Many Shades of Gray (41 page)

“So did I,” Harold agreed. “Looks like she only wants to take your war so far. I guess she loves you too much to take you down to the mat.”

“Have you ever thought that she set this up to look like I abused her not because she loves me but because she’s angry, that she’s just pissed?”

“She has a right to be pissed.” Harold narrowed his eyes. “I thought this was your thing, the fighting. The two of you have always seemed to get off on that.”

“Then why isn’t she home?”

“Maybe because you haven’t asked her to come home.”

For a moment Simon stared at Harold as though he had two heads and then he called his wife. “I want you home. It’s time to end all of this childish nonsense. You’re not going to win so you may as well admit it and come home.”

“Go to hell, Simon,” Janice answered and slammed the phone in his ear.

“What did she say?”

“She told me to go to hell,” Simon said. “Now we know why she fought back. She did it because she was pissed. I gave her a chance to end this.”

“You did not, you ordered her.” Now Harold was shouting, appalled. “You are out of your mind! Did you really think she was going to come home because you ordered her?”

“Do you want more proof that she did nothing out of her love for me?” Simon shook his head sadly, looking at Harold and wishing he could believe as Harold believed, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. He dialed again.

“If you’re not downstairs in an hour, your friend Tommy’s bookstore will be history. Do I make myself clear?”

“Simon, stop this,” Janice said. “You don’t want to do that.”

“I’m serious. Don’t push me.”

“You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”

“Oh yes, I have an idea. Now I suggest you pack your bag and get your ass downstairs. I’m coming for you.”

“What are you looking at?” Simon asked Harold, who had a horrified look on his face.

“Do you really believe that this is the way to get your wife back?”

“Let’s see if she’s there. I’ll bet you a million dollars that she will be there waiting for me.”

“Why?”

“Because of Tommy.”

“You think she’ll come because she wants to save Tommy Strong’s bookstore?”

“Yes. That will bring her home, not her love for me.”

“How do you know? You haven’t given her a chance.”

“I gave her a chance, I told her to get her ass home.”

Harold shook his head. Unbelievable, he thought. “Simon, why the hell do you fight so hard to make your life a mess? For God’s sake, man, if she’s waiting for you, tell her you love her.”

“No. If she’s waiting for me, it won’t be because she loves me, but because she wants to protect another man.”

“Could it be she doesn’t want any more innocent people getting involved in your war?”

“I think she’d move so fast only for one man.”

“So we’re back to where this all began. We’ve come full circle. Your obsession with her past has led you to this moment. You weren’t content until you dug him up. Now you’re not going to be content until she actually sleeps with the man. Will that make you happy, when you finally see that you’re right? When you drive her into another man’s arms, who will you blame? Her or yourself?”

Harold turned and left the mansion, shaking his head in sadness as he watched Simon climb into his limo and drive away to collect his wife. A part of him prayed that she wasn’t downstairs. But he knew she would be, and it wasn’t because of her love for Tommy, but her love for Simon. She wouldn’t want anyone hating him any more than they already did. The only thing wrong with that was that Simon wouldn’t see it that way.

* * *

Janice threw the last of her belongings in her bag and wheeled it to the elevator. “I’m checking out,” she said to the manager when she stopped at the front desk.

“You don’t have to, Mrs. Kohl. Where are you going?”

“I’m going home,” she said softly. “My husband will be here for me soon.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

“I’m sure. Don’t worry, I’ll be alright.”

“Mrs. Kohl.…”

“Don’t worry.” She smiled. “I know what I’m doing.”

But she didn’t. Truth be told, she had no idea what she was doing and now more than ever she wished that she did. Simon had taken their war too far and he’d pushed her farther than she cared to be pushed. Janice was truly angry now and as she saw the limo pull to a stop rage filled her. Perhaps if Simon had gotten out of the car some of her rage would have dissipated, but he didn’t. It was his chauffeur who got out, opened the door and took the bag from her. She stepped into the limo, glared at Simon and waited.

Simon smiled, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “Tonight we resume being man and wife. We will not have a marriage in name only, you can make odds on that.”

Janice moved to the other side of the limo as far from her husband as she could get, anger at him and herself making her shake. They were making a real mess of this.

”I hate you,” she hissed.

“Tell me something I don’t know,” he answered.

When they reached the mansion, Janice jumped out before either the chauffeur or Simon could open the door. She burst through the doors of the mansion and ran up the stairs as fast as a six months pregnant woman could. She ran to her room and attempted to close the door in Simon’s face but he’d taken the stairs two at a time and had his foot and hand in the door she was trying desperately to close.

“Move away from the door,” he said quietly. “I have no plans on hurting you but you’re not locking me out of my own bedroom.”

“Then I’ll sleep elsewhere,” she muttered and turned away.

Simon came in and closed the door firmly and turned to her with measured precision. “No one’s changing rooms. We’re married.” Then he sat on the divan and stared at her.

He brought her bracelet from his pocket and held it up. “Your Mr. Strong brought me this.”

Janice remained silent.

“He brought me something else. He brought me your panties, with your scent,” he whispered raggedly.

“Did the two of you have a panties sniffing contest?”

He was waiting for her to deny it, to do anything but mock him. For the first time since he’d fallen in love with her he wished he’d followed the original rules, that he had remained uninvolved, kept their relationship uncomplicated. He stared at her. Now it was too late. It was as if he’d been dealt a hand and now he had to play it out. He loved his wife and he was killing any love she’d ever had for him. But he seemed unable to stop himself.

“How many times have you slept with him?”

“I didn’t keep count.”

Pain so intense filled his chest that for a moment all he could do was close his eyes. When it passed he came to her. “Do you think this is a joke? Do you think you can stay away for two weeks screwing him and just come back and play the wounded little woman?”

“Don’t you listen to anything that I tell you? I didn’t sleep with Tommy, Simon. I haven’t slept with anyone for,” she counted, “for the last four years but you. What am I going to have to do to make you get over this? Maybe if I actually sleep with Tommy this ghost that has been riding your shoulders can vanish. Maybe then you’ll know that it’s not the end of the world.”

“It would be the end of us.”

“And you think this isn’t? Do you really think this is what a marriage is supposed to be?”

“I wasn’t the one who left home.”

“I was coming back.”

“Then why didn’t you?” He ignored the look in her eyes. “I know why you came home, because I threatened to take your lover’s store. And because you ran out of funds. Tell me something, if you’d had the money to pay the bills, would you have bought him another store?”

Janice was trying to find a way back but she was slowly losing her patience. Her husband was pushing her toward being downright bitchy and she didn’t want to go there.

She glared at him, thinking how true the saying was that there’s a thin line between love and hate. She now found herself tottering on the line. “Simon, I’m going to tell you this once more. I have never cheated on you.”

“Not even when you kissed him?”

“Why don’t you get the firing squad ready for that one? Ooh, I kissed another man. Maybe you should have that printed up in the paper.” At the look on Simon’s face she scooted back on the bed. He hated her too.

“Do you want a divorce?” he asked.

Her mouth felt suddenly dry. Oh God, she thought and moaned silently. “Simon, stop,” she said. “You’re making a mistake.”

He’d already made the mistake. He looked down at his wife, knowing that his dream was still a dream. “After the baby is born if you want to go to him you can. I’ll make sure you have all of your money; everything that I took I will give back. Just leave me with the baby and you can have whatever you want.”

Fear filled Janice’s heart and laced her voice. She couldn’t believe what Simon was purposing. She had to make him say the words. “What are you saying, Simon?”

“I’m saying that if you leave the baby with me, you can start over and I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. I won’t try and stop you from seeing the baby. You can have visiting privileges.”

“You expect me to leave my baby?”

“If you want your freedom you have no other choice.”

“You’re going to give me back all my money?” she asked, not wanting to admit how much this was killing her, “Every dime?” she asked.

“Every dime.”

“And my royalties?”

“Those too,” he said, looking at her.

“What about the advance that Davis wants back? Will you repay him?”

“You won’t have to worry about that.” Why wasn’t she saying no, that she didn’t want a divorce? Simon swallowed. “I’ll have the papers drawn up,” he started but she interrupted.

“Are you going to put in there that you’re buying the baby?”

“I’m not.…” She was glaring at him with such hatred that it froze him. “I just want to keep the baby.” He wanted to tell her that he wanted to keep a part of her, but her hatred stopped him. “That wasn’t what I said. I said I wanted custody.”

“You’re asking me to sell you a child.”

The muscle in his jaw twitched. “I asked as your husband for you to give me custody of my child.”

“And you’re willing to give me my freedom. I can buy that from you with the birth of a child.” Janice stood to face him and tried to stop the trembling but she couldn’t. It ran from the top of her body to the bottom. “The apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, does it, Simon? Once a slave master always one.” She watched as the color drained from his face and his eyes filled with pain.

“You’ve made my decision for me, Simon. I want out of this marriage and I don’t want you hurting anyone that I choose to be with. Tommy was right when he said you tried to buy him. Now you’re buying our child.”

“Janice, that wasn’t what I meant and you damn well know it.”

“Yes, it is, Simon. You’re an important and intelligent man. You’re well educated. Suppose you tell me the meaning of slavery. You won’t give me my freedom unless I sell you someone to replace me, a child.” She smirked as she saw the pain intensify on his face, distorting his features. He closed his eyes and she watched.

“I love you,” Simon said over the lump in his throat, knowing that it was too little too late. Once again Harold had been right. He should have told her he loved her the moment she was in the limo. Hell, he should never have done any of the things he’d done in the last year, including finding Tommy Strong. He bit his lip. “I do love you.”

“No, you want to possess me. You want to own me and since you can’t own me without a fight, you want a child, another possession. You’re a real bastard, Simon but I’m a bitch because I’m going to take you up on your offer.”

“Why are you making this so hard? You know that’s not what I meant.”

“You keep telling me that I know what you mean. I only know what I see, what I hear. You had this fixation on who I slept with, even before we got married. Why is that so damn important to you? It’s my body, Simon. You don’t own it or me.”

Janice was angry now and saying things just to hurt him. She’d not expected him to ask for a divorce and the thought of leaving him was killing her. She glared at him. “I think I’ve figured it out: The slave master doesn’t want his property sleeping with the other slaves. That has to be the reason you’re so damn worried about me sleeping with Tommy.”

She watched as he blanched even more. Janice opened her mouth to spew out more vile things and stopped as she looked at Simon. Her words had hit his heart. His pain became so palpable she could feel it. She’d gone too far. “I’m sorry, Simon, I didn’t mean that,” Janice said, wishing she could pull the ugly words back, wishing her plan had worked. It had only made things worse.

“Yes, you did,” he said sadly. “Yes, you did.”

“I didn’t. I was just trying to hurt you. I don’t hold your family’s past against you. I don’t think of you that way. Please listen,” she said softly, not wanting it to end this way, not with all of the vileness between them.