Make You Mine (17 page)

Julius rose to his feet and stood there looking down at her before he turned and left the room.

 

Tamara and Kendrick rose to their feet as Julius strode into the living room and grabbed his jacket and keys. “I'm out,” he told them before heading for the door.

“No, Julius,” Tamara wailed dramatically.

He paused with his hand on the doorknob. “I'm not staying somewhere I'm not wanted,” he told them before walking out the door,

Kendrick grabbed his jacket from the chair. “I'm going with him. He doesn't need to be alone either.”

 

Minutes slipped into hours and those hours became the break of a new day. Caress hadn't slept. She felt and looked haggard. She pushed the breakfast of eggs and bacon Tamara made around on her plate with her fork. She had no intention of eating it but wasn't in the mood for Tamara constantly urging her to eat something.

How could she when all she heard was her baby crying out for her?

Emotions during the hours since Justin went missing had run the gamut and with the rise of the sun, Caress was angry.

At herself.

At Julius.

At whomever took her baby.

At the world.

“Hey, what's going on up the street?” Tamara hollered from the living room.

Rising from her chair, Caress walked over to stand next to Tamara at the front window of the apartment. With deadened eyes she saw several FBI agents with weapons drawn going into the apartment building on the corner.

Caress's face filled with confusion.

 

Boom. Boom. Boom.

“FBI! Open up!”

The loud bamming jarred her from her sleep on the matted carpet. She jumped up in fear, her eyes darting to the baby who awakened and began to cry loudly at the noise.

She screamed out as the front door burst open, and her frightened eyes went straight to the barrels of the guns pointed at her. She closed her eyes to block everything: the strangers going room to room searching the sparsely furnished apartment, the baby's cries easing as he was lifted from the car seat, the soft voice of the woman asking where her parents were.

Why couldn't they all just leave her and her baby alone?

 

Caress tore down the stairs and raced up the street. Feet bare, hair flying, clothes disheveled, eyes nearly swollen shut from a night filled with tears. She couldn't care less.

She heard Tamara calling and running behind her but Caress didn't stop.

She was just reaching the apartment building when the black female agent who interviewed her yesterday walked down the stairs with Justin in her arms. She felt weak with relief as she cried out. Her baby.

As the agent placed him in her open arms, she barely registered the agents placing little Luretha in the back of one of their cars.

Caress couldn't take her eyes off of him. She almost felt like if she blinked he would disappear in an instant. She never wanted to go through that type of ordeal again. She just thanked God he was returned to her safely if a bit neglected.

Caress had been right about Luretha's sad life but never had she imagined their worlds would collide so disastrously. According to the FBI agents, Luretha was molested by a male family member last year. That had led to her getting pregnant, but the baby was stillborn. Her infatuation with baby Justin was a desire to replace the baby she lost. The baby she thought would give her the love she couldn't get from a drug addict mother and missing father. In fact Luretha's mother hadn't been home in several days, which had enabled the child to hide Justin. It was his constant cries that alerted the neighbors that a baby was in the apartment with her.

“Welcome, home, Justin,” she whispered down to him as she lovingly massaged his back as he gave in to his slumber. He was examined and released by the hospital. He was freshly bathed, fed, and back home safely. He deserved a good nap. And so did she. Now that he was home she felt the fatigue of the last twenty-four hours settling down on her.

The bedroom door opened and Julius walked in, looking nothing like himself with his disheveled clothing and unkempt beard. Her initial reaction was to run to him, but she remembered the bridge he built between them and just wrapped her arms around herself instead.

What would all of this mean for them now?

He barely acknowledged her as he walked over to the bassinet, bent down, and picked Justin up into his arms.

“Julius, I just put him down for a nap,” Caress protested, reaching for the baby who only snuggled down deeper in the crook of his father's arm.

Julius frowned. “Caress, I would like to hold my son,” he told her defensively.

She squeezed her hands shut and placed them at her side as she fought the urge to take Justin from him. She watched carefully as he sat down on the edge of the bed and just held Justin and watched him.

“This all could have turned out worse,” he said, using the side of his finger to stroke Justin's plump cheek.

Caress remained silent.

Julius looked over at her. “You're exhausted. Why don't you take a nap? I'll watch him.”

Caress immediately shook her head in refusal. “I'm fine,” she assured him.

They fell silent. Words that shouldn't have been said and even more that needed to be said hung in the air between them.

“I'm sorry, Caress. I was angry and afraid, and I lashed out at you,” he said, shifting on the bed to look over at her.

Caress said nothing at all, holding her feelings in.
What's the use?

“We need to talk about this, Caress,” he insisted.

She laughed bitterly, but still said nothing in response to him.

“Caress, I've given you my apology. You know I love you—”

“Oh, I do?” she scoffed.

Julius closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Don't do this, Caress. What we have is too special.”

“I thought so. I thought so,” she told him, moving to stand by the window. “You know what? Julius. I'm not even hurt or pissed that you blamed me for Justin getting snatched away from me. Hell, I blamed myself. But I needed you yesterday. I needed you to suck up whatever you were feeling and comfort me and let me comfort you. We should have been there for each other and you failed me. For me, that is very telling. Actions speak louder than three lousy ass words, Julius.”

He rose and set Justin back inside his bassinet. “So what are you saying? We're through?”

Caress knew he was hurting just like she was but in that moment forgiveness was not a part of her vocabulary. Right, wrong, or indifferent.
It is what it is.

“The ball is in your court, Caress,” he said, walking over to stand beside her.

She held her body stiff as he pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I love you,” he told her huskily.

Caress just shifted past him to go and stand beside Justin's bassinet.

For what seemed the thousandth time, he walked out of the bedroom without saying anything else.

 

Caress awakened with a start. She looked around the room and felt panicked. When she finally gave in to the fatigue, she had laid Justin on the bed beside her with her hand on his back—her only assurance that she would be awakened if anything happened to him.

She dashed out of the bed and flew out of the room. Relief flooded over her to see Tamara bouncing Justin on her knee. Caress was still visibly trembling when she walked over to them.

“You're up already?” Tamara asked, frowning as Caress pulled Justin from her grasp. “I used my spare key to get in. Are you okay?”

Caress planted kisses on Justin. “I'm fine,” she snapped.

Tamara sat back on the sofa and watched her friend. “Julius said he was over here earlier.”

Caress just shrugged as she smiled down at her son.

“Are you two okay?” she asked.

“I'm fine,” Caress insisted.

“Yes, but are you and Julius okay?”

Caress sighed. “Let it go, Tam,” she insisted.

She felt Tamara's eyes on her but Caress focused on changing Justin's diaper.

“Caress, don't let a terrible event ruin your life,” Tamara advised her in a soft voice.

“What do you mean?”

“Your son was kidnapped by a sad little girl. That doesn't make you a bad mother, and you don't have to become super mom to prove that to anyone. You can't be all things to Justin. That's impossible.”

Caress ignored everything Tamara just said. Justin was
her
son.

 

Julius listened to the phone ring endlessly before he hung up. He leaned back in his chair and tilted his head to look up at the ceiling. He was beginning to give up hope of Caress forgiving him. Days went by and she never called him. Whenever he called she didn't answer.

He hadn't seen his son and he missed him.

He missed her too.

He picked up the phone again and dialed Tamara's number at work.

“Tamara Lawson.”

“What's up, Tamara?”

“Hi, Julius, you are just the man I need to talk to.”

He reached for the glass paperweight on his desk. “Yeah I needed to holler at you too.”

“Me first?” she asked.

Julius smiled. “Of course,” he said in a tone like there was no option really.

“Okay, Caress is straight tripping. She has not gone back to work, she's paying for his day care even though the baby doesn't go. She will not let him out of her eyesight. Hell, I offered to babysit and she looked at me like I had a dragon flying out my damn nose.”

Julius's eyes were troubled. “I don't know how much help I can be. I haven't spoken to her and I haven't seen my son, Tamara. Which for me is the biggest problem out of this.”

“Well, I can understand her fears but she can't live this way forever. It's not healthy.”

Julius nodded as he focused his eyes on the photo of Caress breastfeeding Justin. “I don't know what to say,” he admitted. “Hell, I called you for help, remember? I don't want to push her, but I have every right to see my son, Tamara.”

“Yes, I know you do. It's just so hard to know the right way to handle any of this.”

Julius glanced at his watch. “I'm going over there,” he said rising to his feet. “I want my woman and my son back.”

“Just tread lightly, Julius,” Tamara cautioned.

“Talk to you soon.”

Dwayne was off for the day, so Julius locked the studio up securely before he hopped in his SUV and headed to Newark.

As he steered through the streets he tried to make sense of how quickly the good thing between him and Caress had come to an end.

Surely she wasn't ready to end things forever? And if so, how would that affect everything else?

Yes, he had been angry at Caress for Justin's abduction but he wasn't ready to say good-bye to a relationship with her. To never wake up with her in his arms? To never make love to her again? To never feel the way he did when she smiled at him or touched him?

He was in no way ready to deal with seeing her with another man or feeling like a sideline parent because her new man—or even husband one day—had stepped into Julius's rightful role as father.

They had to work this out.

Nothing else made much sense.

Julius parked his Rover in front of Caress's building, hopping out to walk up the stairs. He started to use the key she gave him, but refrained and knocked instead.

“Who is it?”

“Julius,” he said, leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

There was a long pause and he thought she wasn't going to open the door…but she did.

Caress left the door open and walked back to the living room. As she sat down on the sofa, Julius eyed how good she looked in the white sports tank and pants she wore. He closed the door behind him. “Where's the baby?” he asked.

“Right here in his bassinet.”

Julius removed the shades he wore as he leaned on the edge of the sofa. “I've been trying to call you, Caress,” he said.

She reached in the clothes hamper by her foot and began folding the clothes in it. “I've been busy.”

“Does Justin need anything?” he asked, trying to avoid the annoyance he felt growing.

Caress dropped the blanket she held and looked up at him. “No, no thank you.”

Julius frowned. “So you're going to stay mad at me?” he asked.

“I'm not mad, Julius.”

“So if you're not mad then what are you?” he asked, rising to his feet.

“Done.”

He was taken aback. “And that means what?”

“Do we have to do this right now?” Caress asked.

“Hell yeah,” Julius insisted. “I need to know where we stand. I have that right, Caress. This isn't just your life.”

Caress went back to folding clothes, and Julius had to fight the urge to toss the entire basket and its contents out the window. Instead he stepped in front of her, grabbed her arms, and pulled her to her feet before him. “So you don't love me anymore?” he asked huskily as his eyes raced over her face to land on her mouth.

He lowered his head to hers and he didn't miss that her mouth parted a bit as he did. “Damn, I miss you, Caress,” he moaned, pressing his lips to hers.

For a second she gave in, but then she roughly jerked back from his embrace and put distance between them. “Julius, I just need space right now and you need to respect that,” she said, walking around to the other side of the couch.

Julius turned his head to look at her. “So you're just going to hide out from the world because something horrible happened? Something horrible that we all survived,” he added.

Caress's eyes went to Justin.

“You think you can watch him forever. You're never going back to work? You're never going to take him back to the day care center? No one can watch him but you? Make sense, Caress?” he snapped in frustration as he watched her.

“I didn't say that,” she snapped back. “I just want to enjoy a week home with my baby. Is that so wrong?”

Julius forced himself to count to ten. “If you try to keep secluded and away from the world. Yes, Caress, yes that would make you dead wrong.”

“A few days ago I didn't know if he was dead or alive. For hours I sat in this apartment imagining the worst.”

“So did I, Caress,” he asserted with a long hard stare. “I love him just as much as you do. I was just as scared as you but you can't shelter him and escape from the world in this damn apartment!”

“Yes, but I carried him,” she flung at him angrily, snatching up her shirt to show him her C-section scar. “I got cut giving birth to him. Not you.”

Julius looked at her like she was crazy. “Don't disrespect or belittle my position as his father, Caress. Don't pull that shit with me 'cause I'm not the one.”

Her eyes flashed as she worked her shirt back down around her waist. “And what the hell does that mean?” she asked, coming around the sofa to stand in front of him.

Julius hated that things were at this point. He felt like he tried. What more could he do?

“It means this, Caress,” he began as he locked his eyes on her with the utmost serious expression. “If you want your space that's fine, but that only goes for me and you. I will not become a damn shadow in my child's life to suit your paranoia. If we're over that's fine, but I will not be shut out of my child's life. You have the wrong man for that shit. I want visitation rights and I'll pay you child support.”