Many Shades of Gray (19 page)

Simon closed his eyes and sighed, not knowing what he was going to do if things didn’t work out the way that he wanted.

There was one thing he wouldn’t tolerate and he’d meant it from the moment he’d first uttered it. He would not stand for infidelity. He’d grown up with it. Both of his parents had engaged in it, all of his parents’ friends had. And many of their relatives had had battles with illegitimate children. Luckily his father and mother had not brought any illegitimate children into the world.

Simon had vowed that he would never bring children into the world until he was married and that he’d never stray from his marriage bed. He meant it and he hoped to God that Janice had meant it when she agreed to it. As much as it would hurt him, if she slept with Tommy Strong or anyone else, he would leave her and he wouldn’t look back. It would hurt like hell, but he would do it.

* * *

Janice waited in bed for Simon to return. She’d thought his leaving in a huff was a bluff. When she heard the limo drive off, she thought he would return shortly. She was surprised when the limo returned without him and hour after hour ticked by. Simon had never stayed away without telling her. When she found his cell phone in the bathroom, relief flooded her body. He was trying to make her beg, she was sure of it.

As much as she didn’t want Simon to have the upper hand, her curiosity finally got the better of her and she went downstairs looking for him. She wanted to ask the staff where Simon was but felt embarrassed that they would have that knowledge when she didn’t. Left with no other choice, she finally crawled back into bed, only to toss and turn because of her worry about Simon.

Janice was angry with Simon for making her worry and angry with herself for not somehow knowing that he was planning on leaving. If anything happened to him…What if his idea wasn’t to make her beg? What if he was abandoning her just like…Shivering, she blinked away the thought, refusing to allow her mind to take that turn. She couldn’t remember ever worrying about Simon. She’d never had to. She thought of the pain she’d caused him, how angry he’d been when they arrived home, and she hoped that he was not doing anything foolish.

Then the one thought that had been lingering at the back of her mind pushed its way forward with a mighty whoosh. Panic filled her at the thought that he might be with another woman. She’d never thought of herself as jealous or possessive, but she didn’t want Simon with another woman no matter their relationship.

She’d foolishly allowed her past to intrude on her present. She regretted that she’d allowed Tommy’s kiss. She’d made Simon a promise and even if it was only a kiss, he wouldn’t like it. It was heavy on her conscience as she finally drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The next day Janice ignored Tommy’s pleas that she needed to stay longer, that they had more work to do. At four p.m. she called a taxi and left. She was home before five but Simon wasn’t. She ignored the calls to dinner and went to bed wondering again where he was.

After a week of this she was angry. She knew that Simon staying away was deliberate. He was probably trying to teach her a lesson, one of the consequences he’d mentioned. Well, he could go to hell, she thought angrily as she climbed into the empty bed alone.

This was the second time that a man had abandoned her. She’d asked for an uncomplicated relationship so that she wouldn’t hurt. Only she wasn’t supposed to care either, but she did. She had no idea what to do about the situation.

After nine days Janice couldn’t take the not knowing anymore. She missed Simon in bed beside her, she missed him there for her to fight with and she missed the making up. They had never ended a fight without making love. Even though she’d been the one to call for no emotions, she was drowning in them. If her missing him was one of the consequences, then Simon was right. She’d played with fire and she’d gotten burned.

Before she could talk herself out of it Janice picked up the phone and dialed Harold. If anyone knew where Simon was he would.

“Harold, I just wanted to check on my stocks.” she began when he answered her call.

“Oh, they’re doing nicely,” he answered her, his voice friendly but not giving away anything.

“So how are you?” she asked, stalling.

“I’m fine and you?” he asked politely.

“I’m fine.”

“Was there anything else?”

She couldn’t keep him on the line without a reason, and she couldn’t bring herself to ask where Simon was. She had the feeling that Harold didn’t fully approve of their relationship.

“No, Harold, that’s all I wanted,” she lied.

She lay across the bed caressing Simon’s pillow. The fight rolled through her mind and she tried unsuccessfully to make Simon’s leaving his fault, but it wasn’t and she knew it. She tried hard to remember his words to her and didn’t know if he’d told her he was leaving her. She should have listened more closely.

Dialing the phone again she did what she had to do. “Harold,” she said the moment the phone was answered. “I know this might sound strange to you but I’m afraid that I don’t know where Simon is. He’s been gone for nine days,” she said quietly.

Harold laughed. Janice wasn’t sure she’d ever heard him laugh.

“I was wondering which of you would crack first,” Harold laughed again. “Oh, never mind. Janice, did you ever think of just phoning Simon? His cell phone will work anywhere, you know.”

“Simon and I had a fight more than a week ago. He left his phone at home and I don’t know how to get in touch with him. Do you have a number where I can reach him?”

“You can go to him if you’d like. He left instructions that if you called me that I was to tell you the jet was fueled and ready. Should I make arrangements for you?”

Stunned, Janice didn’t know what to say.

“Janice, would you like for me to alert the pilot?”

“No thank you, Harold. For right now I just want to talk to Simon.”

Wasting no time in dialing the number once Harold had given it to her, she held her breath and released it in relief when Simon answered.

“Simon, I miss you,” she said.

“It took you nine days to miss me?”

“No, it took me nine days before I wanted to admit to you how much I miss you. Please come home.”

“Why Janice? Give me one good reason why I should.”

“I need you,” she replied.

Simon sighed. She hadn’t said she loved him but needing him was pretty damn close.

“When are you coming home?” Janice asked, her voice soft and unsure, her words faltering.

“I don’t know.” And he didn’t despite the fact that she’d made the first move. She’d called and still he didn’t know what he was going to do. “I’ll talk to you later,” he said, disconnecting the call.

* * *

“Janice, this isn’t a job, this is a commitment. You can’t punch out every day at four. Sometimes you need to stay longer.”

She was tired of Tommy’s picking at her nerves the way a child picked at a scab. For ten days he’d needled her and she was annoyed with it.

“Look, Tommy, I have a life. We’ve been all over New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania. I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I’ve stood on so many street corners that people have wondered if I was begging or hooking. And I’ve walked more miles than I have in my entire life.”

“And I was right there with you. So were many others.”

“I have a fiancé who requires my time.”

“Right,” he answered. “Tell me, where has your fiancé been? It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve heard you mention him. And he hasn’t called you once. Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you haven’t called him.” Tommy smiled. “But I have noticed that you don’t dare leave here a minute after four.” He laughed aloud. “And you don’t think Simon Kohl owns you.”

Janice wanted to slap the cocky grin from his face but she resisted the temptation. She knew he was baiting her, trying to get her to stay, and she wondered for a moment why she didn’t. She had stayed the day she was to set a date for her wedding and now that Simon had taken off without a word to her she was doing what she’d promised. Only he didn’t know it; he wasn’t home.

“Tommy, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Janice answered instead and left.

On the ride home she thought over the mistakes she’d made in the last few weeks and hoped for a chance to rectify as many of them as she could. She might not be able to say the words ‘I love you,’ but she could start showing Simon that she did, if he ever returned.

She said a prayer and opened the door to the mansion. It was getting harder each day to not know if Simon were ever coming back. She started to walk up the stairs, heard a voice and ran back down.

“Simon!” Shocked relief washed over her as she stood staring at him. She wanted to run to him, in fact started to, then caught herself and stopped. He was staring at her with a strange look on his face. She wondered if he was still angry, where he’d been. Most importantly, did he still love her?

Simon smiled slightly, relieved to be home and find that his fiancée was not spending her nights with Tommy. He stood by the bookcase in the library, his heart thudding in his chest. He knew Janice had been getting home before five everyday. Though his staff loved her, they were aware who paid their salaries.

He saw the look in her eyes—the sheer joy. He had seen her start to run to him, then catch herself and stop. But she had been unable to make the joy of seeing him leave her eyes. Please come to me, he thought while he looked at her. I’m home.

“Hi,” she said and turned away.

“Hello yourself,” he answered, not going near her, though he inhaled her scent deep into his lungs. He wanted her so badly that he ached with the wanting, but he would not be the one to give in, not this time. He knew she had questions and he would not provide the answers unless she asked.

She didn’t.

“You’re home early, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been trying to come home early,” Janice answered.

It seemed forever that they stood there, each waiting for the other to crack. The mutual longing took over as they became increasingly aware of each other. The air crackled with their heat, with their energy, and with their need.

“Simon, I’m glad you’re home.”

“Baby,” Simon whispered. He opened his arms, saw her eyes light with golden brown fire and planted himself solidly.

Janice didn’t want to give him power over her but when he opened his arms to her she found herself running to him. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she couldn’t stop those either. She wrapped her arms around Simon so tightly that that she heard him laughing, pleading with her that he couldn’t breathe.

“Why did you leave me?” she cried, “I thought you weren’t coming back. I was going crazy with worry.” The words had come unbidden out of her mouth. What the hell was happening to her? She couldn’t seem to stop herself. “I missed you,” she sobbed, surprising Simon as well as herself.

“Why did you wait so long to call?” Simon asked, kissing her lips, her eyes, and her ears. “Why didn’t you pick up the phone?”

Janice trembled in his arms. His hands were all over her, trailing liquid fire.

“Why didn’t you?” she asked. “You were the one who abandoned me, I didn’t abandon you.”

“Abandon you?” Damn, in his anger he’d forgotten about Tommy and what Tommy had put her through. He should have remembered that. He hated to think that somewhere in his soul maybe he had. At least consciously he hadn’t, though he would admit that his leaving was in part to teach her a lesson.

“Baby, forgive me. I should have thought of that. Is that what you thought?” Simon asked. “But you should have known, I would have never…” He held her tighter. That was exactly what he’d been going for when he’d left. Nothing else he’d done so far with Janice had worked. “I’m sorry to have put you through that. I didn’t want to make you worry,” he lied. “I just wanted to make you…oh hell, I’m sorry. I guess I did want to make you worry enough to know that you would miss me.”

“It worked. I missed you.”

“Don’t you know I’d never leave you for good?”

“That wasn’t what you’ve been saying. You’ve been threatening me since…” She stopped not wanting to mention Tommy’s name. “You told me there were going to be consequences. You even said if you thought I cheated on you that you would leave me.”

“Have you cheated on me?”

“No, Simon.”

“Baby, the only way this relationship will ever end will be if you walk away from me.” Then he took her. His tongue plundered the inside of her mouth, ravishing her, sending chills skittering through him and her. He pulled her even closer, heard the air whoosh out of her lungs and couldn’t loosen his hold; instead he swept her up in his arms and headed for the stairs.

“What about dinner? Aren’t you hungry?” Janice asked.

He laughed. “Do you really think food is what’s on my mind?” He hadn’t known how quickly he could move upstairs carrying Janice’s weight. He saw several of his staff as he rushed forward. They looked away but not before he saw the smiles on their faces.

“Show me how much you missed me, baby,” he said, tossing her on the bed, ripping at her blouse, throwing it on the floor. He felt her hands pulling at his belt, loosening it. He kicked off his shoes, bent to take hers off, then stopped and kissed her. He wanted the clothes off her, off him. He was so hungry for her body that he didn’t know if he could wait. When her breasts were bare he fell on her, feasting as though he were starving, and he was. He was starving for her, for her body, for her love.