Man of Honor (Passion in Paradise Book 4) (29 page)

Honor hummed
unhappily as Zeke finally lifted his damp, glistening lips from hers to stare
down into her dazed, unfocused eyes.  “So beautiful,” he praised as he held her
against him with hands that shook and took in her stunned face, her rosy cheeks
glowing as she licked lips swollen from his kisses.  “You need to go to bed,
Honor,” Zeke told her quietly, his voice still husky with desire.  “You’re not
ready for anything else.”

“Zeke,” she
whined, arching her back and pressing her body into his.  Gasping as she felt a
hard bulge prodding her hip, Honor’s eyes widened, her face becoming slightly
panicked as she realized it was his dick pressed up against her.  “Oh, God,”
she squeaked, automatically jerking her hips back and away from the throbbing
organ between them. 

Seeing the fear
flare in her eyes, Zeke shook his head and tightened his arm around her waist
when she began to struggle in the circle of his arms.  Calm and steady, he met
her spooked gaze.  “Kitten, breathe and settle for me,” he urged her sternly. 
“It’s me, baby.  I’m still your Zeke,” he reminded her sternly, loosening his
arms when she’d stilled some.  “I want you to listen to me for a second. 
Okay?  You hear me out, and then I’ll turn you loose and we’ll go on to bed.”

Nodding jerkily,
Honor fought the terror clawing at her heart as she felt Zeke’s manhood pulse
against her hip again.  Biting her lip as she met his solemn gray eyes, she
told herself again that this man… this man who’d always done everything he
could to protect her from whatever would harm her… he would never hurt her. 
Never force her to do anything she didn’t want to do. 

“Honor, the part
of me you feel against your hip won’t hurt you.  It’s my dick, baby.  Not a
bomb,” he promised her calmly.

Yeah, right, Honor
thought wildly.  If that was the case, why did it feel like it was in danger of
detonating at any given moment?  “Let me go, Zeke,” she begged.  “Please!  Just
let me go.”

“In a minute,
Kitten.  I promise, I’ll let you go right after I explain a few things to you. 
First though, you gotta know, no matter what you ever do or say, I swear to
you, I will never use that part of myself you’re frightened of as a weapon.  As
God as my witness, I will never use any part of my body to hurt you, but
especially never my dick.”

A tremor ran
through Honor at his vow and her scared gaze flew to his.  “You w-won’t be able
to stop yourself.  Th-those di…things,” she began with a hard look down at his
crotch, “They get hard and men lose their minds.  Then they use them to do the
most awful, vilest things….  And it hurts!  It hurts so bad when y’all use
those things,” she whimpered, her voice breaking as she blinked back tears that
burned her eyes.

“Hey,” Zeke
chided, lifting a hand to cup her cheek, forcing her chin up so that he could
look into her eyes.  “Listen to me, baby.  It doesn’t always hurt.  Just like
not every man loses his mind when his dick gets hard.  Look,” he urged, suddenly
pulling her hand between them until her palm rested lightly over the lessening
bulge of his dick.

“Ezekiel!” Honor
gaped, her wide eyes horrified as she tried to pull her hand out of his.   She
wasn’t sure what he was trying to prove to her, but touching him there could
only end badly for her, couldn’t it? 

“Kitten, you’re
touching me now.  Feel me,” he ordered earnestly as he kept her palm pressed
against his crotch.  “Do I seem like I’m in any danger at all of losing my mind
and hurting you?”

Honor’s face was a
mask of uncertainty as she stared down at where he held her hand cupped against
his manly parts.  Honestly, he didn’t even feel as hard as he had a few minutes
ago, she noted silently.  “I-I don’t understand,” she whispered.

Releasing her hand,
Zeke sighed as Honor snatched it away from his crotch.  “Honor, eight years
ago, five shitheads held you down and stole something precious from you.  They
did it through violence.  They deliberately hurt you.”

“You are not
tellin’ me anything I don’t know already, Zeke,” Honor snapped, her stomach
clenching as he described what she’d endured.  She hated remembering it, but
she hated hearing it through his eyes more. 

“I know, Kitten,
but stay with me for a few more minutes.  Those animals took from you.  I don’t
even consider them men because real men don’t wanna take from a woman.  They
wanna give.  Tell me something.  Before you felt my dick against your hip, were
you enjoying what happened between us, Honor?”

Honor felt her
cheeks burn as he directed an intensely heated look at her.  Licking her
suddenly dry lips, she slowly nodded.  “I liked the kissing.  A-and the
touching.”

“You liked feeling
my hands and lips on you just now, didn’t you?” Zeke questioned huskily,
lifting a hand to trail a finger down her satiny cheek.

“Yes,” Honor
returned shakily, uncomfortable but honest.

“And compared to
what happened to you eight years ago, those kisses and touches I just gave you
were as different as night from day to what you felt then, weren’t they?  I
didn’t lose my mind when I felt you in my arms.  I didn’t turn into a wild
beast when I felt your sweet tongue in my mouth or your curves filling my
hands, did I?” he prompted.

“No, I-I suppose
not.  You didn’t hurt me or make me feel dirty and used like they did,” Honor
shared hoarsely slowly, leaning her cheek into his reassuring touch.  “It felt
good with you.  Almost natural.”

“It was supposed
to feel good and natural with us, darlin’.  And what happens between you and me
is always going to feel right because it’s consensual.  It’s honest.  It’s
real.  You’re allowed to enjoy it, baby.”

Honor watched as
Zeke paused to take a deep breath and collect his thoughts.  Moving slightly
closer, she was relieved when Zeke’s hand lifted to brush her hair back from her
face.  She couldn’t imagine how much energy it must take to deal with someone
as insecure as she was, but the man in front of her never so much as wavered. 
Ever.  “I’m sorry, Zeke.  Those men… those animals…. They broke something in me
the night they took me, and I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to fix it.  Maybe
I’m more work than what I’m worth.”

“Bullshit,” Zeke
growled, his tone hardening as he frowned at her.  “You’re not broke, and I
don’t wanna fix you.  And for the record, our relationship is worth any amount
of work we need to do because WE’RE worth it, Honor.    I know this is hard for
you to grasp, but what you’ve got to understand is that a real man gives as
much pleasure as he takes away, Honor.  A real man wants his woman’s pleasure
first and always.  Those men that stole from you… they weren’t the stick you
should measure all men by, sweetheart.  They weren’t men at all.  They were
rabid animals that deserve a bullet between the eyes.  Those fuckers used their
dicks and hands to tear you down and inflict pain that night, but you have my
word, I’m only ever gonna bring you pleasure with mine.  Give me some time,
trust and faith, and I’ll show you that.”

She’d heard his
solemn vow and for the first time in a really long time hope bloomed inside
her.  “Okay, Zeke,” she breathed.  “I’ll try.”

Zeke dropped one
more chaste kiss to her lips before gently turning her toward her bedroom. 
“Sleep, Kitten.  You’re gonna need your energy to climb this mountain with me.”

~~**~~

And over the next few
weeks, they’d continued making progress up that formidable mountain every
night.  Oh, they never strayed farther than deep passionate goodnight kisses
and lingering caresses that left her panting and aching for something she
wasn’t sure she was ready to experience, but it was definitely progress.  Zeke
was patient with her, and even when she freaked out – which she inevitably did
when things began to overheat between them – he never lost his temper.  He
didn’t push for more than she was ready to give him, and he never set off any
warning bells after that first intimate kiss.

When she felt his
length swell against her hip now, she no longer panicked.  A part of her
instinctively knew that while a man could use that part of himself to hurt her,
this
man… her Zeke… he never would.  She still wasn’t sure she’d ever be
able to share herself with him in the way other couples did.  The very idea of
shedding her clothes and offering him dominion over her body still made her
body lock up and her blood turn cold.   The thought of having sex with Zeke
just seemed like a concept way beyond her comfort zone, a hurdle she seriously
doubted she’d ever be able to jump.  She couldn’t lie, though.  Surrendering to
those long, drugging kisses of Ezekiel’s had fueled more than one midnight
fantasy of hers.

Of course, her
fantasies always ended with snuggling into Zeke’s side for a good night’s
sleep, not stripping out of her clothes and letting him rut her like some
animal, she thought with a mental shudder that had Zeke’s arm tightening around
her shoulders reflexively.

“Honor McKinnon?” she
heard the receptionist sing out from the now open doorway to the back of the
office.  “Dr. Daniels will see you now,” the woman said pleasantly.

Turning toward Zeke,
Honor forced a tight smile to her lips.  “Wish me luck,” she murmured as she
quickly collected her purse from the seat beside her and got to her feet.

Grabbing her hand,
Zeke squeezed supportively.  “You don’t need luck.  You’ve got this, Kitten.”

Nodding despite the
butterflies turning cartwheels in her stomach, Honor walked toward the hallway
that would lead her to Bree’s office.  “Thanks, Cheyenne,” she said quietly as
she passed the other woman. 

Winking at Honor as
she walked past her, Cheyenne smiled at the doctor’s newest client.  “Sheriff’s
right, you know,” she whispered, closing the door with a soft snap after Honor
crossed the threshold.  “You know you
do have
this, girl.  I can’t tell
you how great it is to see you outside the café, Honor.  Just go right down the
hall.  Dr. Daniels’ office is the first door on the left.”

Steeling herself,
Honor began to put one foot in front of the other.  At times like this, when
her fears threatened to get the better of her, that was the only thing she
could do.  Just keep walking.

Aubrey Daniels met
her at the door with a kind smile.  “You made it,” she praised, offering Honor
a supportive hug before gesturing toward the teal couch along one wall of her
tastefully decorated office. 

“Wow, this is a
gorgeous office,” Honor complimented as she moved inside the room, her low
heels tapping against the polished wood floor as she moved past Bree.  From the
sleek desk to the tasteful art hanging on the walls, this place screamed ‘safe
zone’.  Decorated in shades of muted gray and bright, vibrant blue, the room
automatically soothed Honor’s frayed nerves and she was slightly surprised to
find it so well put together after sitting in the dingy waiting area.

“Yes, I like for both
my patients and myself to feel at home in my work space so this was the first
room I redid after taking over the lease.  That horrible waiting room out front
is my next project,” Bree explained, almost as if she’d read Honor’s mind.  “I
actually contacted your sister, Harmony, last week to ask if she’d run into any
good interior designers in her party planning business.  Thankfully, she gave
me a couple of names so I can get that ball rolling this week.  Hopefully by
the time you come in for you next session, we have some more comfortable
furniture out front.” 

Nodding politely,
Honor dropped to perch on the edge of the couch cushion as Bree took one of the
gray armchairs to the right of her seat.  Swallowing nervously, Honor anxiously
asked, “So, how do we start?”  

Bree smiled as she
leaned back in her seat and settled her writing pad on her lap.  “We start by
you taking a really deep breath and relaxing.  This isn’t like a trip to the
dentist, Honor.  I don’t have any tools to torture you with in here, I
promise.”

“With respect, you
wanna dive into my psyche, Bree,” Honor countered with a negative shake of her
head.  “Believe me, that’s gonna be plenty painful.”

“Touché,” Bree
murmured, tapping her pen gently against her pad.  “How about we start by
visiting with each other a little bit.  How have you been doing since the last time
we saw each other, Honor?  You weren’t very happy with me or anyone else when I
saw you a few weeks ago.  You were pretty adamant that you didn’t want
therapy.  What changed?” she questioned gently.

“I’d like to say that
I did, but that’s not completely true.”

“Honesty is important
for these sessions to be beneficial.  Don’t be afraid to say how you really
feel even if you think it’s mean or rude or ugly.  This is truly
your
safe
place, Honor.  You can feel however you need to feel.  The important thing is
to keep talking.”

“Okay,” Honor
acknowledged, relaxing slightly as she scooted back on the cushion, leaning
against the back of the couch as she met Bree’s serene gaze.  “It’s true, I
wasn’t very happy to see you or anybody else waiting for me in the diner the
day y’all confronted me.   I don’t think it’s any secret that I didn’t like
what y’all had to say.  Looking back, I can accept that it was
well-intentioned, but at the time it just felt cruel.  Like everybody I cared
about was ganging up on me and tryin’ to force me into doing something I wasn’t
ready to do.  I was… and still am, I guess…pretty angry about that.”