Madness (5 page)

* * * *

Cameron wished he could take back his previous words about experiments and flings. He had thought the idea of this being nothing permanent would make it easier for Olivia and had planned to capitalize on her initial agreement and
afterward
convince her to pursue a relationship. He was that certain of her, and himself. He should have known that she wasn’t the kind of woman to have brief affairs of any sort. Hell, he did know, somehow. The thing was, he could see them together forever. But how to repair things now?

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Cameron also fought the green monster.

Hearing Olivia talk about her dead husband shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. He fiercely envied those years the man had had with Olivia. Although that was his own fault, he ruefully reminded himself.

He had pushed her away, albeit believing it then to be in her best interest.

Olivia was talking again. “And what if you wanted to continue this, this thing, and I didn’t? Or are you that heartless that you hadn’t considered you might get hurt, too? That
I
could hurt
you
? And you

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haven’t mentioned a significant other! How would
she
feel about your fling?”

Cameron went for broke. “I didn’t want to scare you off, Olivia. If what I believe is between us is real, then neither one of us will want it to be something brief. But it’s going to be a difficult initiation and I didn’t want you to think too much, to think too far ahead. And Olivia, I wouldn’t be here with you if there was another woman in my life who I was serious about.”

He watched a myriad of emotions chase one another across Olivia’s face when he refuted her belief that he might have a significant other, and then she focused on the early part of his comment. “Initiation?”

“Honey, I know what I want. I know what I need and how to get some of it from a woman. But I want it all, more than just from my casual subs. I want to give you everything you need and take back.

Can you understand that?”

Olivia was shaking and clearly fighting tears. He was pushing her hard, pushing her with honesty and it probably felt too fast. He also knew that, if he allowed her time, she would overthink things and never even try to understand what she had denied all those years. And she probably did trust him, crazy as it might sound to her, or she wouldn’t be here with him, now. At the very least she was intrigued.

She wouldn’t be so sure that she trusted herself, however, and that alone would make her flee if he didn’t push her.

“Olivia, let’s have our dinner and you can ask me all those questions I see you have,” Cameron urged.

She nodded and ducked her head to dab at her eyes. When she looked at him again, she was composed and apparently calm. The wait staff brought their meals shortly thereafter and it was a welcome distraction.

“What do you mean by subs?” she asked after swallowing a small mouthful of sirloin. “Is that like Doms and subs?”
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Cameron hid a smile. Olivia had done some research. He wondered how much to tell her, and then went for broke again.

Communication was the most important thing in any relationship, especially D/s relationships.

“I’m a trained Dom,” he agreed. “I was in training when I met you and spent time in the clubs when I went back to the city for R & R.

That’s where I met Jennifer.”

Olivia looked like she had tasted something spoiled. “Can we not talk about Jennifer, please?”

“Anyway,” he continued, “I want to initiate you.”

“What does that mean, exactly?” Olivia asked cautiously.

“In a nutshell, I plan to dominate you sexually, Olivia. It’s what I do, what I need. I plan to give you more sexual pleasure than you’ve ever known. There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain, and I will help you walk that.”

She couldn’t hide the shudder that wracked her body, and Cameron slid closer, wrapping his arm around her shoulder, tipping her face up with his other hand as he did so. He looked deeply into her eyes, and recognized fear, tempered with arousal.

“I won’t hurt you, honey, at least not in the way that you might think. You know you can trust me.”

“Can we talk specifics?” she asked timidly.

“Come upstairs with me, Olivia, and I’ll show you. Give me your trust. Don’t overthink things.”

* * * *

It was like she had entered another dimension. She had gotten up this morning with a sense of expectation. She thought she was writing a new chapter in her life by going to her house and then to the golf course. And now she was considering having sex with a man she had resolutely put out of her mind and her heart twelve years ago. No, not having sex, but having
dominant
sex with him. She found she wanted

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someone to take her choice away, to simply sweep her up into the experience. It called to her. She was tired of looking after everything and everyone, tired of being in control, tired of keeping up appearances and living a lie. Maybe just once she could let loose and say to hell with the consequences. A small warning voice in her head pointed out that Cameron had talked about an experiment, a fling, and reminded her how he had broken her heart once before. Olivia told herself she could handle the lack of commitment and ignored the little voice.

“I don’t want anyone to know, Cameron,” she stated, “And this is a small town.”

“We’re in a hotel, Olivia, and I booked a corner suite. Besides, I’ll gag you if you can’t keep your screams of ecstasy down.” Olivia immediately bristled and then laughed. This was the old, teasing Cameron she remembered.

“One night,” she said.

Cameron shrugged. “One night with the option to continue tomorrow.”

“All right.” Why didn’t she feel terrified? Why this sense of anticipation and arousal? “I’ll just go to my room and…” Cameron cut her off. “No, come now. You won’t need anything.” Olivia searched his face and then nodded. She wiped her lips with her napkin and pushed her plate away. She took his proffered hand and let him help her up from the booth and escort her to the elevator.

She felt the difference in him already. He felt dark and dangerous, full of power, and she felt meek and willing. It was surreal. It was madness.

They took the elevator to his room in silence, although Cameron didn’t take his eyes off of her. Olivia mentally catalogued her body’s response, and she found herself taking light, frequent breaths as her heart pounded and her blood raced. Her breasts felt heavy and the nipples were so taut that she just knew they were visible through her suit jacket. Her panties were sopping at the crotch, and she wondered
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if Cameron knew the state she was in. Of course he did. He would know women’s bodies better than she knew her own. That seed of resentment and anger flared, and she set her teeth as they stepped into the hallway. All the years that had passed between them when he could have been with her and she with him. It was his fault and she hated him for it, just as she had done all those years ago.

“Don’t overthink things, honey.” Cameron thought he read her mind. “Just go with it.”

Olivia didn’t respond, but allowed him to usher her through the door of the hotel room, noting that he had absolutely no trouble with the key card.

“Take your clothes off and hang them in the closet,” he ordered.

Olivia fought the urge to argue and walk out. But she had agreed to this and knew he was establishing control. She understood that much and wanted to see where this went, if it was what she needed.

She slowly removed each item and carefully put them away as he directed. He watched her like a hawk would watch a mouse, intent and dark. His erection was patently obvious, and she realized it was her that brought him to that state. When she was naked, she stood quietly before him and did her best not to blush with embarrassment, because he truly didn’t make her feel that way. He stared at her with desire and admiration. It gave her a powerful feeling, different than she had ever felt before.

“Come here.”

Olivia obligingly approached him, seeing his eyes fasten on her breasts and then shift to look at her sex. For a moment she wished she had waxed there, remembering how bare the women in those pictures looked.

As if he read her thoughts again, Cameron said, “I want to shave your pussy, Olivia. I want to see all of you and have you feel everything.”

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It surprised her that he would ask, and so she hesitated. His face clouded, and she wondered if he regretted implying that she had a choice or if she should have immediately agreed.

“All right,” she said quickly and wondered at her need to please him yet was content when his face cleared and he offered his hand.

She took his outstretched hand and followed him into the bathroom where he lifted her and sat her on the counter. She marveled at his control, for even in her limited experience, she knew, could feel, how badly he wanted to have sex with her, sooner than later. The counter was cool beneath her buttocks and she shifted. Cameron caught the movement and his eyes flared. He reached out and touched a nipple, then the other.

“Don’t tempt me, Olivia. I want to take time with you,” he said.

She watched him shake the shaving cream can and press an amount into the palm of his hand. He inserted the other between her thighs and she parted for him. Her lack of modesty amazed her and aroused her further. Cameron was fully dressed and here she was, naked as the day she was born, spreading her legs for him on a countertop in the bathroom of a hotel. The idea thrilled her. She hardly recognized herself.

“Lean back and scoot yourself toward the edge, honey,” he directed.

Olivia did as he said, supporting herself on her hands, and felt the shaving cream coat her folds. She closed her eyes against the sight of his big hands pulling and stretching her to accommodate the rasp of the razor. She ached at the sight of him finally touching her and simply wanted to feel. The sound of running water and the press of a hot, soaking washcloth popped her eyes open and she met his gaze.

He was still so intent, and the fire she saw there overwhelmed her. He lifted her and set her on the floor.

“Go stand in the middle of the bedroom. Lace your hands on top of your head after you take your hair down, and keep your feet shoulder width apart. Leave all the lights on.”
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