Mail Order Motherhood (Brides of Beckham Book 8) (8 page)

The ride to Billings was very cold, and they all huddled together, but the potatoes kept their feet warm, and Clara was happy to get out of the house for a while.  She wanted to try to find just the right knife for his whittling.  It was his only hobby, and she wanted him to have something special to do his carvings with.  She still had a bit of money from the sales of her household goods in Massachusetts, so she could afford one.

Of course, they also needed more flannels and more yarn so she could continue making clothes that would keep them warm through the winter.  She had even begun working on a new quilt for Robert with all of their old ragged clothing they no longer would wear.

It was really too cold to talk much, so they sat huddled together under the blanket that covered them.  When they reached town, he helped her down from the sleigh while the children found their way down.  They all went into the mercantile to look for different things. 

It was the first time Clara had been to the store in Billings, so she wandered around for a moment to figure out where everything was.  She went to the fabric table, and saw that the knives were directly next to the bolts of cloth.  She fingered some of the materials while she looked over at the knife display.  There was one that had a man on a horse with a cowboy hat and a lariat, and she smiled.  That was the one she wanted. 

She chose six different colors of flannel for new underclothes for everyone as well as new nightgowns and dresses.  She quickly chose some yarns and some dried goods, but there wasn’t much they needed in the way of food.  Her husband had obviously planned on being snowed in for the winter and chosen accordingly.

She took her purchases to the front and explained that Albert would be paying but said she wanted the knife for him for a Christmas gift.  She wanted that wrapped and given to her alone.  She got the amount and gave him the money she had in her pocket.  “Thank you for your help,” she whispered.

She went over to the pot display and looked at what they had. There were a couple of huge pots that she would love to have to cook with, but she wasn’t going to ask for anything for herself.  As long as he was seen to and the children had whatever they needed, she was content.

While she was looking, she overheard a conversation.  “Look at her standing there acting as if she has a right to spend his money, when he paid for her to come out here and marry him.”  It was a low feminine voice, and Clara bristled at its tone. 

Another voice reached her.  “I can’t believe someone would actually become a mail order bride.  You’d have to feel like you were bought and paid for.  It must be like being a slave.”

Clara felt tears pop into her eyes and walked across the store to a small display of pocket watches.  She wasn’t going to let the women hurt her feelings.  She’d put up with a lot of snide remarks back in Beckham when she didn’t immediately remarry and instead tried to make a go of farming.  She could handle this.

*****

Albert looked at the display of brooches on the table in front of him.  He knew that Clara had sold her favorite cameo brooch before leaving Beckham so she wouldn’t come to him with her children in worn clothes.  She hadn’t told him, but Clarence had told him a lot while they’d worked together.  He was glad he had the older boy to divulge things to him.

As he looked over the display, a couple of local ranchers came up beside him.  “You sure do have all the luck, Hanson.”

Albert looked at the other man, Frank, wondering what he was talking about.  “Why?”

“You had the prettiest wife in town, and when she died, you send off for a mail order bride.  You could have gotten some ugly thing with a terrible personality, and instead, you end up with a pretty little bride who actually seems to enjoy being here.  How do you do it?”

Albert knew the other man was referring to how many of the local rancher’s wives seemed to go crazy during the long winters.  He shrugged.  “You’re right.  I’m lucky.”  He didn’t talk about the anguish he’d felt when Sally died.  These men were idiots, and he would never share anything personal with them.

The second man, John, shook his head.  “Maybe I’ll send off for a mail order bride too.  If I can get one as pretty as yours, I’ll start looking forward to going to bed at night.”

Albert wasn’t going to listen any longer.  “Do you two actually need something?”

The first man shrugged.  “Nothing more than a little bit of your luck.”

Albert chose the brooch that he thought looked as much as possible like the one Clarence had described.  He picked it up, and kept his hand clenched around it while going toward the front. 

The second man followed along with him.  “I guess that means you care for the pretty new wife.  Sure got over the other fast, didn’t you?”

Albert said nothing as he paid for the purchases that had been stacked on the long counter for them.  He knew that Clara had added some things, and he’d told Clarence to pick something out for Clara from him. 

Samuel, the merchant, put everything into wooden crates for him.  “Nice new wife you have there, Albert.  Glad to see you’re not always having to come to town for bread any longer.”

Albert nodded before making his first trip out to the sleigh with their purchases.  He put it on the floor at the back of the sleigh knowing the children would be able to deal with less leg room better than he and Clara could.  Clarence showed up right behind him with a crate to put in as well.  The look on his face gave Albert pause. 

“What’s wrong, Clarence?”  Albert had never seen the boy anything but jovial.  Had someone said something to him as well?

Clarence shrugged.  “Nothing.”

“I know something’s wrong.  Tell me what it is.”

“A man in the store asked me if you were my pa.  I didn’t know how to answer that.”

Albert smiled, happy it was something so simple.  He put his arm around the boy’s shoulders and led him back into the store to get the girls and little Robert who he’d set Natalie to minding.  Clara didn’t get to shop enough, and he knew women liked to buy new things.  “I’m your pa.  As soon as your ma married me, I became your pa.  I don’t care what other people say or think.”

Clarence’s eyes brightened.  “Can I start to call you ‘Pa’ then?”

Albert nodded.  It was only then that he realized the boy had never called him ‘Pa’ but he didn’t call him ‘Albert’ either.  He was always just called ‘sir.’  He should have realized there was a problem months ago.  “I’d be honored if you called me ‘Pa.’”

After they’d carried the last of their purchases to the sleigh, Albert went back inside to get Clara.  “Time to go.”  As soon as he looked at her, he couldn’t help but think about what the ranchers in the store had said.  Had he really replaced Sally too quickly?  Yes, his children needed good food, but he could have managed a bit longer.   Couldn’t he?

He helped Clara and Robert into the sleigh before climbing up beside Robert.  “Do you want to eat before we leave or stop on the way?”

Clara was fighting back the tears from what the women had said.  She’d needed to be strong in their presence, but now she needed to be alone so she could cry for a moment.  She didn’t want to show weakness before her husband or children.  “I’d like to get out of town first.  Even go all the way home.  It’s not that late.”

Albert looked at her for a moment before clicking to the horses.  She was upset, just as he was.  They needed to stay out of town and away from people who would upset them.

He drove straight to the house.  While he and Clarence unloaded the sleigh, Clara started a fire while the girls got Robert out of his winter gear and set the table.  She took the now cold potatoes and put them in the oven for a few minutes to warm them while she set out butter to go with them.  She poured milk for the children and heated up the coffee from the morning for herself and Albert.

While they ate, Albert kept looking at her as if he were just realizing she didn’t belong in his house.  Clara could barely control the tears.  She knew she needed to wait until the girls were doing the dishes to cry, but she wasn’t certain she could hold out that long.  She couldn’t let the children see her cry.

Albert watched Clara while they ate, wondering what had been said to hurt her so much at the store.  Why couldn’t people just accept that they’d done what they needed to do and let two lonely people find happiness together?

Clara escaped to her room soon after lunch.  Albert and Clarence had gone onto the range to take more hay to the cows, Robert was napping, and the girls were washing dishes.  She lay down on the bed for a moment and cried her eyes out.  She knew she wasn’t as pretty as his first wife.  She knew that every time she spotted the other woman’s photograph, which was still on the dresser.  She was doing her best to be a good wife and mother, though.  Did that count for nothing?

She took ten minutes wallowing in her anguish, and then realized there was nothing she could do but work harder and try to please him more.  She knew he enjoyed their time alone together while the children were in bed at night.  That was something.  Eventually maybe he’d have some affection for her.  Right now, affection seemed to be too much to ask.

She hurried into the main room, still feeling chilled from her time in the sleigh.  She made a thick stew for supper filled with carrots and potatoes and some of their own beef. 

By the time Albert got into the house, she was in a surly mood, angered that he hadn’t known anything was wrong.  The table was set and they were ready to eat.  Everyone ate in silence, her anger filling the air, and he seemed to be angry as well.  She had no idea what was wrong with him, though.  What did he have to be angry about?  She did everything for him and his children.

After tucking the children into bed, she walked down the stairs, thinking she’d just get her nightgown and sleep upstairs with Natalie.  She didn’t have much of a desire to be around her husband.  She certainly had no desire to sleep beside him through the night.

When he saw her go into their bedroom, he stood and followed.  “What are you doing?”

“Getting my nightgown.  I’m going to sleep in Natalie’s room with her tonight.”

“What is your problem?  When we left town, you seemed upset and now you seem angry enough to hurt someone.  Why?”  The look on his face told her he didn’t want to put up with her mood.

She brushed past him without answering.  He grabbed her arm.  “What have I done to make you so angry?”

She spun on him, wanting to lash out at him for everything that had been said about her in town.  Everything that had ever been said about her or her children.  For every time she felt inadequate.  She knew she was being unfair, though, and tears sprang to her eyes again.  “Nothing.”

“You’re angry with me for no reason then?”

She nodded, walking up to him and burying her face against his chest, relieved when his arms folded around her.  “I can’t explain it.  I’m never this emotional!”

He held her close, rocking her in his arms.  “It’s a hard life here.”

She nodded, knowing that wasn’t it either.  She would love her life there if she wasn’t so unsure of him.  “I just wish I didn’t always feel so inferior.”

He pulled away from her, staring at her in shock.  “Inferior?  You really feel inferior?  Why?”

She shrugged.  “I feel like I don’t cook well enough.  Like I don’t sew well enough.  I’m not a good enough mother.  Your children deserve their real mother, who did things the way she did them.  They shouldn’t have to put up with me.”

He shook his head in disbelief.  “You are a wonderful cook.  There’s never anything left when you cook.  How could you not think that you’re good enough?”  He sighed.  “Robert barely remembers his mother at all.  She was sick for most of his life, and the doctors couldn’t figure out what was wrong.  Even when she was well, she wasn’t the kind of cook and mother you are.  You have everything perfect around the house all the time.  She never did.”

Clara stared at him.  “I never have anything perfect.  I have two girls who work beside me all day to make the house as presentable as it is!”

“I guess we all see our own shortcomings.  I don’t see you as having any.  I think you’re a fabulous wife and mother.”

She bit her lip against the words she truly wanted to say.  She wanted to ask why he didn’t love her if she was a good wife and mother, but she knew that was completely inappropriate.  He was still mourning Sally.  She walked to the dresser and put her nightgown on top of it, knowing she’d wear it that night.  Walking back into the main room, she got her crochet hook and yarn and sat at the table.  “Tell me about Sally.  How did you meet her?”

He sat down with his whittling, a new block of wood in his hands.  “We were neighbors growing up.  We both lived in a small Texas town.  It was my dream to be a rancher, so I saved up every dime I could, and remained living at home with my parents until I had enough to buy a small piece of land and some cattle.  My father was the barber in our town, and I was an only child.”  He carefully made a long slice through the wood.  “Sally waited for me.  She was five years younger than me, but I was thirty before I felt like I was ready to marry and start our lives together.  We married on her twenty-fifth birthday.”

Clara was startled a woman would wait for a man so long.  That never happened in the east that she’d seen.  “Did you move up here right away?”