Mad Lizard Mambo (7 page)

But the Merge didn’t just blow out the Earth’s crust and stitch in pieces of the Underhill;it also dumped the sidhe and unsidhe as well, the two fractious elfin races and their towering cities. And if that fuckery wasn’t enough, the capricious gods who diced and sliced the two worlds together tossed in Underhill’s monsters for good measure.

And they
thrived
in their new world.

The creatures bore a sketchy resemblance to human horses. There were legs, broad chests, triangular heads, and certainly equine-like noses. Long whipping strands ran down the middle of their necks and spines, cresting into streaming tangles behind their rounded haunches, giving them thick, coarse manes, but their nostrils flared red and blue, jetting out smoke and shallow, hot flames. Most of them were a bluish-black, mottled in dark gray weeping spots, but a few were pale, nearly translucent, equine jellyfish scoring the ground with broad, plate-shaped hooves. But unlike earthly horses, their teeth were the stuff of bad dreams and savagery, rows and rows of sharklike points jutting up from wet, glistening black gums.

And to make matters worse, they smiled.

The same fucking gods who brought them into existence also gave them mouths deep enough to wrap up their jaws and curl up at the edges, as if they were happy dogs grinning at the sight of their masters.

Happy. Fucking. Dogs.

Who liked the taste of human and elfin meat.

That was what Professor Violet Marshall wanted to serve me up to. Probably with a side of cranberry dressing and whatever wine went well with elfin-hybrid monsters.

“So once I get you past all the monsters, what do you think you’re going to find at Groom Lake?” I filled my glass nearly to the brim, mindful of Ryder’s eyes on me. “You and His Lordship are looking for what? Records? Paper would have been to dust by now.”

“Not paper.” She slurped noisily at her cup, swallowing before continuing. “I have pictures taken by someone traveling through of a Court there, well what’s left of one, but Lord Ryder seems to think it has some merit for the sidhe…”

“All elfin, but that area had no Court in the Underhill, or maybe it was nearby and that’s where it ended up when our worlds… folded together,” Ryder commented. He’d refused the whiskey but poured himself another cup of coffee, adding enough milk and sugar to hurt my teeth just at the thought of it. “In the human world, there was a laboratory of sorts.”

“A research facility. One that dealt with technologies to rival any magics the elfin brought to life. You can’t even begin to imagine,” the professor expounded.

Ryder and I exchanged rueful glances at Marshall’s words. I gave her a quick grin and said, “Oh, I can imagine what the elfin can bring to life. You think something survived our worlds getting twisted together like carnival taffy?”

“Yes, based on the photos I was given, but it’s not enough information. We need more. The Elfin Studies Department—that’s the scientists and researchers at San Diego university—we have our arguments, but this time, in this, we’re in agreement. If there is a way to perpetuate the elfin people, we must act.” Her gaze flicked over to Ryder. “That’s where Lord Ryder comes into play. The museum and university lack the funds to mount an expedition to Groom Lake to look for evidence to support my fertility studies, so I petitioned the Court for assistance. It’s an archaeological treasure, right within our grasp. We’d be fools not to study it.”

“So you’re in it for the Court stuff, and that’s enough to round up elephants and trek through the desert?” I asked Ryder. “Suppose you get there and it’s nothing you can use?”

“Knowing that can help us move forward,” he countered. “Eliminating what doesn’t work helps as much as discovering what will.”

Marshall murmured something, but I was too busy shaking my head at Ryder to listen. I tossed a bit of whiskey over my tongue, then swallowed its burn. “You’re both insane. You’re chasing after… nothings.”

“Perhaps, but maybe not. What the professor has found so far says otherwise. If it’s possible, we have to try, Kai.”

“No offense to Professor Marshall, but humans breed like fleas. You’re just scared they’re going to overrun you.” I smirked.

“We can’t afford to lose the elfin, Stalker Gracen.” The professor set her empty glass down and pierced me with a look sharp enough to stab me in the chest. “Our world has changed since the Merge, but one thing remains the same—all lives are important, as are all cultures, even those alien to us. We can give one another so much—elfin and humans alike—but first we must truly understand what has happened. We must understand history or are doomed to repeat it, so the saying goes.”

“And Groom Lake might hold some answers,” Ryder added. “Isn’t that worth a run up there?”

“Not like I’m picking up eggs from the farm there, Lordship. It’s several days up and then back again,” I reminded him. “More if we run into trouble.”

“With you, there’s always trouble, Kai,” Ryder replied. “But whatever you run into, you won’t be alone. I’ll be going with you and Professor Marshall.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m beginning to wonder if they’ve got babysitting listed under my Stalker license.” I refilled my glass then saluted them both, hoping my next gulp of whiskey would somehow set me on fire, or perhaps I would choke to death on my own tongue. “Well, here’s to a short, profitable ride. Hope we all live to see the end of it, and may I not succumb to any urge to kill the lot of you.”

“YOU’RE GOING
to need
big
.” Sparky scratched under her long braided hair. “And badass enough no one’s going to want to pry it open. That kind of thing’s going to cost you something pretty, like your left nut.”

“I do not want to know why you think my left anything would be pretty enough to buy a long-distance rig.” I jerked my thumb back at the blond sidhe behind me. “But he says he’s paying, so load me up.”

There were a lot of things to do before gallivanting off into the wilds of Nevada, things to minimize my impending death, and Sparky was my best bet to make it happen. A former petrochemical engineer, she’d hightailed it off to the outer edges of San Diego’s borders, setting up a refuel outpost for Stalkers and travelers needing gasoline and a place to store their city-banned vehicles. In a lot of ways, Sparky resembled Professor Marshall, lean and wiry with a calculating gleam in her pale gray eyes, except with a lot less crazy.

Sparky was as wrinkled, windblown, and heat baked as the hills she’d found sanctuary in, both toasted brown from the glaring sun and bleached white from age. Scrawls of mesquite clotted the upper ranges surrounding Sparky’s Landing, the trees’ tangled branches thick with small wind-tossed tumbleweeds and the occasional condor. Tall broken-spine pines were a break from the warm breeze kicking up dust devils at our feet, while also providing long stretches of shade for Sparky’s dog pack to lounge in.

I’d brought an ice chest with me, mostly to bribe Sparky into giving me a good deal on a Rover but also to get some kind of vegetable in her diet for a few days. Left to her own devices, she existed on dragonkill scraps, mostly antelope and oryx with the occasional buffalo thrown in for good measure. The dogs ate better than she did, and I’d spent most of my life couriering supplies up to the Landing just so Sparky had something to eat other than meat and peanut butter.

The zucchini, suffice it to say, were not a hit.

Hopefully they weren’t offensive enough to sour the deal. Bringing Ryder was, considering how she felt about elfin in general, but I’d offset that with a couple of boxes of brown sugar cinnamon Pop-Tarts and possibly the last packet of Berry Blue Razz juice powder in San Diego county.

“Are you looking to rent or buy?” She prodded one of her brindle-furred mutts out of the way with the toe of her boot before the dog could settle down on her foot to sleep. It leaped up, trying to snag the tail of her shirt, but it was an old game Sparky knew how to avoid. Running her hand through her silver-shot hair, she shoved a bit of fringe out of her eyes. “Renting’s going to be expensive. Probably as much as buying something.”

“I’m going up to Groom Lake,” I reminded her. “You think there’s going to be anything left of it to bring back? I’ll be lucky if the tires don’t melt on the desert road.”

“Then buy it is. Groom Lake’s a bitch. That’s for sure. You’re going to need something hefty, able to take a hit. Lots of nightmares that way.” Sparky chewed on the end of a toothpick. “And something rechargeable. Can’t do gas. No filling spots along the way. Not like before.”

“Nope. And that’s going to suck if we want power. Unless you’ve got a racer engine in a tank.”

I glanced at Sparky when she snorted loudly enough to startle the dog away.

“I’m guessing that’s a no. I don’t have Oketsu up and running yet, but nothing you’ve got is probably small enough to be hauled by the dual engine. Fuel cells last forever, but damn, not enough punch for a good getaway if I need it.”

“Lots of tech was lost in the Merge, and everything we’ve got like that is way too rich for me to carry. Who’s going to buy it, Kai? Average Stalker can barely pay for a six-pack of beer and a burrito on a good day. You think one’s going to waltz up here and ask for a Tesla?” She spat, probably to clear the emotion welling up in her throat. “I’m not going to store what people can’t buy. I’ll show you what I’ve got, and you decide what’s going to work for you. If not, you can take your chances with the Spelany brothers up in Julian.”

Guess the zucchini was even less of a hit than I’d thought. Sparky hated the Spelany brothers and usually couldn’t bring herself to say their names, much less tell me to go see them. Something was up with her, something buried deep and pricking her nerves.

But then she was also in the middle of nowhere with only roaming herds of safari escapees and dogs to keep her company. Even as much as I liked my solitude, living out in the boonies and only seeing the occasional traveler would make me a bit tetchy too.

“You’re the best there is, Sparky,” I countered. “Why’d I go to someone else?”

“Humph. Let me think about what I’ve got.” The toothpick went back into her mouth, and she stared off into the distance for a few seconds. Her eyes were still unfocused when she asked, “You say he’ll pay for it?”

“He’s not hurting for money, and on top of that, SoCalGov gives him kickbacks for establishing a Court in the city. It’s easier on the Feds to sic the sidhe on any elfin troublemakers instead of dealing with it themselves. Part of the Truce Agreement, remember?” I glanced back to check on Ryder, who seemed to be preoccupied with a white puppy gamboling about in the dirt. “It’s kind of why I’m stuck with him. SoCalGov’s liaison with the Southern Rise Court.”

“Liaison, my scrawny ass.” Sparky guffawed, swinging around on her heel. “He wants you flat on your back in his bed, and this liaison thing is the only way he can keep tabs on you. I might be old, but I know a tickle between the legs when I see one.”

“I do
not
need to know about any of your tickles. No matter where they are.” The dirt was flying up fast, swirling around my boots as the wind kicked up. “But show me what you’ve got in long transport, and maybe we can make a deal.”

“Wait here. I’ll bring it out.” Tossing her toothpick into an open oil drum, she nodded at Ryder. “Might be too ugly for His Lordship over there, but it’ll hold up and is fast enough to outrun most smaller predators. Just don’t go dragon tangling and you’ll be fine.”

“You act like I go out there and fuck with dragons on purpose,” I protested.

“Boy, you kinda do,” she shot back over her shoulder. “Now go wait by your pet sidhe over there. Watch to make sure none of the pups get underfoot. Some of them are as stupid as all hell.”

I waited a beat, and Sparky didn’t disappoint me.

“Kind of like you when I first met you.”

“I like this puppy,” Ryder declared when I walked up to him. “Do you think she will let me buy it? Alexa was saying having a dog would be good for the House.”

“I don’t know. Do you think you’re ready for that kind of responsibility?” I teased. “Puppies are a lot of work. And you can’t take care of the sidhe you already have. Look, you’re already going to be dumping them on Alexa so you can go on this trip, so I don’t know if—”

“Is that your idea of a joke?” He stood up, cradling the dog in his arms. “Because I take very good care of my Court. The only reason I am going with you is I want answers—”

“And?” I prompted.

“And I can’t trust you not to shoot the professor if she pisses you off.” Ryder stroked the dog’s sleek head. “You tend to shoot anything and anyone you find disagreeable.”

“Haven’t shot you yet, have I?” I pointed out just as the air began to shake with the rumble of a heavy engine. “And there’s our ride.”

Ryder turned, and his mouth dropped open. Struggling to hold the squirming puppy, he whispered, “By all the gods in the trees and sky, what in the nine hells is that?”

The drover was ugly. I’ve got to give Sparky that. She hadn’t lied. It was all angles and flat with bulbous tires raising it off the ground by at least two feet. The thing wouldn’t win any beauty prizes, but it could probably take on a dragon and live to tell the tale. Maybe.

It’d been constructed out of a military transport vehicle, a squat, wide thing meant to be a mobile command center or perhaps double as a backup tank in case of a conflict, but whatever it’d started life out as, the vehicle now had Sparky’s stamp all over it. As long as an old-school bus, its frame and sides wrapped around its six heavy, solid synthetic wheels, a standard two set in the front and one in back, a setup favored by those who needed to go over small buildings and mountains in their day-to-day lives. The heavily treaded tires were nearly as tall as Sparky, inset and mounted on solid rims and built to take a beating, and its body was a mottled light gray, speckled with dark mirrored hexagons to soak up any solar energy it could to recharge the massive fuel cells banked at the back of the drover.

Nearly the height of a house, its width promised some room inside, and its independent wheel movement as it rumbled slowly through Sparky’s uneven parking lot gave me hope for some maneuverability. Black windows ran around the sides, an indication I’d have good visibility, but the gruff grumble of its powerful engine meant there was no sneaking up on anything.