Making Chase (12 page)

“My family wasn’t. My mother took off for weeks at a time, leaving us with my father. It’s no secret that he’s a drunk, a mean drunk. He didn’t work much so Tim and Tate had to take care of the rest of us. You can look at Tate and see she’s not his, he knows it too. She embodied my mother’s infidelity, a slap in the face every time he saw her.” Beth and Anne came out and Nathan stopped the story. “I need to see her. I’ll be back in a few minutes.” William joined Nathan as they went to Tate.

Matt heaved a sigh and Polly dabbed her eyes.

Beth settled in next to Tim and Susan.

Tim took a swallow of his coffee and continued. “So I’m big. Big like he is and after a few memorable knock downs with my dad, he left me alone, physically anyway. But Tate is small. I had to work, to bring food in for the others. She stayed at home for the kids, to take care of them that way. So the only way she could keep safe was to fade, to stay unnoticed. Other than me, she had no one who could protect her. She had to keep her focus on the little ones, he wasn’t above hurting them to hurt her.

“I’ve seen your house at Christmas, by the way. All lit up with sparkly lights, that big tree in your front window. My house, our trailer, wasn’t on the Petal Christmas lights map. You think Tate’s reservations about your differences are silly, I know you do. And I know it’s because you don’t know any better. But at our trailer Christmases were hell. Any excuse to drink more was a disaster. We didn’t have a big shiny tree with loads of presents. We had one tree and my mother set it on fire to get back at my dad for something.

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“My senior year in high school I only went enough to get my diploma.

By then I worked two jobs and Tate did housework on the side for different families around town to bring in the money. I moved out and we brought all the kids with us. Tate finished school the best she could but worked every spare moment. Then she graduated and Anne did it, Nathan after her.” Tim’s voice broke.

Anne took over the telling and Matt realized what a unit they all were, with Tate at the heart. “We tried but we’d have fallen apart if it weren’t for Tate. She missed a lot of school, didn’t go to dances, didn’t date. She dumpster dived for clothes even though it got her teased. But let me tell you, none of us missed school. She wouldn’t allow it. She worked nights for Doctor Allen in Riverton so we could have healthcare.” Anne worried her lip with her teeth. “Tate isn’t heavy because she eats for stress or whatever, she’s always been curvy, and our father would use that like a bludgeon. The stuff he says to her, it’s repugnant.”

“This isn’t her first concussion,” Cassie broke in gently.

“No. I told you, she was, is, his favorite target. Most of his abuse was verbal and emotional along with neglect. But when he got really drunk and if she was around…” Anne paused, taking a breath. Her hands shook and Tim ran a hand up and down her arm. “He broke her arm when we were in elementary school. She’s had two concussions. He knocked her into a door when she shielded Nathan, she was like fifteen maybe? And another time, right after we’d moved out. Technically, Tim and Tate had no right to take us. She paid him to let her bring us with them. She doesn’t know we know that, it would kill her with guilt if she knew. She was late with the payments and he beat her pretty bad.” Anne put her hand over her mouth, unable to finish. Nathan rejoined them with William at his side.

“That’s shame, Matt. Living with secrets, living with people who’d shake you down for money, people who harm you because you’re the face of their failures. So no, she didn’t call you. We were raised to hide it. Tate has lived her life for all of us, even for my asshole of a father and my waste of a mother. It’s not that she didn’t trust you to protect her, it’s that no one has ever protected her ever. She’s only had herself.” 110

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“She never said. I’ve asked her about it but she wouldn’t talk about it. I knew it had to be sort of bad, but why didn’t she tell me?”

“Jesus man, have you not heard a thing we told you? She’s
ashamed
of it! She’s afraid you’ll judge her, the way people have judged us all our whole lives. Deal with it. How does one tell someone they’ve been abused anyway? Is it appropriate between courses at dinner? After a picnic? How should she have told you and how would you have reacted? She’s afraid of letting anyone in, because people hurt her or they ignore it when she’s hurting.” Nathan shook his head sadly.

“Good Lord,” Polly whispered, holding Edward’s hand.

“If you’re going to leave her over this, please do us, do her a favor and wait until after she’s recovered and home,” Beth said.

“You think I’d walk away from her because of this? God, what kind of man do you think I am? I love her. I wasn’t making that up. She’s…in the months we’ve been together, she’s become so much to me. I would never hurt her, especially not over something that wasn’t her fault.”

“We’ll be her shiny Christmas mornings,” Polly said quietly. “We’ve got room around our tree for fourteen more.” Matt kissed his mother, fighting back tears. “Thanks, Momma. Why don’t you and Daddy go to see her while I get myself together.” His parents nodded and headed down the hall. Matt stood and faced her siblings. “Thank you for trusting me to tell me this and for helping me to understand her better.”

“We trusted you with the story because you seem worthy of her.

Please let us be right.” Anne stood and hugged him.

“I love Tate with all that I am.”

His siblings and their wives surrounded him, hugging him.

Shane looked into his face. “You gonna be all right? We’ve got your back.”

“Yeah, but thanks. Thanks to all of you.”

“It’s gonna be hard to make charges stick if the mother won’t
remember
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forward. It’s not my choice, I want you to know I’ll do all I can, but you should be ready for that eventuality.”

Matt sighed, swallowing hard. “We’ll handle it if it comes along.

Maybe the mother will do the right thing.” Shane’s face told Matt just how dubious he was at that idea.

Matt’s head spun. He didn’t quite know how to process all he’d heard.

He felt a deep, murderous rage toward Tate’s father and bottomless tenderness toward his own woman. He knew he couldn’t show her any pity or she’d be hurt. Knew she didn’t want it, just his love and respect.

Tate looked up to see Cassie Chase come in. Deep, bone-deep exhaustion settled into her. She wanted to be that cultured, that beautiful and graceful, and that wasn’t going to ever be. She’d never be tall and beautiful like Cassie.

“Hi, Tate, how are you feeling?” Cassie sat in the chair next to the bed and kicked off her shoes.

“Been better.” She smiled weakly.

“Yeah, worse too, haven’t you?”

Tate stilled as Cassie looked at her through alarmingly perceptive eyes. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yes you do. Takes one to know one, Tate. I’ve been there in a hospital bed after a man gave me a concussion. More than once as a matter of fact. I know the bitterness of shame in my gut, too. I know what it is to hide it and think people will judge. Do you know my story?” Tate shook her head. “I know someone tried to hurt you a few years ago.”

“My ex-husband. Tried to kill me actually. For the second time.” Cassie told her the story of her years of abuse and of how her ex skipped out on his sentencing and then came to Petal to try and finish the job he nearly succeeded in before.

Cassie held up her right hand, the middle finger was bent at an odd angle. “This is what he did with the hammer. I’ll never be a surgeon 112

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Making Chase

again. Funny how life works. Still, it drove me here to Petal, which brought Shane into my life and I realized what happened to me wasn’t my fault. Wasn’t my shame to bear and it’s not yours either, Tate.”

“I can’t…how did you know?”

“I saw how you reacted after dinner the other night. I saw myself in your eyes. Heard more from your family just now.” Tate felt the heat of her blush, replaced by the familiar coldness of the shame. “They told you? All of you? They told you all of it?” Cassie reached out and took Tate’s hand. “I’m sure there’s more.

Years of shame. They told us enough that I know you were abused and still are. Enough that I know what an amazingly strong woman you are for stepping in with your younger siblings. You have a family with them.

Your father tried to destroy it but you didn’t let him. You win, Tate.

That’s what he hates so much. He can’t break you.” Tears rolled down Tate’s face. The wall of shame, the barriers that’d kept it all back were gone and it rushed out in wave after wave of emotion. Cassie got in the bed next to Tate, putting her arms around her.

“You win, Tate Murphy. Don’t you see? You’re worthy of all the people who love you. And let me tell you, your brothers and sisters love and respect you so much it made me proud to know you. And Matt, he loves you, Tate. It’s not charity. It’s not pity. He loves
you.
All of you, flaws and alcoholic father, neglectful mother, everything. Let it go and stop letting him get to you.”

“That’s so easy to say,” Tate sobbed as Cassie continued to hold her.

Wanting with all she was for it to be true.

“It is. Now. It wasn’t just a few years ago when it was me in your place. I was a successful vascular surgeon, Tate! I had a good family who loved me, privilege, all the advantages in life and I ended up with a man who raped me and tried to kill me. I didn’t deserve love. I didn’t deserve a man like Shane. I didn’t want a bossy, pushy control-freak cop who barely fits through doorways without having to turn to the side.” Tate couldn’t help but laugh.

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“I know. He’s huge. Heh, yeah, that way too. But I digress. Listen, you, Polly is on the case so just give in. The woman will stop at nothing, you do know that? Matt loves you, you love him. He wants you and she’ll stop at nothing until she helps him get you. And since you want him too, why fight it? Stop letting your father control you. Stop going over there. If neighbors call, call the damned police. I promise you your father won’t be shoving Shane around. You are not responsible for your mother and the life she’s created for herself. You are not responsible for your father’s pain that you’re not his. It is not his right to harm you. Stop letting him control you. It’s the only way you’re going to heal and be free of it. And your siblings will follow your lead. They look to you for guidance.”

“I have to eat with them at least once a year. For Jacob and Jill’s loan stuff.”

“Fuck that. Come on, Tate. Look, there are six of you and all the Chases too, we can come up with alternatives. It’s one year. Don’t let him control you this way. Let the people who love you help.” Could she believe it? Grasp the hope that she could have a normal relationship with Matt?

Matt tapped on the door, poking his head in. Seeing the state Tate was in, he rushed to her bedside, alarmed.

“Honey? Cassie, what did you do?”

“She just helped me. It’s okay. Really.”

“You’re feeling better?”

“No. I have a horrible crying headache to go along with the concussion headache. My messed up childhood has been exposed to my boyfriend and his family without my permission and I’ve had a very emotional discussion with someone who knows where I’ve been. But I only have up to go, there’s no more down at this point.” Cassie got up, hugging Tate carefully. “Please, give me a call or stop in at the bookstore if you want to talk. I’m trained as a victim’s advocate but more than that, I’m your friend. I like you, Tate. You have excellent taste in shoes, I’m not sure if I told you that before or not.” Tate smiled. “Thanks. For everything.”

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“That’s what friends, and family, are for.” Cassie kissed Matt’s cheek and headed for the door as Jacob and Jill burst in.

“Easy!” Matt grabbed Jacob before he jostled Tate.

Jacob winced. “Sorry. You okay? Tateness, I told you to stop going over there. Let the cops sort them out.” Jacob kissed her forehead gently and Jill moved around to the other side, taking Tate’s hand.

“If you just let them kill each other, we’d all be better off anyway,” Jill mumbled.

Tate sighed. “Don’t. Don’t let them make you bitter. You’re better than that. Now what on earth are you doing here? Jill, I know you had plans today with that new guy you’re seeing.”

“Shut up! My God, Tate, he could have killed you. You think making out and watching fireworks is more important to me than you are?” Jill looked offended but Tate saw the tremble in her bottom lip and knew she was about to lose it.

“I do think it’s more important, Jill. Yes, I do. Damn it, they’ve disrupted our lives enough. I don’t want him to do it anymore. Now get your butts back to Atlanta. Make out, watch fireworks. Use a condom!”

“I don’t need a condom to kiss for cripes’ sake! I’ve only known him a few weeks, he’s not getting any just yet.”

“Enough information, thank you very much. Tate, you’re out of your mind if you think Jill and I are leaving before you get home from the hospital.” Jacob crossed his arms over his chest and glared.

The nurse came in and frowned. “Too many guests. She needs to rest and you all need to let her.”

“I’m staying.” Matt stayed at her side.

Tate looked up at him and wondered why his voice sounded that way.

Was he trying to be alone to dump her? That was probably it. Loving a woman with some family problems was one thing, now that he knew the whole story surely he’d see how impossible it was for them to be together.

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“Go on, guys. I need to talk to Matt and then I need to nap. You have the key to my place. There are leftovers in my fridge and clean bedding in the guestroom.”

Jill kissed her cheek. “We’ll get it ready for you to come home to. I’ll stop by the library to grab you some books.” Jacob followed, kissing the other cheek. “We’ll be back tonight. Rest.