Make Me Stay (23 page)

I had no clue where she was or what she was doing. My plan to not see her during Nate’s trial had worked, and now that that fucker was put away, I could solely think about my music and how fucking rich I was going to be. I talked to B as often as I could. He’d never tell me about her and I sure as hell didn’t ask, but every once in a while he’d slip up. He’d let it slip that her job was going good, or that she had a roommate. I’d never learned more than that, though. B knew, hell he saw how bad it got when she left, and I think he was trying to protect me.

What I had with Chloe was nothing like what I had with her. Chloe and I were cut from the same cloth. She didn’t want more than sex and neither did I. I had pledged to myself that I wasn’t going to let emotions ever come between me and a woman again. My heart had been torn out, ripped up, stepped on, and fed to the wolves. Simply put, I was fucking done with love and relationships.
It sucks
.

“Get a fucking room!”

The clicking of heels coming our way made us pause and pull apart. I couldn’t see who spoiled our little moment, but it was obvious they were pissed and still coming our way.

Chloe pushed me back a little. Her hands on my chest, she watched as the person walked by, while I held on to her hips, pulling her closer, not giving a rat’s ass who saw.

“Keep it classy, guys. Small tip--find a hallway that doesn’t fucking lead to the bar.”

Damn, that sounded--

I pulled back from Chloe as she fixed her shirt.

“Come on, let’s go,” she said, whispering in my ear from behind.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there. I’m going to get a drink. Tell the guys I’m here?” I asked.

“Sure,” she said, nibbling on my ear lobe before leaving me in the hallway.

The angry woman who had walked by us stood at the archway that led into the bar. The lights were zooming around, illuminating everything. A mane of curly blonde hair was lit up and I knew without a doubt it was
her.

“Caroline!” I yelled down to her.

I meant only to get her attention, but fuck I was livid. This bitch showed up here, tonight of all nights, in the bar I was playing at?
Hasn’t she done enough?
I walked up to her, as she turned to me.

“Kane,” she said, a quiver to her voice. “How are you?”

I didn’t know what to say
. Not true, I know what I want to say, but it might be borderline verbal abuse.
So I kept quiet and just stared at her. For the most part, she looked the same.

The year apart hadn’t changed much. She was clearly eyeing me up as well. Where she hadn’t changed, I had. My hair was shorter, I had bulked up, gotten a few more tattoos, and, thanks to Chloe, I had some fucking nice clothes. Her eyes were on my bare arms, like they always had been. The dark blue of her eyes got big as she raked over them.

“Still like what you see, huh?” I finally said, clearly taking her off guard.

Her brows scrunched and her mouth got tight. Her petite frame tensed up like it used to when we fought, her own sculpted arms went to her hips in anger.

“I see you’re still a jackass.”

“Hey, you told me to never change. I took that advice. Seems to be working out for me,” I said, throwing her words back at her.

“Kane, don’t do this. Can’t we just talk?” she asked.

“Talk? Now you want to talk? A year after you leave me high and dry, a year after you tell me you love me, a fucking year after you broke my heart!” I yelled, closing the distance between us.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean--”

“Don’t, just don’t,” I said, holding my hand up to her. “You made up your mind the minute you got that phone call in my room. You ran from the best fucking thing in your life and now you have to live with your decision.”

“I made the right choice.”

There she was again, same old shit.

“Really? You did? Because you sound like you’re trying to convince yourself just like you used to. I told you before, Caroline. I know you and you haven’t changed at all, but I have,” I said with ice on my words.

“That’s rich! I don’t think you’ve changed at all. You’re still a man whore. Jesus, I found you in a hallway, with someone’s tit in your mouth! Oh yeah, you’ve really changed,” she spat back at me. Taking a calming breath, she regained her composure. “Anyway, I’m glad you’re doing well for yourself. You seem so happy with Chloe and that’s all I ever wanted.”

Her whole demeanor changed, her body weakened, her arms dropped from their perch on her waist. She wouldn’t even look at me. Her attention seemed to be on a spot at her feet.

“I am. I am happy. What about you?” I asked.

Some of me wanted to know that she had moved on and was happy too, but then, another sick part of me wanted her to be miserable. I wanted her to be as fucked up as I was.

“Me? I...umm. I’m...I’m good,” she said.

Fuck another lie
. Her brows scrunched together a she tried to shrug the question off.

“Kane, I--” She paused, chewing nervously on the inside of her cheek.

The same energy that had flowed between us over a year ago was still there. Her incredible smell drifted under my nose, as she messed with her hair and closed the distance between us. That smell had always driven me wild, and fuck it still did, but I knew better now.

She was the one who reached out for me. It was her shaking hand that levitated near my arm. Her trembling fingers that grazed up it. Her eyes were fixed on her own hand as it went up my arm. Did it feel good? You have no idea how good. I watched her, her body almost touching mine. It wouldn’t have taken much for me to lean down and kiss her full lips as she looked up at me. I had to end it.

“What are you doing?” I asked, looking straight into her eyes, standing still as a statue.

“I’m sorry,” she said quickly, taking her hand from me, taking a step back, and tucking her arm protectively around her body. “I didn’t mean to--I’m--I’m sorry. Tell the guys I said bye and have a great show. Good luck with everything.”

“Wait!” I didn’t know why I did it. I just knew that I didn’t want her to leave yet.

CHAPTER 39

Caroline

What the hell did I just do?
I couldn’t stop myself from touching him. It still felt like he was mine, and I could touch him whenever I wanted to, but again I was wrong. The closer I got to him, the more anxious I became. Not the bad anxious, the good kind, the kind that left your skin tingling with excitement. The moment my fingers found their way to his flesh, it took my breath away. I was entranced in him, like I used to be and, God help me, I didn’t want the feeling to go away.

He smelled amazing. He looked like he had stepped out of some rock star photo shoot. His hair was shorter but, damn I still wanted to get my fingers lost in it. My breathing was heavy and I found it hard to even remember to take in air.

As I touched him, got closer to him, it was like everything finally clicked in my head. I hadn’t realized it before because I tried to fight it. I told myself, hell, I
lied
to myself, using my mother as an excuse, his past--anything I could. I didn’t want to admit that I could have these types of feeling for someone, and have them last. The I’ll-do-anything-go-anywhere-be-anything kind of feelings.

I destroyed a man so I wouldn’t destroy myself.
News flash, it didn’t work.
I was a mess. A. Hot. Fucking. Mess. It took being close to him again to realize I had been a zombie the whole year. I was going through the motions, pretending I was happy, pretending I had moved on, but I was miserable. I had been miserable since the day I left. I just pretended I wasn’t.

Two minutes ago, I realized that I didn’t want to move on. My fingers on his skin, my eyes locked on his, I felt alive and I wasn’t pretending. I had been a fool to leave. I had ruined us and I felt like crap for it. I wanted to go back and change everything.

“What are you doing?” he asked, not moving and keeping his eyes tight on mine.

Instantly, I recoiled, knowing I had gone too far, and stepped over an invisible boundary I had put in place over a year ago. “I’m sorry.” I took a steadying breath. Now that I was apart from him, I could see clearly, breath evenly. “I didn’t mean to--I’m--I’m sorry. Tell the guys I said bye, have a great show. Good luck with everything.”

I backed away from him, then turned to leave him again, because I was afraid I’d try to jump in his arms if I stayed standing there.

“Wait!”

I was a few steps from him when he called. I closed my eyes, as my heart sank a little.
Was he calling me back?
I wanted that to be true, but I also knew that I had ruined it for us and the chances of him taking me back were slim to none. I turned back to him again, wanting to run in his arms, but I just stood there.

“You fucked me up,” he said, filling the hallway with his stern voice.

“Kane, I--”

“You fucked me up, but I got over you. Now you’re standing here, close enough to touch, looking at me. Fuck, Caroline, you’re looking at me like you want me to throw you up against that wall and pretend like this past year never happened!”

“How many times do I have to say I’m sorry? I know I hurt you, I know I fucked up. And yeah, I do want you to throw me against that wall. Is that what you want to hear? Do you want to hear that I’m miserable? Because I am. I’ve been on autopilot since the day I got on that plane,” I yelled at him.

“Good. At least you cared a little bit,” he bit back.

“Of course, I cared! I still care,” I screamed at him.

Something changed in me. Maybe it was him believing that I didn’t care, that I never loved him. I knew that I had to show him and the only way I could do that was to let it all go. I walked back to him, standing toe to toe. I looked into his eyes, seeing the confusion in them. I could only guess that he was thinking that I was going to punch him or smack him. Instead, I grabbed his shirt, pulled him down to me, and finally tasted his lips.

At first he held back, keeping his lips sealed, but it didn’t last long. He opened up to me. His arms went around my waist, pulling me closer. For the first time in a year, I was alive, happy, excited--you name it, but the fact of the matter was, I was alive again.

So when he grabbed my arms and pushed me away, keeping me at arm’s length, it was as if he slapped me across the face.

“I can’t do this,” he said, letting me go and fisting his hands in his hair.

“I know, I shouldn’t have but--”

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have,” he said, taking another step back.

“Kane, listen, I know I screwed up but--”

“I can’t do this with you,” he growled.

“Oh, you can’t do it with me, but you sure can do it with every other woman who throws themselves at you.”

I regretted it the minute I said it,
Fuck my loud mouth.

“Pretty much, Caroline. I could do this all day with anyone
but
you.” He stood there another second. “I have to go. Thanks for confirming why I never let things go any farther than just sex.”

With that he turned away from me. Leaving me standing there fuming.

“Wait a minute! Kane, stop!” I yelled at him.

“What do you want from me? Haven’t you ruined me enough? Let me go, Caroline,” he said frustrated and turning back to me. “Just let me go.”

The thought of him walking away and possibly never seeing him again put a fear in me like I’d never felt before. I couldn’t let him go. Fuck, I needed him. I’d pushed it down, but now it was obvious. I still loved him and I wasn’t walking away. I wasn’t giving into fear this time.

“I want you. I want all of you. I’m so sorry I walked away. If I could go back--” I couldn’t hold in the few tears that spilled from my eyes as I told him the truth.

“Caroline, you can’t go back. And did you ever think that maybe I don’t want you anymore? Did you ever think that I don’t want to go back?”

I shook my head at that. “You’re a fucking liar,” I said through gritted teeth.

“It doesn’t matter if I am or not. I have to go. Chloe’s waiting for me,” he said with an evil grin.

I knew he said it to get me riled up, and guess what? It freaking worked. Determination was one hell of a motivator. I wiped the tears from my eyes, held my head up, and went straight for him. Pushing his chest aggressively so he was forced to move against the wall, I had him pinned there like he had done to me so many times before. And just like him, I didn’t give him the chance to move.

I knew what he liked, so my hands slipped under his shirt and up his chest. My mouth inches from his, I grabbed his belt and pulled him closer to me. His hardness pressed against my abdomen. He was lying, or he was on some serious male enhancement drugs.

“I bet you haven’t been this hard since the day I left,” I said provokingly.

A sexy smirk appeared on his face as he chuckled down at me. “And I bet you haven’t felt anything this hard since the day
you
left,” he whispered back. “What are you trying to prove? That I’m still attracted to you? I can tell you that answer right fucking now. Damn right, I’m turned on at the sight of you, the smell of you, the sound of you. You got me. I haven’t been this riled up since you told me you loved me.”

He still wasn’t touching me, and I so desperately wanted him to touch me. I needed him to touch me.

“Caroline!”

I couldn’t look away from him, but I still knew who called my name. It was Danny, standing in the arch way of the hallway.

“Seems you’re being paged,” Kane said, cocking his head as he looked up from me to Danny.

“Kane.” As if on cue, Chloe stood at the other end of the hallway. This time, I did look away from him, seeing her standing there, tall, beautiful, and beckoning Kane toward her. I felt inferior of the connection she now had with Kane.

“Caroline,” Kane said, reaching for the hand that I still had clutched to his belt.

He took that hand and I reluctantly let go of his belt. I wanted him to hold my hand as tight as he could. I wanted him to squeeze it, give me a sign that he still cared, but he didn’t. He just let me go.

“I’m not giving up. I made a mistake, and I’m going to make it right, I’m going to make us right again.”