Mama (31 page)

"You work in the city?" she asked.

"No, Brooklyn. I'm a fireman."

"Really? That's dangerous, isn't it?"

"Sometimes. It's hard work, but it makes me feel like I'm doing something constructive."

Freda liked him already. She could talk to this guy. By two o'clock she had told him her life story. James was impressed.

"So, you're a writer."

"Yeah, I'm a writer."

"A woman who thinks. I love it."

He had bought her five drinks and Freda was drunk. He got up to go the bathroom and when he got back he surprised Freda by offering to give her a ride home. "You shouldn't be out by yourself in this condition."

Freda nodded. By now, all she wanted him to do was pick her up off the stool and carry her away somewhere warm. She eased off the stool as carefully as she could. She did not stumble.

As soon as they got into his beat-up car, James took out a small vial with a little silver teaspoon dangling from it.

"Do you blow?"

"Sometimes." As heavy as her head felt, she thought a one-on-one would give her just the pickup she needed.

Freda unscrewed the cap and took two hits. Her head already felt lighter.

"Would you like some company tonight?" he asked her.

"I'm not allowed to have men where I live. But I'll go to Brooklyn if you promise to bring me back."

"Tonight?"

"Whenever." The fact that she had to be at work at eight-thirty the next morning did not enter her mind.

Freda opened her eyes. Sunlight streamed through a window she had never seen. A white paper lamp hung above her head. She felt the warmth of someone's body touching her skin. Hei head throbbed. The body next to her stirred. She turned to see who it was. She recognized his face but could not remember his name. Her skirt and sweater were strewn over a chair, her cowboy boots five feet apart, and her bra and panties on the wooden floor. A silver badge sat on the low cocktail table. That's right, he was a fireman.

She wiped the sleep out of her eyes and got up to go to the bathroom. It wasn't hard to find because it was the only other room in this apartment besides the tiny kitchen. She washed her face in cold water and dried it on a used towel. When she turned around, his long, firm body was in the doorway.

"Good morning," he said.

"Good morning."

"You're incredible and beautiful and marvelous. You know that?" He walked over and put his arms around her. Freda rested her head on his chest and wanted to hide there, wanted to stay there for the rest of her life. It felt so safe.

"Do you have any coffee?" she asked.

"No, but I can go get you some. Anything you want. Anything. You name it."

"Just a cup of coffee would be nice."

"If you knew what you did to me last night. There ought to be a law against making a man feel this good."

"You made me feel pretty good too," she said, but Freda didn't remember him so much as kissing her, let alone taking off her clothes. "What time is it?"

"Twenty to ten."

"Oh no! I'm supposed to be at work!"

"Please don't go yet. Today's my day off. Do you have to?"

"Well, I don't get paid when I don't work, and I'm trying to save for an apartment. I hate being late. Can I use your phone?"

"It's on the wall next to the refrigerator."

When she'd finished making her call to the agency, James came out of the bathroom. He was still naked. He guided her to the makeshift bed that was on the floor and laid her down. She was tense. He touched her shoulder, then caressed her body until it had a will of its own. Freda closed her eyes.

She did not go to work for three days.

While James put out fires, Freda played house. She washed his clothes, cleaned out his cabinets, refrigerator, and that grimy oven. She vacuumed and put fresh linen on the bed and clean towels in the bathroom. She watered the plants. James hardly recognized the place.

"You know, baby. I wish you would move in here with me. The thought of not seeing you for twenty-four hours ... I want you near me all the time."

"But this place is too small for two people. I need somewhere to write."

"We can move. Get a bigger place. Save our money and get a two-bedroom. How does that sound?"

"But we just met, James."

"You know how long I've waited to meet somebody like you? I'm not some bebopper. I'm a grown man, baby, and I know when I've found what I'm looking for."

What did she have to lose? Freda got up from the chair and sat on his lap. She had to stop herself from kissing him.

"Then let's celebrate. You got fifty on you till I get paid?" he asked her.

"All I've got is forty."

"That's good enough. I've got twenty."

James bought a fifth of vodka and a half a gram of cocaine.

They stayed up all night.

The next night, he bought another half a gram, and they finished the rest of the vodka.

By the end of the month, Freda knew why he drove such a raggedy car.

After two months, Freda got up enough courage to call Mildred and tell her about her new boyfriend.

"You love him?" Mildred asked her.

"I think so."

"A fireman, huh? Thank God he's got a good job."

"I'm living with him, Mama."

"You doing that mess again? Girl, why don't you go ahead and marry the man? All you gon' do is find out he ain't perfect and then leave him, like you been doing. When you gon' get tired of this shit?"

"Mama, look. You know how many times I probably would've been divorced by now?"

"What difference do that make? Marrying a man is a way of letting him know you want to be with him forever. It don't make no difference if it don't last but two weeks."

"Mama, I said we're thinking about getting married, didn't I?"

"No, you didn't."

"How are things out there?"

"So-so."

"How's Money and his family? Did he ever find a job?"

"Yeah, believe it or not. A good one too, at a place where they build airplanes. He on time and ain't missed a day. They sending him to electronics school and paying him to go, can you believe it?"

"That's great. I knew he'd pull himself together one day."

"Yeah, I just hope it last. He seem determined, almost like he doing it to prove to me that he ain't a fuck-up. Like he gon' make a lie out of everybody."

"What about Candy?"

"She's a real dingbat if I ever saw one, bless her sweet heart. She believe anythang Money tell her. It surprises me how some women can raise their kids to be so stupid."

"But she is nice, isn't she, Mama?"

"Yeah, and I was glad to get 'em out of here, let me tell you. They stayed here damn near three months and liked to ate me out of house and home. Hand marks all on my damn walls. They killed my fish from overfeeding it, and one of my birds flew out the patio window."

"What about Angel?"

"She fine. Teaching school, you know. English. I can't hardly stand her no more. Ethan done bought her a Mercedes and she only shop in Beverly Hills. She sickening. We don't even see her that much. She pregnant, you know."

"No, nobody tells me anything any more. How many months?"

"I don't know. Three or four. Something like that. She ain't the only one."

"Not Bootsey again, Mama, she just had little Ivory."

"Doll."

"Doll!"

"Yep, this time it's Richard's baby for real. Her and Angel due on the same day. She finally left Tony for good."

"She and Richard getting married?"

"Who knows. One minute he say yeah, the next minute he can't decide. She moved all her stuff into his mama's house. You know his mama gave him that house. I don't thank he gon' make a move until that baby get here. He don't trust Doll two minutes when his back is turned."

"What about you, Mama?"

"I'm gon' do what I told you I was gon' do."

"You're really going back to live in Point Haven?"

"Yeah, why not. I'm sick of California, to tell you the truth. It's boring as hell out here. I don't care what nobody say. Besides, I want to be close to my daddy before he die, and he ain't got nobody to take care of him the way I can."

"You're gonna go crazy back there, Mama, and you know it."

"Chile, if I ain't crazy by now, ain't nothing gon' do it to me. Enough of me. So you feeling pretty good, huh? You cut down on all that dranking, I hope."

"Yep, a whole lot. As a matter of fact, all I drink now is wine. No more hard stuff for me. What about you?"

"Let me thank. I ain't had a drank in four or five days now. I don't need it half as much as I used to."

But they were both lying because Freda was sipping vodka and Mildred was pouring her third glass of VO.

"How much money have you saved?" Freda finally asked James one night.

"Don't worry, baby, by next month, I'll have it together."

"Next month? James, I can't spend another month in this room. I haven't written a word since I've been here."

"Look, don't blame that on me, Freda. You don't have any discipline. I told you, I had a few outstanding debts I had to take care of first. We'll be out of here by next month. I promise. Why don't you go ahead and start looking? You've got a few dollars in the bank, don't you?"

"That's beside the point. We're supposed to go in fifty-fifty."

"We will, but if you find a place, put the deposit on it. I'll come up with the rest, don't worry, baby." He got up from the couch and pulled her into his arms. They did not eat dinner that night.

Freda was still determined to find a new place and the next day she looked through the paper. There were a few places being renovated in Brooklyn that had reasonable rents.

She took the train out to the address in the newspaper ad. It was a brownstone on a clean, tree-lined street. The outside of the building didn't look renovated. The iron gate was open so she walked up the stairs. There was dusty wood and Sheetrock leaning against the stairwell. She heard drilling. The first-floor apartment door was open. Freda peeked in. It had high ceilings and tall windows. The walls were white and the floor was still wooden planks. She walked through it. Brand new bathroom. Two bright bedrooms. One could be her study. Sunlight streamed through the windows and a deck led down into the back yard. They could have barbecues.

She found the owner on the second floor and gave him a month's rent as a deposit.

Freda was making lasagna when James got home.

"I found a place!"

"How much is it?"

"Five seventy-five."

"Are you crazy? I'm not paying that kind of money for an apartment, Freda. Not in Brooklyn."

"You haven't even seen it, James. You wanna go see it? It's beautiful. They're still working on it."

"Why should I waste my time? I'm not spending that kind of money. I know we can find something under four hundred."

"Like this dump you've got now."

"Oh, so now this place ain't good enough for you?"

"I didn't say that. I already gave them a deposit."

"Then get it back. Stop payment on the check."

"I don't want to get it back. It's a nice apartment and between the two of us that's not even three hundred apiece. I could afford it alone."

"You must not have heard me. I told you, I'm not spending that kind of money, and I meant it."

"If you'd stop putting half your paycheck up your nose, maybe you'd be able to afford it."

"Yeah, and if you didn't get so drunk, maybe I wouldn't get so high."

"I'm taking the apartment, with or without you." Freda didn't even realize she'd said it until after she'd said it.

James looked at her as though he hated her.

"Then you can move tomorrow, Miss Hot Shit." He got up, put on his jacket, and walked to the door. "I knew you thought you were too good for me. Be gone when I get back." He slammed the door in her face.

Twenty

T
HERE WAS A KNOCK
at Mildred's front door. She set the potholder on the stove, turned the fire down on the pinto beans, and went to see who it was. Two policemen stared at her through the screen door.

"Mildred Peacock?"

"Yes?"

"We have a warrant for your arrest."

"Shit." Mildred knew it was those damn checks. She'd written over eight hundred dollars' worth to pay two house notes and stop the phone from getting cut off. How she thought she was going to get away with it had spun past her.

"Can I wash my face and put on something decent?" She had on a pair of blue jeans and a white sweatshirt.

"That won't be necessary, ma'am. If you can get someone to post your bail, you'll be home in an hour. You're going to have to go to court, you know."

Mildred grabbed her purse and locked the front door.

When she got to the precinct, they asked her if there was anyone in particular she wanted to call. She called Doll.

"I need two hundred dollars, and quick."

"Two hundred dollars? For what, Mama?"

"To get me out of jail, that's what."

"Jail? Are you serious?"

"Look, do you have it or don't you? I ain't got all day."

"All I've got on me is about sixty-five, and Richard won't be home until late this evening. Mama, what you doing in jail? You been writing bad checks again, ain't you?"

"What difference do it make why I'm here? Just get me the hell out of here. Call Angel."

"Where are you?"

"Panorama City."

"Angel's on her way over here now. We were supposed to go shopping for baby things. We'll be there as soon as we can."

Mildred sat down on one of the wooden benches. "My daughters are on their way. Are you gon' lock me up till they get here?"

"No, ma'am. You can sit right there. We know you're not a criminal, but you can't go around writing checks when you don't have the funds to cover them."

Mildred just looked at him.

A half hour passed.

"You got a cigarette?" She had left hers on the kitchen table. "Aw, shit! I left a pot of beans cooking on the stove. I gotta call my daughter and tell her to stop by my house first. Can I?"