Making the Connection: Strategies to Build Effective Personal Relationships (Collection) (24 page)

—
Jeff Shaw
, Executive Director, Life Insurers Council

“Ms. Allgeier has written a book that is highly readable and packed full of practical tips, insights, and exercises, all of which have great application regardless of the reader’s industry sector or job role. Above all, Sandy has written about a subject that is simply ‘her’ through and through as she can truly speak with great role model authority on building personal credibility and, in so doing, has delivered an inspiring work with an important message for our times.”

—
Peter McCue
, Senior Vice President-Human Resources, Papa John’s International

“The lessons contained in
The Personal Credibility Factor
can be applied to your life in so many ways. They’ll help you shore up client relationships, build better employee interactions, and create a more balanced work and family life. Business owners who diligently put these principles into practice will have people knocking down the door to work with them. Sound good? Great! Grab a copy of this book today.”

—
Gary Kushner
, President and CEO, Kushner & Company

“I know Sandy Allgeier well, and I can tell you that the principles she teaches can revitalize struggling companies as well as lackluster lives. Personal credibility is a huge determinant of character, which in turn is a huge determinant of success. I will keep this book in my office and encourage my colleagues and employees to read it, too.”

—
Robert Tait
, General Manager, Evonik Foams Inc.

“I consider it part of my job to strive for the highest personal credibility factor possible. I find that when you do so, you encourage similar behavior in those around you. This book should be on the shelf of every leader—CEOs, managers, coaches, principals, teachers, and so forth—who seeks to connect with and influence others. We can all learn something of value from
The Personal Credibility Factor
.”

—
Bob Greer
, President and CEO, LEMIC Insurance Company

“
The Personal Credibility Factor
was a fun read from cover to cover. The real-life anecdotes made each chapter’s lesson relatable—I found myself recalling similar situations from my own experience. I can’t wait to take what I’ve learned from this book and put it into action in my own life.”

—
Heather Holladay Gates
, mother

Application Exercises

Chapter 1
                      
13

Chapter 2
                      
27

Chapter 3
                      
35

Chapter 7
                      
67

Chapter 8
                      
80

                                      
83

                                      
86

                                      
89

Chapter 10
                  
114

Chapter 13
                  
149

                                    
151

Acknowledgments

I have always thought authors were cut from a different cloth—one very different from which I was cut! For years, I have been advised by friends and associates to write a book. For years, my immediate response was, “I don’t think so!” That changed in 2007. After training and speaking to groups for years on the topic of personal credibility, I was invited to write a book about it. After working through my own doubts about writing, I decided to try it. Beverly Sills, the now deceased and famous opera star, once said, “I would rather die saying that I probably shouldn’t have tried something, than die wishing I had!” I have now tried it and feel so blessed to have had the opportunity.

Special thanks go to Jennifer Simon. Jen, thanks so much for seeking
me
out of the many new and established authors who come across your path. You simply instilled me with the confidence I needed to get this going.

My husband, Rick, both encouraged me and allowed me to work in a way that provided “safety”—just in case I learned that I couldn’t write very well! Rick is the most credible human being I have ever had the opportunity to know.

My colleague and friend, Heather Gates, allowed me the opportunity to crystallize my thoughts and create a starting place.

My many friends have been such strong sources of encouragement. In particular, Cathy Fyock and Mike Sims were ongoing cheerleaders, encouragers, or kick-my-tail’ers—dishing out whatever I needed, whenever that might be.

My parents are proud of me, but I am most proud to be their daughter. They taught me the value of personal credibility and are still teaching me. I can only pray that I’ll leave that kind of legacy with my own children and grandchildren.

Thanks most of all to God. He must have wanted me to write about this topic because He opened every door to make it happen. I just hope this work can somehow glorify Him!

About the Author

Sandy Allgeier, SPHR,
is a speaker, consultant, trainer/facilitator, and coach who helps organizations maximize their human resource potential. Before launching her consulting business in 2000, she had 25+ years’ experience in HR, rising to SVP of HR at a major provider of assisted living services, with responsibility for over 7,000 employees.

Allgeier contributed to the book
Conversations on Success, Volume 7
(Insight, 2005), which also featured Stephen Covey and Dr. Denis Waitley. She earned the 1999 Award for Professional Excellence from SHRM’s Louisville, Kentucky chapter and was selected as faculty member and facilitator for SHRM’s HR Generalist Certificate and Recruitment and Retention Certificate Programs.

Introduction

I Wouldn’t Trust That Person for a Minute!

You have probably had this feeling before.
It’s that little mental nudge you get when you really don’t expect it. It might even seem somewhat irrational at the time. Try to put yourself in the following situation: You have been invited to have lunch with a respected business consultant who is interested in hiring you as a contractor. “Kate” has a solid reputation and an established consulting business. She wants you to consider joining her as a consulting partner to work with some of her best clients, and this could mean wonderful earning potential for you! The lunch is going well—but you cannot shake this odd feeling that something just isn’t right. That little voice will not go away that is saying, “Don’t trust! Eat your lunch and let it go at that. This just doesn’t feel right!”

Or perhaps the opposite has happened to you—which might be equally confounding. Have you ever been challenged with hiring contractors to help you with projects around your house? Most of us have learned that hiring someone for odd jobs, such as small building projects or fixing a clogged drain, can be downright infuriating. Perhaps you have experienced the frustration of having a contractor who won’t return your phone calls. Or, maybe you can identify with the challenges of having appointments made to estimate pricing, but no one shows up. Then, when you call to find out what happened—your call isn’t returned. Unfortunately, you begin to believe that you will never be able to find someone to do the work.

Then, amazingly, someone walks into your life that is dramatically different. If you are fortunate enough, you meet someone like “Dan.” Even though you are a little cynical about hiring contractors, you believe that Dan will keep his appointments, follow through on commitments, and do a great job with anything he agrees to do. And,
he won’t agree to do something that he doesn’t believe he can do effectively. When you look back on it, you can remember being certain that Dan could be trusted from the first time you talked with him.

So, what does this mean? Does it mean that most of us have internal voices that can predict whether someone is trustworthy and credible? Does this mean that personal credibility is just something we instinctively sense in others? And, what about you? Do others instinctively believe and trust in you—or is there some reason that others are naturally skeptical of you?

Our “instincts” about people can be helpful, but, obviously, it is so much more than that.

It isn’t particularly complicated either. Everyone can have strong personal credibility—but it does require that we understand it, desire it, and make a decision to seek it for our lives.

What Is the Personal Credibility Factor?

When others believe, trust, and have confidence in you, you naturally receive their respect—you are someone with
personal credibility
. When you are respected, your self-worth and confidence increases. When you receive respect—from both yourself and others—you are more self-accepting. Self-acceptance allows you to just be yourself, which increases authenticity. When you are authentic, others instinctively believe and trust in you more.

But wait...Is personal credibility based on the type of person that
you are
, or is it based on the types of things that
you do
?

If you really think about it, the only way we can assess people is from our observations of what they do.

It is what people do that forms our opinions, relationships, and ultimate decisions of whether to trust and respect them. Our impressions, thoughts, and opinions are constantly being formed and reformed, most often in our subconscious. Although we might be unaware of it, we stay in constant “observer” mode with those around us, and they stay in that same mode observing us! We might not always have all the facts, and our observations might change over time, but, regardless, it is still the only information on which we have to base our thoughts and opinions of others. For this reason, it is what people
do
that determines our belief, respect, and trust in them—it is what we all
do
that determines personal credibility.

Why would this matter? It’s really pretty simple. At our very core, we want to know who we can trust and respect—and we want to receive that same trust and respect from others. However, we are living in a world where it is becoming more and more difficult to discern who deserves our trust and respect. Headlines and TV news are filled
regularly with stories of troubled organizations such as WorldCom and Enron, fallen TV evangelists, government leaders, and others taking the spotlight for misleading the public. Consequently, we find ourselves wondering if personal credibility with public figures is only something of the past. On a more personal level, family, friends, or coworkers violate our trust and lose credibility as a result. Most people—regardless of whether they are in the public spotlight—don’t intentionally choose a life of being disbelieved, mistrusted, and disrespected.

The reality is that personal credibility either occurs or is damaged due to ongoing decisions we make and behaviors we demonstrate.

For most of us, there is an inherent need to be valued and respected by others, while at the same time, to be comfortable and confident in being who we authentically are. We want to live a life that causes others to say: “(
Your name
)—now that is someone with personal credibility!” We all don’t experience that type of life though. The great news is this: We can experience greater personal credibility—if we are willing to honestly evaluate ourselves, look at our own actions and behaviors, and build some new habits.

Part I: The Three Secrets to Personal Credibility

•
Chapter 1
Secret #1:
Forget Power, Position, Status, and Other Such Nonsense

•
Chapter 2
Secret #2:
I Can See Right Through You

•
Chapter 3
Secret #3:
The Decision to Suspend Judgment

Tell Everyone: There Are Actually
Three
Secrets!

Regardless of where you are in your life
—successful or struggling, just starting out or moving into your later years, thrilled with your life or wrestling with discontent—you can be positively impacted by the information you will read about increasing your own personal credibility. The three secrets are not meant to be locked up but shared with everyone!

Why is personal credibility so important? What is its value?

When people have strong personal credibility, they are able to inspire others to trust and believe in who they are and what they do. Strong personal credibility helps us to create productive relationships with others and to accomplish more within those relationships. Creating and maintaining relationships is a critical factor in both our personal and professional lives. It really doesn’t matter whether we are discussing our relationships with our friends, kids, parents, siblings, employees, or leaders. With greater personal credibility, others trust us. When trust is strong, we experience fewer barriers in relationships. When relationship barriers are decreased, we accomplish more and enjoy what we do. With lesser personal credibility, others are more distrusting, causing us to fight ongoing, uphill battles in every aspect of our lives.

The Personal Credibility Factor: What is yours and why should you care? Personal credibility is about respect, trust, and about being believable...but what builds it? And what tears it down? Can you have it and lose it? And, if you lose it, can you get it back? Is there a difference between being simply trustworthy and being a person of high personal credibility? Lots of questions—how about a few answers, huh?