Lush Curves 6: Safe Harbor (A BBW Erotic Romance) (3 page)

“I came here,” he said, stepping close. “To apologize, although I don’t know if there’s a way to show you how deeply sorry I am, lass.”

I wanted to roll my eyes, to tell him I didn’t believe him, but something in the tone of his voice, so low and s
teady, made me realize he was totally sincere. He sounded like a man bearing his soul.

“I acted like an absolute boor to you, Aolani. You gave yourself to me, and I held you at a distance. I didn’t treat you with the respect you deserve. The respect you still deserve.”

I looked down, but his hand on my arm made me meet his eyes, now shining with emotion. I bit my lip, trying to keep it together.

What was this? Was it really just an apology? Or did he want something more from me? Why had he come all this way?

As if reading my mind, he pulled me closer and spoke again.

“You are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, Aolani. You made me feel things that I never thought I would again. You have to understand…  I never meant to hurt you. The promise I’d made…”

I nodded and stared down at my feet. I couldn’t look at him. I just couldn’t.
His promise.
The promise that he could never give his heart to another woman. To me.

“Please. Please just
listen to me.”

The urgency in his eyes made me look up again.

“Are you going to explain yourself again, Gavin? Tell me you can never love me? Because I’ve already heard that little speech. I’m all set on that front.”

The scathing sarcasm I’d been trying to muster fell
flat as my voice shook. It hurt too much. Everything was still too fresh. The wounds too near the surface.

I knew one thing, though. If he told me again that he couldn’t love me, I was going to scream.

“No… God, no, lass. I… Oh, Christ, how do I explain? I’ve been such an arse. I understand why you’re upset. You have every bloody right to be.”

He ran his hands over his face, and through that luxurious hair of his, hair I still wanted to run my fingers through after all of this.

“The promise I made was after my first love, my fiancée Fiona, drowned. After she died, I promised I’d never love another.”

I sucked in a breath. I don’t know what I’d been expecting, but that was
definitely
, not it. The sudden image of the ring in his drawer flashed in my mind.
His fiancée. Oh, God.

“She was my first love years ago. And although I’ve been with other women, I’ve never loved again.”

He reached out and took my hand in his. I didn’t pull away, my small hand warming against his palm.

“Until you, Aolani. You changed all of that.”

Our eyes met, and I felt the tears rising up in mine. I tried hard not to let them spill over. “I didn’t know.”

“How could you know? It was a secret I’d kept for so long—a pain I’d tried to bury for so many years—I wouldn’t have even known how to tell you. It seemed like a betrayal. All of it. But in the end, I couldn’t help how I felt.”

He raised my hand to his lips and kissed my palm. Tingles ran down my arm, and I shivered beneath his touch.

“I still can’t.
I love you
, Aolani Kahale. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”

I stood, speechless, as he pressed my palm to his cheek, his eyes urging me to say something, anything, in response. This was what I’d wanted for so long. Hell, this is what I’d dreamed about so many nights as I lay beside him, feeling the heat from his body and listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. But now that it happened, all I could think about was that day in the Edinburgh hotel. That day he’d put me in my place as his employee and nothing more.

“How can I trust you?”

The tears fell now, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t stop them. Gavin reached over and brushed them away, the tenderness of his touch making my body heat, and my heart clench in my chest.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you, Aolani. I’m so very sorry.”

He bent down and kissed my hair, and I gave a shuddering sob against his jacket. He held me for a moment as I cried, and I didn’t pull away—didn’t want to pull away—but I didn’t tell him I loved him or that I could forgive him. Because right then, I wasn’t sure
if I could.

“There’s one more thing I want to say, and then I’ll leave you be. You are an incredible woman, Aolani, and
if nothing else, I want to do what I can to help make your dream come true. I believe in you with all of my heart, and I want to be the first investor in a photography studio.
Your
photography studio.”

I looked up at him, my forehead furrowed, wondering if this was all some trick, or worse, a dream.

“
What?
”

“Whether you say you love me or not, whether you want to throw me out and never see me again, I want you to have that. You deserve that and so much more. I know you’ll be a success, Aolani. I want to give you your studio. Anywhere you’d like it to be—here or Edinburgh, or the middle of the desert for all I care—I’ll make it happen for you. I’ll build it, and you’ll run it.”

I stared at him in shock, running back over all he’d just said.

“My own studio? You’re… you’re offering me my own business?”

“Aye, and I’ll be your first investor. I’ll take whatever share of the company you deem is fair. We can meet with the lawyer of your choosing whenever you’d like and draw up the paperwork.”

“My own studio…” I muttered.

This was so surreal.
Too
surreal. My grandmother always said “If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.” Her voice echoed in my thoughts, and I frowned up at the beautiful man, who I now suspected was trying to buy me. The thought made me sick.

“What if I don’t love you?”

Gavin’s eyes widened, then filled with a look of pain. “I’ll understand, and it won’t change a thing. It will be your company to run. We can take care of any business matters through the lawyer, and I’ll keep them on retainer for you.”

He ran his hand over my arm again, but this time I pulled away.

“I mean what I say, Aolani. I love you, but if you don’t want me, I still want you to have this. You’re incredibly talented. The world needs people like you to fulfill their dreams. To use their gifts. Even if we never see one another again, that will be my gift to you.”

I put a hand to my forehead, to quiet what felt like the beginnings of a major headache. My thoughts were so jumbled, dashing from his declaration of love, back to the hotel, then flitting across the idea of my very own studio, back to the uncomfortable notion that he thought I was someone who’s heart was for sale.

Just because Gavin Fletcher was rich didn’t mean I would jump when he said so. Just because he was gorgeous and wounded and apologizing and bearing himself to me didn’t mean I could trust him as far as I could throw him. Did it?

“I need to think,” I said.

“Of course.” Gavin backed away, his hands held up to show he would give me the space I needed. “I’m staying at the Four Seasons. I’ll be here until you give me an answer, either way.”

He looked back at me, and for a moment, I wanted to throw all caution to the wind and jump into his arms. To kiss him and hold him and let him give me everything I’d ever wanted… but then he was turning away, and walking up the sandy shore toward the road between the houses.

He turned back just as he was almost out of earshot and called out to me.

“Think about what I said, and I’ll be back tomorrow.”

I raised my hand to let him know I’d heard.

Think about what I said.

How could I not? How could I not think about the fact that Gavin had come all this way to tell me he loved me. To drop the bomb about the studio. And to what? To turn my whole life upside down, was what.

I would definitely think about what he said. I would toss and turn all night long, hearing Gavin Fletcher’s voice echo in my mind.

***

I nursed a cup of Kona coffee the size of a big gulp as I looked across the kitchen table at my grandmother, now pushing a plate of white rice, eggs and spam my way.

“Eat. It will help take your mind off things.”

“Grandma, I don’t
want
to take my mind off things. He said he’ll be back today, and I… I still have to figure out what I think about all of this.”

“You mean you don’t know?” She frowned at me from across the plastic
tablecloth. “How can you not know? Do you love him?”

I blew a piece of hair out of my face and leaned back, crossing my arms.

“I… I thought I did.”

“
Thought
you did? When was this, Aolani?”

“When we were traveling together. Working together. It was when we got to Scotland that he broke my heart, and…
Well, now I just don’t know.”

“Ah,” Grandma said, leaning back. “I see.”

“What?” I frowned at the old woman sitting across from me. “I know that look,
tutu
.”

My grandmother smiled at me, the corners of her eyes wrinkling. “You
do
love him. You’re just being a chicken shit.”

“Grandma!”

“What?” she said, sipping out of her own coffee mug. “I tell it like it is.”

“But…”

I thought of all of the reasons why I was afraid to go to Gavin, to give him my heart, and suddenly, all I could hear were his words on the beach.

I love you, Aolani Kahale. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.

I saw the look in his eyes—the look that told me everything I needed to know—but still, the fear remained.

“But what about the studio, huh? Didn’t you always tell me if something’s too good to be true, it probably is? I’m just trying to be smart about this. Like you taught me.”

She reached across the table and patted my hand. “Babe, when it comes to love, sometimes you have to get out of your own head. Get out of your own
way
. Did he say he’d give you the studio no matter what?”

“Yeeees,” I began, but Grandma raised a finger.

“So what’s the problem? He’s not trying to buy your heart, kiddo. He’s trying to give you his.”

I sat back at that, and suddenly, I was crying
again, my mouth open in a sob, tears rolling down my cheeks. My grandmother’s hand tightened around my own, letting me cry it out, gasping with the power of the emotions finally breaking free of the dam I’d built around them.

“But w-what… what if I’m wrong? What if he hurts me?”

“Do you think he will, dear one? When you think of the kind of man he is, what do you see?”

I held my grandmother’s hand like a lifeline as I thought back, about the way he was with his crew, the way he joked with the photographers, the warmth of his love for his brothers… and even the promise he’d tried so hard to keep
to Fiona. The promise of love to a woman long gone.

“He’s a good man,” I said, my tears wetting my cheeks although my breathing was steadying now. “He lost someone, and thought loving me back would be a betrayal to her.”

“How long ago?”

“Years ago, Grandma.”

“And now he’s giving his heart to you.”

I nodded, sucking in a heaving breath.

“Do you believe in him? Enough to risk your heart?”

I thought of the way he looked at me from day one. The way he touched me, putting my pleasure before his own, drawing me out, loving me, cherishing me. I thought of his offer—his gift to me. The fact that he believed in me,
when I didn’t believe in myself was a powerful thing.

“Oh, God. I do, Grandma,” I said. “What do I do now?”

She smiled at me again and gave my hand a squeeze before getting up from the table.

“You go to him, you silly girl.”

She poured herself another cup of coffee and added a splash of rum with a wink at me.

“Besides. He’s easy on the eyes. You two are going to give me beautiful grandbabies.”

I laughed and dried the last of my tears with a checkered cloth napkin.

“Thank you,
Grandma,” I said.

“Don’t mention it. It’s what us old farts are for. Doling out advice when the young folk go astray.”

I laughed, thinking how right she was as I sipped my coffee and thought about what to do next.

***

I knocked on the door of the Kailani Suite, and waited, adjusting my pink sarong and wondering if the plumeria blossom in my hair was too much, or just enough. My heart was beating so hard in my chest, I wondered if Gavin would hear it and know just how nervous I was.

The door opened, and I found myself holding my br
eath. I made myself exhale as he opened the door. Gavin was in the middle of tying a blue silk tie and was in his shirtsleeves, his hair still wet from his shower. I could smell the intoxicating scent of his aftershave, and instantly, my heart swelled at the sight of him.