Marrying Ember (10 page)

“Because he’s been living with it for almost thirty years. Every single day. Letting Michael and Solstice raise Willow as their own. Jesus, I’ve only known your dad for like a minute compared to everyone else here, but that man is the most emotional brand of Y-chromosome I’ve come across. How many times do you think he wanted to pick up Willow and swing her around the way he did you? How many times do you think he watched Michael hold her while she cried and a piece of him didn’t fall off of him and shrivel up in the dirt?” Georgia’s chin quivered as she spewed her emotional assessment of my father.

One that was so accurate I had to sit again. I looked to Monica, who’d once again gone quiet, and I found tears in her eyes.

Her voice was soft. Cautious. “She’s … she’s right, Ember.”

Her confirmation pulled me under. Succumbing to the heavy honesty, I let the tears fall. “But they taught me about love … everything I know.”

Monica wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “And now they’ve taught you more. They loved you and Willow enough to give you each your own, unique, awesome families. Your mom loved your dad enough to stand by him when it would have been socially acceptable—if not expected—to leave. Your dad loved Michael enough to give him a daughter, and loved Willow enough as the years went on to leave her with the right family.
Her
family. And, he gave you yours.”

Georgia shifted to my side. “You know … my dad and I didn’t have nearly the kind of relationship you and your dad do. Still, when he died, I felt like a lost toddler in the middle of a crowded beach. The ocean threatened to swallow me, people were pushing passed me, and even though I had my mom, I’d never felt so alone in my entire life.”

“God,” I put my head in my hands, “I’ve been so awful to him this week.”

Monica kissed the top of my head. “And you know, because he loves you, that it doesn’t matter to him. All that matters is you come home. To his heart. Wanna go do that?” She lifted my chin and gave me a hopeful smile.

A sob-soaked laugh crept from my throat as I stood and wiped under my eyes. My parents had raised me with nothing but love. That they’d engaged in a free-love lifestyle in their past was not a surprise to me. It was part of what led me to forge out a life of certainty for myself. Their choices—the ones I’d agreed and disagreed with—helped make me into the person I am.

My friends were right, though. The messy details and emotions could be sorted out later. The fact was, I was never—and would never—be in their shoes. Who was I to judge the decisions they made? Neither Willow nor I were ever lacking in attention or affection while growing up.

I wiped my tears once more. “Promise to hold my hand on the walk back?”

“Promise.” Monica squeezed my hand.

I swear they sighed in unison. Georgia stood and spoke first, “Yes. Let’s get you freshened up, though. You’re all red and streaky from crying.”

Monica held out her hand, and Georgia handed her a bag from a boutique we’d been in earlier.

“What’s that?” I asked.

“I bought some make-up. You’re going to use it.” She winked at Georgia and started fussing with my face right there on the street.

“Guys,” I laughed, “it’s just my dad.”

They stilled for a moment. Everything stilled.

“We know,” Georgia said. “Just … we know.”

***

Twenty-five strange minutes later, Monica, Georgia, and I had finally returned to the campground. It was well past sunset, but the moon was bright enough to light our path back to the campsite.

“So, Mon, are you still going to stay for the Napa show?” I asked as we carefully navigated the root-covered ground.

“Yeah. Josh is coming out, too. He couldn’t get a full two weeks off, so he’ll join us … now?” Monica’s voice trailed off as Josh appeared in our path. “Josh?”

“Josh?” I echoed, my smile brightening.

Monica sped up and jumped when she reached him, and he squeezed her against his body. “You weren’t supposed to be here yet!”

I couldn’t hear him clearly through his whisper, but it sounded like he said, “Yes I was.”

He set Monica down and walked to me. “Finnegan’s misses you, Em.” His boyish smile filled the space between us.

“Aw, I miss you, too. Josh.” I gave him a tight hug, and turned to introduce him to Georgia.

“Josh, is it?” Georgia deadpanned as she stuck out her hand.

After all the reunions and introductions were out of the way, we finally made our way to the clearing of our campsite.

Where my dad was standing nervously, and alone, by a picnic table in the center of the site.

“Dad?” I looked behind me, only to find my friends silently retreating into the nearest RV.

Someone had taken electrical tape and spelled
The Mediator
on the side of the RV. I had no idea what that was about, but Monica and Regan seemed to be getting a laugh out of it.

Still confused, and feeling more nervous than I had in my whole life, I turned back to my dad, who was walking toward me, holding out his hand.

“Baby Blue,” he whispered as our hands touched. He wasn’t tentative in his embrace.

All anger and apprehension shot through the soles of my feet and spread across the earth around us as I cried heavy tears into his shoulder. Tears he, of course, returned onto mine.

It felt like every hug we’d ever shared, only this time there was something more.

“Dad,” I sniffed as I pulled away, wiping my nose and under my eyes, “I’m sorry for being such a bitch … I just …”

He put up his hand, ignoring the desperate need to wipe his saturated cheeks. “I know. I know. I expected you to be angry, angel, I did. I expected a fight. But, when you just, shut down, I … I thought I’d lost you.” He grabbed my hand again and led me to the picnic table, sitting next to me on the long, cool rectangular bench.

“Well,” I sighed, “as you know, it’s not like this came totally out of the … blue.” I rolled my eyes and grinned to let the irony of the statement pass. He laughed softly. “Willow’s been on my case about it for months.”

My dad squeezed my hand, his clover-colored eyes drowning in uncertainty. “Why didn’t you come to us right away?”

Why.

If there was ever any time to be honest, I’d learned over the last year, it was when you were surrounded with half-truths and lies. It was my chance to stand on my own two feet and own my feelings. Own my thoughts. Just. Own it.

“Because,” I sighed as I rested my head on his shoulder, “I knew it was true. The second she said it, it was like my ears were flooded with the sound of a million
things
clicking into place …” I trailed off as my tears dried.

My dad kissed the top of my head as he wrapped his arm around my back. “How’d you know?”

I shrugged. “I mean, the eyes, I guess, but that wasn’t as solid for me as the other things. I always felt this strong connection with Willow. I knew how lucky I was to grow up with my best friend, and I often referred to her as “like a sister”, but she always just
felt
like a sister. There was something … just … more there.”

“What are you feeling now?”

“Well … there were half a dozen times before we moved to Connecticut that Willow and I always said we wished we were
real
sisters so we could move together, and never have to live apart.”

My dad cleared his throat. “Do you regret making that wish?”

With a deep sigh, I gave another honest answer. “No. It was confusing as hell, and still is a little bit. My knee jerk reaction was to conveniently toss everything you ever taught me about love out the window.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because if I hadn’t learned from you, I wouldn’t have Bo. I wouldn’t have had the strength to let him go when he needed me to, or the strength to get back together when we were both ready. If it hadn’t been for the kind of deep love you have, that all of you have, Willow and I wouldn’t have had the lives we did.” I sat up, looking him straight in the eyes. “I still have a lot of questions but … you know what? I think our love is stronger than all of those questions and answers combined. Don’t you?”

With a muffled cry, my dad pulled me back into a tear-filled hug. “It is, November. It absolutely is. And, when you’re ready to ask, don’t hesitate on a single one. I’ll give you every answer I have.”

It seemed like the more time I was spending with my family, the more solid ground I was given. Like going on this tour with them wasn’t just an exercise in going back to my roots, but a process by which I was given a sturdy pair of wings.

And, at that exact moment, every single one of my dreams came true.

A
s I watched Ember and her dad embrace on the picnic bench, Josh softly elbowed my side.

“Ready man?” he whispered.

I smiled, never moving my eyes from my future wife as she sat, unknowingly, only ten feet away. “I always have been.”

The whole crew had sought refuge in the RV I’d been waiting in when Ember and her dad started talking. During the whole emotional ordeal my friends were more than quiet. Maybe watching me for signs of cold feet, all of them knowing what was going to happen next.

I turned to Georgia, who was nearest the power source. “Hit the lights, G.”

With a grin that sent a twinkle to her eyes, Georgia moved to the end of the RV, and plugged in the extension cord.

I have to admit, I’d seen it once already, but the lights choked me up a bit. We used strings of white lights for many of our stage set-ups, so we always had totes full of them wherever we went. While Monica and Georgia distracted Ember all afternoon, Michael, Mags, and I strung as many lights as would fit between the trees surrounding the campsite, and crossways over them, creating a canopy of glowing white light.

As soon as the lights went on, Ember’s back straightened. She looked startled as her head whipped from side to side. Her father, holding onto the last bit of composure I’m sure he had, sat back, took a deep breath, and watched her.

“Okay,” I whispered to myself. “Let’s go.”

As I made my way down the aisle of the RV, Monica stopped me. The tears were already forming in her eyes.

“Thank you,” she said as she wrapped her arms around my torso. “Thank you for being her soul mate.”

“Thank you for letting me have her.” I squeezed her back and gave her a smile as she pulled away.

“Nervous?” Regan questioned, stepping aside so I could get to the stairs.

I looked him up and down. “You got your violin ready?”

He nodded.

“Then, no. I’m not nervous. Excuse me, guys. That’s my wife out there.” As I pushed my hand against the door of the RV, I took one more breath.

Then, the realization of all of my dreams came rushing toward me.

“Bo?” Ember stood as she watched me exit the RV, eyeing me from head to toe.

While I wasn’t in a tux, because that’s not what we were about, I was in pressed khaki’s and a black polo shirt. The nicest thing in my suitcase, and she knew it.

“Ember.” I smiled and took her hands in mine, kissing her softly on the forehead. “I see things are okay with you and your dad?” I looked between them, certain I’d read the body language correctly, but needing confirmation if any of this was to go as planned.

Ember’s chin quivered slightly as she smiled. “It is. We’re okay.”

I pulled her into a quick hug, savoring the scent of her hair for a second more.

“What is all of this?” she asked as she pulled away. “And where the hell is everyone?”

“We’re right here,” Raven answered as if this were all scripted. She exited the RV she’d been waiting in with the other band members.

“And here,” Monica chirped as she led the rest of our friends down the stairs of the vehicle I’d been in.

Despite the soft, full glow of the lights surrounding us, I reveled in the sight of Ember’s cheeks growing red as she tried to work out the scene. After looking at the happy—and somewhat weepy—faces of those around us, Ember whipped her head back around and looked at me, breathing heavily.

“Bo …” Her lips curled up at the edges. A hopeful energy begging them to curl the rest of the way.

“November,” I started, never breaking my gaze with hers, “what you and I have is something that I never knew was possible. Someone who loves everything inside me, including the things I didn’t know were there. Or the things I didn’t want to know were there. Someone who took each loss life handed to me and loved me through them, around them, and passed them. An actual mate to my bruised and battered soul.”

Ember shook her head. “Not battered. Perfect.”

I kissed her, our lips forming smiles against each other. “See?”

“What are you doing?” she whispered against my lips.

“Let me get to it,” I answered, making her chuckle and sniff.

“Ember,” I started again. “When I said it felt like I’ve loved you for a thousand lifetimes, I meant it. But, that’s not enough for me.” I placed my index finger under her chin and lifted her face. “I want one more.”

I want one more
was the only cue I’d given Regan. At that, he softly started playing a piece he and I had been working on for a couple of weeks. Ember’s eyes filled with tears as they drifted to Regan and back to me.