Luke (A Redemption Romance #1) (2 page)

Moving into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, I heard Luke talking as he walked back into the house.

“Yeah, I know. No man, I didn’t know either. Okay, thanks, yeah, sounds good. At Rory’s, okay see you tomorrow.” Luke hit the button to disconnect the call and looked up to meet my gaze. “That was Gavin. Do you want to call Hope or do you want me to?”

“I guess I should, did you call the other guys?”

“Not yet, you call Hope, and I’ll call the rest of the guys.”

“I’m making tea, do you want some?”

“No Rory, thanks. I’ll grab a water in a few minutes.”

Luke kissed the top of my head as I walked passed him. I had to go down the hall to my bedroom to grab my cell. As I moved from the room, I heard Luke making more calls. The tremble in his voice when he explained why he was calling broke my heart, almost as much as losing my brother had. The tears flowed down my face as I listened to him.

My hands were shaking so bad, I dropped the phone twice before I got it under control. I waited, sitting on the side of my bed, trying to pull it together before I called Hope.

“Hello?” I could hear the sleepiness in Hope’s voice as she answered the phone. I hated making this call; I knew that Hope would take the news hard.

Nolan had been spending a lot of time with Hope Lewis. They’d dated a little in high school, but found that they were better as friends. They’d been close for years. I was sure he’d shared with her; at least I had hoped he did. Now, I wasn’t so sure.

“Hope, this is Aurora. Sorry to call so late, but I needed to talk to you.”

“Hey, is everything all right?” I could hear the concern in her voice and rustling sounds came over the line, like she was sitting up in her bed.

“No, Luke came over a little while ago. He told me – he told me that Nolan committed suicide.” Just saying the words out loud was horrific, like repeating them made it more real, somehow. Sharing this pain with Hope was like reliving the moment Luke told me all over again. The tears had come again, and I knew she could hear the sob I’d allowed to escape.

I heard a sharp gasp over the phone line as Hope absorbed my words. “Oh my god, Aurora, are you okay? I - I can come over, do you need me to come over?” Her sweet voice hesitant through the disbelief, likely similar to what I’d felt and was still feeling. I was in so much shock, the crushing pain hadn’t hit yet, I was sure it would be the same for Hope.

“No, thanks, Luke is here, he’s calling the guys now. If you want to, if you need to, you are welcome to stay here, so you don’t have to be alone.”

“Thank you so much, I think I need to be alone for a little while.” Through Hope’s own sobs, she could barely get the words out. She was so tender-hearted, but hated showing extreme emotion. I knew that like me this would be one hell of a long night for her.

I felt so bad, for myself, for all of us. She and Nolan had been so close, I knew this news would crush her.

Hope worked as a therapist at a local battered women’s shelter. Thanks to an abusive ex, she was passionate about her job, but she took things personally, even when the person struggling wasn’t a close friend. Nolan’s suicide would affect her for years to come.

It didn’t matter that Nolan’s issues were not her specialty; I knew that if anyone could’ve helped him, it would have been her. She would blame herself.

I listened to Hope cry over the phone for several minutes, my own tears joined with hers in our own private sorrow. Hope took a few deep breaths, which I mimicked and we each brought ourselves under control, so we could talk once again.

“Yeah, me too, I don’t know what to think, I tried to get him to go see someone - not me, I mean. Someone without a personal connection. He was so damned stubborn. Shit, I’m sorry Aurora, I shouldn’t have…”

I could hear the catch in her voice as she broke down into heart-wrenching sobs again. I needed to reassure her; she was right.

“No, don’t be sorry, he
was
stubborn. We both know that.” I almost smiled for the first time in over an hour just thinking about my larger-than-life brother.

After a few more minutes, Hope calmed down some and promised that she’d come over tomorrow. I could still hear Luke on the phone, I had one person to call, and he had four. So, I gave him some space and took the much needed time alone.

I thought about my brother and wished things had been different. There was no use for guilt now, but I still felt it. Regrets fell heavy on my heart; my mind raced with ideas of how things could have been different.

I was so thankful that Luke was still here. He probably wouldn’t be for long, but I appreciated just knowing someone else was in the house with me; someone who cared about my brother as much as I did.

Quite a while had passed when I heard a light tap on my open bedroom door. Looking up I noticed Luke standing there in a dark gray T-shirt and perfectly worn track pants. He was just as handsome as he’d always been, but an air of melancholy surrounded him tonight, standing there in my bedroom door, alone in my house together. His face was soft, his gaze gentle on me, his eyes probing, most likely trying to gauge my mental state.

“Hey,” I said, lamely.

“Hey Rory, you doing okay?”

I saw his wince: he knew that I wasn’t, neither of us were.

“Just thinking. Wishing I would have seen something, would have done something differently. Wishing I had another chance to talk to him.” The smile on my face was small and forced, but I wanted to lighten the pain I was expressing.

“Yeah, I know, I’m so sorry.” He shoved his hands into his front pockets and looked down at his bare feet. His pose was reflective and somber.

“Luke - I know there isn’t anything any of us could have done. He didn’t want us to see what he was going through. He hid it from all of us.”

Luke moved into the room, sat next to me on the bed and put his arm around me, pulling me in and hugging me long and hard.

“I don’t know what I’ll ever do without him. He was more of a brother to me than my own brother.” The regret he portrayed hurt, but I also felt a calm wash over me. Just knowing that Luke had so much loyalty to my brother, that he’d be here with me, relaxed me.

Instead of responding, I nodded my agreement into the softness of his cotton shirt and this time, wrapped my arms tight; to hold him and comfort him, too. Now I could feel the heat of his body and the contours of his muscular chest. It was just Luke now, no Kevlar. I’d felt cold for the past couple of hours, but his heat seeped into me and warm me to my heart.

My tears returned; full-force, I was a complete sobbing mess. Luke tightened his hold of me and laid his cheek over the top of my head. I heard him sniff a few times too. We would always have this memory between us, a shared time of tragedy and extreme pain. We held each other tight, both of us sharing in our grief. The image of my brother’s smiling face kept flashing in my mind, making me cry harder. I missed him already, and wished for a future I’d never have, with him.

After a long time, my tears dried and I heard Luke let out a long exhale. “I will take your guest room, okay? The guys are all going to be here tomorrow, but I need to crash.”

“Anytime you want it; but you can go home if you’d rather, you don’t have to stay here.” I wanted him to stay, wanted the comfort of his friendship, but I also wouldn’t be a burden to him.

“No, I’ll stay as long as you don’t mind. Is Amber opening for you in the morning?”

“Oh shit! No, I forgot about the store.” I felt the panic well up again, mind whirling with everything I needed to get done.

“Did you call her and let her know what’s going on; can you rearrange things so you don’t have to go in?”

“I will, she’ll cover me.”

Amber would be at
Indulgence
, the clothing boutique I owned in Plano, at nine-thirty. The store didn’t open until ten, so it should work out fine. I reached to pick my cell up off the nightstand so I could text her. I felt Luke’s arms slip from around me, and missed his warmth around me.

Aurora: Hey, call me when you can. I need you to open for me, please. I won’t be in for a few days. Love you!

I hated being so vague, but there was no way I would explain what had happened to one of my closest friends via a text message.

“No one is posting this on social media are they?” I asked, the sudden realization that someone could do that, had me scrambling over to Twitter and then to Facebook, before Luke answered me. “I want no one close to us, to Nolan, to find out that way. That would be horrible.”

“The only ones who know are officers who are involved, the two of us, Hope and the rest of the team. I don’t know about Hope, but the rest of us wouldn’t post it. Do you think Hope would?”

I had to think for a moment, but I knew she wouldn’t, she had too much training as a therapist, she would know better. She was so kind hearted and always seemed to think of things like that, things that had the potential to hurt others. She avoided doing anything to upset someone else.

Luke and I talked for a while before I heard the ping of my phone. I picked it up and saw Amber’s reply.

Amber: Of course, A, anything. You ok?

Aurora: Thanks, talk tomorrow? Get some sleep.

I should tell her now, but I couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me. If I cried again, I might not stop this time.

Luke squeezed my hand, leaned in to kiss the top of my head and stood up. “I’m going to bed Rory, I’m wiped and we both need some sleep. You need anything?”

“No, I’m good. Hey, I just had a new ceiling fan installed in there; the remote thing is on the nightstand.” I’d gone into hostess mode again. I had to restrain myself from getting out guest towels for him. If my mom were still here, she would have a guest basket all ready to set on the bed for company. My heart constricted at the thought.

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. See you in the morning. Come wake me if you need me, okay?”

“Thank you for everything.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I’d do anything for you.” The last was mumbled quietly and I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to hear it or not. Walking toward the guest room, he called out over his shoulder; “Don’t forget to set the alarm before you fall asleep.”

Smiling at his obvious concern, I stood to make sure everything was locked up tight. Sadie followed me out of the room, so while I checked over the house, I let her out back. Once we were all squared away, I set the alarm. As I walked down the hall, headed back to my room, I ran into Luke walking from the hall bathroom, back to the guest room.

“Hey, where’s Rusty?” I asked, just remembering that Luke was here, but Rusty wasn’t. Luke had a beautiful, or should I say, handsome Irish setter, he was such a good dog, but seriously high spirited.

“He’s with my mom tonight, I was working a long shift and wasn’t sure when we’d be done. If I’d left him at home for that long, he would have rearranged my living room.”

I knew this to be true, so I let out a little laugh, shook my head and went into my room. I’d heard a couple of times that Rusty had moved the couch four feet across the room and had taken all the pillows from the couch and put them on the floor when Luke had been gone too long. He didn’t rip anything up, just moved things around. Thinking about Rusty and his antics always made me smile.

Turning out the bedside light, I settled into my covers, dreading the sleepless hours that were sure to come. I was comforted in the knowledge that Luke laid in the bed just down the hall. I wouldn’t need him, but his presence and strength was soothing to me now. I hoped that I could give that same reassurance to him.

A motion picture of memories, both good and bad played through my head for the next several hours. I cried on and off, sometimes softly, sometimes wracking sobs, but all the time, I missed Nolan.

I dreaded a life without my brother, and what would follow over the next few weeks.

Waking the next morning, I stretched and paused at the sounds of voices. I looked around my room for Sadie, but she was gone. Luke must have come in earlier and gotten her. All the memories from the night before came back and I clutched my pillow, buried my face and wept.

I wept for the wasted life of my brother, for the hopes and dreams he’d once had that would never come to light. I wept for the children he never had; he could have been a wonderful father. I wept for me, for the loss of such a wonderful man. He’d been so strong once, fierce, loyal and brave; just the way an older brother ought to be.

The war changed him, and the death of Dylan changed him. It was guilt, though that took his life. There was lingering pain in his leg; he had PTSD resulting from his time in the Middle East, he struggled with guilt, which stopped him from getting the help he really needed; it stopped him from seeing the truth about the situation. He blamed himself for Dylan’s death; had he not been shot, had Dylan let him be and run for cover himself - these were all arguments I’d heard over and over again for the past several years, the things the plagued his mind.

I made the decision at that moment that I wouldn’t allow guilt to eat at me, nor any of the others involved; I wouldn’t allow Luke or Hope to take on the burden of guilt for Nolan’s decisions. Guilt was a horrible gripping emotion that had taken my brother from me, the last person in my immediate family. I would find the strength within myself to make something good from Nolan’s life; somehow his senseless suicide wouldn’t be in vain.

I sat up, pulled myself together, and after a quick shower, dressed for the day, for whatever would be placed in my path. In my normal frilly way, I wore a light pink skirt that had a ruffle at the hem and a cream colored top with ruffles on the short sleeves. Since I wasn’t going into the store, I opted for matching pink flip flops with glittery sequins covering the straps. My long red hair was pulled back into a low pony tail and I applied light make up with waterproof mascara, every girl knew, in moments of crisis, waterproof mascara was essential.

My cell rang from the nightstand. Once I made my way over to it, I could see that Amber was calling me from the store. It was just after nine in the morning, she must have gone in early to get started on the day. Since it was Tuesday, the store should be relatively quiet and I had full faith in her ability to manage it alone.

“Hey, Amber.”

Picking up the call, I could hear the weariness in my own voice. I needed to check my emotions, to be strong and show everyone that I would be all right.

“Aurora, what’s going on? You had me worried last night, are you sick?”

I told Amber the whole story, from when Luke showed up, to my revelation this morning. She was astonished at the news of Nolan’s suicide and expressed her concern for me. I reassured her that Luke had stayed over and that I was holding it together. I let her know that my presence in the store would be pretty non-existent over the next several days. Thankfully, she promised me that all was fine and she could cover the hours.

Once we had ended the call, I steeled myself and walked toward the front of the house. As soon as I rounded the corner, I saw them, all the men that were left from Nolan’s team. Luke was leaning against the wall holding a cup of coffee, Gavin was standing at the front window staring out, seemingly oblivious to the chatter around him. Reed was there, sitting on the couch with his head down, seemingly studying his clasped hands. Trent walked out of the kitchen holding a pot of coffee and Jake was sitting at the dining room table, hunched over with his head held in his hands.

Jake’s posture looked defeated and anguished. Dylan and Jake had been close; I knew this must have brought up painful memories for him, too; for all of them.

I turned to look toward the back door as it opened and Hope walked in with Rusty and Sadie racing in around her, almost toppling the tiny woman. Her waist length stick straight black hair moved with her as she avoided falling to the ground. The entire scene with the dogs was so funny; I couldn’t stop myself from laughing.

At the sound of my giggles, all the men looked up and saw me. Jake’s look seemed irritated until he realized that it had been me who laughed. “Sorry, the dogs almost knocked Hope over, it was really funny.” For some reason, I felt it necessary to explain my inappropriate outburst. I didn’t want everyone to think I was losing my mind.

Gavin strode over to me, wrapped his long arms around me, picked me up, and held me tight. His hold was friendly and comforting, but showing his own grief as well. I appreciated his support and friendship.

“I’m so sorry Aurora, so fucking sorry.” Gavin’s voice was hoarse and the emotion rumbled through.

“Thanks G, how are you doing?” My question was ludicrous; I knew that none of us were okay right now. He didn’t respond verbally, just nodded slightly and grimaced, though I thought he’d been attempting a smile, and he let me go.

Everyone shared their condolences, giving hugs and kisses to my cheeks. Hope’s hug was tighter and far more pained than the rest. I could feel the trembling in her small body and knew she was fighting her tears.

Luke was the last one to make it to me. He whispered into my ear: “Hey Rory. How’d ya sleep?”

“I did all right, thanks for staying last night. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I felt his arms tighten around me, his voice still low as he said “you’ll never find out.” He kissed the top of my head. I felt the stirring of arousal low in my belly and wondered, briefly if he meant more with that statement.

I shook myself out of that, there wasn’t any room in my head right now for those kinds of thoughts. My love, major heart-wrenching crush, or whatever it was, needed to stay under wraps. The last thing I wanted to do was to put something like that on him right now. My infatuation was one-sided and I didn’t want to damage our friendship.

Luke kept me close; holding me tight at his side and didn’t release me, even when Gavin brought me a cup. Hope brought the creamer over and lightened it up for me; she knew I couldn’t drink it black like the guys could.

Everyone gathered in the living room, scattered about on my delicate furniture. Their huge, bulky, exceedingly masculine frames looked odd against the distinctly feminine patterns and colors. My home represented my own quirky style.

Hope was squished on the sofa between Jake and Gavin, their wide shoulders, taking up most of the space. Reed was so big, tall and broad with hard muscles, tattoos and narrow hips that he took up the loveseat all on his own. Trent slumped down in the armchair, clearly disconcerted by the toss pillows, he was moving around, trying to get comfortable in the small chair but there were too many pillows for his liking. He seemed especially discomforted by the hot-pink chenille one, holding it like it was a bomb about to go off.

I straightened to help Trent, preparing to move them to the floor, when Luke stopped my progress by curling his arm around my waist and pulling me back into his side. He settled me there and called over to Trent. “Dude, just dump them on the floor.” Luke knew that I took care of my things, but wasn’t so fussy that my stuff couldn’t be on the floor. Trent glanced at me for confirmation; my smile gave him the reassurance that I wouldn’t throw a ridiculous hissy fit, and down they went. He was finally able to settle into the overstuffed chair comfortably and relax.

Of course, the moment they hit the floor, Sadie walked over, plopped down and laid her head right on that pink one. Poor Rusty was out of luck, but his gleaming red fur brushed up against everyone, then made his way back to Sadie and curled in next to her.

Several conversations were going on around me, but focused on Hope. I wasn’t paying attention to anyone else; she sat between the two behemoths and stared miserably into the distance, not focused on anything in particular. I wanted to go over and sit with her, but since Luke’s fingers gripped my hip, I didn’t think I was going anywhere.

Luke and I had been good friends for a long time. He and my brother had been best friends since they were in third or fourth grade I think. The boys were inseparable, going so far as joining the Marines together. I knew that their respective jobs in the Corps didn’t always bring them together, but during the last deployment, they had been on the same team.

We’d been somewhat close, though never to this extent. He’d hugged me many times, was there for both Nolan and me last year when mom passed, but had never just held me like this. I wondered if he was so worried about my mental state that he was trying to hold me up, literally keeping me within his reach. Regardless of the reason, I felt so safe and comfortable here, I didn’t want to move.

“… Before any local media attention.” I heard the tail end of Reed’s statement and brought my mind back to focus.

“What about media?” I asked, hopeful they were talking about something else.

“I was just saying that we need to make sure everyone who needs to be is informed, before the local media picks up the story. Usually it wouldn’t be an issue, but Nolan was a decorated veteran, so this could turn into some type of human interest story. Either way, McKinney is still a small town, once the word gets out, it will spread fast.”

Reed’s words brought a sense of urgency to my mind, I still needed to call my aunt and some of Nolan’s other friends.

We didn’t have much family left, my aunt had moved to Houston to be closer to her daughter’s family after her and my uncle divorced, but she still had a lot of friends in town. She and my mom had been close; she would be devastated by the news.

“I need to make some calls. What do I need to do concerning the services? I mean, what is the procedure with the coroner’s office?”

My face was turned so I could look up at Luke, when he moved to look down at me; our faces were so close he could almost kiss me. I blinked and pulled back to give us more space. I’d had a mini-crush on him since I was about seven, but had never acted on it; well, except once.

“As soon as the investigation is complete, they will release Nolan’s body, we will have the funeral home take care of everything from there. You need to decide which one you want to use, and then we can go down and talk to them to make the arrangements.”

Luke was good at giving me the information I needed straight out, even when it was a painful subject, but hearing the words
‘Nolan’s body’
made my gut clench all over. Luke noticed, of course, reached up and squeezed my shoulder. I knew he must be a great police officer.

“Okay, I need to call my aunt, let’s use TJM for the arrangements. Is there anyone else we should call? Anything else I need to do?”

Luke’s smile was sweet; it encompassed his face and caused little tiny lines to crinkle at the corners of his eyes.

“No, I already called everyone else that I could think of. You go call your aunt and I’ll call TJM.”

Turner, Jackson Mortuary was owned by one of Luke’s uncles and had been in his family for generations. It was only natural that I’d use them. They were all like family to me.

Nodding, I tried to move away again, but instead Luke pulled me in closer, eyes on mine until our faces were too close to see clearly; then he kissed me lightly on the forehead.

“You are so strong Rory, so fucking strong. I’m so proud of you.”

My arms wrapped tighter around him as I savored the feeling of comfort and affection. He released me and I walked away, going into my room to call my aunt.