Marriage Seasons 04 - Winter Turns to Spring (29 page)

As he watched for oncoming traffic, Brad reflected on the way everything in life seemed to have sneaked up on him. He had never expected to be a good athlete. His parents hadn’t had time to take him to Little League games or soccer practice. The ability to throw a football took him by surprise. And quarterback? He had worked hard for the position, but he’d never expected to earn it.

Same thing with his grades. He had merely been trying to stay on the team. Yet he had ended up with that 4.0 GPA—useless though it was.

Failure to get a college scholarship had taken him by surprise too. So had the offer of a construction job from one of the high school team’s supporters. How had the man even known Brad needed work?

Ashley had been the biggest bombshell of all. Brad never planned to fall in love. He didn’t want marriage and all its trappings. Not for a long, long time—if ever. And then he had seen that cape of long red hair and those big brown eyes. A jolt of adrenaline unlike anything he’d known on the football field had shot through him the moment Ashley turned her head.

How had it happened? Why?

Trying to keep the car from sliding into a ditch, Brad headed for the little house at the base of the long, gentle slope. He couldn’t see the lake in the distance. His headlights barely penetrated the swirling gusts of white sleet.

And now his wipers stuck. Frozen to the glass. He turned them off and glided into the driveway. Barely in time, he spotted a large black truck parked in his usual spot. He stepped on the brake pedal. His car slid smoothly up to the other vehicle’s bumper, coming to rest with a kiss of rubber on rubber.

The front door of his house flew open. A running figure skidded toward him, arms flailing. Cody Goss fell against the car with a loud thud. The muffled sound of his voice in the wind made the words unintelligible.

Brad waved Cody back and pushed his way out. The ice on the outside of his car cracked and splintered as the door swung wide. Shivering, Cody had wrapped his arms around himself. He hopped up and down from one foot to the other.

“Hey, Brad! Thank goodness you’re here because this is an ice storm! I have to go to Mr. Moore’s house now. I’m scared of storms. All kinds.”

Brad opened his mouth to respond, but Cody had more to say. In the pale light from the porch lamp, his lips were blue.

“Ashley and I already put the two chairs and the table in Pete’s truck and covered them up. But we couldn’t get the couch. It’s a sleeper sofa, and Ashley’s end is too heavy. She said, ‘Don’t you dare leave me alone like this, Cody Goss.’ She said she had to get that truck unstuck before you got here because tomorrow’s your anniversary, but we tried and we can’t unstick it. The wheels spun way down in the mud and you should put some gravel on your driveway. Anyway, now you’re here, so okay, I have to go!”

“Cody?” Ashley’s thin silhouette appeared in the doorway. “Come back here! I told you not to leave! Who’s—?”

Apparently recognizing Brad’s car, she turned back into the house and slammed the door.

“Bye!” Cody ran off into the night, his feet sliding out from under him with every step.

Brad jammed his hands into his pockets. So Ashley was still here. Inside what once had been their home.

Lifting his head, he let the tiny pellets of sleet pummel his cheeks and forehead and eyelids. He couldn’t do this. He could not do it. He wasn’t ready to see her again in private. Not yet.

When he had passed Larry’s a few minutes ago, the lights had been on. Maybe he could back his car out of the driveway and  …

Words of calm filtered in through the alarm bells going off inside Brad’s head.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Courage.

Wisdom.

Dear Lord
, he prayed.
Wisdom. Please give me the wisdom to know what to do.

Squaring his shoulders, he crossed the ten feet from the driveway to the porch, crunched across the thin sheet of ice that covered the cedar planks, and pushed open the front door.

The living room was empty.

Maybe she had crawled out a back window.

With the door bolted tightly behind him, Brad took off his denim jacket. In the warm room, ice melted from the tread of his work boots and formed a pair of puddles on the tile floor.

Ashley had turned up the heat, he noted. That was just like her, wasn’t it? Never mind that he could barely afford to pay their bills; she thought only of her own comfort.

Serenity
.

Flexing his shoulders, Brad offered up another prayer. Charlie had talked to him about God’s peace. Tranquility amid the storm. Calm in the face of the unthinkable.

Brad took a step into the room and looked across at the kitchen. The refrigerator was still there. At least she hadn’t loaded
that
onto the truck.

Why had Pete let Ashley borrow his truck? Brad felt as though the man he’d considered his friend was choosing sides, agreeing to participate in the final destruction of the marriage.

Did Pete and Patsy support only Ashley in this mess? Had Pete’s help with AA been nothing more than an act of obligation toward a man in trouble? Or was it merely a duty performed at Charlie’s request?

As Brad crossed to the counter, where he had left a half-eaten bag of white bread and a jar of peanut butter, he squeezed his hands into fists and then relaxed them again. He glanced into the bedroom. The overhead light was off. Could she be hiding in there? Was Ashley actually afraid of him?

He thought back to their shouting, his kicking down the front door, his accusations against her. Maybe he had not only betrayed but also frightened her.

“Ashley?” His voice came out too high, like a teenager’s warble. He blew out a breath. “Hey, Ashley, I’m not here to bother you. It’s eight thirty. You said you’d be gone by now, so I came home. Do you want me to leave again?”

“Yes!” The word came from the laundry room just off to the side of the kitchen. The bifold doors were slatted, and now he saw the light was on behind them, casting bars of gold across the kitchen floor.

“I think my car is stuck,” he told her. “It slid in behind Pete’s truck. The driveway’s frozen. I guess I could walk over to Charlie’s house. Do you want me to do that?”

“Yes!”

Brad thought about the icy road he would have to climb. Charlie, Cody, and Boofer didn’t sound like ideal companions. But how could he refuse Ashley’s request? Look what he had done to her.

“I’ll go, but …” He took another step toward the kitchen. “Are you going to be okay here? Cody said the pickup is stuck. You won’t be able to leave tonight. Not unless someone comes for you.”

A terrible thought suddenly tore into Brad’s brain. What if another man had already captured Ashley’s heart? Brad hadn’t found it difficult. She had been so eager to love him, eager to give herself away. With his betrayal fresh in her mind, she would be vulnerable. Easy prey for some guy who might take a fancy to her. Maybe Jay, that manager at the country club.

“Is someone coming for you?” Again he sounded weak, plaintive. He cleared his throat. “I could call Patsy if you don’t want to spend the—”

“No! Stop! Come back here, you bad dog!”

The laundry door banged open and a ball of fur with floppy ears and gangly legs bounded toward him.

“Yappy?” Brad bent down and caught the pup in his arms. “You’ve grown! I can’t believe how big you are. Whoa, look at those feet!”

His eyes flooding, he rubbed the dog behind the ears and buried his nose in the soft brown fur. “I’ve missed you, buddy. How’ve you been? Aw, yeah, you remember me, don’t you? Sure you do.”

The damp pink tongue licked Brad’s cheeks, and tiny sharp teeth nipped at his earlobe. “Hey now. Is that any way to behave? You be a good boy.”

Brad hunkered down and set the dog on the floor. Yappy was beside himself with joy, wagging his tail so hard he nearly knocked his own back legs out from under him. He danced around Brad, leaping to press a cold, wet nose under his master’s chin.

“Brooo!”
Backing up, Yappy crouched in the sign that he wanted to play.
“Wow! Wow-wow!”

Brad reached out and ruffled the pup’s ears. He was wondering where he had left the little rubber ball they used to play with. And then a shadow crossed the dog.

“You said you were leaving.” Ashley stood over him, her arms crossed. She wore a skinny T-shirt, faded jeans, ropes of beads around her neck and both wrists. Her long hair was pulled back in a braid.

“Yeah.” He stood. Yappy began to circle him, diving at the laces on his work boots. Nabbing one, he growled and pulled at it, oblivious to the two humans who towered over him.

Their eyes met. “Hey, Ash. You look good.”

She turned her head to one side, her chin high. “So go. I have work to do.”

“There’s some dog food in the pantry. I kept it.”

“Fine.”

“I don’t have much you can eat here.” He felt her icy rejection, a wall between them. “There’s bread and peanut butter on the counter. Milk in the fridge. Cereal. Maybe a couple cans of soup. It won’t last long.”

“I’m not
staying
.” She faced him again, her brown eyes flashing.

“Is someone picking you up? Who?”

“None of your beeswax. Isn’t that what you always say when someone is butting into your life?”

“Okay. No problem.” He held up his hands in surrender. “I know what you think of me, Ashley, but I do care about what happens to you. If you have trouble—”

“You have no idea what I think of you!”

He recoiled. “Well … I’m pretty sure you hate me. I’m trying to change, but I was a real jerk to you, Ash. I know I was.”

“You’re still a jerk. And don’t tell me you’re thinking of yourself as some kind of a good guy now. I know you too well to believe you could ever change that much.”

Her words bit into him, but he knew he deserved every drop of poison from her lips.

“You’re right. I haven’t changed much. I’m still the same man you married a year ago. Only … I’m ashamed of what I did to you. Embarrassed.”

“Good. You should be.”

“After you moved out, I started to see myself in a different light. I didn’t like the guy in the mirror. I didn’t want to be the man I was becoming.”

“Don’t bother giving me this baloney, Brad. Number one, I don’t believe you. Number two, I don’t care.”

“So I apologized. To God.”

“God?” She set her hands on her hips. “Oh, now that’s a good one. Just what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I’m sorry. I’m working to turn my life around, to become a better man. I want to earn your trust again. Ashley, I want to win back your heart.”

“Well, good luck with that.” Swinging around, she headed back toward the kitchen. Her voice quavered with emotion. “Come on, Yappy. Let’s find my purse and call my dad.”

Relief washed through Brad like summer rain. Her dad. Not Jay. Not some other guy she had hooked up with.

Brad didn’t know why he felt so happy at this, but he did. Clearly Ashley was finished with him. It wouldn’t be long before another man did discover the beauty and joy she had radiated when they first met. Still, for right now … in these moments … she was tied to no one else. In some small way, she was still his.

“Okay, where is it?” Her thick braid had fallen over her shoulder, and now she flipped it back. A familiar motion Brad had seen a thousand times. The puppy had let go of the shoelace and skittered into the kitchen with Ashley. Sniffling, she was searching high and low. “Where did I put my purse, Yap?”

Brad looked around. Immediately he spotted the beaded bag lying on the floor beyond the edge of the sofa.

“I need my purse!” Eyes red and watery, Ashley looked directly at him through the kitchen doorway. “I thought I laid it down out here.”

Brad knew he couldn’t lie. No lying allowed. Not anymore. But how could he just hand it over to her and let her walk away?

“You’re always losing things,” he said finally. “Remember the time we found your car keys buried in that potted plant?”

She paused. For a moment, he thought he saw a tight grin begin to emerge.

“The dog did that,” she snapped. “And speaking of plants, what is the deal with the Christmas tree?”

Brad cast his eyes in the direction of the slender pine he had stripped of its bark and needles. In his lonely evenings, he had decided to remake the tree just as he was remaking himself. He had clipped each branch to a length of four inches. Then he had sanded and polished the trunk. On the shortened limbs, he had carefully rehung all of Ashley’s beaded ornaments.

“When I first saw the tree, I loved what you had done for us.” He sat down on the sofa, trying not to look toward the missing purse. “The beads especially. They catch the light in the mornings before I go to work. The stars you made … they’re amazing.”

Ashley left the kitchen and entered the living room again. “You hate my beads, Brad Hanes. Don’t try to suck up to me. I know how you act when you want something.”

Pausing, she seemed to realize the significance of her words. Then she lifted a glittering snowflake. “Anyway, no matter what you’re after, you won’t get it. I have my own place and my own money. It’s all spelled out in the papers.”

He stiffened. “What papers?”

“The papers in my purse. For the divorce.”

“We haven’t talked about a divorce.”

“We don’t need to talk about it.” Her voice was hard again, her face impassive. “You already showed me exactly how you feel about our marriage. Remember? That memory is a lot more significant than the one where we found my keys in a potted plant. I got the message loud and clear, and now you have my reply.”

“Ashley, I’m sorry.” He stood. “Please—”

“Shut up!” She came at him, finger pointed. “You shut up! Don’t ever tell me you’re sorry again. You can’t be sorry enough to fix this. A hundred million
sorry
s won’t undo what you did. I will never forget and I will never forgive. It’s too late, Brad.”

“I know I can’t undo it. Nothing I say will ever erase your memory. But will you at least listen to me?”

“Why? What’s the point?” She flung herself toward the bedroom. “Where is my purse? If Cody moved it, I’ll kill him.”