kill you with a pregnant witness in tow.”

“I have to face the firing squad and deal with whatever happens even if it means losing Lucy.”

Brooke runs a comforting hand along my back. I swear this woman has magic powers because I already feel more relaxed.

“Thank you for letting me sob like a giant baby last night. I think the past week finally caught up with me,” I say before taking a sip of my coffee.

“Everyone needs a good ugly cry from time to time. After the roller coaster ride you’ve been on, you needed it. Now how about I make us some banana bacon pancakes for breakfast.” She grins sliding down off her stool.

“You had me at bacon.”

After my shower, Brooke and I loaded Ella up in her stroller and made our down the street to Lucy’s house. I wanted to put this off for as long as I possibly could, but I know it would only make it even harder to face her.

The closer we get to Lucy’s house I can feel my palms beginning to sweat. My stomach feeling like it’s trying to turn itself inside out and my heart feels like it’s permanently lodged in my throat. My runner instincts are on overdrive. I grab Brooke’s arm, holding it tight as we step up to the front door. Brooke rings the door bell and the wait is fucking agony.

When the door finally opens we are met by Bailey, Lucy’s now eight-year-old daughter. I almost don’t even recognize her. She’s the spitting image of her father, Colton. Big brown eyes and even bigger dimples. Her eyes light up when she sees us.

“Auntie Lucky,” she squeals, lunging for me wrapping her little arms around my waist. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Hi Bailey, I’ve missed you too, kiddo.” I lean down and kiss the top of her head. “Is your mommy home?”

“She is. Come inside, I know she’ll be happy to see you.”

I doubt that. Obviously Lucy didn’t really tell her that I ran away from home.

We follow Bailey inside and through the house to the family room, where Lucy is sitting on her couch reading through order forms. Her chocolate locks are gathered up on top of her head in a messy bun. Her brown eyes squinting as she tries to read the small print. I see she still hasn’t gotten those glasses I keep telling her she needs.

“Mommy, look who's here,” Bailey announces.

Lucy looks up from her paperwork, her soft expression turning hard when she sees me. I can hear the word
run
repeating over and over in my head.

“Hey Bailey, why don’t you show Ella and me some of your toys up in your room, so your mommy and Lucky can talk.” Brooke takes Ella and Bailey upstairs.

Lucy turns off the television and sets her paperwork down on the coffee table. Her silence feels worse than anything she could possibly say right now.

“Lucy, I—” Before I can say another word, Lucy interrupts me.

“I don’t really want to hear what your excuses are, Lucky. I’ve heard them all before and I’m done. I would think that after all these years, after everything we’ve been through that I would have at least garnered more than a fucking text message telling me you were leaving. No reason why, just I’m out.”

Her words are like a punch to the fucking gut. But I deserve it. I deserve every punch she has to offer. I’ve been a horrible friend to her and there’s nothing I can do to take it back. All I can do is show her I’m not ready to give up on us.