Marked by Grief (5 page)

Kit fumbled a little with the mirror as he tried to get a good angle to see his whole back but once he had, his breath caught. There was the bear, bright and proud against his pale skin. He ignored the ugliness of his scars and focused on the art Jason put on him. The bear's head was turned just slightly whereas Jason's was tilted more.

"It's different." He wasn't disappointed, just surprised.

Jason nodded. "Yeah. My bear is my own tribute for my best friend. Yours is for your brother. I never do two tattoos the same, especialy when they're for loved ones. Upset?"

Kit quickly shook his head no. He loved it.

Bear was there on his back. He'd saved his life and now he was permanently inked onto his skin. And Jason had done that for him. He muttered a curse as he wiped more tears away. Jason took the mirror from him and wrapped his arms around Kit's waist. It was al Kit could do not to break down right then and there. Al he'd ever wanted was for Jason to hold him like this, to show him some affection aside from the brotherly attention he'd always given. He leaned into the warmth of Jason's hard chest, breathing him in. Jason was careful as he held him and Kit appreciated that. His scars were stil sensitive and he had no idea how it would feel to have his tattoo touched. But damn it felt good to be held. Kit brought his arms up to circle Jason's waist as wel.

"You're going to be okay," Jason promised. Kit nodded. He felt Jason try to move away but he held him there, lacing his fingers together to stop him. "We can't stay like this, Kit."

He knew they couldn't spend the rest of the day standing there like this. But a few more moments wouldn't hurt anything. He could have that much at least. Couldn't he?

"Just a little longer," he whispered. He wasn't sure at first if Jason had even heard him. But then the man's arms came up to circle Kit's shoulders, puling him in closer, and Kit breathed a sigh of relief. Jason wouldn't turn him away.

Kit felt the bristle on Jason's chin, the beat of his heart in his throat and could smel the warm soap he'd been using. The combined effect intoxicated him.

He tilted his head and ran his nose against the underside of Jason's jaw. He hadn't shaved in at least a day which wasn't surprising.

"Kit?" Jason asked him, his voice sounding a little strange to Kit's ears. But he rose up on his toes and took a breath. Jason's mouth was so close to his and he just wanted a little taste.

Jason wasn't stupid. He'd been with enough men to know when someone was trying to kiss him. But Kit surprised the hel out of him. He knew people had strange reactions to tattoos and the pain caused the release of al kinds of hormones. But he also knew this was Kit, and he was hurting. He felt so good in his arms, the unfamiliar intimacy with him quickly blending in with the man's familiar comfort. And there'd been nights in the past few months when Jason wanted nothing more than to fal asleep with Kit in his arms, just like this. But he couldn't do this to Kit. Could he? Kit was too young and inexperienced.

But Jason was human. Just a man, and he needed comfort as wel. He threaded his fingers through the back of Kit's hair, taking control of the kiss as he brushed his lips against Kit's in the softest touch he could manage. It wasn't enough. Kit's hold tightened, his fingers holding onto the waist of his jeans, as his soft lips moved against Jason's. Goddamn, it wasn't nearly enough. But it would have to do. He forced himself to pul back and rested his forehead against Kit's. He kept his hand in the younger man's hair, keeping him stil as they shared breaths.

"Jason, I—"

He cracked a smile. "Sh." He reluctantly took a step back. He forced himself to release Kit's hair. "Turn around. I've got to bandage your tat. And you're getting a care sheet, which I expect you to folow. I'l help you out with it for tonight but you've got to do it yourself or ask your parents for help." Kit easily obeyed. Part of Jason liked that he folowed his orders so quickly. And the image he'd built over the years of Kit tied to his bed, helpless and under his complete control, slowly fluttered into his mind as he watched Kit turn and face the tattoo table. "Bend over, hands on the table."

This part wasn't necessary and if Kit had been more experienced with tattoos he would have known that. But Jason couldn't help it as he watched Kit do as he asked, stretching the long line of his back. Jason ran his fingers along the top of his jeans and smiled at Kit's sharp intake of breath. He was watching him over his shoulder, probably wondering what he was doing back there. Jason couldn't tel him the truth, that he was admiring him. Even grossly underweight, Kit's natural beauty was stil there. It was just buried a little deeper than usual.

"Like what you see?" Kit asked him.

Jason looked up to see a bit of that teasing light back in his eyes. Good. He'd thought that side of him had been gone forever. "Yes."

Kit looked surprised at his honesty and blushed. Jason moved his hand down the back of Kit's jeans, feeling his backside through the seat of his pants.

Kit stil watched him, his mouth open a little in surprise.

Jason made sure to keep eye contact with him as he swatted him on the right cheek. Kit let out a little gasp and his face darkened but he didn't move away. Jason disliked spanking through fabric but he wasn't going to have him strip down in his shop. He couldn't handle that much temptation right now. He rubbed him through his pants, easing any tenderness. It hadn't been a hard spank, just enough to test Kit's reaction. He moved on to the left cheek, making sure to keep a steady hand on the base of Kit's spine as he spanked him, harder this time. Kit let out a little yelp of surprise and shuddered, but the flare of desire Jason had seen spark in his eyes never left. Good. He rubbed that cheek as wel, soothing him before he moved up Kit's side. He wouldn't spank him again. Not while they were stil at the shop. But that little bit of contact had told him plenty about Kit's disposition. It was al he needed to know he couldn't leave it at burgers and milkshakes tonight. If Kit was wiling of course. And he realy hoped he was.

He stopped at Kit's shoulder and placed a gentle kiss on his skin. His reward for doing wel.

"Stay there. Just as you are."

Jason felt the man's eyes on him as he gathered up a large gauze pad, some medical tape and a handful of the ointment tubes he usualy handed out. He put the tubes and a care sheet in a smal bag. Kit leaned toward him as he gently taped the bandage over the tattoo.

"You can wash it tonight. I'l help you with that. You'l have to put ointment on it. Pat. Don't rub. Keep it covered for the next few hours. Remember you have open wounds and they've got to be kept clean. And remember, I'm not responsible for your infection if you can't be bothered to folow basic instructions."

Kit nodded and Jason helped him get his shirt back on, being very careful to stretch the material over his back. "Cal your mother. Let her know you'l be at my apartment this afternoon." He held his phone out to Kit and frowned when he didn't take it.

"She's at Betty's. She probably won't even notice I'm not there." He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and took a step back.

Jason bit back the words he wanted to say. He wouldn't push him on this. He hadn't seen Kit in months, and although the man in front of him now was better than the one that had walked in a few hours before, he stil wasn't the same Kit he had been last Christmas.

Jason wasn't sure he would ever be that man again.

He'd let him have some slack this time, but he wouldn't always get his way.

He opened his phone and caled the familiar number.

"Jason?" Kit's mom answered him on the first ring. She sounded surprised to be hearing from him.

Damn. Had it realy been that long since he'd caled the woman he once considered his second mother?

"Helo, Daniele. I've got Kit with me at the shop and I wanted to let you know he'l be coming over this evening. He might be spending the night, but if that happens I'l have him cal you and let you know." Kit looked up when he mentioned spending the night. Jason gave him a little grin which instantly turned Kit's face bright red before he looked away again.

There was a pause at the other end and Jason frowned until he heard the woman's voice come back on the line. "Good. It's good that he went to see you. Is he… He's okay right? I haven't seen him in over a week. And—"

"He'l be better after tonight." Jason watched Kit remove himself even further from the conversation.

He didn't back away but Jason could see him fading in front of his very eyes. A week? A whole fucking week?

He knew part of that was Kit. Daniele had explained that Kit didn't come out of his room most days. But fuck it al, she had legs and hands and fingers for opening the door. "Okay. Wel… thanks for caling and al…"

Jason tried to put a smile in his voice and failed.

At least he didn't sound like he wanted to yel at the woman anymore. Bonus points for him, he supposed.

"Take care. Bye." He didn't wait for her response. He didn't live in the house, he reminded himself. And they were al breaking apart. Daniele had told him a little of it, but he knew what he'd heard was far from the whole story. Kit didn't come out of his room, she thought her husband was having an affair, and most of her friends had abandoned her. He tried to muster up some sympathy for her but failed monumentaly when faced with the man in front of him. Kit had needed help for months, and yes, Jason had failed him. But so had everyone else in his life. And that just wasn't going to work for him.

He put his phone away and gathered up his things. He wouldn't be coming back to the shop today.

Kit took the smal bag Jason handed him and folowed him silently out of the room. "Hey, I'm heading out," he told Joe at the front desk. "I don't have any appointments for this afternoon. You guys can close up tonight."

"Sure, boss. Bye, Kit, good seeing you."

Kit gave Joe a little wave before folowing Jason to the parking lot. His bright red truck, the one Bear had helped him pick out two years ago when he'd bought the shop from the man he'd apprenticed under, shone in the hot July sun. He loved the thing because Bear helped him choose it. They'd spent an afternoon trying out every truck dealership they could find until they'd puled into the right sales center and this monster was sitting there, waiting for them on a bright summer day much like today. But at the same time, he couldn't stand it and hated being near it. Because it was a truck that had kiled Bear. He knew logicaly there had been a man, a very drunk and very stupid man, driving the truck that hit Bear and Kit. But in the end it had been a truck that had taken his best friend's life. He'd nearly sold the thing. But Bear had helped him choose it, and so it stayed.

Jason opened the passenger door and looked around for Kit, frowning when he saw him a few feet behind him, staring at the truck. "Come here, Kit."

He didn't move. Jason walked up to him, placing a firm hand on the back of Kit's neck as he came up against his side. "I get it. But you need to get in the truck."

"You have a truck. I forgot that. Bear…" He shook his head.

"I know. But, Kit, this truck isn't that truck.

Bear loved this truck. He loved it almost as much as I do. You can't be afraid of al trucks. What do you do when you're driving and a truck comes up beside you?"

Kit pursed his lips. "I don't."

"Don't what?"

Those emerald eyes were wet as he looked up at Jason. "Drive. Haven't since then."

Jason shook his head. "Shit." The guy was even more messed up than he originaly thought. "Al right.

We'l go slow." In everything. He waited for Kit to take the first step and kept pace with him, pausing when he did as they approached the truck.

"Can't we just walk? You don't live that far."

Kit's voice was too close to a whine for Jason's liking.

He shook his head and tightened the pressure on Kit's neck. "No. Now go up to the truck."

Kit was shaking as he took another step forward. But then he balked and shook his head.

Jason's hand on his neck was the only thing that kept him from bolting in any direction. "I… I can't." His voice was barely more than a whisper as he stared across the shiny silver gril at the front of the truck.

"Tel me about that night." He knew he was pushing and that Kit could break at any moment and be lost to him and the rest of the world forever. But this was important, damn it. He had to face this. He couldn't be afraid any longer.

"You know everything already," Kit snapped at him. His mouth was pressed into a hard line as Jason watched the anger boil inside of him. But Jason saw the tears in his eyes and knew he wasn't gone just yet. He was stil there, the anger just a front to protect himself. But Kit didn't have to do that with him.

"I'm not going to hurt you, Kit. You're safe here. You'l always be safe with me. You need to tel me about that night."

Kit closed his eyes and took a deep breath and slowly began to obey. "It was dark. We were just coming back from the corner store."

"What'd you buy?"

Kit kept his eyes closed as he answered.

"Donuts. Those mini ones that come in the white bag.

The kind with chocolate icing. I hate them but Bear would get a craving for them once in a while. He'd already had three before we'd even left the parking lot.