Make Me Bad: Private Lessons (17 page)

I listen half-heartedly, until Luc
appears and I tune Ava out completely. He looks so handsome with his wild hair
and I-don’t-give-a-shit look of torn black jeans and a worn black sweater.

“Hey guys,” he greets us, his eyes
lingering on me for just a second longer. I think I see a flash of desire, but
he quickly hides it, slipping his sunglasses down to cover his eyes. Seconds
later, the bus pulls up and we all pile on.

Even though I’ve seen Versailles
before, it’s different visiting with Cleo and our friends from the program, and
the sexual tension between Luc and me is too hot for words.

Though, I doubt anyone picks up on
it.

Luc discreetly rubs against me as
we tour the palace, and brushes his hand against the small of my back. When he
guides us all into a new area, somehow he manages to stand next to me, the heat
radiating off his skin.

“This is out of control,” I whisper
to him, our day half over.

“I have no idea what you’re talking
about,” he says coolly, looking over at me and smirking.

“Oh you know exactly what you’re
doing. You and your experienced ways,” I tease, thoroughly frustrated.

He chuckles and walks away,
pretending to examine some nearby architecture.

“Ooh, he’s good, isn’t he?”

I look over at Cleo who is grinning
at me.

“Shut up.”

She laughs. “It must be hard,” she
muses.

I roll my eyes. “You have no idea.”
I walk in the opposite direction of Luc and Cleo.

Even though Luc and I can’t act
like we are together, I still enjoy his company and it’s better than not seeing
him at all. The day passes and I can’t wait until I can speak to him alone and
figure out when we are actually going to see each other again.

I don’t have to wait too long
because Luc calls me late Sunday evening.

“I’m finished!” he says
triumphantly, not even bothering to say hello.

“Finally!”

“When can I see you? Can we meet
tomorrow?”

A small part of me was hoping I
could see him tonight, but I’m sure that Luc is tired and he’s been working
non-stop.

“Yes, tomorrow.”

“Okay. How about you come over
around six? I’ll make us dinner.”

He doesn’t mention anything about
spending the night, and I don’t want to assume things, or come across as clingy
if I ask. I figure that we will just see how the evening goes. I agree to
Monday, and I hang up the phone, already longing for him in a way that is unhealthy.
Amid my desire to see Luc, I also know that I need to pick up the apartment
this week and get ready for my parents visit.

My parents are arriving in Paris on
Friday morning, and I’ll see them after my class. They are staying until
Tuesday morning. Which means I will have over three full days with them. I
didn’t realize how much I missed my mother and father. Even though I’ve lived way
from home in New York for the past three years, I can somehow feel that the
distance between us is this time.

Mercifully, time passes quickly and
I’m outside of Luc’s door on Monday evening at two minutes to six.

Hmm, does it seem too desperate
showing up right on time? I mean, I’m slightly early, even though it’s only by
a couple of minutes.

Screw it.

I knock at the door and Luc throws
it open within seconds.

“Madison,” he says feverishly. I
hear the passion and longing in his voice and relief floods over me once I
realize he’s missed me just as much as I missed him.

“I missed you,” I admit in a soft
voice, as he pulls me into an embrace and buries his face in my freshly washed
hair.

“You shouldn’t have,” he scolds,
“I’m no good for you.”

I make a small sound of annoyance.
“We’ve already been through this. I don’t care what you say.”

“But I’m not,” and this time is
voice is pained.

I try to ignore the pain in his
voice. “Didn’t you miss me?” I ask playfully.

“More than you know,” he says
darkly, “more than I should.”

“So melodramatic,” I sigh, and
before Luc can respond, I stand on my tiptoes to kiss him.

“Very clever,” he laughs, “Kiss me
so I can’t argue with you.”

“Hmm.” I hadn’t thought of it
before, but it certainly seems like a good plan for stopping any discussions
that I don’t want to have.

“Let’s eat.” He takes me by the
hand and leads me to the kitchen. For the first time, I notice the delicious
smell wafting from his small, cozy kitchen. Luc helps me into a chair, and
chivalrously pulls out a cloth napkin and lays it over my lap. “You’ll want
some energy for the rest of the evening’s activities,” he smirks.

Moody Luc is gone, and playful Luc
is back.

My night with Luc is everything I
had hoped it would be and more. He doesn’t get dark and moody again, and he’s
light and playful, which is when I like him best. Though, his darker side still
intrigues me. We see each other in class on Tuesday, but we aren’t able to
spend time together again until Thursday.

Cleo is gone for the evening, and I
have Luc over. We actually manage to keep our hands off one another for a few
hours.

“So,” Luc says, looking uncharacteristically
nervous, “I’m going to go out and visit Juliette one last time this weekend.
You know, meet her family and stuff.”

I press my lips together.

I know he mentioned this, and it
made sense. Juliette was a childhood friend, regardless of her overt advances.
But I still don’t like it, and I just can’t hide my feelings.

“I can see you’re not thrilled.”

“Should I be thrilled? You’re going
out to visit a woman who is clearly interested in you. A woman I can’t compete
with,” I can’t stop myself from adding.

“Compete with?” he stutters.

“Yes. I can’t compete with her.
She’s older, and French and sophisticated. And beautiful!” Annoyed with myself,
I yank my hand through my hair, wondering if I should have dressed up more for
Luc tonight. Then, I’m angry at myself for even caring about dressing up for
Luc. I was trying to look chic without trying too hard. I had settled on a slim
pair of black pants, and a ribbed pumpkin-hued sweater.

“Maddie, you silly girl, there is
no competition here. I want you. Not Juliette. I am going over for Saturday
lunch and plan to be home by dinner. There will be friendly conversation and I
will get to see her girls. Nothing more. I don’t care how Juliette feels about
me.” He sighs, reaching over and taking my hand. “I don’t want you to worry
about a thing. Just enjoy your time with your family. You can trust me.”

I look up into his warm hazelnut eyes,
“I
do
trust you. It’s her I don’t trust.”

“And I’m assuring you that you have
nothing to worry about.”

He gets up and then paces over to
the balcony, looking out the doors at our view. He shakes his head.

“What?” I ask curiously. I
sometimes never know what is going on inside of him.

“We really shouldn’t be doing this.
I’m such an idiot for letting us carry on this way. If I was smart, I would
walk away right now and cut your losses.”

“What?” Was he serious? This conversation
again?

“I mean it,” he says vehemently, “I
am no good for you, Maddie.”

“Stop saying that.”

He whips around to face me and his
eyes are tortured. “Want to know an interesting fact?” he asks, a hint of
malice in his voice. He doesn’t wait for me to respond. “I’m bi-polar. What do
you think about that? And not only that, but I’m prone to bi-polar depression
which means that I’m mainly affected by the lowest lows any human could
experience.”

He’s rendered me speechless, and I
stare at him, unsure of what to say.

“Still feel the same way?” his lips
play up into a sneer and I don’t like his change in attitude.

“Yes, I still feel the same way,” I
say stubbornly. Defensively. Automatically.

He lets out a bitter laugh. “Sure
you do. Right now, in that pretty little head you’re trying to put all the
puzzle pieces together, trying to figure it out, trying to understand if this
makes me crazy!”

Something inside of me snaps.

“Enough!” I yell, jumping off the
couch. “Stop pushing me away. I don’t like it when you act this way. It’s –
it’s –’’

He laughs again, his eyes cold.
“It’s mean?” he asks, finding it comical.

I jut my chin out. “Yes, it’s mean.
You don’t have to shut down and push me away. I’m not going anywhere.”

“And what are you going to do in
four weeks when it’s time for us to go back to New York? What are you going to
do in six months when you graduate? Will we still be meeting clandestinely in
the city? How will you not tell your parents about me?”

“I’ll figure it out!” I say
angrily, not really thinking about what the future holds.

“And what about when I’m in one of
my funks? When I don’t answer your calls or come to the door? When I can’t
bring myself to shower for days, and I mope around my apartment, refusing to
leave?”

“We’ll figure it out,” I insist,
though I can hear the unsteadiness of my voice.

“It’s not just something we’ll f
igure
out
,” he shoots back, his tone close to mocking. “You have no idea what
that kind of mental illness looks like, the toll it takes on the people around
me.” He lets out another hard laugh. “You should have seen the way my ex-wife
handled those bouts.”

I gulp. I thought he’d been
married, but it had never really come up before. It shouldn’t be that big of a
deal, plenty of people were divorced, but hearing him say it aloud cut through
me in a way that I wasn’t expecting.

His face softens. “You did know
that I was divorced, right? I realize now that it had never come up.”

I sink down onto the couch. “Yes, I
think I remember hearing it somewhere. It’s just different, hearing you say it
aloud.”

“I’m sure it is. You’re young, and
it probably seems so foreign to you.”

I wave him off. I don’t want this
conversation to become about that. “It’s fine,” I promise, “Really.”

“Look, I should have told you in a
different way, not by making a crack about my ex-wife, who was not a nice
person.”

“Please, Luc, let’s just let it go
for now.” I suddenly feel exhausted. Arguing with Luc is different. He is older
and quicker, and somehow it seems to take too much energy; it’s as if I can’t
keep up. “Let’s drop this for now. I trust you with Juliette and I need to
focus on my parents visiting tomorrow.”

He nods solemnly. He stands up and
moves towards his coat. “You look tired. Maybe I should go.”

“No!” I say much too quickly. I
regain my composure. “Please. Stay.”

He nods and sits down next to me on
the couch, and I curl my body into him. We make love on the couch. It’s
different than the other times we’ve been together and I have words to describe
it. It’s tender, softer; we connect on a different level. It heals me in some
way and that alone worries me. I cling to Luc as if he’s the air that I need to
breathe, and I let him make me whole, to love me in a way that no man ever has
before.

Luc left sometime between late
Thursday night, and early Friday morning. I wake up in my bed, groggy and
disoriented. Then my eyes fly open as I realize my parents’ flight will be
arriving soon. They didn’t want to impose on Cleo and I, and we didn’t have an
extra bedroom anyway, so they will be heading over to the Ritz to check in and
wait for my class to end.

I glance at my phone and realize
their flight has probably landed. They haven’t called yet, so I quickly jump into
the shower. Just as I’m getting out, I hear my phone go off. I grab a towel and
answer.

“Hi Maddie,” my mom says. “We’re
here!”

“Yay!” I squeal, unable to hide my
excitement.

“We’re going to get our bags and
then go get settled at the hotel. You take your time, and just come on over as
soon as your class ends. Then maybe the three of us can go have lunch.”